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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 11:40:16 GMT
In my opinion there's too much of it going on. Recently it has been much written about in the media. Soon I'm sure there will be legislation dealing with it.
Does anyone have any views on this nauseating subject?
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Post by onlymark on Mar 19, 2010 11:43:45 GMT
Yes.
I really must stop.
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 11:58:14 GMT
I get the drift.
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Post by Don Cuevas on Mar 19, 2010 13:33:48 GMT
What is "cyber bullying"? Some of us are familiar with the behavior of the notorious "G". Does that qualify?
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 13:44:06 GMT
Yes.....in my opinion it does. But also some posters (who dislike other posters) are like dogs with bones. They won't let an opportunity pass without making snide remarks about the person they have chosen to be a victim. It's school-yard stuff but can be very vicious.
Personally I C & P all instances of this behaviour.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 14:26:19 GMT
I have learned to have a pretty thick skin, but unfortunately not everybody manages to ignore insults and snide remarks -- and that is what keeps the bullying alive. When there is no reaction to it, it quickly goes away.
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Post by Don Cuevas on Mar 19, 2010 15:10:39 GMT
Spindrift, that doesn't go on here, on APIAS, does it?
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 15:16:55 GMT
Not really apart from the odd wounding remark made by those who you wouldn't recognise (in all probability).... I can't see Kerouac and Bixa allowing it
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Post by Jazz on Mar 19, 2010 17:49:55 GMT
I think 'cyber-bullying' is ugly. Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people have less online experience and simply don't know how to deal effectively with it. I agree with Kerouac that the best thing to do is to ignore the bully and he/she will get bored and cease. However, I have noticed that this cessation may take a long time (if ever) and the victim is made to feel uncomfortable and often driven off the forum. His/her pleasure in the forum is diminished. Onlookers are uncomfortable. But, for others to stand back 'staring at your shoes' is acquiesence with silence. In other words, the bullying of one person dimishes us all. It is not funny. People get hurt. Personally, I disagree with the attitude...'Its an open forum, therefore I'm free to demean another person at will.' If I moderated a forum and saw this happening, I would immediately delete the exchange of posts. Then I would PM each person and tell them to settle their issues privately by PM. One of the reasons that I enjoy the Port is that there is little of this going on. Kerouac and Bixa do an excellent job of keeping this to a minimum. Humor can go a long way to defusing these situations. I remember in the earliest days of the Port, in the test phase, it was communally decided that not encouraging or allowing bullying was to be part of the Port philosophy.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 18:18:37 GMT
The main "problem" that I have seen on various sites is that often the attacked person is virulently defended by various supporters, which completely cancels the attempt to ignore the attack. I think that the appropriate response when anybody sees a ridiculous and unwarranted attack (or even just inferences) is to say *yawn*
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 18:30:08 GMT
Jazz - you have put it so well. You have said it exactly as it is.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 18:56:13 GMT
It is completely true, but a person must learn to get beyond this. I have "grated" on just about every forum that I have ever joined and paid the price -- deleted by mods and attacked by the regulars. And yet I persisted and on some of the forums that opposed me the most, I have become some sort of weird reference upon which a considerable number of members rely, just because I did not give up and continued to express views that did not conform.
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Post by Jazz on Mar 19, 2010 19:43:57 GMT
It is completely true, but a person must learn to get beyond this. I have "grated" on just about every forum that I have ever joined and paid the price -- deleted by mods and attacked by the regulars. And yet I persisted and on some of the forums that opposed me the most, I have become some sort of weird reference upon which a considerable number of members rely, just because I did not give up and continued to express views that did not conform. To add to my #8. Yes, a person must learn to get beyond this, or die trying. I suppose this is the forum version of 'survival of the fittest'. In life we lose the delicate bloom or the beautiful animal to extinction, and are left with the rats and the cockroaches. My short three year history has been stormy, a few violent attack threads and two bannings. Yes, often people leap in to defend the victim and it can get out of control. This is why the initial posts should be deleted. The worst, of course, is when everyone simply watches. I have noticed that the bullies seldom attack the most powerful forum members, they attack the weaker members. It isn't a fair fight, it's a heavyweight versus a lightweight. The bullies are highly skilled in the art of war and employ many tactics, overt or subtle, but the intent to make someone miserable is clear and obviously, enjoyable. Yawning. It's easy to yawn and be entertained when you aren't the victim of the abuse. This makes me think of that odious phrase, 'I'll go get the popcorn'. We are all different. Some people are not capable of 'yawning' when faced with a stream of abuse on a ongoing basis. It doesn't enhance your day.
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 19:53:38 GMT
Quite so....not forgetting that most people prefer to 'sit on the fence' and in any case are downright cowards
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:07:22 GMT
There are certain travel forums that delete anything the least bit controversial, such as Trip Advisor. Certain threads there contain 75% 'post deleted' messages when people got riled up on a controversial subject. Nevertheless, I have not been deleted there in months and yet I still get my message across.
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Post by auntieannie on Mar 19, 2010 20:20:02 GMT
Bullying in any form should be fought.
I realise that some "characters" exist only online - these are created in view of obtaining some kind of reaction from the readers and are easily spotted/ ignored; whereas some only show their true (horrible) personality on the net. and that is particular to online forums. I was discussing this with a friend from the charity I volunteer for.
However - and again this is specific of online forums, almost any comment can be construed as offensive or totally bland by readers, depending on their mental/spiritual state at the time of reading.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:37:57 GMT
Quote: Yawning. It's easy to yawn and be entertained when you aren't the victim of the abuse. This makes me think of that odious phrase, 'I'll go get the popcorn'. We are all different. Some people are not capable of 'yawning' when faced with a stream of abuse on a ongoing basis. It doesn't enhance your day
I've heard that one before on TTYC. *grab some popcorn* and it's always disgusted me.
After being on TTYC for a couple of years you'd think I'd get a thick skin? No, not so, I'm still as sensitive as ever and am likely to stay that way. It makes my on-line life hard, but it's how I want it. I spent too many years trying all I could to shed my tough/thick skin and don't want it back, thanks.
Yes, on-line bullying can hurt, no doubt about it. Sometimes it's better when the bullying is obvious and so every one can see what is going on. All kinds of bullying in cyberspace, mean nasty words thrown around, when a gang of people choose to pick on one, and either rubbish them on-line or give them the cold shoulder, ignore them, ridicule them. This doesn't bother me, unless it comes from someone whom I have known for a while, was once close to and they know me and my weak points and use them in order to hurt. That is perhaps the worst kind of bullying, because it borders into real life and is below the belt.
What to do about it? ignore it? That's probably the best thing to do, I reckon, but if it gets personal, that's very hard to do. I think bullys do get found out sooner or later, then it's not only the victim who is left feeling disgusted after some time.
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Post by Jazz on Mar 19, 2010 20:39:35 GMT
However - and again this is specific of online forums, almost any comment can be construed as offensive or totally bland by readers, depending on their mental/spiritual state at the time of reading. True, everything is relative to the moment. However, if someone said to me...'moron', 'suck my c**k', and 'why don't you f**k right off this forum?' , I would feel somewhat discouraged. Cancel the 'if'... this was said to me on another forum.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:46:29 GMT
I have observed a "pack mentality" type phenomena on some forums. Fortunately, I have never been a victim of this bullying but I have certainly seen it happen. I have always been a periphery person anyway,so I never had to feel the pressure to join "the pack".
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:47:23 GMT
However - and again this is specific of online forums, almost any comment can be construed as offensive or totally bland by readers, depending on their mental/spiritual state at the time of reading. True, everything is relative to the moment. However, if someone said to me...'moron', 'suck my c**k', and 'why don't you f**k right off this forum?' , I would feel somewhat discouraged. Cancel the 'if'... this was said to me on another forum. That's truly awful, Jazz. Reminds me of the phrase 'Some people will never grow up, but they are sure to grow old'. (or was it a part of a song)......so true for many who live on Internet forums. I don't know if it's better to smack or feel sorry for them.
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 20:49:18 GMT
a bit of both perhaps, Deyana? ;D *I will achieve 3,333 posts in a minute*
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:50:48 GMT
If only. If only Spinny. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2010 20:55:15 GMT
'Grab the popcorn' is indeed a disgusting view of what is happening, but it is also often a useful tip about how ridiculous the situation is. When I am involved in a 'popcorn' debate, I get out of it immediately, or I render it as ridiculous as possible, which is also a useful tactic.
Showing people that they are making fools of themselves for getting worked up over trivial matters is useful for everybody, including the fools, who are often worthwhile people in real life. People just get carried away.
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Post by spindrift on Mar 19, 2010 20:58:30 GMT
It depends how you define 'trivial matter'.....
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Post by Kimby on Mar 19, 2010 21:45:16 GMT
When I saw this post heading, I thought it would be about the kids who pick on a classmate and blast them on their facebook page until they go off and commit suicide. (Or the mothers who pretend to be a teenager and blast their daughter's rival until she commits suicide.)
What you all are describing, I think of as "flaming" rather than bullying. I haven't been bullied, though I certainly was flamed for asking (what I thought was) an innocent (though poorly researched) question on LPTT. Some of you may remember it. I was accused of being a troll, and when I innocently asked what a "troll" was, was accused of faking that ignorance, too. A few gave me the benefit of the doubt and posted sincere answers to my questions, but the negative response, something I have rarely experienced IRL, kept me agitated for days.
I have since learned about googling before posting, and that there are websites that can tell me all the things that I thought I could find out about by asking a question on a forum of like-minded persons. And I got a high-speed connection which makes it easier for me to research properly before asking and wasting people's time. (Though it would have taken less time to answer the question than to figure out creative ways to blast me publicly.)
I took a few lumps while a newby, but online life is much improved lately. I agree that Any Port is a friendly place, though not entirely without controversy and disputes. Perhaps the user's agreement should simply state: "I agree to live by the golden rule and play nicely."
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Post by auntieannie on Mar 20, 2010 9:55:53 GMT
Sorry to read of your experience, Jazz.
Casi, I have also always felt part of the "periphery", although some people have tried to drag me into their little feuds for whatever reason, I try my hardest to stay away from these.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2010 10:26:09 GMT
Yes Annie,it's so much like the clicks in high school or even younger. I never was a part of,and at times felt excluded,but,in the long run, I feel it was because I was, and am, fairly individualistic, and a loner of sorts. It allowed me to find like minded persons,despite my feeling lonely while the click was doing" their thing". It's a very juvenile mentality and only serves ultimately to injure others.
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Post by auntieannie on Mar 20, 2010 10:45:05 GMT
Shall we create a clique or our own, then? The Loners in the Periphery?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2010 11:12:12 GMT
Shall we create a clique or our own, then? The Loners in the Periphery? Only if we can make music and everyone is nice!!!
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Post by auntieannie on Mar 20, 2010 13:21:03 GMT
yey!
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