| Topic Summary |
| Posted by tod2 on Jan 1, 2012, 6:05pm |
How kind of you Kimby to give me an idea of some options. Sadly I have to report that ALL our good nurse aids have flown the coop to greener pastures in England etc. They are earning huge money looking after wealthy patients who's families are engaged in a social whirl but some still depend on mummy's/daddy's money so keep her/him in her own home where she/he is happiest. The nursing help get annual leave and come home to invest the money in property or what-have-you.
We can only rely on my mother's meagre pension and the financial input from my sister & I. That said, we can manage fine but to get the quality of nursing help my mum would want is just not available.
The cancer association have excellent nurses going from home to home helping desperate families who cannot afford to hospitaize their family member. They helped so much with my dad but still my mother stretched herself to nurse him day and night until he died.
I am going to have another serious look at nursing help and will report back my recent findings. |
| Posted by kimby on Jan 2, 2012, 12:22am |
| If she is a church member, perhaps that would be another avenue to explore. Some parishoners might be qualified to help and willing to volunteer or work for a minimal fee. |
| Posted by kerouac2 on Jan 8, 2012, 6:12pm |
Just so you don't get the idea that my mother's nursing home is all Chippendales and transvestite cabaret shows, here is a little snippet of today's Epiphany activities, while they were all mainly waiting for their galette des rois (3 kings cake).
I didn't enter the activity room with my mother since she needed to roll around in circles as usual, but the accordeonist noticed her and walked up to perform directly in front of her a bit later. She was completely indifferent. (The accordeonist is a Montmartre professional who often performs in restaurants and cabarets.)
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| Posted by LouisXIV on Jan 8, 2012, 11:29pm |
Kerouac2 I can see that this takes a lot of your time and I am starting to see that myself. Now that my mothers husband has passed it is becoming more obvious that my mother is requiring more attention. She can still get around and do some of the basic things, but her mind is starting to go and my sister and I notice it more every day. She has a large home and has it to her self. It is way to much for her and time for her to get into some assisted card. She does not like being alone and at 91 it is not really safe for to be alone. Yesterday my sister went over to see her and she was sweeping the carpet with a broom, not the vacuum cleaner. She told my sister that that moring she wanted a boiled egg and had to get the cook book to learn how to do it. She was a fantastic cook all her life. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to bring up the idea of moving to an assisted living home. I think once she is there she will like it, but it is getting her to make the decission that is the problem.
This is a place she has seen and likes and we feel she will also like once she is there for a while. She saw it last spring when her husband was still alive. http://www.holidaytouch.com/Our-Communities/glen-eagle.aspx |
| Posted by kerouac2 on Jan 9, 2012, 6:03am |
| In France, the usual method is to have the well-trusted family doctor give orders. "I forbid you to continue living in that big house. You are not safe there anymore." Most people accept doctor's orders better than gentle persuasion from the family. |
| Posted by kimby on Jan 9, 2012, 2:49pm |
Louis, I have read that some assisted living places will let you do a trial run of a week or so, often when the family caregivers need some respite time or are going on vacation.
After your Mom has tried it out for a week, knowing that she will get to go home at the end of the week, she will have a better feel for whether she would be OK with moving there when the time comes. |
| Posted by LouisXIV on Jan 9, 2012, 7:59pm |
| Thank you for those ideas. At the moment we are working on clearing up the details of her husbands estate. But I am sure this will be next on the agenda. |
| Posted by rikita on Feb 5, 2012, 11:06am |
| Hm, mr. r's mother is in the hospital, i think since tuesday or wednesday. so he went there this weekend to visit her. i spoke to him on the phone yesterday, he said she didn't wake up while he was there, and she has an oxygen mask on... i didn't ask more questions, but this kind of doesn't sound so good... i hope he is okay, he doesn't tend to talk too much about his emotions, nor like it particularly when i ask... |
| Posted by cheerypeabrain on Feb 5, 2012, 3:23pm |
| My aged Pa took a tumble on Friday, he got away with a nasty graze on his knee but it could have been so much worse. Now that the weather is inclement and he can't risk going out I'm visiting on a daily basis to make sure he has everything that he needs. My sisters don't like driving when it's icy on the roads and I live nearest (altho I don't drive)....Got him sealed up in his living room with the fire on, lots of hot drinks and plenty of food...he even has his hat on altho it isn't cold indoors....better safe than sorry. |
| Posted by kimby on Feb 5, 2012, 10:15pm |
Winter is a hard season for the elderly. Not only can they do so much less, but the idleness makes it less likely that they will be able to do much once it warms up enough to get outside.... 
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| Posted by cheerypeabrain on Feb 6, 2012, 9:37am |
My Dad is 90 and up until he had to have a catheter fitted was still very active, despite being registered partially sighted and deaf. The catheter has knocked his confidence and he's probably reduced his social life by about 80%...maybe that would have happened anyway as he's much more frail now than a couple of years ago. My Daddy seems to have transformed from 'wrinkly' status to 'crumbly' status in a matter of months and it terrifies me. His mind is still razor sharp and he still has telephone calls from people seeking his advice about setting up a telescope etc....but he acknowledges that he is getting frail now and sometimes when we're on our own he talks to me about when he will no longer be with us. He says that it's important that we talk about things like his funeral even tho it upsets both of us.
Recently my niece found out about an audio-book-library service for the blind, Dad's subscribed and is thoroughly enjoying himself. We've always enjoyed the same books so it's brilliant to be able to discuss the books that he hasn't been able to read since he lost his sight 6-7 years ago.
I'm off to see him now...my son and I are going to do his housework today...well, my son will sit with Dad and talk about opera whilst I do the cleaning 
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| Posted by cheerypeabrain on Feb 6, 2012, 9:44am |
isn't he handsome...(not a question)
![[image]](http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i179/Cheerypeabrain/Family/15thJanDaddy.jpg "[image]") |
| Posted by tod2 on Feb 6, 2012, 1:45pm |
Oh Cheery I am sorry to hear that your dad had a fall. Even if it's only looks like a grazed knee , I certainly hope it won't cuase him the pain my 'grazed' knee has caused me! Still painful every day and there is nothing that can be done. I live on anti-inflams.
He is the same age as my mum and lots of the symptoms of old age you describe are exactly what is going on with my mother as well. The big difference I guess is that she had both eyes lazered and can read a newspaper without glasses.
Last week I took her to renew her drivers license for the next 5 years.  |
| Posted by rikita on Feb 6, 2012, 3:31pm |
| well, mr. r.'s mom passed away today. his brother called him a few hours ago, he is home now and will later speak to his brother about all the things that need to be arranged now. so far he seems to be coping okay with it, he said he expected it. i am glad he went there this weekend and got to see her a last time... |
| Posted by mickthecactus on Feb 6, 2012, 3:46pm |
| Sorry to hear that rikita. |
| Posted by mich64 on Feb 6, 2012, 7:39pm |
A very nice picture of your dad Cheery! How nice that he is taking advantage of the audio book library. Hopefully he recovers soon from his fall. I am so glad the end of winter is coming, I worry about my parents and in-laws slipping on the ice all the time.
Rikita, I am sorry to read that your mother-in-law has passed away. It will be a difficult time for a while for your husband as he copes with the loss of his mom and to deal with the funeral. A sad time, I am sorry.
Mich |
| Posted by kerouac2 on Feb 6, 2012, 7:53pm |
Cheery, my father also would have been photographed most often with a glass in his hand in his final years.
I felt that at his age, he deserved to have whatever he wanted.
Rikita, I remember what you wrote in the past about Mr. R's mother, so I know that this was pretty much expected and can even be considered to be a sort of relief from the situation. While I am in no hurry for the same thing to happen to my mother, I do indeed believe that she has run her course and if it happens, it is because the time has come.
As weird as it might sound, I will still treasure moments like over the weekend when she bit my ear and when I protested, she said "it was just for fun."
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| Posted by rikita on Feb 6, 2012, 9:19pm |
| thanks... yeah i guess in a sense it can be considered a relief, also to know that she did not stay in a coma for a long time, or if she had woken up to see her get worse... i suppose she had a long and full life. it is kind of sad that i only got to know her a few years ago, when she already did not remember that many things and was different to how she used to be, but i still have a lot of nice memories from conversations with her... |
| Posted by LouisXIV on Feb 7, 2012, 1:09am |
An interesting article on dementia:
http://www.charter.net/news/read.php?id=17367395&ps=915&cat=&cps=0&lang=en
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| Posted by cheerypeabrain on Feb 7, 2012, 6:41pm |
Kerouac, Dad is really lucky in that all 5 of his daughters visit him all the time...and every Sunday morning we all troop round with our OHs and those not driving share a whisky with him...we vie with each other to get him one he hasn't tried before! Pity my brother doesn't go round very often, he lives locally too but is too busy.
Tod: He's much better now...the graze on his knee seems to be healing well.
Rikita...I am so sorry for your loss, I hope that your OH is coping, is he close to his brother ?
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| Posted by rikita on Feb 7, 2012, 9:30pm |
| well he seems to be coping alright, though he tends not to show much emotion so it is difficult to estimate. he was feeling feverish earlier today so i was worried that this might be a reaction to his sadness (kind of like a different outlet) but he seems better now... he isn't very close to his brother, they had a big fight a few years ago. they are speaking to each other in an okay way about the things they need to arrange right now, but mr. r. always said he wants to not have anything to do with his brother anymore once he doesn't have to - i hope he changed his mind by now, but i don't know... |
| Posted by kerouac2 on Feb 18, 2012, 8:06pm |
I have been worried that my mother was losing the ability to speak, since she wasn't saying anything anymore. Most of the days that I visit, we have exchanged almost no words -- I throw the words out there, but there is no reaction whatsoever.
Then, a few days ago, she became more talkative, and today it reached a peak, although not a comfortable one.
I took her to the beauty shop this afternoon, and then I wheeled her around the shopping mall for about an hour. This always tends to get the weird question "where are you?" as though she believes that the wheelchair is self-powered.
But she said more and more things as the afternoon progressed, and then I took her back to the nursing home. Every time I said I was going to have to leave, she kept saying (in English!) "No I wan't you to stay because I haven't seen my mother and father yet." Naturally, she ignored any explanation about why her mother and father would not be coming today, and it remained extremely important that I remain with her until they arrived. Of course this was not to be, so I was a bit distressed myself by the time I left, but that's the way it goes... |
| Posted by kimby on Feb 23, 2012, 4:57pm |
I've been remiss in checking in here. Lots going on.
Condolences to rikita and Mr. R on the loss of your mother/MIL. Hope Mr. R is able to process this loss, AND to allow rikita to help him with it.
Hope cheery's dad is OK after his fall. He looks to be in great shape for his age, quite dashing. And lucky to have a daughter who can check in on him every day. (I wish I could do that with my folks.)
Wondering if Louis has found a solution for his aging mom. It's hard to get them out of their house when they are so anchored in its familiarity. I suspect we will be keeping Mom and Dad at home until there's only one of them. Then maybe, assisted living will look better to the survivor. However I expect that a change in scenery is NOT a good thing when you are losing your memory. Dad lost a lot of ground when he was hospitalized for a week a year and a half ago.
Kerouac, your mom sounds like she has regressed in memory back to when she was a child. Mr. Kimby's grandmother did the same thing, saying things like "I have to be leaving, my mother is expecting me." when her mother had been dead and gone for decades. How is your mum today? Talkative or stone silent? Does she still know you as her son? Has she mentioned your brother since his visit ended?
We are in a holding pattern with my folks. We've upped the number of paid helper visits to check in on them and fix them a meal, and also to remind them to take their meds. We've also ordered a days-of-the-week clock, since they don't seem to know what day it is anymore and take meds on the wrong days. We 3 "girls" take turns calling them so that they get called almost every day, and their mood seems good, considering all they've lost. But I keep having to readjust my expectations and hopes for them. At least they haven't lost their sense of humor.
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| Posted by rikita on Feb 28, 2012, 3:59pm |
| things are a bit worrisome about my grandmothers - problems with cancer in one place, the other had a stroke (fortunately just a mild one, she didn't even realize but when my mom called her she ntoiced my grandma is speaking in a weird way so she suspected it was a stroke, as that had happened before). |
| Posted by mich64 on Feb 28, 2012, 6:51pm |
Sorry to hear about your grandmothers Rikita, it is difficult to watch loved ones suffer.
My father-in-law has had another operation to remove another tumor in his bladder and they have now told him that they are going to remove it and put a bag inside of him. He has some more tests coming up in March. We believe they will be to determine if there is cancer now elsewhere. He is very private about what the doctors are telling him and that is his choice, however, it has made it very hard on my husband. He wishes his father would tell him more so that he could know what he could do to help him through this. It is really difficult.... |
| Posted by kerouac2 on Feb 28, 2012, 7:40pm |
My mother still has incredible strength. Today she was in total resistence and I was able to determine that it is impossible to pull her out of the wheelchair if she has decided to grip it. Once I coaxed her to hold onto my shoulders as I tried to get her to stand up, she managed to grab the flesh on my shoulderblades and nearly rip it off. Wow, it was amazing. I was kind of happy that she is still so strong.
Not so happy that she is so hardheaded, though. The orderlies count on me to wrangle her most evenings for the changing of the diaper now (as well as the undressing and the putting on of the nightgown), because when I am not there, it often takes no fewer than three people to control her. |
| Posted by rikita on Feb 28, 2012, 10:03pm |
sorry about your father in law's operations, mich... i can understand that it is very difficult for your husband...
hm, while i guess your mother's strength makes some things difficult i guess it is good that she is still physically strong, and that she knows what she (doesn't) want. |
| Posted by kimby on Feb 28, 2012, 10:05pm |
| Well at least they are getting her into clean clothes and bedclothes (and diapers) regularly. It would be horrible for the aged one if no one can help with that sort of thing. |
| Posted by mich64 on Feb 29, 2012, 1:55am |
Kerouac, perhaps is there a constant change in personnel? This might be why she is struggling with them.
My partner from speech therapy is in a wheelchair as she had been hit by a vehicle and when recovering, had a stroke. This is where the damage came from that has her in a wheelchair and to her speech.
I tell you this because I visit her at her home frequently and she has a care taker 24 hours a day. The Agency that schedules the workers is constantly changing her staff and I can tell you this affects her greatly with her day to day care and she sometimes becomes depressed and frustrated. She can tell me this, that is why I wonder about your mom and how many different people are trying to change her. |
| Posted by bjd on Feb 29, 2012, 12:26pm |
| Mich -- Despite high unemployment, one of the big problems in France is finding personnel for old age homes. The work is tough, with irregular hours and is badly paid. And some of the patients in the homes are not easy to deal with. So turnover is quite high in these places. |
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