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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 18, 2020 20:19:16 GMT
Even though you will be leaving (as you should) I'm sure that you will have set up all the contact information for any upcoming situations. And you will almost certainly not be tranquil for a certain amount of time even if all is going well.
Assuming that you will be going to your Spanish house, what is the distance from there to where your brother will be?
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Post by questa on Feb 18, 2020 22:21:00 GMT
Best wishes for the anniversary of your birth. s20.postimg.cc/8rvcev1wt/smiley.png When you have finished getting Robert organised, there is a little matter of peace in the Middle East that needs sorting out. I'm sure you are the man for it, even if you are a bit young.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 18, 2020 22:27:12 GMT
Contact information has been distributed, as mentioned. Tranquility when I leave will be forthcoming when I have reached my intended destination of Germany and commenced to smack my children's heads together to knock some sense into them. Yes, all three seem to have collaborated in causing problems all the the same time. I'll not elaborate on them but after quite some period of tranquility in their lives, and settled living, they've decided to ignore the advice of their parents, do their own thing and now the wheels are coming off.
At the ages of twentyx2 and twenty two, we were willing to give them some latitude, but when we detected they were making poor decisions, we advised them accordingly quite robustly, but they didn't listen to us (as children are wont to do) and now, guess what? They want us to intervene and get them out of the mire. It never rains, but it pours. It's this thing about consequences - none paid any attention to the potential outcomes of what, in the short term, they wanted.
This was my original plan and leave Mrs M in Zambia to finish off her contract with visits to Europe and Africa until that occurs. But, with my brother also "requiring attention", I did cut short my leave taking of darkest Africa (dark because of the 20 hour power cuts in Zambia) and flew off early to be in Spain. Our house is one and a quarter hours away from Granada and we will be back to stay there in April - that is when I will return to see in person what progress has been made with my sibling. Until then he is in the hands of the Spanish services - but I will get regular updates.
Part of me would revel in the social services making a bit of a cock up of it and Mrs M, bless her scary side, shotgunning them in Spanish with what they should have done sooner etc etc until they capitulate. You think I'm focused. My god, get her wound up, stand back and keep your head down from the flames of wrath. I only pretend to know and make good guesses about higher management and handling of people and the way systems work - she knows it all first hand and in detail (not in the social services field but nevertheless, she doesn't settle until she reaches to very top of the hierarchy and bollocks them with alacrity). To see her in action is poetry in motion, as they say. I love a strong woman and she loves the fact that I am not intimidated by her.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 18, 2020 22:30:30 GMT
questa, I have solution for peace in the middle east. Dead simple. In theory. Step 1) - ban all religions and do a Men In Black memory wipe to forget there ever had been any. Step 2) - there isn't one. Step 1 solved it.
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Post by questa on Feb 19, 2020 1:19:19 GMT
If you ban things there are always the rebels who fight the ban. I'd be inclined to eliminate Step 1.(A) and go direct to Step 1.(B) Memory wiping would achieve the goal more quickly. Step 2) What is this 'step' of which you speak?
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Feb 19, 2020 9:25:12 GMT
I'm happy in the knowledge that you have a good back up Mark, Mrs M sounds formidable. Excellent. I'm a wimp me and hate confrontation. I used to have a sister who could be relied upon to leave awkward tradesmen and petty beurocrats in sobbing heaps...not because of her blistering sarcasm but because her grasp and use of the English language, and breadth of knowledge could really impress even the most tenacious official. Wigston Grammer School for girls followed by 30 years as a senior nurse I really miss my sister Pat.
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Post by bjd on Feb 19, 2020 10:20:35 GMT
Sorry I missed your birthday, Mark. And early wishes to you, Mick.
The world needs some abrasive people to make up for those who just put their heads down and wait for it to pass. My sister is of the big-mouthed abrasive sort, I only speak up in certain situations.
It's lucky that the various things you have done in your life have prepared you to take charge and be practical, Mark. Bureacracy often needs a shake-up because even those who are competent and willing to do things get discouraged by colleagues who do nothing, so everything becomes immovable.
Anyway, I hope you manage to settle things as far as possible with your brother before you head to Germany to straighten out your kids.
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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 19, 2020 10:46:25 GMT
Perhaps the kids could be sentenced to looking after their uncle.
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Post by questa on Feb 19, 2020 11:36:22 GMT
My sister is of the big-mouthed abrasive sort, I only speak up in certain situations. I find that your sister's sort of response is not as effective as going all quiet then a clear delivery of what is expected to be done and by when. Maintain eye contact and to the point...don't go off subject. Finish with "Do we understand each other" if you like. It's a bit Hollywood but it does signal "end of story". Go forth and find a Cause to fight for. Sorry...it is my Irish ancestry coming out...as you were!
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 19, 2020 11:49:55 GMT
Confrontation or non-confrontation, one works with one person and not with another etc. I try to tailor my response to what I feel will work with the individual.
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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 19, 2020 12:31:58 GMT
My own method (but of course this does not work in emergencies or in countries where you don't speak the language well enough) is to write letters. I compliment the hard work and the competence of all parties involved, and then I tear into them along the lines of "with such fine workers, I don't understand how this situation came to be." And then I work my way up the chain depending on the response or lack of if, with a cc to anybody who already received a letter. "Mr. X has not found the time to reply yet, so perhaps you…" The reason for physical letters is that they leave a permanent trace that will just not go away, because I can churn out as many photocopies as necessary. And as paper disappears from our work (except for the zillions of obsolete forms that administrations continue to use everywhere), letters have much less chance of being lost in the shuffle. For me, most emails and phone calls are like pissing into a fan. I have always succeeded in getting what I wanted, even if it took six months, and I never fail to send a letter of appreciation afterwards.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 19, 2020 14:16:01 GMT
Yes, letters are a good thing. If only I have the patience......
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 20, 2020 17:48:38 GMT
There are two things, or either of the two, that I have been aiming to achieve. Either get total care from the Social Services or get him into a drink/drug rehabilitation clinic - or both. Due, I think, to my attitude he was given an early appointment today at the social services branch of a hospital. This was because of my attitude, I think, when he went to his new doctor yesterday for an examination. He had an early appointment there because, I think, of my attitude at his social services run homeless shelter and last week with the social services and the original visit to his new doctor when registering.
In other words, I cannot be sure, but I suspect had I not had an 'attitude' all this would have taken much longer. I'm only saying that because acting quickly is not in the genetic makeup of these sorts of people - unless someone is obviously a danger to themselves or others or is on the verge of death.
I wasn't sure what this appointment today was exactly for but it mattered not because whoever they are, and the other appointments, I make a bit of a nuisance of myself by asking them to ask him certain question - that they know the answer to but I want them not to assume anything about his state of mind and his denial/forgetfulness and he will know the answers. Such as asking, can he contact his ex-partner, contact his children, why cannot he not contact them, what prompted the restriction order, where is he sleeping, what is he eating, when is the last time he saw his brother (me, and I'm sitting outside the office he is in) where are our parents, are they alive, when did they die, what is his attitude to alcohol, has it caused him any problems now..... all these questions I can guarantee he will answer wrongly.
It seems the place he went to today is an entry point in the system for him to go to the drink/drug clinic known as the CPD. I went with him and an assistant from the homeless shelter to there this morning, it was an appointment arranged at some point yesterday at short notice. I'm told normally it can be a month or more. No idea if that is true but I wouldn't be surprised. I made it known about the questions. The assistant is one who has come to all the other places and has knowledge of my brother for about a three weeks, since he started staying at the homeless shelter, though I don't know the exact date. He was an hour and half in with the social worker attached to the hospital before my brother was called in. They were another hour.
My knowledge of Spanish is, as said, minimal, but certain words were said and tones of voice were used such that it was clear Rob was answering questions (I suppose mine and others) 'wrongly' and expressing surprise when told the truth - which he was unwilling to accept. I had moved seats in the waiting room to sit by their door. At one point I was asked by the assistant how long the second restraining order was imposed - funnily enough, guess what paperwork I had with me at all times. I told him it was imposed on the 1st Feb after an incident on the 31st Jan this year. Rob denied it had ever happened and cannot remember at all being in a court to have it issued (and apparently shit himself whilst sitting in the court).
To cut it short I'll say that he has an appointment at the CPD (drink and drug clinic) at 8am tomorrow morning. To what ends I am not sure, but they are the last people to access that have the power and facilities to start the process of treatment/care in full. Either they realise the seriousness of his disabilities now or I had an effect. I tend to feel it is somewhat both. Obviously I am cynical in thinking I would normally expect some considerable waiting time, on a list etc, before there would be an arrangement at the CPD. Will he be admitted straight away? Is this an interview for admittance anyway? Will they feel he is not severe enough? Will they admit him but cannot for some reason now and it has to be in weeks/months? No idea.
There is one sticking point in all this they will have to find a way to overcome - his complete and utter paranoid belief that he is being locked up, either in this clinic, in a home or anywhere - hence cannot see his kids - which he forgets he cannot see now at all anyway.
One disappointment is a last week(?), I'd have to look back exactly when but it doesn't matter, he went into a bar to got to the toilet and had a beer. He says he forgot. This is tied in with not remembering alcohol is the cause of his problems. I tend to strip out his pockets every day but I don't usually go through all the bits of paper he accumulates, just monitor his toilet roll/tissue collection. Found today a receipt dated 18th Feb, a day I dropped him off outside the shelter at 8pm, with a time of 8:08pm when he went into a nearby small supermarket and bought two cans of beer. He obviously doesn't remember this happening.
A little more in a minute....
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 20, 2020 18:22:21 GMT
One other problem is his ex-partner, for some reason, maybe through trying to get him help sooner or something, is using a contact she has at the CPD to get him an appointment. I've warned her of the perils and confusion that can arise from trying to run parallel with the authorities. She informs me she has made an appointment for him at the CPD for the day after tomorrow at 1.30pm through her contact. I told her now that this is pointless and unnecessary and only confusing to the whole issue because he does have one for tomorrow and this is the result of not coordinating, the left hand etc etc and to cancel it. New photo of collection after I stripped him of any -
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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 20, 2020 18:44:02 GMT
Well, it looks like things are moving forward. Hard to say more than that...
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 20, 2020 19:55:50 GMT
Yes, and it could be worse. Such as not moving or going backward.
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Post by htmb on Feb 20, 2020 20:35:23 GMT
Feeling sorry for his children. I assume they’re minors.
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Post by lagatta on Feb 20, 2020 20:43:34 GMT
Does he plan to make a hat from the tinfoil?
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Post by questa on Feb 20, 2020 23:43:56 GMT
I would have thought that a supervised and-on-neutral territory visit would be a Good Thing. Could the restraining order be modified to allow this? Surely knowing that he could see them would reassure him if he was anxious about them and also create an incentive for him to take on the CPD. Of course the kids must be told what to expect and be in agreement.
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Post by fumobici on Feb 21, 2020 2:53:55 GMT
You're a hero Mark and he's so lucky to have you but it doesn't sound to me that substance abuse is at the core of his problems. It sounds to me like there are issues way, way more fundamental wreaking havoc on his life to do with mental health, or even brain function. Lots of people abuse substances far more severely than it sounds like he has and are still high functioning. Drying him out, if possible, will obviously help but I'm betting he'll still be a total basket case sober — just a sober basket case.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 21, 2020 5:56:10 GMT
htmb, there are twins of 14 and a daughter of 9 - I think that is their ages. I'm terrible at remembering.
lagatta, same thinking as me but he's shown no inclination.
questa, a simple request like an altering of the Order is a complicated process through lawyers and the Courts and justification has to be shown. If the alteration is to help his mental health then also a medical report is needed. Besides the fact it is pointless because even the same day, and probably ten minutes afterwards, he will have forgotten.
fumobici, I think you are right but if not for the alcohol he wouldn't then have developed the what was diagnosed as Korsakoff Syndrome from poor diet/nutrition/proteins etc, wouldn't have been kicked out where he was living (ex-partner's apartment), wouldn't have had to live on the streets with all its effects on you and wouldn't have so rapidly developed what I understand to be Alzheimer's. Four months from functioning to the state he is in now is, for Alzheimer's, I think too rapid for the normal variety. The brain damage he has is certainly down to a number of factors, but the crux of the matter, the origin, is an addiction to alcohol. Just what I think anyway.
He developed a taste for beer in his twenties and I may have mentioned, but he trained as a PE and English teacher. He would enjoyably go jogging every day. At a point in my life in my mid twenties, his late twenties, I had to jog as well for work reasons. When we were both staying with our parents to visit them we would go out together. His jogging would be a couple of miles to the pub, at least a couple of pints, then a jog home. When I was with him I refused this and so he would go out for a jog again later.
I saw him and spoke at length with him towards the end of last summer - he was his normal self. Our cousin hosted him end of August and I spoke to Rob on the phone about a month later. Still sounding normal, no repetition of questions and so on. In thinking about the chronology, he started going downhill in October or late Sept. By end of December he was completely gaga. Pretty rapid deteriorating and that is why I've been hassling for MRI/CT scans to see if there is anything else in his head that is wrong besides this diagnosis of Korsakoff, Metabolic Encephalopathy, Alzheimer's. An obvious step to me for diagnosis because of the time frame - which the medical side of things knows but I know has not yet been done.
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Post by spaceneedle on Feb 21, 2020 10:20:00 GMT
Mark, it might be worthwhile for you to research and read about dementia in general, if you've not already done so. In America, it is referred to medically as 'cognitive decline' these days. Dementia is then used,and Alzheimers is a form of CD/Dementia. The only reason I know this is because I've been through something similar to your situation with a relative with a history of alcoholism, and had to learn all the medical terminology. Until I'd been exposed to this stuff, I didn't realize that Dementia is a set of different diseases of cognitive decline that include Alzeheimers. Lewy Body Dementia is also a form of dementia that is not very well known. It can have a fast and aggressive onset and seems more prevalent in men, at younger ages. Robin Williams suffered from it at the time of his death, along with Parkinsons and he also had a history of addiction. LBD is often misdiagnosed and sometimes isn't detected until it's pretty advanced and/or with MRI. So your instinct about getting a radiological study of the brain is a really good idea. Here is some information for you to read about Lewy Body dementia, to see if you think your brother may fit into that category. I'm of course no doctor, but as I shared, a family member of mine had a similar and rapid onset after being a heavy drinker for most of their youth. Their onset was at the age of 53. www.lbda.org/go/symptoms-0As my religious granny used to say when people did extraordinary and selfless things for others, "you'll certainly get a few extra rubies in your crown in heaven one day for all this..." OR SOMETHING.
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Post by questa on Feb 21, 2020 10:21:21 GMT
No sooner had I pressed the post reply than I realised that there would metres of red tape to overcome...and that is a Bad Thing. Robert's behaviour reminds me of various youngish men who had CVAs...cerebro-vascular accidents, of the hemorrhagic type. I'll leave you to google it but it matches his condition well.
Look after yourself and good luck.
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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 21, 2020 11:03:10 GMT
The rapid decline of Rob seems to closely resemble that of my friend who had to be taken back to the United States, except that I don't think she was an alcoholic, although we enjoyed a few beers or glasses of wine in cafés from time to time. But I don't really know what she did at home.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 21, 2020 13:46:08 GMT
I've given him a few days to get used to his tissue issue and taking them off him. Now I'm going to let him keep them all and see if he runs out of space.
Took him to a rehabilitation clinic today to start being admitted there. I did wonder if due to his severity they may take in straight away. Alas, no. He has more appointments next week to see their doctor and their psychologist. I am not in the country then. As usual I prompted the person talking to him, Carmen Carillo (a doctor, yes, but don't know of which discipline and not important because it was clear from the beginning this was just a first step) about what to ask him at times. The results were always the same in not knowing or denial etc and constant repetition and asking it to be written down for him to remember. We were talking for about an hour an a half so she must easily have obtained a good idea of what he is like.
One question of sorts, is will he be admitted to there or a similar facility they run. It is in fact a moot point because the restraining Order issued by the Court has a condition on it that he must go there. He also now has an appointment at a lawyer to discuss the Order and his apartment situation. Again, I'm not here. One irritation is that his ex-partner is now hassling me as to why I didn't ask this or that or something else and what is the timetable and why he was not admitted today and so on and on.
I've answered all her questions, such as the moot point thing and why ask when he has to be going there. But she is not satisfied. I've told her to stop getting information from me if she wants better or different information. Go to the source, i.e. the clinic, social workers, homeless shelter and everyone else involved directly. See what they say, not me. I've over time given her all the details of all the contacts so it is something she can do if unsatisfied with me. No problem.
I will be with him over the weekend but at the beginning of next week I will depart, she also knows this so I've told her as there are no more appointments between now and then, I have little more to say.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 21, 2020 13:57:18 GMT
Spaceneedle, I will read through you link soon, but when my father began to suffer, albeit over a longer time, I researched quite extensively. Unless there have been new approaches or information in the last five or six years, I won't now spend too much time on it as I'm just going back over old ground. Thanks though.
Questa, yes his symptoms are probably similar but I know he has not suffered any external injury that would cause anything but without the MRI/CT scan thing, what his happening physically inside his head is a mystery.
K2, I have a friend who was similar. Until he committed suicide that is.
One more thing, Rob asked me today what our parents think about his situation. I reminded him they are dead. He said, yes they are, but what do they think? I said they are dead, they don't think. He said, yes they do because they are always with us. I told him to ask them then and not me. He said he will.
And will phone them tonight.
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Post by kerouac2 on Feb 21, 2020 14:29:52 GMT
That could be an expensive long distance call.
I've been wondering about those tissue collections you have shown us. Does Rob just allow you to go through his pockets because you're in charge, or is there some resistance? To save trees, you might hang on to the collection every day and spread it in various places so that he can collect it again instead of getting all new stuff.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 21, 2020 15:10:31 GMT
There is no resistance. I'm not going to explore why with him but, for example, when he goes to the toilet I point out the note on the sink saying to not take any paper. When he comes back to the living room he holds his hands up for me to search his pockets to be sure. He trusts me implicitly because he is grateful I don't sugar coat anything, whether it upsets him or not. Over many, many years and with many, many examples, he understands I am far more capable and knowledgeable than he is so this has been built up with time.
On the other hand, it may just be my commanding presence.
As regards the paper, it is all collected when he is in the shelter or when they go for their free food. If I leave it laying about here, he will collect it, but then still collect more. There appears not to be a level of satisfaction where enough is enough. The only thing that stops him is if there isn't any within reach to pick up.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 22, 2020 20:35:49 GMT
Met up with the same two friends tonight that I met when I first arrived. I said then, "One friend seems ok, the other seems vindictive and deceitful." Nope, not changed my mind and I'm even more convinced. He was slagging of my brother's ex-partner again repeatedly saying things like, "She threw an alcoholic out on the streets." I said to him that this wasn't a sudden overnight thing was it? What would you do if you'd been telling the alcoholic for fifteen or twenty years to cut down or stop and they refused? And you had three young kids in the apartment?
The he was saying she was doing all she could to get him into prison. I said I'm confused and asked him, if she is this bad, how did Rob end up at the homeless shelter? Who organised that? No answer. Who has been several times to the social services to get help for him? Who arranged (initially but it was superseded) for him to attend the drink/drug clinic? Who took him first to a doctor? Who arranged for him to see a lawyer first? No answers.
Then I asked, "What have you done to help my brother when he came to you for help. Other than store a backpack of clothes?" All this more or less started when I spoke to my brother on the phone when he was with this friend and my brother asked me to come and help. "Why do I come here when you have known about his problems for at least two or three months before I arrived? Is it because you've done fuck all about it and he had to appeal for me? And look what I have achieved in a couple of weeks, not knowing the language and the system, when you live here and do? Think what progress you could have made and maybe quicker." I finished off by saying that because he has a personal problem with the ex-partner (from where I know not, but it exists and I think it is just because she has seen through him for several years) you are now poisoning and have poisoned Rob against her when before I arrived, she was the only one running around trying to sort out the best for him.
Of course this is happening with Rob translating for me and asking me to repeat things and clarify etc etc. So it was a bit disjointed and Rob was sometimes asking me if I really meant to say that. I told him, just translate, that's all. This is between me and the friend. I ended up in a dispassionate voice filling them in on the fact and the possibilities and then said we had to leave to get him to the shelter. The friend doesn't get in touch with me at all and hasn't but the second friend does. I know what happens, the nasty one uses the 2nd one as a puppet to do his bidding.
We left with me saying that I'll keep in touch with friend 2 and if friend 1 has any questions he'll get you (friend 2) to ask for him. We went. Of course Rob had forgotten all about this little spat as we walked out the door and was in tears bidding them goodbye, like a drunk does being all emotional and saying you are the best friends in the world etc etc. Tosspot, is this friend.
Tomorrow is the last day I've decided to see Rob, I may have mentioned it. He has several appointments coming up and the shelter social workers will take him. That'll be enough for me. We might have a run to the coast and have an ice cream as it's Sunday.
Question - I have a sound file that I may want to post. How can I do that? I've tried somehow attaching it to a photo to be made into a video and then it was to be on Youtube and link it here, but I haven't time to explore this much when it didn't work.
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Post by onlyMark on Feb 22, 2020 21:08:21 GMT
Update - forget the last question. I've sorted it.
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