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Grief
Apr 23, 2019 6:07:00 GMT
Post by mickthecactus on Apr 23, 2019 6:07:00 GMT
So sorry to hear that Bixa. My commiserations.
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Grief
Apr 23, 2019 7:08:15 GMT
Post by cheerypeabrain on Apr 23, 2019 7:08:15 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss Bixa dear. How sad. Thinking of you and Charlie's partner xxxxx
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Grief
Apr 23, 2019 7:10:41 GMT
Post by mossie on Apr 23, 2019 7:10:41 GMT
My commisserations Bixa
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Grief
Apr 23, 2019 18:58:01 GMT
Post by fumobici on Apr 23, 2019 18:58:01 GMT
Condolences Bixa, that sucks.
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Grief
Apr 23, 2019 22:54:24 GMT
Post by mich64 on Apr 23, 2019 22:54:24 GMT
So sorry for your loss Bixa.
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 1:20:20 GMT
Post by bixaorellana on Apr 24, 2019 1:20:20 GMT
You are all so kind and generous -- thank you! I just feel so badly for poor little Charlie, who lost her husband of 40 years.
LaGatta, you have my sympathy and condolences. The waiting must be awful for everyone.
Kerouac, my take on "brief illness" and "battling ... etc.": The battling one kind of puts my teeth on edge because now everyone always says it, plus there is the weird implication that there are un-brave people out there who don't battle their illnesses. It's truly meaningless, since if you so much as take antibiotics for a sore throat, you are battling your illness.
To me, "brief illness" is perfect, as it's a polite way of saying, "This is as much as we wish to tell you."
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 8:57:51 GMT
Post by lagatta on Apr 24, 2019 8:57:51 GMT
Yes, a whole "combat" vocabulary has taken over discussions of serious illness, especially cancer and AIDS. It is an odd way of talking about life and death.
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 12:05:04 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Apr 24, 2019 12:05:04 GMT
Oh, I think the terminology has been used ever since the Grim Reaper was invented. (Will English speakers find it odd if I mention that the Grim Reaper is a woman in French?)
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 13:59:40 GMT
Post by lagatta on Apr 24, 2019 13:59:40 GMT
It is true that in English, one imagines that shade as a man, although Reaper is non-gendered, and both male and female peasants reaped grain. But is that a combat metaphor? I thought it had more to do with the cycle of the seasons and the cycle of life. The Four Horsemen is definitely a military metaphor, though.
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 15:03:39 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Apr 24, 2019 15:03:39 GMT
From what I have read, everybody tries to prevent the Grim Reaper from entering their home. That's the same as wolves or bears, so that makes it a fight.
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 16:29:52 GMT
via mobile
Post by whatagain on Apr 24, 2019 16:29:52 GMT
Sorry about your loss Bixa. True friends are hard to find and harder to lose.
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Grief
Apr 24, 2019 23:48:25 GMT
Post by bixaorellana on Apr 24, 2019 23:48:25 GMT
Thank you, dear Whatagain -- beautifully put!
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Grief
Apr 25, 2019 8:39:21 GMT
Post by lagatta on Apr 25, 2019 8:39:21 GMT
Yes, it certainly was, Whatagain!
Kerouac, I believe you are referring to the survival instinct. Obviously we don't want to die, and still more, don't want our children or grandchildren to die. If not, we puny naked apes would simply not be around anymore.
I'm very glad that my widowed friend has her son, his spouse and the grandchildren right there, as she is the type to initially want to be alone, and I most certainly respect that. In a couple of weeks, after other friend returns from Cuba, we'll see if she wants to do something, even just going out for coffee together.
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Grief
Jan 23, 2020 12:33:26 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jan 23, 2020 12:33:26 GMT
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Grief
Jan 23, 2020 17:20:42 GMT
Post by lagatta on Jan 23, 2020 17:20:42 GMT
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 12:41:42 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jan 27, 2020 12:41:42 GMT
It’s back, with a vengeance.
I began the new year with great hopes for a fresh outlook and a happier new decade. But it was not to be.
Saturday afternoon I got a call from my middle sister that our beloved youngest sister had fallen and struck her head but didn’t think it was serious. The next morning she got up and keeled over and stopped breathing. Her husband performed CPR while waiting for the paramedics and the rest of the day was spent in the hospital testing for brain function. That evening life support was turned off and poof, my vital, funny, loving, kind, brilliant sister is gone, probably from bleeding in the brain all night, though medical info is hard to come by so far.
I am gutted, devastated. After 3 (count them 3) previous “she’s gone” or “he’s gone” calls from my (remaining) sister in less than 7 years, this one put me over the top grief-wise. I wailed in Mr. Kimby’s arms so loud I’m surprised our Sanibel neighbors didn’t call 911. My body shook with sobs. I’m stabilizing now, coming to terms but still prone to crying jags at unexpected moments.
Middle sister has flown to New Orleans to help the grieving husband pick up the shards of his life and deal with “arrangements” before returning to their empty house in Arizona and the remains of a near-perfect later-in-life marriage. Did I mention they were in New Orleans to enjoy the music and food for ten days?
I am making the sad phone calls and emails to her many friends and former lovers who never stopped loving her. This sad task is also somewhat healing to commiserate with those who knew and loved her. And EVERYONE who knew her, loved her. Not just hyperbole.
If there is a god, he is EVIL! Why her? (Why not TRUMP?)
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:03:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by mickthecactus on Jan 27, 2020 13:03:04 GMT
Kimby, I am so sorry.
Life can be so unfair. Hang in there.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:05:08 GMT
Post by htmb on Jan 27, 2020 13:05:08 GMT
Oh, Kim, what a terrible, horrible thing to happen. I am so sorry. Life can be so unfair.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:34:27 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jan 27, 2020 13:34:27 GMT
We are glad for only one thing in this horrible tragedy - that my sister will not spend the next couple decades in a coma ward... Small comfort.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:40:01 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jan 27, 2020 13:40:01 GMT
At some point, I may think about sharing this story as a precautionary tale to prevent others going through this. Maybe I could start with “My brilliant sister just made a dumb mistake, and it cost her her life.” And end with: “If you hit your head, get your head examined!”
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:55:05 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Jan 27, 2020 13:55:05 GMT
That is such horrible news. My condolences. I will never forget at the office one day when my Chinese colleague received a call from her big sister informing her that their perfect little sister had just died in a car accident. The conversation was in Mandarin, but the three of us in the same office could tell what was happening just by watching her face. I will never forget the contortions of grief.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 13:57:12 GMT
Post by mossie on Jan 27, 2020 13:57:12 GMT
Very sorry to hear this news. Death always strikes hard ,whether expected or not. Please bear up and remember the good times.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 14:23:59 GMT
via mobile
Post by whatagain on Jan 27, 2020 14:23:59 GMT
So sorry kimby. Yes life is unfair but in death we remember the good people. If it can be of any solace I try to steal something from those who pass away. An expression a laugh ... something that makes me think they are dead but not forgotten. But this is of no help in the first moment of the disappearance. These moments are for crying.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 14:27:07 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jan 27, 2020 14:27:07 GMT
Crying, and commiserating with friends. Thank you my Any Port friends for always being there when a friend is needed.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 15:20:40 GMT
Post by htmb on Jan 27, 2020 15:20:40 GMT
So sorry kimby. If it can be of any solace I try to steal something from those who pass away. An expression a laugh ... something that makes me think they are dead but not forgotten. . What a lovely idea. I suppose I’ve done that, too, just never quite realized it. But you are absolutely correct, whatagain, these moments are for crying. For grieving. Dealing with the shock and the loss.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 15:51:17 GMT
Post by fumobici on Jan 27, 2020 15:51:17 GMT
Sorry to hear, this is a terrible thing to have to deal with.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 16:29:44 GMT
Post by bjd on Jan 27, 2020 16:29:44 GMT
Sorry to read such awful news, Kimby. As others say, cry now and remember the good parts later.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 17:33:29 GMT
Post by lagatta on Jan 27, 2020 17:33:29 GMT
Kimby, I'm so very sorry.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 17:58:50 GMT
Post by casimira on Jan 27, 2020 17:58:50 GMT
To echo what I wrote to you in your PM to me, I am in shock at reading this news. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Having lost two siblings in my lifetime I have some inkling but when it comes down to it words fail.
I do recall wanting to (and did) run into the woods and sobbed for what seemed an eternity like a wounded animal and did not want to be around anyone.
Please know my thoughts are with you and your family.
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Grief
Jan 27, 2020 18:03:23 GMT
Post by bixaorellana on Jan 27, 2020 18:03:23 GMT
Oh dear, Kimby! Just logged on and am horrified by this terribly sad and devastating news. I've only had two scares with siblings, so cannot completely imagine the terrible depths of your grief, but I know the loss of your sister must be like a giant hole blown through your life. Just so very very sorry and sad for you and your family.
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