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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2010 7:54:02 GMT
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Post by myrt on Nov 14, 2010 8:29:07 GMT
In my family we have an escalating scale of farting - starting with a 'pop', up to a 'parp', moving to a 'fart' and then finally to a 'squelcher' (hopefully a rare occurance and usually indicative of a stomach upset). There are finely shaded tones in between......to do with age, diet and sex. All the children think any bottom noise is hilarious obviously but I have to say I think it's a peculiarly male obsession in adulthood. Everyone farts but some fart more than others. And some announce that they have one brewing with more relish than is necessary. Chewing Fennel seeds is supposed to be helpful - but that's only if you view it as a condition that needs medical assistance.......instead of a game for all the family.......
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Post by onlymark on Nov 14, 2010 9:21:33 GMT
But never forget the SBD's. Many women whilst in company are expert at this. SBD = silent but deadly.
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Post by onlymark on Nov 14, 2010 9:23:10 GMT
And I can only thank Kerouac for making a thread that is at my level. It's true that this forum caters for everyone.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2010 9:38:49 GMT
I must have extremely variable intestinal flora.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 14, 2010 14:10:02 GMT
Interesting.....to say the least. While away in Canada this year we found out our hosts wife does not permit him to have any sugar if she can help it! WHY?? we asked, thinking diebetes or some other dreaded disease. "Because it makes him pass gas" she replied. I see from the article you gave us Kerouac, that indeed sugar has something to do with it. As for the charcoal underpants - Oh please! just make the man swallow charcoal capsules available at all pharmacies
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2010 15:13:13 GMT
I have heard that airline seats have some sort of filter in the material, but of course its efficiency is relative.
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Post by bixaorellana on Nov 14, 2010 15:20:34 GMT
Chewing Fennel seeds is supposed to be helpful - but that's only if you view it as a condition that needs medical assistance.......instead of a game for all the family....... ;D But there are so many variations and opportunities for using the imagination! You can pretend the dog did it, ha ha, to draw attention to yourself and how amusing you are for having passed gas. A friend's father was famous for standing up, acting panicked, then taking out his pocket knife and sawing a big slash in the air in front of him, through which he would step to safety. But never forget the SBD's. Many women whilst in company are expert at this. SBD = silent but deadly. My cousin's comment on his wife's flatulence -- "J doesn't have farts, she has invisible shit!" (Yes, I too come from a refined family that enjoys subtle humor and the intellectual exercise of codifying natural phenomena.)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2010 16:24:31 GMT
And we all know about elevators.
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Post by onlymark on Nov 14, 2010 16:36:31 GMT
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Nov 14, 2010 21:14:23 GMT
My home made pickles are lethal...my daughter in law went quite pale yesterday when my son found a large jar of my home made pickled onions in the cupboard...to say that they are toxic is an understatement...both sons and my OH were jolly impressed to see that there were holes in the (metal) lid...corrosion! Bedroom windows open last night despite the weather...
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Post by lagatta on Nov 15, 2010 1:30:49 GMT
I'd never heard of charcoal capsules or tablets. What are they used for, and are they safe? Are they an aid with digestive upset?
I see flatulence only refers to farting - the anal route, not to the gas that escapes upwards resulting in burping or belching - oh, the whole Bean Symphony from both ends.
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Post by myrt on Nov 15, 2010 7:04:46 GMT
Charcoal biscuits are often given to dogs - they are absorbent and have been used in the treatment of ingested poison (I think) - but I don't think they are very effective for upwardly mobile gas though. Sage tea is supposed to be helpful.
'Bean symphony'......I have a whole soundtrack going on in my head - lots of formally dressed people in a line onstage farting and belching in unison.....the audience impressed but hardly daring to breath.... ;D
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Post by spindrift on Nov 15, 2010 9:50:19 GMT
There are no flatulence problems in my family. Thank goodness.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 15, 2010 11:03:12 GMT
Lagatta, here they are readily available for humans under the name "Naturemade (Pty)Ltd., and have a Johannesburg phone number on the container. They tell you " Activated vegetable charcoal is an absorbent for many drugs, toxins and gasses. Offending substances are absorbed by the porous surface of the tiny charcoal particles and carried through the evacuation from the bowel. Charcoal is neither digested nor disolved therefore not assimulated into the blood stream"
Directions: 1-4 capsules three times daily as needed.
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Post by mickthecactus on Nov 15, 2010 19:38:22 GMT
Spindrift - are you all perfect then.....?
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Post by spindrift on Nov 17, 2010 23:19:45 GMT
No, I just farted now. Because I've been eating a bag of chips with salt and vinegar on them. Just a minor one, mine are never smelly. So there!
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Post by mickthecactus on Nov 18, 2010 9:47:44 GMT
No, I just farted now. Because I've been eating a bag of chips with salt and vinegar on them. Just a minor one, mine are never smelly. So there! Too much information........ ;D
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Post by spindrift on Nov 18, 2010 15:15:47 GMT
just wanted to tell you that I'm not perfect (as you suggested)
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Post by imec on Nov 24, 2010 2:39:51 GMT
Ooooh, I love to fart! Anyone wanna pull my finger???
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Post by Kimby on Dec 23, 2010 19:14:14 GMT
My Mom used to say that "mothers never fart, and they rarely burp, either." She's still a mother, but now she does occasionally let one rip. (Maybe her memory loss has made her forget that mothers don't fart.)
I've noticed I'm FAR less gassy since entering menopause. However, at the same time, Mr. Kimby has greatly increased his output and pungency.
My FIL is a world class farter. And being mostly deaf, it's hilarious when he isn't wearing his hearing aid and thinks he's passing gas silently.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2010 19:34:19 GMT
My mother could have won championships for farting. You could hear her from one end of the house to the other. But as is usually the case with the noisy stuff, she was never deadly, unlike other members of the family.
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Post by frenchmystiquetour on Dec 23, 2010 22:12:33 GMT
Once as a child I was in church and nodded off to sleep (who doesn't), which caused my stomach muscles to relax and I really let one rip quite loudly. To cover up I cast a horrified glance at my mother and slid down the bench away from her.
On the topic of belching, a friend and I as teens used to guzzle carbonated drinks to see who could belch the loudest. He belched so loud that the window shade spontaneously rolled up.
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Post by Kimby on Dec 24, 2010 15:49:25 GMT
My father used to belch out "bottle-de-beep" to make us laugh when we were kids.
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Post by joanne28 on Dec 25, 2010 2:17:30 GMT
Kimby, unlike you, I must have at least tripled my gas output since hitting menopause. Sound effects and smells have also been incredibly enhanced. I still haven't caught up with my husband, who once flushed two cats out of the bedroom with a eye-watering expulsion.
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Post by rikita on Dec 25, 2010 13:03:04 GMT
nothing to say about farts right now, but as for belching, it seems much more permitted here that it would be in germany. people sometimes belch in the middle of talking to me, or even while standing up on a stage or whatever, and it is almost always done loudly, and without any reaction of anyone to it, or any sign of embarrassment.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Dec 26, 2010 9:24:59 GMT
I wonder why it is that when I first met my OH neither of us ever suffered from flatulence or borborigma..but gradually the little toots and beeps became acceptable over time....sigh
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2010 20:39:25 GMT
Ah, our anal retentive training shows many forms over life. And when we are with someone with whom we can relax..... well, we relax.
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Post by Kimby on Dec 29, 2010 15:55:24 GMT
I've gotten so comfortable with my "emissions" among family members that I can't be trusted to mind my manners while out in public anymore. Fortunately, Mr. Kimby often gets the strange looks since no one would suspect a petite lady of letting such an enthusiastic belch rip. Unfortunately, I am not always with Mr. Kimby when I suffer such an etiquette lapse.
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Post by livaco on Dec 30, 2010 16:42:52 GMT
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.”
The doctor says, “I see. Here’s a prescription. Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week.”
The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts … although still silent… stink terribly.”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s start working on your hearing.”
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