|
Grief
Apr 18, 2023 20:39:45 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Apr 18, 2023 20:39:45 GMT
Sorry about that, but it is always better when people understand that their time has come.
|
|
|
Grief
Apr 19, 2023 19:08:45 GMT
Post by lugg on Apr 19, 2023 19:08:45 GMT
Sorry about that, but it is always better when people understand that their time has come. I think so too
|
|
|
Grief
Apr 20, 2023 7:35:13 GMT
Post by htmb on Apr 20, 2023 7:35:13 GMT
Today I was told that one of my Mum's best friends had died . She had been a big part in my life and my sisters over the years. My Mum died over 20 years ago but we kept in touch, visiting her in her new home in the Aude every now and then. She came back to England last month to die here so she could her ashes could be placed along side her husbands. Grief yes ...but I think she had really wanted to die for the last year or so...her body was failing but her mind remained so sharp. You have my sympathy, Lugg. When my aunt died 20 years after my mom and dad, I lost the last remaining person who really knew them the longest and the best. We had great fun, and spent many hours, discussing stories from the past. It’s hard to lose people who have been important links to other loved ones.
|
|
|
Grief
Apr 21, 2023 18:32:01 GMT
Post by lugg on Apr 21, 2023 18:32:01 GMT
ou have my sympathy, Lugg. When my aunt died 20 years after my mom and dad, I lost the last remaining person who really knew them the longest and the best. We had great fun, and spent many hours, discussing stories from the past. It’s hard to lose people who have been important links to other loved ones. Yes Htmb - exactly how I feel. Thank you xx
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 15, 2024 15:51:46 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Feb 15, 2024 15:51:46 GMT
This comes from Reddit, 12 years ago, and it’s all over the internet.
“Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.
As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 15, 2024 16:09:22 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Feb 15, 2024 16:09:22 GMT
I disagree. The older you get, the less you worry about the waves, which are hardly ripples anymore. When I was young, I didn't understand why it was no big deal to my grandmother when people she knew died. Now I do. It is normal.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 15, 2024 19:28:16 GMT
Post by mossie on Feb 15, 2024 19:28:16 GMT
I struggle a bit nowadays, living alone as I do, but there are times when I wish the grim old boy in the black coat, with the scythe slung over his shoulder, would catch up with me and finish the job. Looking back over my 91 Years, I have had a lucky life so must not complain
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 15, 2024 20:53:09 GMT
via mobile
Post by mickthecactus on Feb 15, 2024 20:53:09 GMT
I struggle a bit nowadays, living alone as I do, but there are times when I wish the grim old boy in the black coat, with the scythe slung over his shoulder, would catch up with me and finish the job. Looking back over my 91 Years, I have had a lucky life so must not complain As Bette Davis said, old age is not for sissies.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 15, 2024 22:27:14 GMT
via mobile
Post by whatagain on Feb 15, 2024 22:27:14 GMT
Thecship analogy is spot on as far as i am concerned.
But after my son's death i guess i am like that sailor that survived several sinkings.
I think i still care and i do feel sad and i try to carry something from the ones who depart.
But it is for me the first sinking that nearly drowned me. The rest - friends, mother, even pets... they are just ripples as Kerouac says.
As for you Mossie, my uncle is 90 and i have so much pleasure when i see him i am sure some - and probably more people than you think - are having a great time with you. As one gets old, one tends to forget that they are important to others.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 16, 2024 0:36:06 GMT
Post by mich64 on Feb 16, 2024 0:36:06 GMT
Yesterday was a very sad day for me and my family. My sister passed away a week before Christmas this past year and we are all still grieving. Yesterday would have been her 65th birthday. She was a Valentine's Day baby which we all celebrated every year with her. I texted with my brother-in-law late last night as we all knew today would be difficult for him, her children and my parents. It surprises me how I cannot talk about it without breaking down in tears and how often during the past 9 weeks I just begin weeping uncontrollably. I was in tears at my eye doctor appointment yesterday just mentioning her name. I think my grief is also compounded with the passing of my other sister 3 1/2 years ago who died before her 60th birthday.
Each day I have wonderful memories of my two lovely and amazing sisters that can make me smile or laugh but then it also brings waves of sadness.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 16, 2024 5:44:30 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Feb 16, 2024 5:44:30 GMT
You’ll never stop missing your sisters, mich, but I’m glad you have a large and loving family to share your memories of them with. I imagine it’s harder for the last survivor.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 17, 2024 6:11:37 GMT
via mobile
Post by whatagain on Feb 17, 2024 6:11:37 GMT
❤❤❤
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 18, 2024 20:42:27 GMT
Post by cheerypeabrain on Feb 18, 2024 20:42:27 GMT
On Friday it was my Mummy's birthday and yesterday was my sister Pat's. Mummy died in 1993 and Pat in 2016. It's horrid that they're not here any more altho I know that they live on in us, in memories, recipes, knitting (I still have jumpers Mum knitted for the boys and Pat knitted for me) photographs etc.
I sometimes regret that I don't have the comfort of a religion. My nephew (a catholic) firmly believes that when he dies he will be reunited with his Mum and Grandma in heaven.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 18, 2024 21:49:37 GMT
via mobile
Post by whatagain on Feb 18, 2024 21:49:37 GMT
Yes. religion is a safe port to go on in a storm.
But we have other ports of call.
I wish I could believe there is life after death too. Must be comfortable and reassuring
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Feb 19, 2024 2:57:40 GMT
Actually, since religion is totally based on faith, I imagine a lot of the faithful have doubts about whether they will really be reunited with loved ones after death. And the doubts must really trouble them.
Even Mother Teresa was plagued by doubt.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 6:26:12 GMT
Post by onlyMark on Feb 19, 2024 6:26:12 GMT
My conundrum is if both of you are devout enough and worthy enough to ascend to heaven but you hated and the idiot in real life, do you still meet up? Or is it specific to 'loved ones'? And how much did you have to love them to qualify? What if they loved you but you didn't love them, bit of a bugger then if you keep bumping into them........ What happens with stalkers? The man/woman you split up with because they were a bad person but they still 'hold a candle' for you?
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 6:48:54 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Feb 19, 2024 6:48:54 GMT
I've always wondered that if you meet up with all of the dead people from your life, what age will they be? Do I get to choose or do they get to choose? What if we disagree? Is heaven completely à la carte? If everybody's ideal mental age is somewhere around 30, how ridiculous would that be -- parents, grandparents, great grandparents, siblings, etc. all the same age! Ridiculous! And would people who died as children be condemned to be children for all eternity? Whoever invented this crap clearly did not think it through!
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 10:19:55 GMT
Post by onlyMark on Feb 19, 2024 10:19:55 GMT
The good thing about an after life is if there isn't one, you'd never get to be disappointed.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 15:22:00 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Feb 19, 2024 15:22:00 GMT
What about widows and widowers who remarry in life? Which spouse do they get to be with in eternity?
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 18:52:07 GMT
Post by mich64 on Feb 19, 2024 18:52:07 GMT
This past weekend, I had dinner with an old family friend, who was also my sister's friend, and who was also my co-worker for over 20 years. Due to COVID and other factors we have not seen each other for quite a while. She was a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding as was another friend of theirs was the maid of honor, they all went to high school together, so a lot of history among all of us. After my sister passed away, my brother-in-law began dating the maid of honor from his first marriage, my sister's best friend. They were married this past summer, three years after my sister passed away. Her husband had passed away from brain cancer about 6 months prior to my sister's death.
I am completely okay with this. I love my brother-in-law and with him only being 60 years old, he has a long life to live, and I want him to be happy. Plus, I am comfortable with her and have always liked her.
My friend (my sister's bridesmaid) expressed that "she found it all too creepy" and was very surprised that I did not as well. We had a good discussion about it, but I do not think she would be interested in a get together with them if invited.
At this point, my brother-in-law and his new wife say they both want to be buried alongside their first spouse. Hoping they have a long life together; they could be married to each other as long as their first spouses so I do wonder if their plans will change in future. I take no position; it is their lives. But I would hope if this was my situation my husband's ashes are either with mine or more likely spread together somewhere of our choosing.
If there is an afterlife, it would be interesting to get together for these four! Also, my sister went on a few dates with her maid of honors first husband before they began dating in high school. I guess the positive in this is they all like one another.
|
|
|
Grief
Feb 19, 2024 19:17:32 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Feb 19, 2024 19:17:32 GMT
As long as they are getting along, no reason to worry yet about cemeteries or afterlives!
|
|
|
Grief
Apr 17, 2024 22:14:12 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Apr 17, 2024 22:14:12 GMT
I struggle a bit nowadays, living alone as I do, but there are times when I wish the grim old boy in the black coat, with the scythe slung over his shoulder, would catch up with me and finish the job. Looking back over my 91 Years, I have had a lucky life so must not complain Mossie, I do hope he doesn’t come for you too soon! But 91 years is a good run. When it stops being fun, or at least interesting, I can see being “ready to go”. But you do know we would miss you terribly at Any Port, right?
|
|