|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 15, 2017 6:09:36 GMT
Justice News coming to you from Lusaka. A dip into the offences seen in the Court rooms from time to time. "A thirty eight year old man has taken his wife to Kanyama Local Court for divorce on grounds that she did not know how to cook or iron his clothes. Ngumbo told the court that he was tired of eating unpleasant food because his wife could not cook properly. He said many times his clothes were not ironed because his wife did not know how to iron. Ngumbo said his wife was also careless and that on several occasions she burnt food due to her clumsy attitude. He said he could not manage to stay with her and that due to his wife’s behaviour, he impregnated another woman who could cook for him. Ngumbo said it was obvious his wife was not ready for marriage and that it was better for her to go back to her parents to learn how to keep a man." www.times.co.zm/?p=90059
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 15, 2017 6:13:17 GMT
"A WOMAN of Lusaka’s Meanwood area has refused to give up her son in order to maintain her marriage. Beauty Daka, 28, told the court that she loved her son more than marriage hence it was impossible for her to give him up. Facts before the court were that the two got married in 2000 and have been on separation since 2013. Daka explained that during their separation, her husband was not financially supportive forcing her to engage in extra marital affairs. She said in order to financially sustain herself, she started patronising bars where she ended up getting pregnant. Daka said the three years separation was a very long time for any married person to stay faithful to their partner. He said he loved his wife so much but his love was not strong enough to accept a child she had with another man. “Help me pump some sense into my wife so that she can take her child to the father and come back to me,” he pleaded with the court." www.times.co.zm/?p=90055
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 6:22:23 GMT
Do they have any of those silly courtroom shows on Zambian television or would there be a risk of decapitation in direct?
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 15, 2017 7:24:52 GMT
I only have a limited amount of TV but I don't think it is televised.
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 15, 2017 19:54:49 GMT
"A LUSAKA business executive has sued a prophet, Elijah Chali, for allegedly failing to pay more than K45,000 borrowed to televise his prophetic miracles under Healing Voice Ministries." www.times.co.zm/?p=92317"A 101-YEAR-old woman narrated in a fully packed Matero Local Court how she escaped death following accusations that she was practicing witchcraft." www.times.co.zm/?p=90068
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 23, 2017 20:16:19 GMT
"A 33-YEAR-OLD man of Lusaka’s Lilanda Township has accused his wife of making him impotent whenever he wants to make love to other women. The man told the court that had no erection whenever he was in bed with other women, unless he went back to his wife."
"A THIRTY-SEVEN-year-old man of Lusaka’s Kalingalinga Township wants to divorce his wife because she cooked Nshima (maize flour/cornmeal, staple diet in Zambia) with kapenta (small sardine like fish) for his mother. The man told the court that it was not in order for his wife to prepare Nshima with Kapenta for his mother instead of Nshima with chicken."
"A MAN of Ndola’s Chipulukusu Township has sued his ex-wife and four biological children for allegedly calling him a wizard. This is in a case in which Lewis Nswana told the Ndola Main Local Court that his children teamed up with their mother and started accusing him of being a wizard. In her defence, Joyce Kasonteka who is the plaintiff’s ex-wife told the court that Nswana was a wizard who has also killed his children using his magical powers."
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2017 21:06:00 GMT
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 24, 2017 5:17:17 GMT
Good stuff some of these. For example, it seems adultery is not so much of a problem but not getting an erection, is.
|
|
|
Post by bjd on Jan 24, 2017 6:11:24 GMT
Gee -- do you think there's a link?
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 24, 2017 10:14:25 GMT
Outside my experience I'm afraid.
Both things.
|
|
|
Post by mossie on Jan 24, 2017 15:59:57 GMT
Are you boasting or complaining?
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 24, 2017 18:30:29 GMT
Yes, and no. Or maybe.
|
|
|
Post by questa on Jan 26, 2017 14:07:49 GMT
How boring our courts are by comparison. All we get is unpaid parking fines or allowing your dog to "wander at large". I have considered if it is possible for a chihuahua to be guilty of the "at large" misdemeanor anyway. I'm sure Rumpole of the Old Bailey could get him off.
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Jan 26, 2017 15:12:34 GMT
What do you call a midget fortune teller on the run from the law?
A small medium at large.
|
|
|
Post by questa on Jan 26, 2017 22:42:53 GMT
Crazy man goes to laundromat and has sex with 2 women there before running off. Newspaper headline of event..."Nut screws washers and bolts" Sorry
|
|
|
Post by bjd on Jan 27, 2017 8:10:18 GMT
Don't be sorry, Questa. In these dark times, we need all the humour we can get.
|
|
|
Post by questa on Jan 27, 2017 12:50:28 GMT
OK, bjd, this one cracked me up a week or so ago.
What do you call a man who stands around on your back lawn or veranda all day?
V
V
V
Paddy O'Furniture
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Feb 6, 2017 17:21:13 GMT
A Zimbabwean pastor’s wife, who has gone seven years without sex, couldn’t withhold her emotions when she appeared before a court and accused her husband Petros Tshuma, a pastor with Zion Grace International, of starving her since 2010. Instead, she says he sleeps with other women from his congregation. “Your worship, I’m sexually abused by this man as he last had sex with me in 2010. If I ask him about the issue he would promise to make up for it but when it’s time for sex he simulates sickness then claims to be feeling pain in his stomach,” she said. Mary Ngwenya added that her husband would also claim his testicles were swollen but had other partners to sleep with as she literally pleaded for sex in front of the magistrate. “What I know is that he enjoys sex with three ladies from our church. I have WhasApp text messages to prove that. I’m a human being. I don’t survive on Bible verses and I need my husband to sleep with me. Now I lead a pretentious life telling the women I lead that I’m enjoying my marriage while I’m sex starved,” she said in between sobs. However, Tshuma admitted the blame. “I love my wife but I have a problem, when I engage in sex my stomach starts to twinge as a result I feel an intense pain and due to that I had to stop. It’s not true that I’m in love with other women. My wife saw text messages from the women who wanted counselling on their marriages, due to that she quickly concluded that I’m in love with them,” he said. The judge Masuku ordered Tshuma to have sex with his wife and not to emotionally abuse her.www.zambianobserver.com/i-want-sex-not-bible-verses-7-years-sexually-starved-pastors-wife-cries-out-in-court/
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2017 19:45:29 GMT
I think that about six witnesses would be appropriate.
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Feb 7, 2017 7:09:11 GMT
Certainly not me though.
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Feb 12, 2017 11:02:16 GMT
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Feb 12, 2017 11:11:30 GMT
A farmer went out and shot a deer. Giving it to his wife he told her to cook it for dinner but not to tell the kids where the meat came from.
That night at dinner as they were enjoying the meat one of the children got curious and asked what was it they were eating.
The farmer replied: "I won't tell you but will give you a clue". "It's something your mother calls me from time to time"
The kid shouts to his sibling - "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's arsehole!"
|
|
|
Post by patricklondon on Feb 12, 2017 12:40:22 GMT
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Feb 13, 2017 17:21:47 GMT
Thank you for that Patrick - I have heard about Dinner Ladies but we have never had the series here ( as far as I'm aware). That kitchen could easily double as an operating theatre here or anywhere really.
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Feb 13, 2017 17:27:34 GMT
I don't know who saw anything of our "State of The Nation" address a few days ago. We are not allowed to refer to any comparisons with a certain species of animal, but I can assure you the whole world saw these politicians taking on the role of something David Livingstone must have observed all those years ago in the jungle.
Disgraceful, shameful, pathetic, lunatic, and any other superlatives you may care to add.
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on May 16, 2017 10:46:59 GMT
A POLICE officer of Kabangwe area in Lusaka has been dragged to court for deserting work for 300 days because of alleged heavy alcohol consumption. Bernard Mwenya 41, on April 1, 2016 being a dully attested member of the Zambia Police Service was absent from work for 300 days without official leave or lawful justification. According to information obtained by the Times, detective constable Mwenya is alleged to have a tendency of being absent from work due to bad drinking habits. www.times.co.zm/?p=93958
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on May 16, 2017 10:51:18 GMT
A LUSAKA mother who allegedly poisoned her two children to death has appeared in the Lusaka magistrates’ court for the explanation of the two counts of murder she faces. Mirriam Mulenga, 26, of Matero Township broke down before Lusaka Magistrate Sylvia Munyinya after the charges were explained to her. Mulenga, unemployed, is accused of causing the deaths of her two children after giving them Doom ( insecticide/fly spray type of stuff) on January 24 this year. www.times.co.zm/?p=93440
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on May 16, 2017 10:53:50 GMT
A SEX maniac who made love to his wife half the night has been divorced since his wife complained of the punishing regime. Milika Lembanika, 39, of Kanyama Township narrated in the local court how her husband Terrence Chomba, 40, went at it for hours to quench his abnormal sexual appetite. Facts before the court were that the two who have been married for 10 years, have three children and dowry was partially paid. Lembanika said her husband would only rest for about an hour or two and then wake up for more sex. She told the court she could no longer cope with Chomba’s abnormal desire. In defence Chomba said he was shocked that his wife brought such a petty issue in court. www.times.co.zm/?p=93282
|
|
|
Post by patricklondon on May 18, 2017 8:41:00 GMT
A naked carpenter has been cleared of 11 public order charges after a two-day trial.
Iraq War veteran Rob Jenner was arrested four times in September and October after police were repeatedly called to his Eccles property.
The 42-year-old was carrying out DIY and gardening at the Stevens Road terraced house wearing nothing but his work boots......
Andrew Backway, chairman of the bench, said: "In regard to the charge from August 29 we find you not guilty as we cannot be sure if you were inside or outside your property.
"On September 1 we find you not guilty because Mrs Jarrett went down the road to get a better look. On September 7 no one saw you so we find you not guilty. www.kentonline.co.uk/malling/news/naked-carpenter-cleared-120208/My blog | My photos | My video clips"too literate to be spam"
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on May 18, 2017 10:16:01 GMT
I didn't know it was an offence to do your gardening in work boots.
|
|