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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2010 19:01:56 GMT
Aricept is a relatively ineffective drug, I am sorry to say. Then again, my mother started taking it too late. The neurologist stopped it after 3 years, saying that once "the disease" was fully developed, the medication has no effect anymore. And that has been what I have observed, except that my mother is happy every time there is one fewer pill to swallow. (And even though the health system here covers those drugs 100%, it is good to be able to stop any pill that costs 3€ each.)
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Post by Kimby on Sept 8, 2010 19:17:59 GMT
And Aricept also has the lovely side-effect of causing diarrhea, at least it did for my Mom, who's now taking Namenda and not pooping her pants anymore. But since Dad is early, if it IS dementia, maybe it's the right drug for him (plus he tends to be constipated anyway so might not mind a little stool softening).
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Post by cristina on Sept 9, 2010 2:23:30 GMT
Kimby, I've been reading this thread with both sorrow and admiration. Your strength has been so inspiring during what I know is a most difficult reality to face. We really don't want our parents to be anything other than the indefatigable heroes of our childhood.
Even more so, when living far from our parents, the challenge of spreading ourselves between home, as in spouse and/or children, and our parents is really so much harder than society always supports or acknowledges. You are very lucky that your parents live in a smaller community.
And although you seemed to be fretting that you didn't get enough done while you were there, all I could think of while reading was "wow, Kimby is Superwoman!"
As an aside, today I was sitting in the waiting room of the orthopedist, where there are a good many older patients. There was a man filling out forms for his elderly mother, who was in a wheelchair. She was quite agitated for whatever reason and I found him to be really mean in his reactions to her agitation. I had to stop then and wonder how much support he has, as a caregiver. Arizona is not known for compassion in this area. The son might indeed have been an ass, but in all likelihood he was shouldering the care on his own, both physically and emotionally.
My mother is in good health now, but at 77, I sometimes hear her say things that cause me to worry a little. Nothing imminent, but she does live 3000 miles away, and although we talk on the phone several times a week, it worries me that I can't see her more often.
In any event, after that ramble...I just want to let you know that you have set the bar for me Kimby. But most of all, I wish your parents as long an independent life as possible.
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Post by joanne28 on Sept 9, 2010 14:35:30 GMT
My mother was on Aricept for several years and I found it to be very helpful for her. She has since been switched to memantine (aka Ebixa and Namenda) and galantamine (aka Reminyl) due to the progress of her disease.
I'm sorry the Aricept didn't help your mother, Kerouac. The sad thing about Alzheimer's drugs is that they do not help everyone.
As for side effects, Kimby, they usually ease off after a few weeks. If Aricept doesn't help, there are Reminyl and Exelon as alternatives. The Ebixa is for later stage AD, which is why my mother is on it.
Although the drugs may not be working for my mother any more, my sister and I have decided to keep her on them as long as possible. I have heard too many stories about a person being taking off AD drugs and declining very sharply and rapidly. I saw it happen with a friend's mother. We're not willing to take a chance with Mum.
Other than a cholesterol pill, all my mother's meds are for her Alzheimer's. So we don't have the same concerns regarding multiple drugs, although I do keep an eye on things. Plus, here in Ontario the Power of Attorney has a lot of clout. So I have been successful in getting drugs reduced, changed etc. I smile and nod and don't go away.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2010 16:08:37 GMT
Kimby,your photo made me weepy...in such a beautiful way...What Kerouac said..you done good girl. I just arrived at my mother's last night. She has faded considerably since I was here in May,however,positively perked up enough last night, way past her bedtime, to visit with me,very animated and chatty. Her caretaker Cristina,a lovely Lithuanian woman,said this is the liveliest she has seen her in a bit. She insisted that vases of white flowers be placed around the house,in my room. Very ,very,moving. I am very happy to be here.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2010 17:10:22 GMT
Today was another hospital visit to accompany my mother, and I am happy to say that the "skin cancer" that they chopped off her face 6 weeks ago was not cancerous at all -- totally benign.
(Not that I worry about such things at that age. Even cancer gets tired on old people.)
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Post by Kimby on Sept 11, 2010 2:19:45 GMT
Casi, enjoy your visit with your mother. None of us know how many more visits we may be allowed, even those with relatively young parents. I feel fortunate to have been able to spend a whole week with alone my parents, something that grown-up daughters with husbands and siblings don't often get to do. It erased years of distance that had gradually crept into our relationship. Not that we didn't still love each other, we just didn't really know each other anymore. Whereas before I could go weeks without calling, now I find myself missing them.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2010 16:32:34 GMT
I am Kimby...it's funny though,we both have a mutual agreement that ten days is our limit to be under the same roof together (2 Scorpio women,highly tempermental,erratic and moody..). She has already started in with the "is that what you're wearing out?,brush your hair!!!" comments. I grin and bear it now. It reassures me actually, that she is not too far gone.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2010 13:35:57 GMT
When I worked with the geriatric patients at what was my last social work job,I found that playing music was a wonderful tool. For my mother it is one of the most amazing curatives,soothers,and overall when all else fails... Now,admittedly,I can only listen to Johnny Mathis ,The Twelfth of Never,in particular,so many times.(She has it on CD)So,the newest strategy, so to speak,is cuuing up some music on a MP 3 player,a kind and lovely soul gave me last year. On it is a rendition of Danny Boy,which is my mother's favorite song of all time. I played it for her on my last trip here,and she asked after it this trip. She is feeling very poorly this morning,achy,tired,irritable...so,I cuued up the song and put on the headphones for her to listen once again. Within seconds she got this look on her face I can only describe as far away and lovely,and she sang along with it. I sat and watched,listened,tears rolling down my face at her trip down whatever memory lane she was on. She has asked to listen to it again before bedtime. The gift of music,seems to never fail,never leave us no matter what...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2010 16:30:52 GMT
My mother seems to have little interest in most singers on television, although I try to test her if I know that a singer from "way back when" singing a classic hit is going to be featured.
However, I have noticed that she is quite interested if there is a big dance routine. She appears to be just as interested if it is back up dancers for somebody like Shakira or Madonna as when it is Lawrence Welk type stuff -- it is the synchronized movement that gets her attention.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 13, 2010 13:39:45 GMT
Does she like Broadway musicals? You could rent the video and play it for her. If she still speaks English. Not sure that a musical with subtitles would be as much fun.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2010 14:50:30 GMT
She's French: she's allergic to musicals! (Yes she still speaks English -- when she wants to.)
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Post by bixaorellana on Sept 13, 2010 15:29:36 GMT
She's French: she's allergic to musicals! Boy, did the French just shoot up astronomically in my estimation!
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Post by Kimby on Sept 15, 2010 3:39:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2010 6:57:19 GMT
Errr.... those are American movies. But if you want an exception, the original production of the musical Les Misérables was French.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 15, 2010 13:18:59 GMT
Category: Musical, Comedy, Original, Broadway Setting: In Paris, on Devil's Island, and at sea.
Comments: "Irma La Douce" is not only French; it is intensely Parisian French. Set in an area tourists seek, but so seldom find, its musical idiom, its moral atmosphere, its plot and its argot are part of Paris not even all Parisians know; a part of Paris where the underworld is known as the "milieu." A tart is a "poule," a pimp is a "mec" and money is "grisbi."
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Post by Kimby on Sept 15, 2010 13:21:01 GMT
Back to the original topic of this thread, I spoke with my parents last night by phone and they sound wonderful. Dad mowed 1/2 of the yard yesterday (!). They said all the caregivers are wondering why they've been commissioned to help them as they seem to not need it.
All is good.
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Post by betsie on Sept 15, 2010 13:58:52 GMT
This is a very moving thread.
I'm glad to hear that things have improved, Kimby.
I was frantic with worry when my foster mother began to develop senility. I begged her to come and live with me in the Netherlands and almost succeeded, until some other family members talked her out of it. I was furious with them because they hardly ever went to see her, and she was terribly lonely.
She was finally admitted to a nursing home, and she just loved it! When she died, the staff were all in tears, they said she had been the life and soul of the party and was the sweetest and funniest patient they'd ever had.
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Post by bixaorellana on Sept 15, 2010 13:59:16 GMT
Fantastic, Kimby ~~ absolutely wonderful news.
I have to say, from everything you reported while you were with them, this is not surprising news, though. They sound like remarkable people, and you certainly did everything possible to get them back on track for health and autonomy.
Congratulations!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2010 16:31:55 GMT
Big,good news, on my front here, with my mother. She has requested that a friend of mine be invited over for dinner,an old dear friend of whom my mother is very fond of (obviously), because,she hasn't been up for dinner guests in a verrrrry long time. She has gone over the menu with me umpteen times,a very simple affair,fresh local tomatoes sliced with a vinaigrette,roasted chicken ,mashed potatoes,a green vegetable of which I'll decide at the market in a few,peach pie for dessert. All day so far,she is having me do things around the house...polishing silver etc... ::)so,I have been enjoying seeing her focused on something positive and involves some socialization. Background music,Johnny Mathis to be sure.... So glad to hear of your updated news Kimby!!!
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Post by Kimby on Sept 16, 2010 5:26:34 GMT
So nice that you can enjoy hosting a dinner party with your Mom. You're a sweet daughter to make it happen.
Older people are often fairly socially isolated. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance. Most of my parents' friends (and ALL of the men) have died. That makes it hard for them to socialize as a couple, and hard for mom to go off and socialize with her widowed friends, leaving Dad home alone.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2010 6:38:35 GMT
Many of the elderly don't want to socialize anymore because of those little incidents of daily life ("What if I crap my pants?") or when they are afraid that they can't follow a conversation anymore but don't want people to know. Isolation is pretty much inevitable in the "intermediate" phase.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2010 12:13:12 GMT
This is why this dinner was so BIG. My mother has had no interest whatsoever in having anyone over or going anywhere in quite some time,virtually years.She just happens to be particularly fond of my friend and vice versa,and asked me early in the week if we could invite her over. I was quite astounded as was my brother. It went quite well,excellent in fact, despite some other outside issues that posed to ruin it. One funny thing that did happen (Kimby can appreciate this ). Just before dinner,(really more of an early supper), the grass cutters from hell showed up. My nerves already frayed from dealing with another issue,I freaked. I went outside and asked them to please just cut the grass,because to shoo them away would have meant they wouldn't come back for another 2 weeks...but,I asked them to not leaf blow or weed whack. They did not speak English (Hispanic),so,there I was trying to demonstrate in gestures,what have you,loudly telling them NO BLOW!!,with my hands and arms in the leaf blower position,hahahahahha!! They finally got it,laughed,and were probably quite happy to have gotten out of doing it. Sorry for the digression there good people....it was too good a story to pass up.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2010 14:16:52 GMT
I'm glad dinner went well, Casimira. My mother had her first meal in a year with other family members last month, and it went better than expected, although she mostly just sits and eats while the rest of us are talking. I keep an eye on her and make sure that she is lacking nothing and not dropping too much stuff on the floor or in her lap. That's all you can hope for past a certain point in life.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 16, 2010 21:55:54 GMT
That sounds so sad, K2. Did she seem to enjoy the fact that family was there? Did she recognize them? Did they try to engage her, or were they more interested in visiting with each other?
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Post by Kimby on Sept 16, 2010 22:01:42 GMT
This is why this dinner was so BIG. My mother has had no interest whatsoever in having anyone over or going anywhere in quite some time,virtually years.She just happens to be particularly fond of my friend and vice versa,and asked me early in the week if we could invite her over. I heard from a friend of my parents that my Mom attempted to host a dinner party for their few remaining friends when an out-of-town friend flew in for her annual visit. Mom used to easily do parties for 10 (costume parties with a theme, even!), and was a supreme organizer if not the world's most innovative chef. Apparently things have changed. Though the woman who told me about the party was not disparaging, it was a pretty peculiar dinner party she described. Mom bought pre-cooked ribs and minute potatoes, and her guests ended up warming up the meal while she just sat there. The beverage of the day was water served in plastic cups. I cringed when I heard this. No wonder old people stop socializing....
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2010 8:38:09 GMT
That sounds so sad, K2. Did she seem to enjoy the fact that family was there? Did she recognize them? Did they try to engage her, or were they more interested in visiting with each other? She enjoyed seeing her goddaughter (who is a cousin about 14 years younger than her), who always mentions things from the past that my mother can still remember; they were extremely close until my mother married and moved to the U.S. But basically, my mother just seems to appreciate the homely atmosphere and the buzz of conversation around her while she eats. In the nursing home, she is often worried about "what do I have to do?" She has sensed that there are all sorts of routines in progress, the relevance of which escapes her, but she seems to feel that she can get in trouble for something not being done. Probably a throwback to her boarding school years.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 17, 2010 14:21:38 GMT
One of the good things about the in-home care organization, Comfort Keepers, that we've scheduled housekeeping services with, is that they have the ability/flexibility to add additional and/or occasional levels of service once you're in the system. I specifically asked about the possibility of having someone help Mom to put on a dinner party if she wants to entertain in the future, and they said they could. In fact they have a specific employee in mind who is a wonderful cook.
They also could provide a male worker who could drive my parents to their cabin for a weekend and help out with chores there. Hopefully, family members will be able to do this for my parents, but it's nice to know that we can hire someone to keep an eye on them at the cabin, too.
Of course, none of this is free, but there are things more important than money. To my parents and to their 3 daughters as well.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2010 15:32:34 GMT
Well,things along these same lines are taking a most weird turn... This morning ,my mother announced that she is throwing a big party for a deceased sister in law of hers,(whom she loathed, btw...),and she has lots of cooking to do,so,please for me to not stay gone long from the house because,"there's lots to do, Cas". Oh dear... My mother was at one time a fabulous chef as well,and loved to entertain. My tact,I believe, is going to be, to propose maybe postponing the dinner for my deceased aunt,and maybe have a small party for my brother's birthday instead,which is indeed this weekend.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 17, 2010 16:35:28 GMT
Maybe you could combine the events. Then you wouldn't have to fete the dead aunt later...
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