|
Post by kerouac2 on Sept 22, 2023 16:48:56 GMT
I got news from my brother that his wife is "about the same, with good days and bad days." This clearly means that she is getting worse. She has lost sense of time and dates and schedules and my brother often has trouble figuring out what she is trying to say. The clinching clue is that his first wife (mother of their children) dropped by with a little gift for her recently. She didn't even have their address but was obviously tipped off by the kids. This means that things are bad.
I guess I had better go for a visit in 2024. It's been about 12-13 years, maybe more.
|
|
|
Post by htmb on Sept 22, 2023 17:28:04 GMT
Sounds like a very tough situation, and very sad. I’m guessing your brother will appreciate your support.
|
|
|
Post by bjd on Sept 22, 2023 18:03:39 GMT
That sounds tough, Kerouac. I guess if your brother is reaching out to you even though you haven't seen each other for so many years, it means that his wife is indeed getting worse and he needs some support from you.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Sept 22, 2023 21:10:48 GMT
Your experience with your Mother’s descent into dementia, K2, may come in handy in advising your brother how to proceed with his wife’s illness.
If he’s in denial, he probably will try to correct her when she mis-remembers something. That’s a losing battle, and only makes the forgetful one more anxious and unhappy.
It helps to follow the guidance of the staff at my FIL’s nursing home: “We don’t try to correct them; we just go with them on their journey.” My Dad was back in his youth fishing (and making casting motions) and his caregivers would go along with it, which made him happy.
My husband’s grandma lived with increasing dementia for over 10 years. She was able to come to our wedding reception, but claimed she needed to leave early as “my mother is expecting me”. (Her mother had been dead and gone for decades.)
She also asked Mr. Kimby’s mom who she was. “Why, I’m your DAUGHTER!” E. replied. “Oh you couldn’t be. I couldn’t have a daughter so old!” And when E and Aunt Mary went together to visit their mom, she said “You two must be sisters!” without realizing she was talking to her own daughters…
It would be funny if it wasn’t so sad. You just have to roll with it. And keep them “Safe, comfortable and loved.” That was our motto for the years of our parents’ decline.
Good luck, K2.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Sept 22, 2023 21:19:01 GMT
Balance is becoming an issue for me.
I’m getting very leery of - and careful on - stairs these days. We have a short steep set of narrow steps leading up to an attic storage loft in the garage. Midway between a ladder and a staircase, really.
I have pressured Mr. Kimby to install a handrail there so that if -when - I lose my footing, I won’t end up with a catastrophic injury.
It’s about time. We built the house 37 years ago!
|
|
|
Post by mossie on Sept 23, 2023 7:01:16 GMT
Strangely enough I have just had a go at falling. Luckily I was beside a built in wardrobe and fell against the side of it with no damage
|
|
|
Post by cheerypeabrain on Sept 23, 2023 7:33:44 GMT
My legs are slowly getting back to normal but I still have to be very careful on the stairs. OH fitted a 2nd banister (one each side) as our son was having problems a few years ago..so that helps. At the end of a busy day, if I've been more active I find myself coming down one step at a time! I'm still hoping that it's temporary...a result of 2 x 10 hours on a coach with restricted leg room.
Had a week off my healthy eating plan because I've been to a few social gatherings which included lots of lovely food...the last of which is tomorrow. Then back on the plan...
|
|
|
Post by cheerypeabrain on Sept 23, 2023 7:35:35 GMT
Strangely enough I have just had a go at falling. Luckily I was beside a built in wardrobe and fell against the side of it with no damage Oops...lucky save there...xxx
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Sept 23, 2023 10:03:08 GMT
I was a bit unsteady a month ago, but now everything seems to be back to normal. I think that all of the walking I did in Southeast Asia was good for me.
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Sept 23, 2023 23:14:18 GMT
We have a short steep set of narrow steps leading up to an attic storage loft in the garage. Look HERE.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Sept 24, 2023 4:32:23 GMT
Thanks Bixa. We’ve already picked out one and it’s in our “shopping cart” at Home Depot.
|
|
|
Post by mich64 on Sept 24, 2023 19:43:33 GMT
My balance has been a long daily battle, but it has worsened significantly over the past 3 years.
But like Kerouac I found, if even slight, improvement since returning from our holiday where I was walking consistently. It is my aim to continue a daily routine of at least a 3-kilometer walk. A friend had posted a 100-kilometer per month challenge, so I am going along with it now that I am home. Mind you I have already completed it for the month of September with the aid of all the walking while on holiday so hopefully I will succeed in October.
Glad to read that you are improving Cheery!
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Sept 24, 2023 20:15:03 GMT
My parents were in a pretty good walking routine in their neighbourhood every day until my mother started steppnng into holes or ditches.
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Sept 24, 2023 21:25:24 GMT
Mich, did your balance worsen because of all the enforced staying in during the pandemic? You seem to have an iron will when it comes to conquering any obstacles life puts in your way. I am in awe!
|
|
|
Post by whatagain on Sept 25, 2023 4:40:56 GMT
Good to keep walking. My father does and it helps him my MIL doesn't and can now barely walk.
My mother fell in the stairs and broke her skull 7 times... good to put a railing.
A friend of my parents got dementia in his last days and went back to his youth. Sadly instead of fishing he was back at Mauthausen. Poor soul.
|
|
|
Post by mich64 on Sept 25, 2023 17:08:12 GMT
Bixa I think during COVID we were out walking more actually as there was not much else to do. My balance has been a huge challenge since the brain injury and we noticed this holiday that I needed to be holding my husband's hand for actual support more frequently. AS the day would progress the harder it would get to walk in a straight line. The way I explain it is if you know what a "bobble head" toy is and you shake it, that is how my head feels inside when I stand up, walk and climb stairs. Stairs are becoming increasing difficult, if there is no railing or wall I can use for support, my husband stays in front of me so I can use his back for support.
As whatagain said, "good to keep walking", and that is what I am going to keep on doing.
|
|
|
Post by mickthecactus on Sept 25, 2023 17:39:26 GMT
Well done Mich! You’re a brilliant example to all of us.
|
|
|
Post by mossie on Sept 25, 2023 18:10:36 GMT
I try and have a walk every day, even if its just 200 yards round the close where I live
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Sept 25, 2023 18:54:50 GMT
I have noticed that in the metro or whatever, it is automatic or unconscious whether I immediately gravitate towards the handrail or not. My body seems to know what I need to do. I am pleased to note that for the last two weeks or so, I have not felt any need to use the handrail in the stairs. (I shouldn't have written that -- now I'm sure to stumble.)
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Sept 25, 2023 20:45:35 GMT
I echo what Mick said, Mich!
Mossie, you are wise. It is too true that if we don't use it, we lose it. A close friend of mine who is 86 told me today that she signed up for physical therapy because she feels her legs got too weak during the pandemic and then staying inside in the AC after her move back to the US.
Kerouac, for heaven's sake -- use the handrail. It's not a sign of feeble old age. Rather, it's a sign of a prudent person who knows he could possibly be knocked over during a rush hour crush. The house where I now live has steep stairs and no bannister (wtf?!). I'm perfectly capable of walking up and down it without support. Nevertheless, I installed a bannister and use it when coming downstairs, just in case.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Sept 25, 2023 22:54:56 GMT
I use the handrails religiously since my sister died from a fall on stairs.
But in public places - ew, germs! - I’m more likely to hover my hand over the rail than actually touch it. On an airport train, I resist grabbing the pole with my hands, but try to hook an elbow around it, or lean against the wall and keep my stance wide.
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Sept 26, 2023 3:15:46 GMT
Agree about germs, but when we fall, we're likely to wind up touching the floor with both hands, so even dirtier. Carry antiseptic gel &/or wipes.
|
|
|
Post by mich64 on Sept 26, 2023 15:51:49 GMT
I try and have a walk every day, even if its just 200 yards round the close where I live Every bit helps is what I am learning too Mossie. Even getting up every hour to walk around the living room and kitchen to get some movement has been helpful for me. Kimby, I understand not wanting to touch public handrails so I am conscience of washing my hands every chance I get when I am out and is the first thing I do when I get home. Thank you Mick and Bixa, I just never want to give up or give in, being naturally stubborn has probably benefited me. The aging process is challenging for us all no matter what.
|
|
|
Post by mossie on Sept 26, 2023 18:35:54 GMT
I remember one of my mothers sayings "we all eat a peck of dirt before we die". AS kids we were always getting dirty, my first job was working on a large farm where one morning the foreman announced "we are going down to Ladwood to clear the yard". Here they bred pigs and the farrowing sows were kept in stables surrounding the farmyard. These had to have the straw bedding renewed each day, the old being turned out into the yard. In one place it was 5 foot deep against the wall and the minimum about a foot. This had to be dug out and loaded on a trailer for the tractor to tow up onto a nearby field for muckspreading. It took 4 of us about a week, when lunchtime came there were no washing facilities, we wiped our hands on the grass and ate our sandwiches. A few years later I served 30 months in the Suez Canal Zone on a camp with about 900 men and the toilets were good old "bucket and chuck it". I wonder why I had dysentery twice!!! I am still here at 91.
|
|
|
Post by cheerypeabrain on Sept 27, 2023 17:46:11 GMT
I am walking without pain now, if I sit for a long time I do stiffen up a bit but that's fairly normal. I'm ok once I get going altho I don't have the stamina that I used to have.
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Sept 28, 2023 5:34:26 GMT
I remember one of my mothers sayings "we all eat a peck of dirt before we die". I've always had a real thing about having to wash my hands. Once I was eating sandwiches with a friend who was fairly prissy & asked if she didn't want to wash her hands first. She replied, "No, I'm going to eat my dirt."
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Sept 28, 2023 6:27:56 GMT
As you know, that's what I have always done. Since I couldn't beat the germs, I joined them.
Meanwhile, I have actually noticed a physical improvement in recent weeks. I thought that my days of being able to put on my trousers standing up without holding on to something were finished. But since I returned from my Asian trip, I can put on my trousers free standing again without losing my balance.
|
|
|
Post by whatagain on Sept 28, 2023 6:33:44 GMT
I feel young reading this.
Cheery great that the pain vanished. Stamina will come back !
Mossie you are just ine year older than my uncle. Can i call you 'tonton' (french nice word for uncle) ?
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Sept 28, 2023 9:47:06 GMT
It's underpants that are the problem, when you get your toe caught in the hole and fall over.
|
|
|
Post by cheerypeabrain on Oct 12, 2023 7:42:49 GMT
It's underpants that are the problem, when you get your toe caught in the hole and fall over. I am ridiculously proud of the fact that I can still don my pants and trousers whilst standing up. Our son had an appointment for his flu jab recently, OH rang the surgery to ask if we could all go along to be vaccinated at the same time and we were squeezed into the clinic. When Jeff and I were called in to the treatment room the nurse became quite agitated "You're at the wrong clinic. This is the under 65s clinic, the over 65s have a different vaccine" Luckily there were stocks of the 'over 65s' vaccine on site...but I don't know why the vaccines are different.
|
|