Boys or girls?

[Deleted]

Inspired by the 'firstborn children' thread, I am wondering who had it easier in your family -- the boys or the girls? And if you have children yourself, do you treat the boys and girls differently?

It seems that quite a few girls still have to fight to have the same freedom that boys do, or to not be saddled automatically with domestic chores traditionally handled by women.

And are you mothers teaching your boys to cook?

[tillystar]

My brother and I were treated equally on the cooking/chore front and I would do the same.

Role model wise I am a lazy slut who does nothing round the house and Mr Star does all the cleaning. I think this role reversal is a positive thing for our daughter

Even more than treat girls equally I consciously don't feminise Lil star, she rarely wears pink and never uncomfortable dresses. I prefer to tell her how brave and clever she is rather than how pretty she is, let her wear clothes she can get muddy in and send her into puddles. If she wants to wear pink and be girly later thats fine (and I am sure at some point she will) but I won't be encouranging it myself. So I guess I consciously try and make her free about herself in her mind, sure it'll all get buggered up when she starts school and she'll hate me for it.

[pookie]

There were 4 boys and 3 girls in my family and all chores were done by both sexes equally.The boys are very good housekeepers and 2 of the girls (1 is me) can do home maintainece to match any man

My 2 daughters never wanted to cook , hated anything domestic, neither can knit, 1 can sew.
One was messy, one was neat. I was a bit worried when they got married but they have managed and can cook really well. Both married men who cook and know their way around domestic chores.

One grandson sleeps over every Friday night (his Idea ).We plan what we are going to have for dinner and cook together. He loves to try new dishes but balks at washing up. He will help with other chores tho. His sister however hates anything domestic .

[gyro]

" And are you mothers teaching your boys to cook? "

Why would you assume it's just the mothers that teach cooking, or indeed do the cooking ?


My daughter cooks a MEAN chilli, and it's nothing to do with her mum or Mrs G !

[happytraveller]

I don't think my parents treated my brother and me and my sister differently. Not that I can remember anyway. We all had to do some housework like doing dishes and sweaping up.

[bixaorellana]

The mothers teaching boys to cook line is definitely a generational bias. Even though I knew lots of men who cooked when I was younger, it's a mystery how they learned. When I was a kid, it seemed no men cooked.

Pookie, do you think your family was the exception for the time you were growing up? In my family, the kids all had to do chores, but there was a feeling that the domestic chores were being done by the boys more from a sense of fairness than that they'd need those skills when they were grown.

Tilly, what you say about overly-feminizing girls is so true! My son (b.1970) went to a pre-school where the parents took turns helping. Most of the little girls came dressed for play, but there was one who came in nice dresses and didn't like getting dirty. Her mother was a throw-back to the 50s tv mom stereotype, which was pretty spooky, and the little girl was creepily precise: [adult:] What a pretty picture you're painting! [little girl:] I don't like people hanging over me when I'm working.

That school tried very hard to not define boy/girl roles. Also, toy weapons were banned, but it was commonplace to see the little boys running around using sticks as guns.

Anyway, back to the OP ~~ yes, I think the boys had it easier because they were given much more freedom.

[pookie]

Bixa... It would be mostly out of fairness not to learn skills for later in life .

Coming from a big family there were always plenty of chores to do.

I learned a lot from my father when he was doing things with the boys as I was the only girl for 10 yrs .

[patricklondon]

My mother (born 1905) was an only child, and her only children were two boys. We both had our own domestic chores to do to "earn" our pocket money, and she made sure we were taught all the domestic necessities (not just cooking, but laundry, ironing and so on: occasionally I was sent off to put the laundry through the launderette on my own, from the age of about 11 onwards). I never thought this was at all odd: neither did my father, but then he had likewise had to look after himself as a soldier and prisoner of war in WW2.

Mind you, I don't think my mother would have taken to the idea of my father teaching us to cook. He tended to cook in portions the size of the Albert Memorial. And he could be a bit over-adventurous. Once he tried to make his own pease pudding (for non-UK readers, this is a bit like polenta, only made with dried peas) in the pressure cooker: and took the lid off before releasing the pressure, with predictable results.

[gyro]

Yes, but this is the 21st century. I think things have moved on a little since then.

With regards to over-feminising, it's just how your daughter is, isn't it? Little Miss G was definitely a girly girl when younger, but as far as I can recall this wasn't forced on her. She loved her Laura Ashley dresses and the like, and that's fair enough. Now she thinks she's a bit Emo, and does the skinny jeans and things with skulls on, and that's alright too.

[auntieannie]

Having been brought up in a traditional catholic family, my sister and I were definitely brought up to be good housewives, even though (contrary to my mom's experience) we were encouraged to study and be independant financially. My mom was only allowed to learn just enough for her to busy herself waiting for "Prince Charming" ...
So both my sister and I were expected to help more in the flat than my brother (born between my sister and I).

[lola]

When my brothers shared a house at university they had the tidiest place and the best cooked food of any male in town. They both married women who (should) appreciate their various skills.

My father's specialties were chili and homebaked bread, and my grandfather wrote a game cookery book. So we've always been mixed up, gender roles wise. One thing I have taught my daughters is not to learn any plumbing skills, and certainly not to admit to any once married.

[gyro]

One thing I have taught my daughters is not to learn any plumbing skills, and certainly not to admit to any once married.

Why ?

[lola]

So they can say feminine things like: " Faucet broken? Oh, my my!" instead of feeling obligated to reach for the toolbox as they see their mother do.

[lola]

NB gyro: It so happens that there is a plumbing job in my house right now, which is why I mention it. My husband is so secure in his masculinity, I suppose, that he's just fine with telling me about it instead of tending to it himself.

[gyro]

Sounds a bit sexist to me.

[auntieannie]

haha! One of my friends has forbidden her husband to touch even a hammer.

The one time he did it, he managed to plant the nail right in the middle of electric wiring.

she later re-wired the whole house, and got it approved to standards. She also re-plumbed the house and re-tiled, etc.. crazy woman, I say!

[Deleted]

We live in a sexist world. It is hard for most people to decide whether to take advantage of this situation when possible or fight against it.

[gyro]

Indeed. Not ALL men are practical or good at DIY you know !

And, amazingly enough, not all women are good at cooking and cleaning either. Funny ole world .....

[Deleted]

I for one am relatively useless at fixing things. But I have more tools than most people (even my father was amazed that I had more and better tools than he had, and he knew how to do just about EVERYTHING). The tools are at the disposal of anybody who knows how to fix what needs fixing at my place. (Yes, they can also be borrowed by close friends for personal projects elsewhere.)

[Deleted]

The boys in my family have always had it easier. As is usually the way in Indian families. My sisters always had to do all the cooking and cleaning etc., the boys never did. But they were given other more 'male orientated' responsibilities.

I have three boys, and one of them just loves to cook, on the other hand he also loves working with cars and computers, and building things. The other two are not interested in cooking at all. I've never made them cook, but I know they all can if they need to, and they do.

My brothers and sisters have mostly boys too. Around 90% actually are boys. Do they have it easier then the girls? In some ways yes, but only because of the traditional ways my siblings have brought them up. But since I have so many nephews, and haven't had to raise girls, I'm not an expert on this.

Raising boys can be hard in general though. Because they can and do get into so much stuff. Namely, Booze, sleeping around, guns, fights etc. Girls, at least the ones around here, are nowhere as wild, and are more protected by their parents.

[lola]

kerouac, if you need any plumbing done while bixa, casi and I are enjoying your hospitality, be sure to let us know. We could install a guest bathroom even.

gyro, if you were hoping to horrify me with the idea of being thought sexist, I must disappoint you. I reserve the option to be as sexist as I choose.

[gyro]

Horrify ? No. Just a surprisingly old fashioned and ridiculously bigotted opinion to have. In my opinion, obv.

[Deleted]

Oh well, it that's all it is, no problem.

[lola]

gyro, since you are male naturally I defer to your opinion on the matter. (Unless it differs from my husband's, of course.) If you think I should be PC I will try harder in the future.

[Jazz]

My brother and I were raised traditionally but somewhat halfheartedly. My brother was to chop wood for the woodstove, yard maintenance, the 'manly arts'. I was to help with cooking, the dishes, housekeeping, learn to sew ....but early on we both veered off course. My mother was not a good cook and had very little interest in housekeeping, she was far more interested in creativity (of a different kind). I became a good cook later in life, but, sadly, not much interest in housekeeping. Almost anything interests me more than washing floors etc....I have survived with judicious use of copious amounts of wine, dimmer switches and candles for my guests. They love my cooking. It was only when I bought my house that I began to learn the more traditional 'male' set of skills...I tiled my kitchen floor and backdrop, the garden patio, built my kitchen table etc. My brother became an civil engineer and can repair and build anything house related, actually almost anything. He only appears to be able to cook two things, tea biscuits and soups. But, he is a fastidious housekeeper! (unlike his slovenly sister)

[lola]

I love the Dimmer Switch school of housekeeping!

[gyro]

Lola; I don't think or suggest you should be anything other than yourself. If people think any of my attitude(s) are wrong, I am almost always told. To me that's the nature of a forum. But based on reply 22, I must offer my SINCERE apologies for expressing an opinion. I must try harder to fit in with the views of the mods.

Yours sincerely,

Winston, Airstrip 1.

[lola]

gyro, I think a range of honest opinions makes life and forums more interesting, and like it when people express themselves.

As at Maggie's Farm: "I try my best to be just like I am, but everyone wants ya to be just like them..."

[gyro]

Je agree aussi.

Is that Maggie's Farm bit the BD song, or something else ? I can't remember too many of the lyrics these days.

[lola]

Yup, Bob D.

FWIW, I'm fine if you tell me you think I'm ridiculously bigoted. Honest but not abusive opinions welcomed.