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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2013 5:49:44 GMT
I was about to look up this thread, because I heard my nasty inner voice yesterday. My neighbourhood is full of political and economic refugees, which is fine, and one of the main refugee aid offices is only a block from where I live, which explains why they hang out here so much of the time. They have to wait weeks for asylum requests or temporary papers to be processed and they have nothing to do in the meantime and they just tend to shuffle up and down the streets.
Damn it, if you're not going anywhere, just stand in a corner and don't move!
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 11:44:35 GMT
If you knew that someone's husband had had an affair with a woman, and this woman is also friends with his wife, would you tell the wife?
Would it be nasty of me to spill the beans? I'm struggling with my inner voice right now. Just have to see how it goes...
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 11:52:11 GMT
That's just your conscience. If it were your inner voice, it would be giving you orders about what to do or not do. (Anyway, men and women usually have completely different views on this subject.)
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 11:58:05 GMT
Yeah, I think they do. Men would turn a blind eye and let the guy get away with it.
I feel so sorry for the wife for she is being and has been deceived. Maybe it's non of my business, but it does piss me off how moral-less people can be, and then carry on smiling sweetly like they did nothing wrong. So deceitful on many levels. The wife looks like the kind who is kept well under his thumb. Poor woman...
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Post by tod2 on May 24, 2013 16:39:53 GMT
Deyana - I can guarantee if you tip the wife off - YOU will end up the bad guy.
You know the old saying"Don't shoot the messenger!" Well. they always do. If anyting.....tip off the husband that "someone' is going to tip off his wife OR call that TV programme where a really shmarmie slick-haired guy with a low menacing voice follows the 'wrong doer' for a week or so and then confronts him/her with the partner. ;D
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 17:03:40 GMT
I know it, tod. I'm used to speaking out and then being labeled the 'bad guy'. Story of my life it seems. I've never been too good at keeping zipped up and playing blind, when I see an injustice being done. I might dress up as that slick-haired dandy that are always in those shows, and spill a few beans one of these days. ;D I'll have to think about this one..
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 17:07:50 GMT
My own morality makes me determine whether anybody is being hurt by the situation. Is the man taking care of his wife and family properly or neglecting them? If the wife and family are happy, then it would be foolish and harmful to blow the whistle.
If the wife and family are unhappy, well doesn't that mean that they are already aware of what is going on?
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2013 17:31:00 GMT
Well, yes he does take care of his wife, he just likes to mess around on her when/if he gets the chance. And the woman he does it with is used to playing the field with married men. I know she's had a few, maybe more than a few.
Anyhow, talking about my own morals and conscience - if I say anything in the end the wife will probably end up getting hurt and that's all that will happen. She doesn't come across as the strong type, very subdued in fact. Who knows what really goes on behind closed doors? Maybe she IS aware of his ways and simply doesn't care enough to do anything about it.
I think for now, I'm just going to turn a blind eye...
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Post by htmb on May 24, 2013 22:20:42 GMT
Sometimes the wife suspects, but doesn't really want to know. I've known several in that situation. If you go to the wife, then it becomes more obvious to her and she may feel the need to deal with the issue.
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2013 2:24:07 GMT
Yes, that can and is the case sometimes. The wife might already suspect, but doesn't want to rock the boat. I don't think I can or should confront her really, my gut feeling tells me to leave well alone.
I have distanced myself from the woman who uses married men in this way, or lets herself be used, not sure how to word it really. As far as I can see, they are both hypocrites and phonies, but as long as they don't have to be around anyone who will judge them, they probably don't care one bit what they do.
There are many people in the world like that.
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Post by rikita on May 25, 2013 8:10:05 GMT
on the other hand, if one day she finds out, and finds out that "everyone knew" she might also feel angry for not having been told...
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Post by bjd on May 25, 2013 8:43:03 GMT
If anyting.....tip off the husband that "someone' is going to tip off his wife OR call that TV programme where a really shmarmie slick-haired guy with a low menacing voice follows the 'wrong doer' for a week or so and then confronts him/her with the partner. ;D Tod, you mean like this:
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2013 12:25:53 GMT
I wasn't expecting to see a naked bum in the clip! ;D rikita, yes, it's true, the wife might be angry when/if she ever finds out he's been screwing around on her, but at least the anger will be directed at him and not on the messenger! Hard to know what to do... my thinking is unless I get no choice, I'm staying out of it.
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Post by lagatta on May 28, 2013 23:07:08 GMT
I've learnt to stay out of it. It will come to a head eventually, with modern media. A dear friend is very heavily involved in a story ... you know these stories, with a younger man in a much poorer country. The investment has become much greater and I'm terribly worried about my friend. But there is really nothing I can do.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2013 23:20:33 GMT
My inner voice has recently been much simpler in its pronoucements. It is almost exclusively concerned with assholes on the sidewalk in front of me.
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Post by bjd on May 29, 2013 7:32:24 GMT
Now that you are retired, Kerouac, you could invest in a cane and then smack them across the ankles when they are in your way.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2013 23:26:21 GMT
I've learnt to stay out of it. It will come to a head eventually, with modern media. A dear friend is very heavily involved in a story ... you know these stories, with a younger man in a much poorer country. The investment has become much greater and I'm terribly worried about my friend. But there is really nothing I can do. The same ol' story. How gullible are some of these women out there? Yeah, best to stay out of it, lagatta. They are adults, and we all know some just never really grow up. I think some people were just made to learn their lessons the hard way.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2013 23:26:55 GMT
bjd, your comment to Kerouac made me giggle! ;D
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Post by htmb on May 29, 2013 23:39:12 GMT
My inner voice has recently been much simpler in its pronoucements. It is almost exclusively concerned with assholes on the sidewalk in front of me. If you are as tall as has been reported, Kerouac, then I would assume you have long legs. You must also have a wide stride, so those poor people are probably walking normally, minding their own business, and here you come along, moving at what to them would seem like a gallop. ;D ;D
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Post by lagatta on May 30, 2013 13:11:04 GMT
Deyana, this is an intelligent, highly-educated person, and not typically "gullible". I think it is more a question of being desperate for love. That is really not easy as we get older; women are considered past our "best-before" date when we still may have half our lives to live.
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Post by tod2 on May 30, 2013 14:48:09 GMT
bjd - Thanks for the video clip.....and I veered right onto that slippery path and watched at least 10 more ;D
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 17:11:42 GMT
Nothing to do with my nasty inner voice, but I might as well tell at least one anecdote of when I was faced with telling what I knew or lying about it. My brother informed me a number of years ago that one of his childhood school friends was living in Paris and actually quite close to me. I knew her of course, but since she was my brother's age, I had known her younger brother better, going to the same school.
However, it was nice to meet up with someone from my hometown and we remained in close social contact for a number of years -- she was happy to see my mother, father and even my grandmother at various times, and she even visited my parents in Florida when she was living in.... Colorado. Actually, since she had some extreme issues with her mother, she even admitted to me, "when I was a little girl, I always dreamed that your mother was my mother." I never met her mother, so I can't even imagine it, but she was very attached to all of my family.
Anyway, her French husband was nice, even though I didn't like him much. He was from a pretty aristocratic background and some of the unpleasant side effects of that often came through in his personality. She had met him after moving to Colorado Springs, where he was on a training course with the French air force. And so they married and moved to France with her daughter from a previous marriage.
I don't know how many years went by, but one day she called me and said, "I have to see you." So we met up. She was wearing dark glasses but took them off to show me her black eye. "Bernard hit me. I'm getting a divorce and moving back to America." He just hit her that one time, but I validated her decision because it was inexcusable. She got her divorce and left.
But she still loved Paris... and she also loved her former in-laws, so she made several trips back to spend time in Paris and to see her ex-husband's parents. I happened to run into Bernard one day at the airport, at a time when she was in Paris, and I stupidly mentioned this to her. She practically jumped on me. "Was he with a woman?" "No," I lied -- damn it, it was none of her business since they were divorced! But even if they had still been married I would have lied. I can't really explain the male solidarity about that, but it does exist.
As it turned out, in spite of the divorce, they were still in love with each other and were in constant contact. And she made a couple of trips back to Paris where they hooked up quite passionately and almost got back together.
But he gave her a black eye once, and he shouldn't have touched her. And still she came back for more (albeit not more abuse).
Therefore, I would never advise either of them about how to deal with their lives, and I would not hesitate to lie to either of them in which ever way suited me.
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Post by fumobici on May 30, 2013 20:41:57 GMT
Situations of this type annoy me no end. I really, really hate to tell lies--it tests my memory as well as my nagging moral inner voice--so I am prone to either saying the truth or saying nothing at all even if either is probably not the best idea. Asking me to tell a lie--even a harmless little white one--is asking me a rather significant favor. One thing though, I can can keep a secret with the very best.
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Post by htmb on May 30, 2013 21:12:09 GMT
My inner voice has recently been much simpler in its pronoucements. It is almost exclusively concerned with assholes on the sidewalk in front of me. If you are as tall as has been reported, Kerouac, then I would assume you have long legs. You must also have a wide stride, so those poor people are probably walking normally, minding their own business, and here you come along, moving at what to them would seem like a gallop. ;D ;D What is it they say about payback? Today, while dashing into a big box store in a hurry between meetings, a woman cut me off and completely blocked the already cluttered aisle, preventing me from grabbing what I needed and quickly getting out of the store.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 23:39:14 GMT
Deyana, this is an intelligent, highly-educated person, and not typically "gullible". I think it is more a question of being desperate for love. That is really not easy as we get older; women are considered past our "best-before" date when we still may have half our lives to live. That's very true. There are a lot of single women around and the older they get the less chance of them finding a man to share their lives with. And then, unfortunately, some of them become less choosy. While men look for younger women with as less baggage as possible, forgetting that they have just as much, if not more, baggage themselves. And in some cases... are even married. From what I've seen Western woman who think they will find love with men from other countries are deluding themselves. I think men from developing countries will marry white women, but they do it for one reason only. As a way out - and to gain a Western passport. Once permanently settled in the West, the white woman is dumped and the man goes back 'home' to find a nice local girl to wed for real. Sad state of affairs, but that has been the reality for a long time now.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2013 23:53:21 GMT
Situations of this type annoy me no end. I really, really hate to tell lies--it tests my memory as well as my nagging moral inner voice--so I am prone to either saying the truth or saying nothing at all even if either is probably not the best idea. Asking me to tell a lie--even a harmless little white one--is asking me a rather significant favor. One thing though, I can can keep a secret with the very best. Same same. And that is probably why you are one of the very few people that I have met in cyberspace that I truly admire. I Hate to lie. About anything. If I feel that I should tell a 'little white lie' just in order to be nice or keep the peace, I cannot do it, instead I just say nothing at all, and hope for the best. It's very ingrained in me to tell the truth, however unpopular that may be. And it annoys me so much when I see so many find it so easy to falsify facts to the extent that even they seem to believe them. It never ceases to amaze me. The truth is good for the soul. And it can be very disarming.
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Post by lagatta on May 31, 2013 0:08:37 GMT
That is true, Deyana, but it isn't only white women. Remember "How Stella Got Her Groove Back". Lots of brown, black or East Asian women get taken in too, sometimes in that "getting in touch with their roots" stuff. The real story of Terry McMillan, a brilliant, beautiful, successful writer, was not very happy. Her young beau actually came out as gay and left with his boyfriend...
It is certainly very common here, but I also do several know legitimate, long-term relationships. But those usually started in "real" situations such as universities or workplaces where people from many cultures are studying or working together, not when the person from wealthier country is on holiday, sipping long drinks (even if it is in a somewhat more "authentic" situation than by a hotel pool).
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2013 0:36:16 GMT
I still haven't seen the' Stella got her groove back movie'. I've heard so much about it. I should check it out. I guess women of all kinds of backgrounds can be taken in. Even the most intelligent let their hearts overrule their heads... The wanting to love and be loved is very strong in most of us. Why? Maybe because we know it's the only thing that really makes sense in the end.
There are good and real relationships between mixed race couples. But like you say, these are founded on much more solid ground then what we are talking about.
A holiday in a warm country with a sandy beach surrounded by palm trees and the undivided attention of some tall dark stranger..... is a nice fantasy, but doubtful it would ever lead to a long term commitment.
It's sad that some women are desperate enough to spend so much money, time and effort in order to gain something that will most likely never materialize.
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Post by lagatta on May 31, 2013 2:24:14 GMT
Yes. In the Stella story they were all various types of African-Americans, but an executive of African-USAian roots was in a very different class from a young Afro-Jamaican working at tourist beaches, even if he was well-educated and well-spoken. There wasn't really a "racial" difference, but a huge cultural and class difference.
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2013 6:12:58 GMT
Actually, my nasty inner voice does intervene with some of these people because I can hear it saying "you two-timing son of a bitch!" while my outer voice is saying something stupid like "Great to see you -- how are you?"
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