Managing those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

[lagatta]

I'm about the last person to be into New Agey therapies, Mindfulness and many supposed forms of "self-care", but I'm sure I'm not the only person freaking out, between the anniversary of the Bataclan and other attacks in Paris neighbourhoods I know well, the bombastic orange buffoon getting elected as a spokesman for the "forgotten" and naming as his spokesperson a racist piece of shit aka "white nationalist" who is equal opportunity in his hatreds of people of various colours and hues, Jews, Muslims, "feminists" and what have you, here our sadness about Leonard Cohen, a mostly-anglo but deeply francophile artist and simply the yearly horror of winter settling in and now they say it will be a cold one aka isolation...

So do any of you have any insights? Without getting all Mindful and mystical, how does one protect one's sleep and one's sanity?

Whie my sanity is at least as good as normal for the moment, my sleep has been most erratic...

One positive tonight is the beautiful "Supermoon", here encased in a thick mist but yet clearly visible.

[Deleted]

Even though I end up getting tired of the weather, I am relatively immune to the winter blues so I have never really known how to advise people who are feeling down at this time of year. The fact that I live in the "city of light" also makes it hard for me to imagine winter in small town North Dakota or other such places that are likely to be dismal.

However, there is a spirit in Paris which I hope is not unique to just Paris wherein people make a conscious effort to fight not just tragedy but the blues in general. After the horrendous date of 13 November 2015, there was an instantansous and massive movement to prove that the city is unsinkable (fluctuat nec mergitur!) and the walls were quickly covered with the message "je suis en terrasse" ("I'm sitting outside at the café.") and the sidewalk cafés really were full of people (and remained so) when in other places they might have been deserted as people cowered indoors. The thousands of candles and messages at Place de la République and the shooting sites were both solemn and festive. By spring it all merged into the Nuit Debout movement, the damaged cafés and restaurants had reopened, and the spirit of Paris had fully recovered.

But it doesn't just happen by itself -- everybody has to pitch in!

[lagatta]

Well, I certainly don't live in small-town North Dakota - or Alberta - but your winters are nothing like ours can be. Yes, you get less sunlight, because the days are shorter, and also because of the strong Atlantic influence - though Paris is not nearly as grey as Amsterdam gets for weeks on end. The problem with the winter here is it gets so cold as to be isolating, and also since Mtl is an island where two major rivers confluent, it is still very damp so there is a lot of ice which makes walking difficult and perilous. But we aren't there yet.

Yes, I think the spirit you mention is typically Parisian; people in Brussels, for example, did not react the same way, although it is not very far away and nowadays mostly francophone.

Do not that the weather was not the main thrust of my comment. It was just the proverbial straw...

[bjd]

Lagatta, since I see that we are on-line at the same time, I suppose you are not sleeping! I wake up a lot at night too, stay awake for a couple of hours before falling asleep again. I put it down to aging and just hope there are nights when I will sleep properly. I never look at a screen though.

But about protecting one's sanity -- I think we just have to get on with our lives and carry on. I like to think that if I lived in Paris, I would continue going to cafés. I think we can't just let ourselves get into a panic about everything, especially when we do not suffer "directly", like those who were in the Bataclan or La Belle Equipe a year ago.

Whenever I talk to my mother, who is 91 and in a senior's residence in Canada, I am struck by the fact that she always asks me how I can live in France with all that's going on, making it sound as though I am living in Aleppo. And if the people in Aleppo can carry on, so can we.

[bjd]

Ah, of course -- your weather is much worse than ours! I see you posted while I was thinking. This winter is forecast to be cold here too apparently, but it's nothing compared to Montreal. Yes, I can understand that it depresses you.

[lagatta]

Well, a lot of the people in Aleppo have died, or fled. It is one of the oldest cities in the world.

Yes, I sometimes have insomnia, but hadn't recently as I've been able to cycle a lot from early March to now; last winter wasn't too bad. And I have a new little cat; they are masters of sleeping.

Just this week with all the awful things. I do occasionally look at the computer if I wake up just because looking at news and events gets me out of my nightmares and into someone else's. Of course our sleep gets lighter as we age; exercise helps a lot but I find it hard to exercise (such as long walks, if not the bicycle) in icy weather. I am going back to bed now though...

[onlyMark]

I had a few bad nights and wondered if I have insomnia.

I decided to sleep on it.

[mickthecactus]

I was once a dyslexic agnostic insomniac.

I lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.

[breeze]

lagatta, I sympathize. What has helped me is getting outdoors every day. I try to walk about two miles but in winter that's not always possible. A shame since it's about my only exercise!

Right now I'm keeping count of the days till the solstice. Even though we don't notice any increase in day length till about two weeks afterwards, I know longer days are on their way. We used to shop at a store where the cashier had a handwritten sign showing the number of days till spring.

I try to see each sunrise. I'd like to see sunsets but we're on the east side of a hill. I try to eat well and healthfully. I've been making a lot of kale and sweet potato soups and they aren't that bad.

Waking up during the night and not being able to get back to sleep is my way of life now. After a trip to the bathroom I just lie in bed for a while, appreciating the soft sheets and warm blankets and hoping I'll relax back to sleep. If I can't do that, I get up and putter. A woman with the same problem told me she planned for it, keeping quiet household jobs for the middle of the night. I try not to turn on the computer.

I think a regular bedtime would help me, and also turning off the computer an hour before bedtime. But I just can't seem to do that.

[onlyMark]

Mick, I'll save yours for use another time and pretend I said it first.

[Deleted]

After having survived the "summer from hell" and then the homecoming of both my husband and my cat, an absolutely glorious trip to NY, I thought it was all smooth sailing.
WRONG....
And, while I am grateful for all of the aforementioned, along comes the end of a seemingly never ending election, (not just Presidential but on the local/regional level, many candidates and ammendments that I and other like-minded folks supported ) being shot down, I'm feeling discouraged and disheartened.

The time change has always affected me in a not so good way.

And so, after having taken to bed early and or staying up much too late bingeing on movies online, I have shifted my focus and direction.

I committed myself to a couple of community projects in addition to my ongoing volunteer work that I've been involved with for a few years now, STAIR, (start the adventure in reading).
Both the new commitments involve gardening but not so physical but serving as a consult and resource person.

I think that incorporating these into my life helps to alleviate dwelling on the downward spiral I could very easily fall into.
It's an effort but I need it and it also requires my having to be responsible in a structured way because others are depending on me.

I also have steered myself more and more away from social media and during leisure time I read and or exercise taking long walks in the late afternoon which also helps my husband with his ongoing recovery our dog gets the attention and workout he needs after a long period of not having both of us available.

[Deleted]

I used to have a tv. When I was depressed I could spend long hours watching crap. Now I look at crap on the computer. But, since the election I have been avoiding news sites, particularly American ones. I find Maru videos and British panel shows of great solace. Cats and smart people being witty are how I want to spend my time. Of course, I'm reading a lot more.

Weather-wise, we have rain, and lots of it. It is so dark here. I have a long commute to the theatre these days, so my ipod and books are imperative. I don't know what will happen when I am out of work again, but I would like to think I will work on my taxes and writing my next work.

If I lived in Montreal I could find some things to be joyous about.

[mich64]

bjd, our parents were quite pleased we did not take a holiday to Europe this year, their thoughts and concerns about Europe were very similar to those of your mother no matter how much we tried to reassure them. But while preparing the holiday to Italy we received the news that my sister is facing some very serious health issues and we decided not go this year but to put some money aside to assist them and to make more trips to visit her in Ottawa. I realized by the end of September that I was more anxious, stressed and had not been sleeping well, perhaps I missed our annual holiday a little more than I thought I would, but it was the correct choice.

We have been fortunate in regards to the weather so hopefully we will get in one more trip to Ottawa before our normal winter weather sets in.

I have begun my exercise on the treadmill too. Lagatta, I try to change my daily routine when we turn the clock back.

[Deleted]

Well, I spent more than 10 years taking very few vacations to do the right thing. I do not regret that at all, but I am still not sure that it was the best thing for my own health.

[lagatta]

Caregiving can take a VERY heavy toll on the carers' health. One of my friends is the permanent (staffer) at an association supporting carers(caregivers) in Québec. Of course it is the right thing if the carers are up to it - and there aren't deep intrafamily resentments or rifts. But the caregivers still need support and respite.

[lagatta]

Nov 15, 2016 22:55:03 GMT lagatta said:

Caregiving can take a VERY heavy toll on the carers' health. One of my friends is the permanent (staffer) at an association supporting carers(caregivers) in Québec. Of course it is the right thing if the carers are up to it - and there aren't deep intrafamily resentments or rifts. But the caregivers still need support and respite.

I also want to point out that nowaday adult children, siblings and other potential carers often live far apart in different regions or countries, or simply don't have the money to take off work. This causes a lot of guilt and makes matters worse for all.

[mich64]

The families first instinct was hoping they would seek a compassionate transfer back home so we could help, but quickly realized they were in the right location for the best specialist and medical care for her. She has an amazing family doctor and 2 or 3 specialist and now has a nurse 3 hours a day at home, 7 days a week. My brother-in-law takes time to go for a run and work out each day, the doctor's have told him he will need to keep himself in good health to look after her, we are so glad he listened to their advice, it has been very good for him.

We spend time together on-line almost every day and play a game together on Facebook that she enjoys. It is true Lagatta, we all do have feelings of guilt, I talk with my siblings and we to try to find ways to help them and to concentrate on that.

Kerouac, you and other members have written so many posts that in hindsight have provided encouragement and guidance for me this past year.

The super moon was gorgeous the last two nights, we had clear skies and it was like there was a light turned on over the lake, we could see across the bay.

[lagatta]

Any photos of the supermoon over the lake and bay?

[mich64]

Sorry, but no. I did not even think to do that, I wish I had.

[mossie]

Mick, I quote the line used by a member on another forum I use.

"I used to be a kleptomaniac, but now I take something for it"

As regards worry I have always used two thoughts to carry me over hard times. "Press on regardless" and, "It can't happen to me"

But carers very often bear a very heavy burden unnoticed .

[lagatta]

Yes Mossie, we remember that you were a carer for your late wife. I'm sad thinking of a friend who was a carer for her late husband (who had dementia) and was destroyed by it - I'm very glad that you are able to keep soldiering on. Perhaps "soldiering", or "airmanning" is a clue?

[mossie]

I am afraid I learnt quite early on to be hard hearted. I only have occasional memories of my wife and try hard to keep to the good ones.