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Post by spindrift on Oct 29, 2010 18:44:52 GMT
Congratulations Rikita!
I've rented a beach house in Colva, Goa until the end of January. I'm not sure when I'll be there but if you're in the vicinity please PM me..
Seek out simple Indian clothes in FabIndia stores. They are all over the place. Ask to see the four styles of Indian trousers that go under any long tops..
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Post by rikita on Oct 30, 2010 11:06:49 GMT
will do, spindrift - though i am not sure we will get to goa, as we always only have a few free days at a time, and it is quite a journey from here...
will also look at clothes, i bought some already. what is a bit difficult still with shopping is that the people here keep worrying i might not manage to go to town alone, so they very rarely let me go without accompaniment - and going with someone is actually quite stressful, as they have completely different ideas about what is interesting or important than i. but i will buy some more clothes before i go home, also because the trousers i brought are mostly too warm...
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Post by hwinpp on Oct 30, 2010 12:20:14 GMT
I experienced that too, when I came to Cambodia. Needed a year to get my freedom... be firm and just go on your own or they will never let you go alone...
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Post by spindrift on Oct 30, 2010 18:14:18 GMT
The FabIndia trousers I'm talking about come in many different styles, thicknesses and colours. I only found out about them the last time I was in Goa and I've been travelling around the sub-continent for years. No-one ever told me about FabIndia. Now I wouldn't go anywhere else. FabIndia isn't a tourist shop; it's for locals. I am trying to remember the name of the different trousers - let's see - they are Churinda, Salwar, (I'm having difficulty remembering them)...some that are cut like tight leggings that crinkle nicely up the lower leg and some that balloon out over the lower leg. I like the last 2 styles best. You can buy them in any colour. Some are thin muslin and others are thicker Paisley. They come in Small, Medium and Large sizes and fasten with a threaded tie. I absolutely love these trousers. I live in them!
FabIndia also sells the best quality bedsheets, towels and table linens. I can't recommend it too highly.
I shall PM you my email in case you're in the vicinity of south Goa. It's not that far away from where you are!
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Post by rikita on Nov 1, 2010 13:29:59 GMT
okay, i will ask about htem...
yeah with the freedom it's really something i have to teach them at some point. the other day we wanted to walk a bit - we went to a town and we said we will just walk back to the house (of the parents of the family we are staying with, we were visiting them together). but they said no, it is going to rain. and then when we got into the car, they said, actually they would like us to join them to visit someone, and we can walk there. so we went there, sitting around for tea and snacks, hoping to get away before it starts raining. anyway, so in the end we convinced them that we really want to walk back, and that they can either collect us by car whenever they leave there, or maybe we get home first anyway (which we did). after that we were asked about ten more times each if we have our mobile phones, if we have their number, if we are sure we know the way (and when we said yes, they described it once more anyway - it was a completely straight way with just one turn by the bridge), if we don't want to put our backpacks into the car after all, etc. - all of this is okay if you get it sometimes, or if you are visiting someone for a couple of weeks, but after six weeks it is starting to drive us crazy...
the walk was beautiful though. and very peaceful and quiet. through tea country.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2010 18:22:33 GMT
That would certainly begin to oppress me. Sometimes it is necessary to slightly trample local customs in order to regain a bit of one's own freedom, which can be extremely important. Although it is probably not easy to get the message across, these people need to know that although you are trying to be as sensitive to their culture as possible, sometimes their role is to be a little more sensitive to your culture and desires. If they're worried about you doing something alone because tigers are on the prowl, that is one thing, but if it is just because "nobody does that," they need to realize that some people might want to do it anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 1, 2010 18:30:43 GMT
Yes, very oppressive. It would drive crazy to have to answer to others like that. They may think they are 'protecting' you by being this way, as you are new to the country and don't know your way around. Perhaps it's best to talk to them and tell them that you need to do things more for yourselves. Otherwise your time in India will become very annoying and stifling.
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Post by rikita on Nov 2, 2010 9:52:40 GMT
yeah we are now trying to get more freedom bit by bit, by doing the things we would like to do. i hope that with time that works, and if they take future volunteers again, it might be a bit easier for them. part of it is that foreign guests seem to still be something really rare and special in this area (not a very touristy area)... so i suppose they sometimes really have trouble estimating that foreigners can as quickly learn how to get around as anyone else...
but still, most of the things here are nice...
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Post by bixaorellana on Nov 2, 2010 15:07:39 GMT
I have to laugh, Rikita, even though I agree that the smothering concern is hugely irritating.
That is one chasm between cultures that I still find very hard to accept, the idea that autonomy equals loneliness and sadness. People here really crave human companionship all the time, plus there is a different sense of time and how long things should take. I have read that it's the same way in India, which seems to be so, or at least where you are.
Even with all the tourism and the proximity to the US here, foreigners can be viewed as a different species. Also, you can be cast into some role that's really inappropriate for you. Since you are recently married, you and your husband may be seen as extremely young, practically children who can't be trusted to cross the street yet.
As you get better at the language, you'll be able to get people to laugh at how overly-solicitous they're being. Also, you might giggle and blush to suggest that you and your groom are looking forward to taking a walk alone.
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Post by rikita on Nov 2, 2010 17:09:52 GMT
hmyeah i did have some interesting talks about similar topics before, also with latin american friends. quite a few couldn't imagine how i deal with living alone - much less that i might actually want to do so... they said without their family around they'd feel alone...
yeah it is funny that we are often treated like very young people - even though mr. r. is actually older than the people we are staying with, while i am only a few years younger than them... before the wedding it still seemed kind of funny, as we jokingly said that they are taking the role of my parents, and are practicing for whenever their own daughter marries...
well, i will see how it develops. as for getting better at the language though - that is a really tough one. not like learning spanish where i could communicate at least a bit after a month. malayalam is very difficult for me...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2010 18:27:49 GMT
Regarding culture shock, I saw an interesting parallel in the Sunday paper. Hope it is not too far off topic.
The Catholic church in France has to import priests since it isn't producing many locally anymore. Most of them come from Africa, Poland or South America, and it is really hard for them to adapt to French culture.
One of the most poignant anecdotes was from an African priest. "Until I arrived in France, I had never eaten a meal all by myself in my entire life. Words cannot describe how depressing it was."
I imagine that Indians find a lot of what we want or accept in our culture to be completely unimaginable.
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Post by spindrift on Nov 2, 2010 19:24:39 GMT
Oh Rikita, I see the quandary you are in. I have to tell you that there is nothing you can do to change things unless you want to deeply offend your hosts. You really have to go along with it if you intend to stay in the village. These people genuinely care about you (you know this) and they are being solicitous for you in the way that they would care for those in their family. Actually in days to come, when you are back in Europe, you will remember these special days living Indian village life and you will know what I'm saying is true. Their ways are so different to ours but you are living in their country and with their culture so just go along with it or leave the village altogether and find another place to work and start off in a different manner. Just a small example - whenever I stayed in Kathmandu with my Nepali gf at mealtimes whilst we were eating, staff would wander in and make themselves comfortable squatting on the floor here and there. They would be gazing at me all of the time. At first I felt slightly uncomfortable but my gf explained that this is how they behave and there's nothing to do about it, they want to be friendly and part of the family and they are welcome to come and sit near me 'to keep me company so I wouldn't feel lonely'...and as for the staring that went on for ages - well, that is what Nepali people do when they see a foreigner. And when you consider it, how fascinating we foreigners must be in their eyes. How differently we dress and act! Imagine it from their point of view. So now I accept peoples' ways however I find them and I am grateful that they 'look after' me.  |
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Post by hwinpp on Nov 3, 2010 2:24:05 GMT
Will they be chaperoning you after the wedding as well?
Jeez, start demanding your independence or they'll never let you off their apron strings and you will become paranoid.
There are traditions that are worth following and there are traditions that need to be challenged. It is up to you ultimately...
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Post by rikita on Nov 3, 2010 4:01:53 GMT
hwinpp - it is already after the wedding...
well i think spindrift definitely has valid points too, though. i will have to be very careful in things... i definitely don't want to offend them. and most days i actually get along quite well, just that one weekend was really really stressful... i think the little vacation we are going on now will restore some of our nerves and then we can deal better with it again...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2010 4:10:18 GMT
There must be a diplomatic way to get across the idea that respect is a two-way street. You are doing your best to respect local customs, but the people there should also learn to respect some of your own customs.
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Post by hwinpp on Nov 3, 2010 4:25:13 GMT
Herzlichen Glueckwunsch, if I haven't said it yet, many happy returns and may you become rich and powerful and live a thousand years !!! ;D ;D ;D
PS, both of you, of course.
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Post by rikita on Nov 4, 2010 15:47:21 GMT
danke!
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Post by spindrift on Nov 4, 2010 16:06:27 GMT
It's just that those kind people see themselves in the role of Aunties and Uncles. I looked at Riki's blog and there they are, all gathered in the church attending the nuptuals. They have dressed Riki, provided the flowers, cooked the food and they are really into providing the best for the german couple they love so much. They would be mortally hurt if distance were to be put between the two sides! Riki, I know you'll come out of this situation very well.... |
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Nov 5, 2010 21:50:52 GMT
What an incredible experience, and how brilliant (and a bit scary). I work with a chap who comes from Kerala...when he talks to his wife on the telephone in their native tongue it's so musical I am entranced.
He tells me that Kerala is the most beautiful place in the whole world ;D
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Post by rikita on Nov 6, 2010 13:57:08 GMT
kerala is indeed very beautiful!
well after a few days of being a tourist in a touristy place in varkala, and now some city-noise in trivandrum, i think i can look forward to going "home" to my village too... i think we mainly just needed a break...
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2010 16:16:25 GMT
Since you got away for a few days, does this mean that there are school holidays now? (Diwali, for example?) Did you see any Diwali events?
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Post by rikita on Nov 7, 2010 13:13:37 GMT
well there are diwali holidays in some regions,but our poor kids have exams instead, so there are no classes there either...
there were some celebrations and fireworks in varkala, but as we didn't gather informationbeforehand, we missedmost of that...
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