Before the invention of toilet paper
Feb 19, 2009 13:58:43 GMT
Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2009 13:58:43 GMT
People have always wanted to clean their bottoms after performing certain natural functions. How did they do it? (The following wording is not my own.)
Lambs Wool - When the Vikings weren’t destroying stuff, they were eating, drinking, and shitting. Not having anything to wipe with was never really an issue. They’d simply do what they do best (slaughter something), take the wool, and throw the rest in a stew. Seconds please.
Frayed Anchor Line - “Ahoy matey! Me have to wipe my butt taaaaarrr.” That's right, sailors and pirates often resorted to the frayed ropes from sails and anchor lines. We can only imagine what one of those looked like after a handful of uses.
Stones - The Greeks made use of their surroundings by picking up smooth rocks and stones. Seeing that perfect rock to skip across a pond may have sparked an inner monologue.
Sponge Sticks - Ancient Romans were pretty open about where they pinched a loaf. They also didn’t mind placing something into their buttocks which had recently cleaned up another mans number two. After wiping with a sponge that was attached to a stick, they would place the sponge back into a bowl of saltwater. Using saltwater is much more sanitary when it comes to using recycled poo sponges.
Corncobs - So you thought that corncobs were only used to plug an orifice when it came to Japanese porn right? Wrong. In the wild wild west you might have been stuck using a corn cob.
Hemp - For those of you reading who enjoy the herb, you may want to skip this one. As shocking as it may sound, the French often used hemp. In their defense, this wasn’t the kind that is being enjoyed at this very moment, by the campus stoners under a large oak tree.
Coconut Shells - Hawaiians really did some out of the box thinking when they decided that coconut shells would be their TP of choice. Why settle for soft ocean sea weed when you can really get up in there with a jagged coconut shell?
Tundra Moss - Eskimos, much like the sailors really didn’t have a lot to work with. Luckily, the vast tundra plains are covered in a relatively soft moss. And if we’re being completely logical, you really wouldn’t have to gather the moss if nature gave you a call, while outside. Simply drag your turd cutter across the moss once you have finished (sort of like a dog with worms on your moms white carpet).
Left Hand - Still the preferred tool of many cultures and certainly the most ecological one.
Lambs Wool - When the Vikings weren’t destroying stuff, they were eating, drinking, and shitting. Not having anything to wipe with was never really an issue. They’d simply do what they do best (slaughter something), take the wool, and throw the rest in a stew. Seconds please.
Frayed Anchor Line - “Ahoy matey! Me have to wipe my butt taaaaarrr.” That's right, sailors and pirates often resorted to the frayed ropes from sails and anchor lines. We can only imagine what one of those looked like after a handful of uses.
Stones - The Greeks made use of their surroundings by picking up smooth rocks and stones. Seeing that perfect rock to skip across a pond may have sparked an inner monologue.
Dude this rock is going to skip a pond like a mofo, I should get at least 5 hops out of it.
Wait, I may have to take a dump later.
Screw it I’ll toss this one into the lake, and find another one if I have to shit.
On second thought, breakfast is starting to knock at the backdoor - skipping stones can wait.
Sponge Sticks - Ancient Romans were pretty open about where they pinched a loaf. They also didn’t mind placing something into their buttocks which had recently cleaned up another mans number two. After wiping with a sponge that was attached to a stick, they would place the sponge back into a bowl of saltwater. Using saltwater is much more sanitary when it comes to using recycled poo sponges.
Corncobs - So you thought that corncobs were only used to plug an orifice when it came to Japanese porn right? Wrong. In the wild wild west you might have been stuck using a corn cob.
Hemp - For those of you reading who enjoy the herb, you may want to skip this one. As shocking as it may sound, the French often used hemp. In their defense, this wasn’t the kind that is being enjoyed at this very moment, by the campus stoners under a large oak tree.
Coconut Shells - Hawaiians really did some out of the box thinking when they decided that coconut shells would be their TP of choice. Why settle for soft ocean sea weed when you can really get up in there with a jagged coconut shell?
Tundra Moss - Eskimos, much like the sailors really didn’t have a lot to work with. Luckily, the vast tundra plains are covered in a relatively soft moss. And if we’re being completely logical, you really wouldn’t have to gather the moss if nature gave you a call, while outside. Simply drag your turd cutter across the moss once you have finished (sort of like a dog with worms on your moms white carpet).
Left Hand - Still the preferred tool of many cultures and certainly the most ecological one.
