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May 19, 2013, 6:51pm

Any Port in a Storm :: Warehouse District and Beyond :: Free Clinic :: Flatulence

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kerouac2
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Flatulence
« Thread Started on Nov 14, 2010, 7:54am »

How is it that we have not discussed this subject yet?

Just to get the ball rolling, here is a bit of information on the subject.

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myrt
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #1 on Nov 14, 2010, 8:29am »

In my family we have an escalating scale of farting - starting with a 'pop', up to a 'parp', moving to a 'fart' and then finally to a 'squelcher' (hopefully a rare occurance and usually indicative of a stomach upset). There are finely shaded tones in between......to do with age, diet and sex. All the children think any bottom noise is hilarious obviously but I have to say I think it's a peculiarly male obsession in adulthood. Everyone farts but some fart more than others. And some announce that they have one brewing with more relish than is necessary.

Chewing Fennel seeds is supposed to be helpful - but that's only if you view it as a condition that needs medical assistance.......instead of a game for all the family....... ::)

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onlymark
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #2 on Nov 14, 2010, 9:21am »

But never forget the SBD's. Many women whilst in company are expert at this.
SBD = silent but deadly.

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onlymark
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #3 on Nov 14, 2010, 9:23am »

And I can only thank Kerouac for making a thread that is at my level. It's true that this forum caters for everyone.

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kerouac2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #4 on Nov 14, 2010, 9:38am »

I must have extremely variable intestinal flora.

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tod2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #5 on Nov 14, 2010, 2:10pm »

Interesting.....to say the least. While away in Canada this year we found out our hosts wife does not permit him to have any sugar if she can help it! WHY?? we asked, thinking diebetes or some other dreaded disease.
"Because it makes him pass gas" she replied. I see from the article you gave us Kerouac, that indeed sugar has something to do with it.
As for the charcoal underpants - Oh please! just make the man swallow charcoal capsules available at all pharmacies ::)

« Last Edit: Nov 15, 2010, 10:44am by tod2 »

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kerouac2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #6 on Nov 14, 2010, 3:13pm »

I have heard that airline seats have some sort of filter in the material, but of course its efficiency is relative.

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bixaorellana
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #7 on Nov 14, 2010, 3:20pm »

Nov 14, 2010, 8:29am, myrt wrote:

Chewing Fennel seeds is supposed to be helpful - but that's only if you view it as a condition that needs medical assistance.......instead of a game for all the family....... [image]

But there are so many variations and opportunities for using the imagination! You can pretend the dog did it, ha ha, to draw attention to yourself and how amusing you are for having passed gas. A friend's father was famous for standing up, acting panicked, then taking out his pocket knife and sawing a big slash in the air in front of him, through which he would step to safety.

Nov 14, 2010, 9:21am, onlymark wrote:

But never forget the SBD's. Many women whilst in company are expert at this.
SBD = silent but deadly.

My cousin's comment on his wife's flatulence -- "J doesn't have farts, she has invisible shit!" (Yes, I too come from a refined family that enjoys subtle humor and the intellectual exercise of codifying natural phenomena.)

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kerouac2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #8 on Nov 14, 2010, 4:24pm »

And we all know about elevators.

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onlymark
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #9 on Nov 14, 2010, 4:36pm »

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cheerypeabrain
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #10 on Nov 14, 2010, 9:14pm »

My home made pickles are lethal...my daughter in law went quite pale yesterday when my son found a large jar of my home made pickled onions in the cupboard...to say that they are toxic is an understatement...both sons and my OH were jolly impressed to see that there were holes in the (metal) lid...corrosion!

Bedroom windows open last night despite the weather...

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lagatta
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #11 on Nov 15, 2010, 1:30am »

I'd never heard of charcoal capsules or tablets. What are they used for, and are they safe? Are they an aid with digestive upset?

I see flatulence only refers to farting - the anal route, not to the gas that escapes upwards resulting in burping or belching - oh, the whole Bean Symphony from both ends.

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myrt
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #12 on Nov 15, 2010, 7:04am »

Charcoal biscuits are often given to dogs - they are absorbent and have been used in the treatment of ingested poison (I think) - but I don't think they are very effective for upwardly mobile gas though. Sage tea is supposed to be helpful.

'Bean symphony'......I have a whole soundtrack going on in my head - lots of formally dressed people in a line onstage farting and belching in unison.....the audience impressed but hardly daring to breath....

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spindrift
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #13 on Nov 15, 2010, 9:50am »

There are no flatulence problems in my family. Thank goodness.

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tod2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #14 on Nov 15, 2010, 11:03am »

Lagatta, here they are readily available for humans under the name "Naturemade (Pty)Ltd., and have a Johannesburg phone number on the container.
They tell you " Activated vegetable charcoal is an absorbent for many drugs, toxins and gasses. Offending substances are absorbed by the porous surface of the tiny charcoal particles and carried through the evacuation from the bowel.
Charcoal is neither digested nor disolved therefore not assimulated into the blood stream"

Directions: 1-4 capsules three times daily as needed.

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mickthecactus
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #15 on Nov 15, 2010, 7:38pm »

Spindrift - are you all perfect then.....?

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spindrift
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #16 on Nov 17, 2010, 11:19pm »

No, I just farted now. Because I've been eating a bag of chips with salt and vinegar on them.
Just a minor one, mine are never smelly. So there!

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mickthecactus
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #17 on Nov 18, 2010, 9:47am »

Nov 17, 2010, 11:19pm, spindrift wrote:

No, I just farted now. Because I've been eating a bag of chips with salt and vinegar on them.
Just a minor one, mine are never smelly. So there!

Too much information........

« Last Edit: Nov 18, 2010, 9:48am by mickthecactus »

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spindrift
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #18 on Nov 18, 2010, 3:15pm »

just wanted to tell you that I'm not perfect (as you suggested) 8-)

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imec
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #19 on Nov 24, 2010, 2:39am »

Ooooh, I love to fart! Anyone wanna pull my finger???

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kimby
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #20 on Dec 23, 2010, 7:14pm »

My Mom used to say that "mothers never fart, and they rarely burp, either."
She's still a mother, but now she does occasionally let one rip. (Maybe her memory loss has made her forget that mothers don't fart.)

I've noticed I'm FAR less gassy since entering menopause. However, at the same time, Mr. Kimby has greatly increased his output and pungency.

My FIL is a world class farter. And being mostly deaf, it's hilarious when he isn't wearing his hearing aid and thinks he's passing gas silently.

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kerouac2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #21 on Dec 23, 2010, 7:34pm »

My mother could have won championships for farting. You could hear her from one end of the house to the other. But as is usually the case with the noisy stuff, she was never deadly, unlike other members of the family.

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frenchmystiquetour
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #22 on Dec 23, 2010, 10:12pm »

Once as a child I was in church and nodded off to sleep (who doesn't), which caused my stomach muscles to relax and I really let one rip quite loudly. To cover up I cast a horrified glance at my mother and slid down the bench away from her.

On the topic of belching, a friend and I as teens used to guzzle carbonated drinks to see who could belch the loudest. He belched so loud that the window shade spontaneously rolled up.

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kimby
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #23 on Dec 24, 2010, 3:49pm »

My father used to belch out "bottle-de-beep" to make us laugh when we were kids.

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joanne28
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #24 on Dec 25, 2010, 2:17am »

Kimby, unlike you, I must have at least tripled my gas output since hitting menopause. Sound effects and smells have also been incredibly enhanced.

I still haven't caught up with my husband, who once flushed two cats out of the bedroom with a eye-watering expulsion.

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rikita
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #25 on Dec 25, 2010, 1:03pm »

nothing to say about farts right now, but as for belching, it seems much more permitted here that it would be in germany. people sometimes belch in the middle of talking to me, or even while standing up on a stage or whatever, and it is almost always done loudly, and without any reaction of anyone to it, or any sign of embarrassment.

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cheerypeabrain
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #26 on Dec 26, 2010, 9:24am »

I wonder why it is that when I first met my OH neither of us ever suffered from flatulence or borborigma..but gradually the little toots and beeps became acceptable over time....sigh

« Last Edit: Dec 26, 2010, 9:26am by cheerypeabrain »

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kerouac2
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #27 on Dec 28, 2010, 8:39pm »

Ah, our anal retentive training shows many forms over life. And when we are with someone with whom we can relax..... well, we relax.

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kimby
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #28 on Dec 29, 2010, 3:55pm »

I've gotten so comfortable with my "emissions" among family members that I can't be trusted to mind my manners while out in public anymore.

Fortunately, Mr. Kimby often gets the strange looks since no one would suspect a petite lady of letting such an enthusiastic belch rip.

Unfortunately, I am not always with Mr. Kimby when I suffer such an etiquette lapse.

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livaco
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Re: Flatulence
« Reply #29 on Dec 30, 2010, 4:42pm »

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”

The doctor says, “I see. Here’s a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week.”

The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts … although still silent… stink terribly.”

The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s start working on your hearing.”

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