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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2009 9:51:55 GMT
Prompted by the behavior of a friend of mine who returned from a quasi nervous breakdown of sorts and my first visit with him he is listening to sad,sad,music to slit your wrists by. ( I was expecting him to be much more upbeat ). So,having been guilty of similar behavior myself I ask. Why do people indulge themselves in this type of behavior? Is it wallowing? Why when we're down do we seek to sink down lower? Never did understand this behavior.
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Post by happytraveller on Oct 16, 2009 10:44:33 GMT
Maybe sometimes when we are low we need to sink lower, to the bottom, before we can get back up again.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2009 11:02:41 GMT
People enjoy wallowing, just as they like being sick and helpless in sweaty sheets, curled up in a ball in a darkened room.
Damn, I haven't had a chance to wallow in years.
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Post by bixaorellana on Oct 16, 2009 14:48:21 GMT
I detect self-pity in Reply #2. You're on the road to wallowing!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2009 15:30:55 GMT
Maybe sometimes when we are low we need to sink lower, to the bottom, before we can get back up again. True. But some people can't get back up again. And that is a real problem. It's hard to know what to do to help someone who is feeling that down...apart from maybe just be a good friend and be there for them when they need you...
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Post by auntieannie on Oct 16, 2009 18:22:01 GMT
When you are down, you don't even realise you are listening to sad music/wearing sad clothing, etc... it is all part of the cloud that follows you around.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2009 19:54:32 GMT
When you are down, you don't even realise you are listening to sad music/wearing sad clothing, etc... it is all part of the cloud that follows you around. I think this might be true for some people but not all. When I am truly depressed I don't even have the energy to think about putting on sad music or wearing sad clothing. Melancholy,yes,I have been known to indulge in or wallow in with music. Sometimes it's cathartic to do so. But,like K. said,haven't had a good wallow in quite some time.
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Post by auntieannie on Oct 16, 2009 20:48:36 GMT
On a slight tangent, when my aunt was undergoing treatment against her brain/lung cancer ten years ago, I remember my mom and her went Christmas shopping together. I had asked for a colourful top to wear to the office, to offset the array of grays, blacks and other dark or bland colour trousers and skirts I was wearing. Mom warned me not to be disappointed, as my aunt chose a grey woolen t-shirt; she absolutely "fell in love" with that top - and she'd always been a light blue and touches of brightness lady herself. I still wear it and think it is beautiful, even tough it wasn't what I'd wanted at the time.
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Post by patricklondon on Oct 17, 2009 14:52:41 GMT
I think it's a case of "misery loves company", or maybe trying to tell oneself one isn't alone in one's feelings, and to feel it that at least someone has managed to express what one can't quite express oneself.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2009 17:11:22 GMT
Sad music often makes me feel sader.
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Post by lola on Oct 17, 2009 19:35:53 GMT
"Depression is communicated interpersonally" as they told us in school, a fancy way of saying it can be catching. "Poor pitiful me" music is probably not very helpful.
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Post by cristina on Oct 17, 2009 19:39:01 GMT
I have only engaged in serious wallowing once; that is, engaging in sadness-encouraging behavior, after a rather painful end of a really meaningful relationship. I would listen to Sinéad O'Connor's "Nothing Compares to U" and then have a good cry or 10. It didn't take long to realize that prolonging the sadness wasn't healthy. Unfortunately, it ruined a perfectly lovely song for me.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2009 20:00:52 GMT
When I was in university, we could tell who was going through a difficult breakup just by how much time they spent sleeping during the day.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2009 22:07:55 GMT
When I was in university, we could tell who was going through a difficult breakup just by how much time they spent sleeping during the day. same here and endless replaying of Leonard Cohen songs...over and over...(I happen to be a fan of Mr. Cohen but to this day there are certain songs that the opening bars to send me right back to those times.)
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Post by spindrift on Oct 17, 2009 22:14:25 GMT
....or Elton John singing 'Your Song'.... I remember l was living in Mexico City when I first heard it.
About real depression and not 'indulging in depression'....
when one's really deeply depressed I have found that one doesn't notice it for some time. One gradually realises that one is no longer taking part in life and has, unawares, become mentally paralysed. It's dreadful. This is what overtook me after my 96 year old mentor had me thrown out by the Glaswegian carer, or perhaps it was vice versa. I try not to think about it now.
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Post by bixaorellana on Oct 18, 2009 1:41:56 GMT
Excellent point, Spindrift. I wanted to make the same point, but could not phrase it.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2009 13:54:14 GMT
I can feel sad once in a while, but it doesn't last. Maybe just too many distractions to have time to wallow in it? dunno.
Or maybe just not anything much to feel sad about lately. Which is a good thing.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2009 15:29:06 GMT
I did go through something like six months of depression once and only realized it when it was finished. For those six months, I got very little pleasure out of anything I did and just went through the motions of life. What a waste!
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Post by Kimby on Oct 18, 2009 15:41:18 GMT
I think for the ladies, hormonal changes really up the possibility of feeling "blue". Both when you're a moody pubertal teen and when you're winding down your "childbearing years". It takes awhile for your body to reach a new equilibrium.
I've been noticing some of the symptoms K2 mentions in #17 for the past few months. And really cranky too. Not a pretty combination!
But awareness is half the battle.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2009 15:50:26 GMT
It does sound quite a bit like menopause, but a man cannot really understand how that works, of course. I have just observed it, and it is interesting when the woman understands what is going on and at least appreciates the 'irony' of the situation ("I never planned to grow old.") even though the actual experience cannot be pleasurable. I remember my mother announcing hot flashes as they were occurring, like a fire suddenly being lit inside of her. Another person very close to me called it "malaria outbreaks". At least when that symptom is extreme, the victim seems to find it sort of amusing -- physical manifestations are easier to live with than mental ones.
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Post by Kimby on Oct 18, 2009 16:02:25 GMT
Still, when you're having the mental symptoms, it's nice not to have to also deal with the physical torment. No one escapes the wrinkles, etc., though, unfortunately.
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Post by rikita on Oct 18, 2009 23:00:15 GMT
hm i would guess it depends on why someone is sad, for how long, etc. ... sometimes i guess i indeed "wallow", and in a strange way it is fun to feel sorry for myself (or even better have other people feel sorry for me). after a break-up that might also have to do with that i feel like the relationship wasn't really meaningful if i get over it right away (supposing that it didn't end with mainly being angry or something). well sometimes a negative state of mind can also be good for writing or similar activities (i have written some of my favourite stories either when i was hungover, or love-sick, i just come up with some really fun dark ideas then) and of course there i might enhance sadness on purpose for a while...
on the other hand, so far i have never been sad for too long, and i guess often have my strategies of dealing with it, if i have reasons for feeling bad...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2009 23:44:59 GMT
Some of my more creative endeavors have come out of bouts of melancholia. I often wonder if Picasso had been on Prozac would he have had a "blue period" or would Chopin have written his Nocturnes? Anhedonia or the crippling ,no pleasure derived from anything form of depression,that's a whole different story. Don't ever want to go there again. Depression can be genetically passed along and I know I am predisposed so I am fairly vigilant of this as are those close to me.
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Post by spindrift on Nov 1, 2009 21:44:06 GMT
I am predisposed too - and I'm just heaving myself out of a quagmire. Feel much better now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2009 21:47:10 GMT
Depression is a well known creative stimulant.
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Post by spindrift on Nov 1, 2009 21:59:04 GMT
Oh yes? I've just read your wonderful Montmartre photo essay and I feel much worse now je pleure.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2009 22:54:05 GMT
Depression is a well known creative stimulant. You could be right. It certainly helps in writing my book. Or is it the book that's bringing on these feelings? hmm....
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Post by auntieannie on Nov 2, 2009 19:47:18 GMT
I was under the impression that depression would rather paralyse actions and thoughts, although I do not know how it feels. (I do know about melancholia, though).
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2009 19:52:39 GMT
Well, there is a delicate balance between the paralysis and the creativity. From what I have read, it is when you hit bottom that you suddenly decide that you can make things better by casting away your misery, or at least using it in a productive way.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2009 13:00:49 GMT
I'm not really sure what depression is either. I get to feeling down, but it never lasts, I think keeping busy and doing things that you like and interest you make a big difference. That and being around positive people who you get on with..
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