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Post by tod2 on May 29, 2023 12:51:16 GMT
I will definitely look out for that movie Whatagain. In the meantime Mr.Tod will continue to be in charge of that smelly firepit thing that we are told is so terribly carcinogenic. We don't do a lot of it these days and so I seldom hear a voice from the garden shouting "Can I light the fire yet?! "
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Post by fumobici on May 30, 2023 17:11:58 GMT
Why are men condemned to the barbecue? It is smelly, dangerous and hot. It sounds like women's work. Boys are drawn to fire, and men are boys.
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Post by kerouac2 on May 31, 2023 17:21:42 GMT
So, I went to my friend's funeral today, the first funeral I have attended since 1992 (my grandmother) unless you count the cremation ceremony in Père Lachaise for a friend's mother five or six years ago.
I walked out before the end because there was too much religious mumbo jumbo with absolutely no relation to real life. However, I had taken my precautions in advance and sat in the last row, so basically nobody saw me leave.
I even paid a ten euro fee when the baskets were passed around. You'd think that a funeral would be free, but the priest made it very clear that contributions were necessary to compensate services like this and the parish in general. Never again.
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Post by mossie on Jun 1, 2023 7:00:35 GMT
Oddly enough I went to the funeral of an old friend yesterday, but we are Church of England and it was nice straightforward service
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Post by kerouac2 on Jun 1, 2023 11:14:43 GMT
This was the nightmare I expected. There was a hymn singer. Nobody knew any of the hymns, so she sang alone, except for the priest who mouthed the last line each time, probably out of relief. An organist, playing dreadful dreary stuff. The two sons each read a brief homage which seemed to have been copied out of a "how to give a funeral homage" book, with just a sentence or two that seemed personal enough to actually be their mother, and the priest spoke at least 3 times, but I think he had entered a competition to see how many times you can use the word "mercy." His mercy, our mercy, their mercy, her mercy, need mercy, ask for mercy, receive mercy... And then there is all of that "please rise" stuff then sit down then get up then sit down then get up again... At least the getting up part allowed me to make my escape out the back.
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Post by onlyMark on Jun 1, 2023 11:55:07 GMT
The last funeral I went to was my mother's in 2008 (cremated) and we only had one because she wanted one. My father didn't so when he died in 2013 (also cremated) the Undertaker sorted out the cremation and planting his ashes next to my mother's. We had a new headstone done though. It read, here lies (my father) on top of (my mother). A position he enjoyed more in life than death.
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Post by kerouac2 on Jun 1, 2023 14:51:55 GMT
Neither of my parents had a funeral. After cremation, I just had their urns added to my French grandparents' grave. But I like to see all of the names engraved on the tombstone, even more so since the local undertakers forgot to send me a bill for my mother's final event (interrment and inscription on the grave) even though they had sent me a quote for about 850€.
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Post by tod2 on Jun 1, 2023 16:19:02 GMT
I do not believe in funerals...period. This non participation came to me from two sources. A young friend who loved sewing and made me umpteen outfits, got cancer. She never told us but when we learned of her death and funeral arrangements, the Minister/Priest/ Official, announced "Stephanie has requested there be no singing because all of you sing out of tune"! What a relief to just listen to a few tributes , the dedication to the earth and that was it. Short and mildly enjoyable. The second source was my mother. She only wanted a blessing and dedication to the earth where her and together with my fathers ashes were interred. My fathers ashes remained at home until my mother died which was at least 15 years.
I think funerals are more for the living. The ceremony to tear at their heartstrings, to make ones sorrow exhibited to family. friends and everyone else. I feel sorrow is very personal. I'm not advocating that you put on a stoic face but rather spend time at home with close relatives reflecting on the persons life and the love you had for them. To do this out of a comfort zone to me is raw and horrible.
I kept my daughters ashes at home for a very long time. About 25 years. My husband could not bare to part with them. Eventually I seized the opportunity when my mother was cremated. On the day of the burial of ashes, I mixed my fathers ashes, my mothers ashes and my daughters ashes all together. The family that attended the short interment all had a turn at pouring the ashes in the final place. Not one person ever knew my daughters ashes were included so no explanations or questions were asked. I'm happy she is at last with a final resting place. As for me - scatter me far and wide!
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Post by kerouac2 on Jun 1, 2023 16:33:41 GMT
Actually, I have been pleased these last two nights to see my dead friend in dreams, something which had never happened before.
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Post by onlyMark on Jun 1, 2023 18:56:18 GMT
I've got this idea from elsewhere but when I die, at the funeral I want some very attractive women in her mid-thirties, dressed completely in black, hat and everything, maybe even a veil, dabbing at her eyes with a stark white handkerchief to stand mysteriously some way at the back and refuse to talk to anyone. Then disappear when nobody is looking.
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Post by mich64 on Jun 1, 2023 19:09:22 GMT
I have noticed here a real change in how people are having funerals and it is the result of COVID. More than ever now I notice celebrations of life services several months after someone has passed away instead of the traditional funeral within a week of two of their passing. There are not as many services being held in funeral homes either, which had become quite common as so many no longer attend church. Now many rent the same halls, clubs or restaurants where wedding are held as well.
Last Saturday we attended a celebration of life held at a lakeside restaurant, it was 3 months after he died. I would say due to waiting so long it did feel like we were actually celebrating him, so many wonderful stories and smiles when people spoke about him. His family seemed relaxed and were happy to see everyone.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 1, 2023 19:18:50 GMT
Funerals are personal. A bit like keeping pictures or clothes of the dead.
Funerals for Robin were very important for me. I cried, cried, cried. And each tear that joined the river i had already created was one step closer to overcoming his death. In my mind, accepting the loss.
For others this is not necessary.
Then i went to funerals where i was shocked or must laugh. A bloody priest at a child funerals launched his arms in thecair, all smile, greeting us with 'may you be welcome in tbe house if God'. Good thst i didn't have a Kalashnikov. Then the mother made a speech criticising her daughter's friends who had created a site on FB to honour her memory.
And if course some laughs like when our daughter asked what the duck was doing sculpted on the walls. It was the christ ...
Then getting upset with the dead like recently when we heard the guy had a secret life, as free mason, knowing he was never there when dsughters needed him. (And my father came to their rescue). And these bloody fools with 'our brither here' 'our brother there'.
Also the fantastic priest who explained to everybody - most of them unaware - that the dead died of alcohol and explainjng into details.
But as to paying, i never drop one dime in their basket. Knowing i had to pay 500 euros - in black of course - for the funerals for Robin.
Well, you got me upset here ! 🤣🤣🤣
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Post by mickthecactus on Jun 1, 2023 19:20:45 GMT
Mrs Cactus and I have paid into a plan so when we pop our clogs the company collects the body, takes it to be cremated and bring back the ashes. That’s it.
My daughter was horrified.
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Post by kerouac2 on Jun 1, 2023 19:23:01 GMT
I am pretty sure that I will find a place that takes care of whatever happens to me, paid in advance.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 1, 2023 19:23:41 GMT
We have paid 15 years ago for our resting places. Next to Robin. Of course.
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Post by tod2 on Jun 3, 2023 10:34:21 GMT
Mrs Cactus and I have paid into a plan so when we pop our clogs the company collects the body, takes it to be cremated and bring back the ashes. That’s it Us too, but what arrangement for the ashes? I just want to be scattered not left in a box or jar and cemented into a wall of remembrance.
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Post by mickthecactus on Jun 3, 2023 10:39:32 GMT
Same for us.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 4, 2023 0:01:59 GMT
A friend called me. I saw his name on my smartphone. but i could not hear him.
I heard somebody breathing painfully. Then 'soŕry i need time'.
I knew shit was coming. And i feared it was about his kids. It was about a friend of his son. A guy he liked. He saw often. He welcomed home. Who drank his wine i guess. Like i do with kids old enough. Friends of his son.
He did something stupid. the kid. 23 to 25. My friend just said he did something stupid. The guy actually jumped into the water. Simple as that. Jumped into the water. But the water was only 20 cm deep. 8 inches. He broke his neck.
Tetraplegic. Under 25. My friend asking how he could help the parents. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Me organising a bbq.
He thanked for the advice. Ok. I am glad i could be of help. But sleep is evading me.
Life sucks sometimes. Just saying.
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Post by kerouac2 on Jun 4, 2023 2:19:31 GMT
The world is preparing to come to an end.
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Post by bjd on Jun 4, 2023 6:37:59 GMT
A similar thing happened to a friend of my daughter's. He had a summer job between the end of high school and starting university on the Mediterranean coast. During a break, he and a few others were fooling around in the water and he dived down into water that was too shallow. Broke his neck. He spent ages in the hospital and doctors kept telling him he would walk again, but more than 20 years later he is still in a wheelchair. Some movement in the arms but not in the legs. He did go to university, worked online, does live in an adapted apartment and has a power-operated wheelchair but of course, for a guy who used to skateboard to school, it's not how he had envisaged life.
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Post by tod2 on Jun 4, 2023 13:37:02 GMT
Whatagain that is a terrible tragedy. My friends husband suffered a broken neck from a car accident. He had an extremely strong mind and during his wheelchair life he taught himself to write lefthanded and feed himself. He did have a carer that saw to his toilet needs. During his lifetime he suffered a lot of hospital visits because of infections and finally died four years ago at the age of about 68 I think- He was 34 when the tragedy happened and a successful lawyer. Eventually became our Deputy Attorney General. No mean feat for a man crippled for life. To do this one can only realise the strength of his mind.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 4, 2023 16:00:18 GMT
Yes some people are strong enough and have a desire to live that is an example to us.
In this tragedy though the kid is on a respirator and will be disconnected soon. He has given his organs to whoever needs them. Part of him will continue to live.
Jeez. And sometimes I complain. Poor kid. Poor parents. Poor friends.
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Post by htmb on Jun 4, 2023 16:15:16 GMT
Such a shame. The family must be absolutely devastated.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Jun 5, 2023 8:01:15 GMT
Very sad Whatagain.
A friend's husband died this week after a valiant fight with cancer. Diagnosed too late (symptomless until recently). Retired a couple of years ago and enjoying life, then BAM! Months to live. Life is shorter than you think.
Changing the subject completely. I'm enjoying the days being longer, walks with the dog and gardening at full throttle...making the most of the weather and appreciating every day.
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Post by mickthecactus on Jun 5, 2023 8:50:56 GMT
As you say Cheery you never know what’s round the corner.
Yes, days are much better.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 5, 2023 9:47:01 GMT
Bam.
Indeed we never what is around the corner.
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Post by bixaorellana on Jun 8, 2023 14:02:31 GMT
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Post by mickthecactus on Jun 8, 2023 14:12:01 GMT
I’ve seen that. It’s for masochistic mad people.
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Post by onlyMark on Jun 8, 2023 14:21:29 GMT
I am aware of that because each year there are numerous injuries reported. A few years ago it was banned due to health and safety concerns but started up again when it was then done unofficially and couldn't be stopped - until covid. It had a break and re-started. I think many countries do have strange sports of one sort or anther but the UK seems to have an endless supply. A short list of examples is -
Clog throwing, Pooh sticks and shin kicking. Also, Ferret legging - an endurance contest to see who can keep a ferret in their trousers the longest. Black pudding throwing - throwers use an underhand motion to lob three lumps of black pudding at Yorkshire puddings piled atop a 7.6-metre platform. The person who knocks off the most puddings wins. Royal Shrovetide Football - a type of mob Football played on the streets of in Ashbourne, Derbyshire. A ball is thrown into the centre of the town and then the players attempt to get the ball to the goals, which are positioned three miles apart. There are not many rules really - you are not permitted to kill anyone or make use of a motor vehicle to carry the ball - that's about it. It can involve hundreds on each side.
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Post by bixaorellana on Jun 8, 2023 15:21:35 GMT
It’s for masochistic mad people. Well, both of you come on this forum every day. ~~??~~ Ferret legging - an endurance contest to see who can keep a ferret in their trousers the longest. My sister tells a story of herself & a group of friends (including the victim's brother) laughing instead of attempting to help the unfortunate who got a field mouse in his clothing. This was in winter, & they were all bundled up. While slapping himself, begging for help, and jumping around, the guy fell over sideways in the snow. The mouse burrowed as far as it could go and wound up with its nose in the terminus of the guy's alimentary canal. Not sure I have all the details correct, as my sister collapses into helpless laughter when relating the story.
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