Weddings, Anniversaries, Special Dates

[htmb]

Anyone have a wedding story to tell? Perhaps something a bit different. Something out of the norm, or maybe the celebration of a special wedding anniversary many years later, as was just mentioned the other day? Or, just a special, personal anniversary date not even having to do with marriage.

You might wonder why this topic, especially on this day when events in Paris weigh heavily on our minds. Plus, I am not the type of person who enjoys weddings, unless the bride or groom happen to be a very good friend or a close family member. Even then, it's certainly not my thing, and never has been. But, for some unknown reason, several weeks ago I was asked to be a participant in the religious ceremony of an acquaintance. I said "yes" because, though we've never been close, I was quite intrigued with how it all this came about.

There are a lot of gaps in my knowledge of the couple, but let me fill you in as to what I do know. While I have never actually met him before, I used to know the first wife of the groom many years ago because I took classes from her. And, though I've known the bride for close to forty years, we've only had fun and brief chats from time to time as we'd run into each other around town. Both parties are somewhere in their late sixties, and this is a second marriage for her and at least a second marriage for him.

Over the years, both the bride and groom have worked hard and been quite successful in their respective professions. They are both highly intelligent and quite attractive looking; actually, she was stunningly beautiful as a young woman. She had waited until later to marry the first time. Her first husband already had a family and was many years her senior. Their marriage lasted a long time, but in the end, she had to nurse him through countless years of extremely poor health.

Not long after her first husband died, my friend was diagnosed with cancer and went through the personal hell that goes along with treatment, and then recovery. At some point over the course of years, she and the groom-to-be began seeing each other, fell in love, and decided to marry.

So, things happen, right? No big deal. Except, this is the part I find most interesting. The bride and groom went all through high school together. They dated for at least two years afterwards, and were engaged to be married more than forty years ago. Something happened, as it often does, and they went their separate ways. Now, almost a lifetime later, they were finally going to marry.

Getting out of the house and going to a wedding was not high up on my list of things I wanted to do this morning. My job is to assist the clergy during the service, so I put on my alb and cincture, and I went. And now I'm glad I did. It was a very sweet and personal event. About a hundred people were in attendance, including a couple of noisy toddlers, a few teenagers, some old friends, and lots of family members from both sides.

In the shadow of all the horror of today's world, it was nice to take a break; to celebrate the marriage of these two happy individuals. I certainly wish them many good years of being together, now that they've found each other once again.

[Deleted]

I am allergic to weddings and have only attended one for the whole shebang in my life. (I went to a second one but skipped out of it before the evening festivities with the drunken speeches and dancing.)

So the one I went to was for my friends in Singapore. Yes I flew all the way from Paris and probably arrived only because of some underhanded doings by one of the friends and a colleague of his who worked in reservations at a major European airline in a country on whose empire the sun never used to set. They knew I was flying standby and that all of the flights were quite fully booked, so they made sure that there would be plenty of "no-shows." They did not invent phantom passengers who could ultimately be traced back to them (since this sort of thing is more common that one would like to imagine) but instead concentrated on authentic one-way passengers. They obligingly made return reservations for them, knowing that they would not show up for the return flight. Actually, this was not for a flight all the way from Europe since I had a free confirmed ticket as far as Bangkok but just for the Bangkok-Singapore portion.

And thus I attended a semi-traditional Chinese wedding. The actual wedding was in a little Catholic Church (the parents of the bride being converts) followed by a really nice outdoor meal under tents right across from the church. This was only for family and the closest friends, so there were only about 50 of us. It was very relaxed and extremely pleasant even if the only drinks were orange soda or Chinese tea. I got to meet the delightfully ancient wrinkled grandmothers who would be tucked in bed long before the evening banquet. After stuffing ourselves, it was time for several hours of break before the evening event. I seem to recall that I was staying at the fabulous Inter-Continental Hotel at the top of Orchard Road, which is the sort of thing I did in those days with my 50% discount.

The evening banquet was at one of the two top old colonial hotels of Singapore, unfortunately not the Raffles but the Goodwood. Dinner was for 300 -- 30 round tables of 10. My friends had warned me of a few things, notably that there would be 12 courses so not to get too enthusiastic about eating right from the start even though each dish was fabulous -- the barbecue platter, the seafood stir fry, the steamed fish, the lobster, the Singaporean noodles, the fried chicken, the rice or all sorts... Luckily the meal lasted more than three hours with a few pauses. Unfortunately, the only thing to drink was what you had ordered before the meal began. I considered myself lucky because I didn't know that everybody would have to stick with the same drink through the entire meal -- refilled regularly -- and I had gin and tonic, much too generous on the gin of course. But a lot of the others were drinking straight whisky or cognac. And yes, it soon showed. There were various protocols to follow later in the meal, such as which table could make the most noise to honour the newlyweds with some sort of Cantonese chant. It was really an extraordinary experience.

Frankly, it might be one of the reasons that I have always avoided attending other weddings, because I don't think anything could top it. My Singaporean friends are still married. They emigrated to Vancouver, where I visited them two or three times. We have not been in touch much over the years, but their daughter came to see me two or three years ago. I doubt very seriously that she wanted to do so spontaneously since I had last seen her when she was about age 0, but she is a good girl and respected her parents' wishes. I was impressed by her French, but her parents have always wanted to be such good Canadians that they sent her to a bilingual French school for her entire scolarity, so she is completely fluent.

In view of current events, I should probably write them a message that all is well in Paris.

[onlyMark]

Nov 15, 2015 23:31:24 GMT kerouac2 said:

I am allergic to weddings and have only attended one for the whole shebang in my life.

You ducked out early for your own then?

Scolarity?

[Deleted]

Just signed a register at the Clark County, NV office. Over in 5 minutes.

[onlyMark]

Mine took about that at City Hall in New York.

I've been dragged to quite a few weddings, the longest being in Goa. The best though was a mate of mine who had the reception at the local swimming pool that was boarded over. The entertainment was another mate who had a single record player and two flashing lights. The food arrived in two crisp boxes, one had cheese rolls in, and the other had ham rolls. We all brought our own drinks and later on a couple of the young lads were sent out around the corner to the off licence for more supplies but mainly for some crisps and nuts. The bride's grandmother, aged then about 85, boogied all night and treated us to a semi-striptease around 11.30pm just before we had to leave as the hall was only booked until midnight.
The wooden boards were occasionally liberally sprinkled with french chalk to aid dancing, much to the delight of the younger kids who treated it like a skating rink, at one time knocking over the trestle table with the 'disco'.

[htmb]

I would have preferred going to a "registry," though I did manage to keep down most of the hoopla.

[Deleted]

Mine was perfect. About 12 guests, wedding on the beach at 3pm during a break on a blustery day, marriage commissioner (no god involved!), we walked off the beach into the restaurant, a six course meal with matching wines that I picked very carefully, the whole thing was over by ten. Came in for under $5,000. The most expensive thing was my dress, which was my mother's silk wedding dress from the 1950s cut into a cocktail dress.

[bjd]

I have been to just a few weddings. The ones with the bride in white, the restaurant/catered meal and over 100 guests are totally unmemorable.

My own wedding was 5 minutes at Toronto City Hall, then a trip to Centre Island. The next day we had a party for family and close friends, we made the food and my mother bought cakes from a very good bakery.

My son got married 6 years ago -- a 3-day party here in France after a short civil ceremony at city hall in a village. He and his wife prepared all their own food (with the help of various guests), she made her dress, an African friend told a story and some musician friends played. Then lots of dancing until late. They followed that up with a wedding in Colombia, but that was organized by her parents, so it was a short religious ceremony followed by a meal at a beach restaurant. The first wedding was more fun.

My daughter got married this year in August. Another do-it-yourself with only parents and siblings. 17 adults, 8 small kids including small babies. A walk to city hall, then a barbeque and games in the garden, and a bigger meal in the evening under a tent during a thunderstorm. It was really nice and everyone got to know everyone very well as we prepared food together, talked, drank champagne.

[Deleted]

That sounds lovely, bjd. My Great-Aunt had a house on Centre Island during the Depression and my father lived there sometimes. He has great memories of it.

[bjd]

Lizzie, in the 1970s there was talk of removing the houses in Centre Island so that it would be a more public place. I think some people were just jealous of those who lived there, even though the houses were pretty small -- almost cottages. I haven't been there for years but imagine the houses are still there.
I just had a quick google -- yes there are and there is a very complicated system of getting to buy one. There is a 500-person waiting list.

[htmb]

Though we were married for many years, my husband is now my ex. He was a professional athlete and we decided to get married after he'd already started his playing season. I was 22.

My little sister had recently died, so I did my best to go along with my parents' wishes, while still keeping the event casual. We invited only close family to the wedding, but that numbered almost 100 people since we both come from large families. The wedding was in my family's local Catholic Church and the reception afterwards was at my parents' home.

On the day before the wedding we (in Florida) watched my ex's game on television where he was playing in Dallas, before having a church rehearsal minus the groom. That night, while our guests enjoyed Cuban sandwiches and St. Pauli Girl beer around the pool at the cheap hotel where his family was staying, I drove across town to the airport to pick up the groom. It probably took me almost three hours round trip.

About two hours after I'd dropped him off at the motel, my ex called to say his sister, who is a real pain in the ass, had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. Since, not counting my parents, we were the only sober adults, my ex and I took his sister to the ER where we spent the rest of the night.

The wedding was at noon the next day. I didn't wear a gown, but instead wore a gold-colored knee length dress I'd picked up at the local department store. After having a reception lunch prepared by my parents, we began the drive to where my ex lived, many hours away, because he had to be at work the next day. For some reason, we had both his vehicle and mine, so the drive was done in separate cars.

We didn't have a honeymoon, but a couple months later, after his season ended, we visited New Orleans where we met up with his parents for another major sporting event. At some point, while we wandered around the French Quarter, my ex was bitten by a spider and had a horrible reaction requiring rest and medical treatment.

Such a romantic time.

[Deleted]

Ah, good times!

[mich64]

Last week we celebrated out 32nd Wedding Anniversary. We took a short trip to a city near us where we shopped, went out for dinner and stayed overnight, we had a lovely time!

On the eve of our Wedding in 1983, we drove to the Church through a blizzard! All day I had feared we would have to cancel the rehearsal but being true northerner's, all our attendants made it to the Church. The next morning the sun was shining and the snow was brilliant! I had to scoop up the train of my dress and walk through a bit of slush, but the snow really was pretty. About 20 of our guests coming from out of town had called a few days before to cancel due to the approaching storm so we had about 80 guests for our dinner and reception. We had the typical 1980's wedding, taffeta dresses for the bridesmaids with matching colored bow ties for the ushers, a buffet meal and a disc jockey. I still love my wedding gown, but not the silly hat/veil that was the style then.

What sport did you ex play htmb?

Lizzy, your wedding does sound perfect.

[rikita]

our church wedding and our civil ceremony were a year apart, and quite different to each other. the church wedding was kind of exhausting, but also quite interesting ...

we initially considered just pretending to be married when we go to india (as we were told that in rural areas, like the one we stayed at, we would not be allowed to sleep under the same roof otherwise), but then decided to get married for real. our idea was just a small ceremony, and as we were told we should at least invite the bishop (who was part in organizing our stay) and some church officials for a meal, so that was the plan. as it turned out, though, we were sent to work at a village school and live in that village, and as soon as the people there found out that we want to get married, it was basically taken off our hands. made me worry a bit, as we were on a very tight budget and people didn't understand that, because weddings were so important to them, and we were rich europeans after all ... so i suppose they wondered why we were so stingy and went for the cheapest option on most things. and in retrospect, we did not spend that much on the wedding, about 500 euros maybe - but at the time that was a lot of money for us ... since we were to have a bigger wedding than planned, we wanted to have it traditional at least (we were there through the Church of South India, so we wanted a typical CSI-Wedding ...)

So on the morning of the wedding day I could sleep in (while poor mr. r., who at the time was living with the bishop, had to join him in a three hour confirmation service and then had about twenty minutes to eat, change and shave - while the electricity was out), then several women came to help me dress in a cream-and-gold sari. they insisted on putting various necklaces and other jewelry on me. little for their standard, but a lot for my standard. the church service was thankfully only an hour long, they sang and spoke mainly in english for our sake (though i preferred malayalam songs), and included things like mr. r. tying a thali around my neck with seven strings from the manthrakodi, and placing the manthrakodi (a sari, in this case dark green and gold, bought by the husband's family, symbolizing the husbands promise to protect and clothe the woman) over my head. the rest of the service i was basically busy holding on so the manthrakodi does not slip, and barely being able to see anything anymore. and mr. r. said he was very warm in his traditional wedding clothes including a scarf ...

after that we changed into our celebration clothes and we were driven to the school (a whole 300 metres, but a newly married couple should not have to walk), where we were placed on a stage in the big room to eat. not the most comfortable way of eating (in every photo i just happen to have my left hand at the food too, as i had not quite managed to eat with just one hand yet) ... the other people had to it in turns - there were about 300 people and the room was not that big. in order to save money, we had decided to have an afternoon wedding with a smaller meal (appam and chicken, banana for dessert). there were of course various traditions, like cutting the cake together, feeding each other with cake, drinking together from a coconut (we drank and drank and the thing was still not empty, and only when people started laughing we realized we weren't supposed to finish it), lighting our wedding lamp together, receiving a few gifts ... we also gave a gift to the bishop's wife, who had her birthday that day (since we did not have the opportunity to go to a shop, the school principal got a gift for us to give her, and i was a bit shocked when i saw it was a very kitschy vase with pink fake flowers - but she seemed to like it). we had said we wanted no gifts from the guests, but since some insisted, the wife of the pastor we stayed with told them money is a better idea as we can't take household items with us when we go home, so they gave us unmarked pink envelopes containing anything from fifty to one thousand rupees (i liked that you never knew who gave you a lot or a little, so no one had to feel bad for not being able to afford to give more - though admittedly those that gave very much wrote their name on the envelope after all).

after that, we drove to the bishop's home, as he represented mr. r's family for the wedding, so we spent the night there. arriving there, i had to be careful with which foot to step over the threshold into the house, and inside we were given some kind of sweet cereal, and mr. r. and i had to drink from a bowl of milk together. for a while we still sat there with the bishop and his family and the pastor and his family (who represented my family) and some officials, but we were exhausted, and we also had not been alone with each other for six weeks, so at some point we just wanted to go upstairs ... i must admit it was a very strange feeling for me saying good night to all these quite conservative people, knowing what we were planning to do upstairs and knowing that they knew that ... but well, we were married now, so i suppose then it's alright ...

***

the other wedding, in germany, was a year minus a day later - as we neglected to get official papers in india (we were told by the registration office there we wouldn't need that) our wedding was not recognized, so we decided to take that opportunity to do something nice with our family (well, mine, as mr. r. does not have as much family left and does not get along with those he has left - he invited his brother, but the brother did not come), and we chose that day so our two anniversaries are close (the same day was not possible, as it was a sunday that year). we wore our indian wedding clothes again, and my parents, brothers and grandparents and mr. r's best friend were there, in a nice looking room at the registration office. afterwards we went to a sri lankan restaurant (the food was much more similar to kerala than that of the indian restaurants in our area), and after that we had booked a boat tour, the type usually for tourists, with a café in the boat, and with explanations about the sights ... it was very nice weather for october, so it was also nice to sit on the upper part of the boat ...

[rikita]

oops, sorry, just realized that my post got much too long ...

[Deleted]

No, it didn't!

[mich64]

Not at all Rikita! I enjoyed reading your post.

[breeze]

I'm enjoying all of these, and the longer the better.

Rikita, you had two weddings in one year, which I think has to take some kind of prize.

[Deleted]

No, it was great. Very exotic!

[htmb]

Not too long at all! Isn't there a picture of one of your ceremonies on the forum somewhere, Rikita? Please feel free to add photos or links here, too.

[Deleted]

You can even pixel your faces into hamburger meat.

[rikita]

thanks for saying it is not too long, glad you enjoyed reading it ... there is one picture in the family and friends photo thread: anyportinastorm.proboards.com/thread/5578/family-friends?page=2&scrollTo=125291 ... i can post more, i got lots of them - would love to see some of your wedding photos too, though ...

[rikita]

here is one from our german wedding:

[htmb]

Thanks, Rikita!

[Deleted]

Wedding kiss photo (with knife)!

[bjd]

Love the knife in your hand  

[rikita]

great photo, especially with the knife ...

[bixaorellana]

Oh, very pretty brides and very sweet kiss photos!

And let's hear it for longer posts in general.  

[rikita]

This is mr. r. tying the thali and then placing the manthrakodi, btw:

[htmb]

Rikita, that looks very complicated. I would have been afraid everything would have come tumbling off my head.