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Post by Kimby on Aug 27, 2010 20:33:00 GMT
(I apologize if there is another thread on this topic. I'm not in the mood to do a search for it if there is. ) I have been watching my parents creep onto the slippery slope of old age in recent years, and now it appears we have a crisis on our hands. My Dad was admitted to the hospital yesterday for extreme disorientation, which in medical-ese translates as "sudden mental status change." After a very active and age-defying life, over the past few years Mom and Dad have voluntarily started pulling back and giving up some of their more dangerous past-times. Whitewater canoeing. Vagabonding in a motorhome that doesn't handle well and has bad visibility. Taking out the motorboat at the cabin. Though I hate to see their horizons narrow, I'm glad they have had the foresight to stop doing these things before they get killed by them. Mom quit downhill skiing after her hip replacement, but Dad was still skiing last January and they both cross-country skiied last winter. And they both still drive, though that may be changing soon, as they've had a couple noninjury accidents lately. However, this summer, aging seems to have reared its ugly head with memory problems and confusion. And yesterday, Dad got so disoriented that he got in the car and tried to put the seatbelt tab into the ignition switch (I wasn't there, but heard about it 3rd hand). That's when the doctor was called and he was taken to the ER for evaluation. And admitted for observation and evaluation. I have spent much of the day sitting by the phone or on the phone with nurses, social workers and hopefully soon, his "hospitalist", the MD who is assigned to him. They see him as the frail confused 88 year old in their care, but I try to impress upon them that this is not who he usually is. Though he's had some concentration problems in the past few months, we feel they could easily be related to drug side effects. And I feel he's on too many drugs. Since Mom has been a happy amnesiac (no short term memory, but good long term memory) for awhile, Dad has been holding things together, allowing them to continue living independently until now. But unless he improves significantly, the occupational therapists and social workers are recommending that he not be released unless there is someone in the home with them 24 hours a day! Since none of their 3 daughters live nearby, and there are no other relatives in the area, this is a problem. Since my sisters are both fully employed and very busy, I may have to drop everything and fly to Wisconsin to parent-sit, at least for awhile. And if they don't improve, make arrangements for what the next phase of their life will be like. I knew this day would come, but that doesn't make me any less unhappy about it. Fortunately, their finances will allow whatever level of assistance they require, if their temperament will tolerate it. But they don't like the Senior Center where they could take some meals because "there's too many old people there!" And they look down their noses at friends who have moved to senior complexes when widowed. So their attitude isn't going to help the situation. I need help adjusting to this new reality. Anyone out there who's been through it with their own parents have any advice for me? Or even a hug?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2010 21:39:51 GMT
My father held things together while my mother's faculties declined. Even though we had had talks about my mother's condition, he was not equipped of sufficiently informed to deal with the situation. I would call them, talking almost exclusively to my father. My mother would jump on the phone but hand it to my father almost immediately, and then she would scurry to the bedroom to listen on the other phone and participate when she could.
I understood very quickly that the reason for this was because she was not able to follow the conversation completely, and it was a mechanism to hide that situation. But I would hear about how they had argued at the supermarket and left without buying anything because neither would decide what to buy. My father would tell me that my mother "lied" about everything and he really believed it, rather than recognizing that it was part of her condition.
Anyway, to make a long story short, my father's physical condition declined and the situation was unbearable. I flew from Paris to Florida something like 6 times in 8 months to take care of them, feed them properly and try to keep them clean. I would learn things like that the Puerto Rican neighbors had been bringing food to them or that the fire department had been to the house three times to pick them up when they had fallen down and couldn't get up.
Would they go into an assisted living facility? "No way!" (I visited some places secretly when I was purportedly out shopping. When I would see the places, I couldn't imagine my parents in a place like that either.)
My father simplified things by dying (age 86). A few days before, I told my mother that she obviously could not live alone, but if something happened to my father, would she want to stay in the United States or come to France? "I want to go to France."
My mother lived with me for 54 weeks, because it was extremely difficult to get "residency" for someone who had basically left the country in 1945. But I persisted, wrote to every office imaginable, ignored refusals and wrote again, to the mayor, to my parliamentary representative, to anybody who could make a decision. (To be accepted in a Parisian nursing home, you are supposed to have lived in Paris for the last 3 years minimum.)
Okay, I finally got her into a place. She hated it. They told me it would take 2 or 3 months for her to adjust, but it took 20 months. I visit briefly every single day, because the place is only 400 meters from my apartment, so I stop on the way home from work, and I spend a couple of hours on Saturday and Sunday. I pay 2000€ a month to cover the amount that must be paid. The full price is closer to 3000€ but I have a few government subsidies. It would be free if she were destitute, but in France, when you have an "ascendant" in a place like that, children and grandchildren are legally obliged to contribute to the expense. My brother, his wife and the two children filled out the financial statements at my request, and any additional aid was refused due to the total revenue of us all. (But I don't ask for anything from any of the others.)
Anyway, I am paying from the capital of the house that was sold in Florida. The amount was never declared, so it looks like I am the one who is paying, which gives me a super excellent income tax deduction, but money is not really the issue.
It is a tragedy to put one's parent(s) in such a place, but it is the only solution. There are a significant number of married couples where one person of the couple is institutionalized and the other one just comes to visit. It seems unimaginable at first, but there is no way that you can take care of such a person at home.
When my mother was at my place, you cannot imagine the number of times I rushed home in the middle of the day, either because there was no answer to the telephone, or she told me things like "I just crapped my pants and there is shit everywhere!" And I would jump up 3 or 4 times every night when I would hear her move in the next room to get up to go to the toilet. In spite of the protective pads, I was often changing sheets at 3 in the morning.
Not an easy situation. This is the 5th year and she is in great physical health, and my constant presence seems to have slowed her mental decline. She still knows me and waits for me every day (almost impossible to leave for a few days of vacation), and I rent a car to take her out every other weekend, because she loves to ride around.
Anyway, it is because of this new life of mine that I am mostly recycling old photos here rather than taking new trips.
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Post by Kimby on Aug 27, 2010 21:44:17 GMT
kerouac, thank you for your story, parts of which I've heard before. I am in awe of what a good son you are, and hope that I can live up to your example.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2010 22:23:51 GMT
When it is necessary to do certain things that you never thought that you could do, you discover that you have more resources than you ever thought possible.
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Post by bixaorellana on Aug 27, 2010 22:45:40 GMT
Oh, Kimby, my heart goes out to you. I've sort of choked up reading your account as I can identify so much with the fears attendant on this kind of situation. Though he's had some concentration problems in the past few months, we feel they could easily be related to drug side effects. And I feel he's on too many drugs. This really stood out for me in your story, and I hope someone will advocate for your dad on the subject until it's fully addressed. My stepfather had a bypass and stint put in @1990. He began speaking so slowly that it was an ordeal not to supply the words for him. The car barely moved when he drove, and he'd stop it many yards before the stop sign. Of course there were the usual murmurs of "well, at his age ..." His medication was stopped or changed and he turned back into his usual self. He'll be 88 in December. The irony is that being in the hospital is probably making your dad more disoriented. If you have to fly there (& I know this is a particularly bad time, what with the new construction & all), it might be worth it to do it now so that you can monitor what's going on in the hospital. If his problem turns out to be medication, adjusting that and letting him go home would probably mean he wouldn't need all the special care currently being recommended. Thank you so much for opening this subject up for discussion. It's something that's in the lives of many of us here in one way or another. One of my sisters is a nurse and lives in South Texas. She wants my mother and stepfather to move down there where they'd be close to her and where there are programs, etc. for seniors since it's a snowbird area. My sister wants me to broach the subject with my mother which I will not do because I know that it insults her and makes her angry. Maybe I'm being an ostrich, but I feel that "letting" adults make their own decisions and remain in their own homes if that's what they wish and if they're capable is the best thing. That said, I've also been in Kerouac's situation, where the parent could not live on his own because of dementia. From other things he's related, it would seem that care for the elderly is much better in France than in the US. But if you closely read what he's written above, the sheer relentless amount of time needed to deal with such a situation comes through in all its wearying detail. (Sorry to refer to you in the third person, Kerouac, I was just already in the mode of addressing Kimby.) It is a tragedy to put one's parent(s) in such a place, but it is the only solution. There are a significant number of married couples where one person of the couple is institutionalized and the other one just comes to visit. It seems unimaginable at first, but there is no way that you can take care of such a person at home. This is absolutely true, except I'm going to take mild exception to the "tragedy" part of it. There are places that are for people who don't really need care, who still drive, etc. The apartments allow for a private life, cooking and all that, but the maid service, the access to a dining hall, the opportunity to meet new people, and the group outings on offer can free older people to do more than they might have done staying in their own homes. And for people with certain forms of dementia, or with painful conditions, a good care facility can become home and the workers there a source of comfort and stability.
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Post by Kimby on Aug 27, 2010 23:06:26 GMT
Thanks bixa. I think if Dad were gone (talk about a euphemism) Mom would do quite well in assisted living, as she has been chief cook and bottlewasher for 6 1/2 decades now. Dad relishes their independence and it would be a hard sell for him. He might decide life wasn't worth living. And being a hunter, he has the means to leave when he's done living.
With 4 parents from 87 - 90, Mr. Kimby and I have some grim years to look forward to. Fortunately, Mr. Kimby's parents live in a continuing care community where we don't have to worry about them. And it's exactly as bixa describes above. Like a college campus with lots of interesting old people around.
I guess I'd better get researching places like that in Wisconsin....
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Post by joanne28 on Aug 28, 2010 2:10:55 GMT
It's a really difficult thing to deal with.
My mother had just turned 64 when I moved her from her home in B.C. to Ontario in December 2000. My stepfather, who was 11 years older than Mum, had his own health problems and couldn't deal with her anymore. She was extremely physically fit and extremely agitated and aggressive - not a good combination.
Four days after we arrived here, my sister and I had to have Mum involuntarily committed to hospital. It's been a long and interesting journey - Mummy has kept it interesting for us. She's now in a wheelchair, doubly incontinent, with only a few words and hasn't known who I am for at least 4 years.
It is amazing what a person can get used to. Things I would have thought myself incapable of doing, I've done.
Mum is 73 and in the later stages. At least she seems contented now. It's all I can ask for.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2010 21:15:52 GMT
I think if Dad were gone (talk about a euphemism) Mom would do quite well in assisted living, as she has been chief cook and bottlewasher for 6 1/2 decades now. Dad relishes their independence and it would be a hard sell for him. He might decide life wasn't worth living. And being a hunter, he has the means to leave when he's done living. My father could have reached such a decision just as well, even without having a hunting rifle. (When I had to empty the house, I packed up all of that stuff and left if to my brother in a box labeled "arms and ammunition".) His main fear was what would happen to my mother if he disappeared. I should have said right from the start, "Don't worry, I'll take care of her," but it is the sort of thing that is really hard to say since it means "you're going to die soon". For years, until the final year, I was pretty sure that my mother was in worse shape and that he would outlast her. However, that final year made it certain that the opposite was true, and it all happened so fast that I had to improvise. My main advice, Kimby, would be to tell both of your parents -- not necessarily together, but it all depends -- that you will take care of everything whenever it is necessary to do it, and therefore they should not worry about what happens to the other person when things get bad. They might not have the mental faculties anymore to fully understand that at the time you say it, but my mother still amazes me during her moments of lucidity when she proves to me that she understands it all. "I want you to know that I know everything that you are doing for me and I love you so much for it." Just on this last trip, even though my mother has declined considerably, last week she managed to say "I know what you are doing and I love you more and more." This is the sort of thing that your parents hope will console you, but obviously they just make you feel worse. There is no way that I can say that I envy Joanne28 because her mother hasn't recognized her for 4 years (or my colleague who is going on 10 years with the same situation with her mother), but sometimes I think, "oh, I could leave for 2 or 3 weeks instead of 5 days if my mother wasn't thinking about me." My mother doesn't know the day of the week or how many days I have been gone, but all she has to say is "I was wondering if you would come today" or "I spend the whole day thinking of you" to totally neutralize any benefit that I had from being away. It is awful to say this, but death is the only release from the problem.
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Post by Kimby on Aug 28, 2010 21:56:08 GMT
This is Dad in January! Of this year! That's why this sudden turn is so distressing. But the doctor thinks he may have accidentally been taking a double dose of Aricept for most of the past month - he was supposed to cut the pills in half and probably didn't. That could explain the disorientation. Looking forward to hearing from the doctor again today. Last night she called me at 8 pm from her home (!) to inquire about Dad's condition prior to this "sudden mental status change" and to make sure she was on the right track. It seems like he's in good hands. And Mom is coping pretty well, with the help of a younger friend and co-worker who is taking her to the hospital for visits and making sure she is eating. So it's a waiting game for now. And planning. Doing lots of research about in-home assistance, because no way would they go to an "old folks' home".
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2010 22:07:12 GMT
I am facing what may be one of my last visits with my mother next week ,Kimby, up in NY. Gratefully,she is still at home,the same place she has lived,well,on the same property,for over 60 some odd years.We are very fortunate to have a full time caregiver there living with her. Her medical needs are few,but,she needs assistance with getting around,basic needs,eating etc.
I have watched her move into a slow,graceful fade, as I refer to it, over the last few years in particular. gratefully,she is in no physical pain. Her thinking has become more and more confused over time,and she has great difficulty distinguishing her dreams form reality. In a word,she is oft times downright delusional. For the longest time, my brother ,and I, to some degree,although less so,had great difficulty accepting this,her lack of movement,long,long periods of sleeping,not much physical activity at all,especially as she was up until a few years ago, a very active person.
My most fervent hope,at this point,is that she continue to be able to remain at home,is in no great physical distress,and that she go gracefully and peacefully,as she has told me she is ready to do. I really understand and feel your helplessness,fears and angst over this. It is indeed very difficult to accept. Each time I visit,we are both prepared ,when I say goodbye to her,that it might be for the last time. I am thinking of you during this difficult time.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2010 22:21:56 GMT
But the doctor thinks he may have accidentally been taking a double dose of Aricept for most of the past month - he was supposed to cut the pills in half and probably didn't. That could explain the disorientation. My mother has been off Aricept for more than 2 years. The neurologist said that she had reached the stage where it was ineffective. And of course it is super expensive; I had to pay the full price until I managed to get my mother on normal French health care -- it was something like 90€ a month. My mother went through some major aggressive phases (normal for Alzheimers patients). She injured my father a number of times, and she was a real problem at the nursing home for a number of months. It is a relief that she has calmed down now, even though she is ready to slap and bite anybody other than me if they are doing something she doesn't like.
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Post by gertie on Aug 29, 2010 5:28:09 GMT
My husband's father died of what was described to us as the most virulent form of prostrate cancer two years ago, leaving just his mother living alone in their home by the lake. His mother's mother died of Alzheimer's, and she suffered from a rather early onset of symptoms. My husband's mother is a strong, sensible, intelligent woman I have always admired very much. She exhibited good sense and grace throughout her husband's illness, which I know could not have been at all easy for her. She adored him and they had the kind of marriage I think any of us could envy.
Recently my husband's mother has been exhibiting worrying signs. If she sees a bit of a show or ad about some disease or health problem, she will fuss about it but doesn't quite get the details right. Most recently, when I suffered a cough as a remanent of a summer cold, some way she go the idea I had whooping cough and that I needed to update my vaccinations. She recently confessed to me she no longer reads books, only magazines, as she has to read the entire book straight through because she can't recall what she has read before if she puts it down.
On the other hand, she easily follows complicated recipes to continue to cook my husband his old favorites. It occurs to me, this may only be working because they are family favorites she has cooked over and over again. She has regular doctor exams and they've not seemed to notice anything, but we don't know how much she tells them.
I have been trying to prepare my husband for the idea we may need to move closer to his mother very soon. My husband loves his mother dearly, but values his independence. I have made a couple of appointments to meet a friend who is the nurse director of an Alzheimer's center to discuss things, but always find myself finding excuses as to why I should postpone the appointments. I have always valued his mother's friendship and advice, making all this particularly difficult for me. How much harder this must be for my dear husband.
I just made another appointment with my friend, and this one I am determined to keep.
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Post by bjd on Aug 29, 2010 6:14:03 GMT
I'll be going to see my mother in September. She turned 85 this summer. Mentally she is pretty well still there, but she has a heart problem and is kept alive by the medicines she takes. Most times when I talk to her, she says "how do you expect me to feel at 85?", or "I've had enough, I have been alive too long".
She lives in a senior's residence, in her own apartment but with access to a dining room for meals when she wants. Unfortunately she doesn't participate in any of the activities. My sister and I always hope she will do so and realize that she won't change.
I realize too that I have the easy part of the situation -- I turn up every other year, or sometimes every year, and she is glad to see me. My sister lives closer (now 250 km away) and deals with organizing the day to day stuff and visiting more often.
When my sister moved away from near Toronto, she took my mother to live with her, but it was extremely difficult, so after 5 years my mother moved to a senior's residence. Now she is in a Polish one in Toronto, and we thought she would appreciate being able to speak Polish. That's part of it, but she claims the food is much better than in the Anglo one in London, Ontario!
I look at this situation and wonder how it will be when my husband and I get old. How my kids will feel about it. Of course, right now I'm in full denial about aging, but when I see that my mother is 85, I know I'm getting up there too.
All we can do is wish each other lots of luck and courage in dealing with our respective situations.
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Post by gertie on Aug 29, 2010 6:44:26 GMT
I guess in many ways I am luckier than most. My husband is younger than I, so I have been able to avoid thinking of when I get old by just going on the assumption he'll be about to care for me. Of course realistically, it is entirely possible I might outlive him I suppose, but I really would be happier if not. Of course, he always tells me I can never die as he would be so lonesome without me. I tell my children my retirement plan is to start counting backwards and act age appropriate. ;D
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Post by Kimby on Aug 29, 2010 12:00:56 GMT
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Post by joanne28 on Aug 29, 2010 15:52:32 GMT
I've heard very good things about that book, Kimby, although I haven't read it myself.
Kerouac, I understand what you are saying about recognition or lack of. Does it get easier later in the disease for family members? In some ways, it becomes easier to deal with, not necessarily easier.
Every so often, I catch myself thinking "I wish I had ....." done this, that or the other. Totally pointless and only good for inducing guilt. The guilt monster is always ready to leap on our backs at the slightest of opportunity. I can only tell myself I did the best I could at the time.
Some of those times were incredibly difficult, for both myself and my mother. She, thank God, seems to be past most of those emotional upsets. She is no longer my mother, but just the pitiable shell of that incredible person. It is now my privilege and duty to ensure the rest of her life is passed in as much comfort and serenity as I can manage.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2010 16:07:55 GMT
Kerouac, I understand what you are saying about recognition or lack of. Does it get easier later in the disease for family members? In some ways, it becomes easier to deal with, not necessarily easier. One of my colleagues is so jealous of me because my mother can still reach out to me and say pertinent things at odd moments. Her mother has reached the point where she doesn't speak anymore and is confined to one of those 'shell chairs' (I don't know what they're called in English) during the day. So she only sees her perhaps once a month (150 km from Paris) but does not feel any freer because of it.
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Post by gertie on Aug 29, 2010 21:18:21 GMT
My husband was still at home when his parents took his grandparents in. They moved in after an incident where his grandmother walked out of the house and wandered off, managing to remain missing for about 14 hours. My husband was a college student living at home and has a strong night owl tendency, so his job was the nighttime hours many times. At the last, his grandmother suffered a broken hip and had surgery. Any sort of therapy was, by then, beyond her mental abilities, and she was bedridden. Many in the family have commented to me privately on the hours he spent sitting with her in the nights. I think because of this experience, he is most of the time unwilling to discuss his mother's condition and future planning, waving it aside as something to think about "when the time comes". His mother has always said she will go to a home when necessary, but I wonder will she have the sense to do so by the time it is needed. Today his mother called and asked him to program home into her car GPS. She told him in case something happens, but she told me so she can always get home if she gets lost.
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Post by Kimby on Aug 31, 2010 12:13:12 GMT
Update: He's still in the hospital, still confused and getting weaker. But the pneumonia is resolving, his test results are mostly good, they've ruled out heart attack and they don't think he's had a stroke. Although he fell in the bathroom the day the confusion descended, a head CT showed no bleeding. He got a head MRI yesterday, which should reveal if he's had any strokes. He's miserable being in the hospital and Mom is not enjoying sleeping alone. She spends her days idling at his bedside while he mostly sleeps, and goes home to their dog, who is also unhappy. Because of her memory impairment, I can't be sure she's eating enough or taking her medicines regularly. I'm getting ready to make an unplanned trip to Wisconsin to do what I can to get them back into their home and some semblance of normal life. It appears that they will "need" 24 hour supervision, at least at first. Mr. Kimby, who works in hospitals, says that many elders who wind up in a hospital for a minor condition experience a sudden decline in mental status, just from the unfamiliar setting. They go downhill fast, often wandering around at night ("sundowning") and falling, perhaps breaking a hip which is often the beginning of the end. They moved my Dad to a room adjacent to the nurses station so they could keep an eye on him. It's hard to know what I should do, but I think I need to be there. I wish I'd gone much sooner, but I was expecting he'd be a lot better after the weekend. Today I will talk to the doctors and social worker and determine my course. I sure hope that they say he's made a turn for the better. But I'm less optimistic each day... Thank you all for your own stories. If you're so inclined, please send positive energy his way. We're not a religious family, but it couldn't hurt.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2010 12:45:01 GMT
I would say you need to be there, at least to evaluate the situation for yourself. When I rushed to see my parents, I found all sorts of things which were borderline situations and which my parents had been denying. They didn't even have a handicapped parking sticker for the car, and my father could barely walk. I took care of everything I could, and then I ordered my brother to go (for once, he listened to me, thank god) -- he installed railings and things in the bathrooms over the Christmas holidays and took care of some other stuff. It was a good try, but it was all too late, because the situation had resolved itself in the inevitable way by mid-February...
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Post by bixaorellana on Aug 31, 2010 15:30:20 GMT
I'm getting ready to make an unplanned trip to Wisconsin to do what I can to get them back into their home and some semblance of normal life ... Mr. Kimby, who works in hospitals, says that many elders who wind up in a hospital for a minor condition experience a sudden decline in mental status, just from the unfamiliar setting. They go downhill fast, often wandering around at night ("sundowning") and falling, perhaps breaking a hip which is often the beginning of the end. Kimby, I'm glad to know you are going. You will feel better knowing for sure what's going on and will be able to exert some positive control over the situation. As I said in my first answer to this thread, and as Mr. Kimby with his wider experience has corroborated, the hospital environment is not helping your dad, quite the contrary. Only once you see them in their own environment will you and they be able to truly assess the situation, as Kerouac points out above. I think it's extremely important to remember that old age does not automatically mean mental deterioration. Not only is that demeaning to old people, but it's an attitude that can prevent us from seeing what's really going on with our aging relatives. Kimby, please consider yourself hugged hard and sincerely. This is one of those cases where I and others can truthfully say, "I know what you're going through." Take care of yourself. You're handling this beautifully.
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Post by mickthecactus on Sept 1, 2010 12:56:51 GMT
Good luck Kimby. I do hope it all comes out well.
Like others here I've been down that road too..........
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2010 18:59:22 GMT
I'm so glad to hear that you are going Kimby. As Kerouac mentioned,you will be surprised to find many things that need tending to that they will need help with. Unfortunately,one has to be one's own advocate these days. Things that we once took for granted that agencies,etc. would help with simply aren't done at the same standard they once were. I was appalled at what the hospital referred to as it's "Discharge Planning",there was no plan at all...other than to send the patient home and relinquish them from any further responsibility. Do keep us posted dear.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2010 21:43:04 GMT
Everything needs to be checked. When my father was in the hospital and my mother was wearing dirty clothes, I said that it was time to gather up some stuff and run the washing machine. When I went to the garage where the washer and dryer were, I found the machine full of clothes, sitting in water for.... how long?
On top of that, they had lived through an ordeal of a power outage for more than a week during a vigorous hurricane season, but I saw some of the same items still sitting in the freezer as had been there months before. I immediately threw them away. They no longer had any knowledge of what was safe and what wasn't.
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Post by spaceneedle on Sept 1, 2010 23:56:30 GMT
I feel for you kimby. I am in a similar situation. My father died at a relatively young age (age 60) and my mom has been declining ever since. I have a sibling who lives near to her that does zero, so I am like an only child. So far she is OK but I will have had to go to her twice in 5 months for moderate medical issues. It's super stressful to be far away and have to deal with all this stuff. By the way (totally off topic) but I really miss being able to read the most recent 80 posts here without being logged in.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 2, 2010 2:25:52 GMT
Well I flew home to Wisconsin today and took a cab to the hospital and spent the afternoon chatting with physical therapist, occupational therapist, a social worker, one doctor and 2 nurses (shift change), and we got him sprung from the hospital. As soon as he was in his own clothes and out of bed he seemed much better, but he still has confusion. We took the couple who have been taking care of Mom and running her to the hospital each day out to a diner on the way home, and now Mom and Dad are happily ensconced on their couch with the TV on too loud and their dog at their feet. Still lots to do, and I can't chat now because I have to finish figuring out their meds for tonite. But I sure do appreciate all the sharing you all have done. I needed shaking up about the risk they were/are in, and I also feel better knowing others have dealt with and survived this kind of thing.
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Post by bixaorellana on Sept 2, 2010 4:48:49 GMT
Hey Kimby. Really great to hear from you, especially as you're so busy right now. And it's better than great to hear that your dad is home. The whole thing of needing to go to the hospital has probably disoriented him, so just wait and see how he seems to you in 24 hours.
Thanks for writing.
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Post by mickthecactus on Sept 2, 2010 8:12:05 GMT
Indeed. Good to hear Kimby. Good luck and keep us informed.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2010 9:19:57 GMT
I'm glad you're on the scene, Kimby. My parents always improved the moment I showed up -- of course, that leaves the sticky situation of when you have to leave.
Do you have any idea how long you will be there?
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Post by joanne28 on Sept 2, 2010 17:33:23 GMT
Is it possible for you to set up some sort of caregiver coming in? Maybe someone in the guise of cleaner or something like that? If you have the time, the person can come over while you are there, as one of your "friends" and befriend your parents.
There are a lot of things we have to do sometimes that involve subterfuge and lying. For me, many times it was the only way I could get vital things done. I realize it goes against the grain but sometimes we haven't got a choice.
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