Funny headlines

[cristina]

Ordinarily, I would chuckle in private, however I decided that this was way too funny not to share. What are some of the funniest headlines that you have read?

Here's mine:

Police seize four-foot penis
The boss of a furniture store has reacted angrily after a four-foot tall stone penis was seized from his shop in a police raid.


46-year-old Jason Hadlow's prized Indonesian penis carving was snatched by police after a member of the public complained about the £200 phallus, which was on display in his window.

He was told to pay an £80 fixed penalty notice, or face prosecution for causing 'harassment, alarm and distress' - and was told he can only have his penis back if he promises not to put it on display again.

Hadlow, who runs the Simply Dutch store in Leeming Bar, North Yorkshire, has now started a Facebook campaign for the return of the phallus, which he has naturally called the 'Free Willy' campaign.

And his experiences have not put him off the stone penis trade - he told the Northern Echo that he's ordered over a hundred more of the phalluses: 'I have got a container of them coming in four weeks, which contains a minimum of 150 of the willies.'

Local police said they were within their rights to seize the penis, insisting that Hadlow was 'committing an offence.'

Source: with photos! (Yes, photos of an alternate penis, I know...)

[hwinpp]

In the Southeast Asian Economic Review I once read an article about cock fighting in Indonesia. One of the sentences went something like this... 'during the season many Indonesian men, in preparation for the fights, can be seen standing at bus stations stroking their cocks... etc., etc.'...

We get some funny headlines here in the Phnom Penh Post, I will see if I can still find any.

[bixaorellana]

How did I miss this thread?! Oh, these examples are so funny ~~ more! more!

[hwinpp]

Direct translations from a local police blotter

WOMAN CREATES HER OWN PARKING SPACE
A woman crashed her car into four parked vehicles on the way to a market in Prampi Makara district Saturday, police said. The woman reported that she became confused and stepped on the accelerator, ploughing into the four parked cars. Witnesses said the woman was looking for a parking spot around the market, but she couldn’t find one. They also said the woman appeared to be angry. The woman stayed at the scene when police arrived, and agreed to pay the owners of the parked cars for the damage. However, police noted that it took roughly three hours to come to an agreement, a span that caused an unruly traffic jam.
DEUM AMPIL

MAN'S FAVOUR NOT REPAID BY FRIEND
A 37-year-old man was arrested Sunday after he “borrowed” his friend’s motorbike and then sold it for a small profit, police in Poipet town said. It is alleged that the man convinced his friend to lend him the motorbike, but that the friend became suspicious when he did not see the man, or his motorbike, for days. When police were brought in, the man allegedly admitted to selling the vehicle. He said he borrowed the bike so he could look for a job.
KAMPUCHEA THMEY

A ‘MIRACLE’ IN STUNG MEANCHEY DISTRICT
Authorities say it’s a miracle nobody was injured after an overloaded vehicle with a broken steering wheel crashed near a market in Phnom Penh’s Stung Meanchey district Saturday. Police said the car crashed into three motorbikes. The vehicle’s owner said his car is so very old. Police said that people were “so lucky” that no one was injured.
DEUM AMPIL

POLICE WARN OF ELECTROCUTION
A 37-year-old man in Phnom Penh’s Sen Sok district died after trying to repair an electric light in front of his house Saturday, police said. The victim’s wife said her husband was trying to repair the broken light when he touched the wires with his wet hands. He then fell from his first-floor house and hit a rock, dying immediately. Many passersby came to look, she said. Police appealed to residents to prevent such needless deaths, saying, “If you have wet hands, you should not touch electric wires.”
DEUM AMPIL

POIPET ROBBERS CONFESS TO CRIMES
Three men were arrested after they were accused of breaking into a man’s house and stealing some valuables while the man slept. Police in Poipet town said that after they were arrested, the suspects admitted to the robbery and helpfully informed authorities they had committed others as well.
KAMPUCHEA THMEY

The names at the bottom of each article are the names of the local paper the stories appeared in.

[Deleted]

Try some of these.

[Deleted]

Hilarious! ;D

[bixaorellana]

Thieves steal Ohio hearse, dump corpse, leave note

SPOILER: Click to show

CLEVELAND -A corpse was taken for a ride in Cleveland, then dumped by thieves who stole a crematory's hearse and abandoned it with a note telling police where to find the body.
Police on Wednesday found the woman's body, in a bag and on a gurney, at the intersection specified in the note.
Computer equipment also was taken from the crematory during Wednesday's break-in. Sgt. Sammy Morris says police are investigating whether the hearse was stolen to haul the gear away. No arrests have been made.
Funeral director Jim Murphy says the corpse was unharmed. It was scheduled to be cremated Wednesday.
The Greenfield Crematory has apologized to the family. It says it was not unusual for the body to have been left in its vehicle, which was locked inside the building.

Six-Year-Old's Ears Save Him From Death Fall

SPOILER: Click to show

Ming Ming was left dangling eight floors above a city street with his head stuck between the protective bars.

The youngster screamed and bawled until he caught the attention of passers-by in Yinchang, Hubei Province.

As a crowd gathered, horrified neighbours could do nothing to help until emergency services arrived.

Firemen used a hydraulic pressurised expander to force open the bars and pull the terrified child to safety.

The accident is believed to have happened after his grandfather went out on an errand and left him sleeping in the family flat.

The boy woke up alone and is thought to have fallen out of the window while looking for his grandfather.

Fire service spokesman Wang Shen described the escape as miraculous.

"He could have fallen to the ground - or have been suffocated - at any minute," he said.

Okay, the story is not funny, but that headline ...