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Grief
May 10, 2020 4:32:28 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on May 10, 2020 4:32:28 GMT
I am so sorry for you and your family, Mich. Unexpectedly rapid deaths are the absolute worst.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 6:27:03 GMT
Post by bjd on May 10, 2020 6:27:03 GMT
My condolences, Mich. I hope you and your family will be able to grieve together soon.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 6:50:51 GMT
via mobile
Post by mickthecactus on May 10, 2020 6:50:51 GMT
Mich, that is awful. I am so sorry.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 7:24:42 GMT
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Post by whatagain on May 10, 2020 7:24:42 GMT
So sort to read this Mich. Yes not dying Alone is a kind of priviledge nowadays. But it doesnt make it easier for the ones who remain.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 7:29:57 GMT
Post by mossie on May 10, 2020 7:29:57 GMT
I add my condolences, always a tough thing to recover from.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 8:03:33 GMT
Post by onlyMark on May 10, 2020 8:03:33 GMT
A devastating time Mich.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 9:59:42 GMT
Post by lugg on May 10, 2020 9:59:42 GMT
I'm so sorry to read of your loss Mich x I hope you will all be able to get together in the not too distant future.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 10:01:40 GMT
Post by cheerypeabrain on May 10, 2020 10:01:40 GMT
I'm so sorry Mich. Devastating news. Relieved in a way that Cheryl wasn't on her own but so very sad. Sending sympathy and condolences to you and your family xxx
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Grief
May 10, 2020 11:30:02 GMT
Post by casimira on May 10, 2020 11:30:02 GMT
I am so very saddened by this awful news Mich.
My most heartfelt sympathy and condolences to you and yours during this difficult time.
Please take care. xo C.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 13:29:58 GMT
Post by htmb on May 10, 2020 13:29:58 GMT
Mich, sending my deepest condolences to you and your family as you grieve over the loss of your sister. I’m so very sorry.
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Grief
May 10, 2020 17:36:28 GMT
Post by fumobici on May 10, 2020 17:36:28 GMT
Condolences.
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Grief
May 11, 2020 6:35:49 GMT
Post by questa on May 11, 2020 6:35:49 GMT
I also send my condolences at this sad time.
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Grief
May 11, 2020 20:01:21 GMT
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Post by Kimby on May 11, 2020 20:01:21 GMT
I remembered that mich had posted her worries for her sister earlier in this thread, so went back and re-read the whole thread. On page 1 and dated almost exactly two years before her sister’s death was mich’s post about grieving an anticipated loss. The sense of dread likely colored those two years, but the knowledge of what’s to come probably prevented mich from taking her sister for granted.
If I have any regrets about the untimely death of my sister, it is that I took for granted the twenty years I expected we’d have together. We were planning for future trips and gatherings, just not packing them in like we should have been, in retrospect.
However, she and her husband were so busy packing in trips and vacations and camping and visiting friends all over the country, that it might have been hard for her to shoehorn in much more sister time.
My regret with my parents is that Mr. Kimby and I never took them on a backpack trip as we’d talked about doing. Before we knew it, they were too old for that kind of stuff, so it never happened.
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Grief
May 11, 2020 23:04:06 GMT
Post by lagatta on May 11, 2020 23:04:06 GMT
I do have friends afar who have died of this shit, but I think I'll discuss them later...
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Grief
May 12, 2020 3:40:43 GMT
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Post by mich64 on May 12, 2020 3:40:43 GMT
Thank you everyone for your kind words of condolences and support.
It has been a difficult time not being able to grieve with my family. I spent this morning transferring her obituary to our local paper for print tomorrow. My brother-in-law wrote a beautiful tribute to her and also gratitude to all the doctors, nurses, PSW’s, her speech pathologist, her dietician and the many care co-ordinaries for her and their family.
It is bizarre having friends dropping food, cards and flowers at the door and not being able to hug them like I do crave to do. It was my father’s 84th birthday this past Friday, we stopped by and brought him his favourite cake, Black Forest cake, tears and pretend hugs. I texted with my niece on Sunday, Mother’s Day, knowing how difficult the day would be. Right now, I just ache, my body just hurts everywhere, my husband says this is because I am holding myself so rigid to remain a strong appearance. I suppose he is right. We did know this was coming, it was inevitable but it still came so quickly. We had been making the trip every couple of months for about 3 years, our last was in February with a promise to see her at the end of March but COVID prevented us.
Thank you again, reading condolences hurt the first few days but I have since read them all again and felt solace in them so I know the pain will ease in time.
You are a wonderful group and have always felt grateful amongst you.
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Grief
May 12, 2020 3:52:25 GMT
Post by bixaorellana on May 12, 2020 3:52:25 GMT
Aw, Mich, your cleverness and sweetness brighten up the whole forum.
I guess the tasks such as transferring the obituary were welcome in the sense that it gave you a focus in this very sad time.
Regards to your father on his birthday, as it seems so inappropriate to say happy birthday this time.
Mich, what about this thing in Canada of two households being allowed to isolate together? Is that anything that would work for your immediate family, or is it too complicated and might cause bad feeling?
Thanks for taking the time to post your update. I hope you can just go collapse in bed soon and sleep off the aches, then look forward to regular life even in the midst of grief.
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Grief
May 12, 2020 4:08:04 GMT
via mobile
Post by mich64 on May 12, 2020 4:08:04 GMT
Actually Bixa, in Ontario we are not supposed to enter anyone else’s home. We are to only have contact with our own households. We can meet in groups of 5 only at this point. Other Provinces are allowing 2 family group gatherings but not in Ontario as of yet, perhaps by June 1st is the hope. One happy announcement was that we will be able to shop in the outdoor garden centers as of today.
My dad did enjoy his cake very much and I think the card and quick visit brightened his otherwise sad day.
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Grief
May 12, 2020 4:38:01 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on May 12, 2020 4:38:01 GMT
I think it makes things easier to be busy at times like this. When my father died, the funeral home provided a very helpful checklist of things to do that one might not think of spontaneously, such as ending subscriptions and memberships as quickly as possible. When you have "projects" like that to work on, it sort of temporarily suspends some of the grief, and when it comes back, it isn't as intense. Of course there are the residual pangs when unexpected things arrive in the mail six months later.
I think I was very lucky that neither of my parents were computer users and didn't even have mobile phones. Going through someone's "devices" after death seems to me to be something that could cause extreme distress for a variety of reasons.
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Grief
Jun 6, 2020 23:06:01 GMT
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Post by Kimby on Jun 6, 2020 23:06:01 GMT
I was vacuuming and dusting today, and in almost every room there were reminders of my dear departed little sister, gifts she had brought us from her travels, a photo collage she made me for one christmas, the really nice original abstract painting she and my other sister bought Mr. Kimby and me for our wedding, the collection of mix CDs she made, one each year, of music she’d enjoyed during the year, family photos I picked up to dust under...now I’m all weepy and sad. It’s beginning to sink in that she’s really gone.
Tomorrow was to have been her memorial at the family cabin in Wisconsin, but it’s been postponed for COVID reasons...maybe by September it’ll be safe to gather.
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 2:00:56 GMT
Post by lagatta on Jun 7, 2020 2:00:56 GMT
Hugs to Mich and Mr Mich. Normally there would be a funeral for my slightly older brother, who was an utter violent shit to me and whom I haven't seen in decades. I'm actually relieved that there don't seem to be any short-term plans for a funeral, as I feel strange attending a funeral for someone who spent years beating me up, destroying my paintings and writings.
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 19:28:18 GMT
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Post by Kimby on Jun 7, 2020 19:28:18 GMT
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 20:36:52 GMT
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Post by mich64 on Jun 7, 2020 20:36:52 GMT
I received more distressing news this week, my sister has been diagnosed with colon cancer and will be having surgery this coming Thursday. She has withholding this information due to the passing of our sister and also had been waiting for tests as her first tests were prior the shutdown, this week she was quickly taken in for the follow up tests where it was confirmed to be cancer.
While I am trying my best to be optimistic, I pray the shutdown was not long enough to affect the degree of progression. We can not visit with her as she is isolating to ensure a negative COVID test the day of surgery. She is to report to the hospital by 6:00 am so our plan is to be in the parking lot by 5:15 am so we can offer words of encouragement before she enters.
Hoping and praying for the best result.
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 20:49:18 GMT
Post by htmb on Jun 7, 2020 20:49:18 GMT
Mich, I’m so sorry to hear this news. Your family certainly is due for better times! Here’s hoping the cancer is very contained and the surgery a major success.
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 23:08:33 GMT
Post by bixaorellana on Jun 7, 2020 23:08:33 GMT
Oh, Mich -- that is a blow! My very best wishes to you and your family right now. Please let us know as soon as you know everything is okay. What a noble person your sister is, to keep that to herself while the rest of the family was grieving.
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Grief
Jun 7, 2020 23:14:56 GMT
via mobile
Post by Kimby on Jun 7, 2020 23:14:56 GMT
2020 is turning out to be a pretty sh*tty year all around. Hope your sister’s surgery goes well. 🤞
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Grief
Jun 8, 2020 3:27:17 GMT
Post by kerouac2 on Jun 8, 2020 3:27:17 GMT
Worrisome news indsed. But the medical profession is getting better and better at those surgeries, so it's time to hope for the best.
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Grief
Jun 8, 2020 5:11:43 GMT
Post by bjd on Jun 8, 2020 5:11:43 GMT
Mich, I hope all goes well for your sister. Colon cancer is one that has a high recovery rate with successful surgery, so your sister's chances are good.Especially since she seems to have a strong character.
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Grief
Jun 8, 2020 7:09:36 GMT
Post by mickthecactus on Jun 8, 2020 7:09:36 GMT
So sorry to hear that Mich but it does sound that her chances are good.
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Grief
Jun 8, 2020 10:02:52 GMT
Post by lagatta on Jun 8, 2020 10:02:52 GMT
Yes, some years ago that cancer had a dismal prognostic, but treatment has much improved. And Canada does have a healthcare system...
By the way, Kimby, thank you so much for the grieving a cat article (everything in that article would apply equally to grieving a dog, and several other domesticated mammalian species). It is normal that I was hard-hit by Renzo's demise, though it was no more "untimely" than my mother's at 98. I had never lived as long with any sentient being - I do have a couple of house plants who are now a bit older, but much as I love my plants, and important as they are in our long, dead winters, there isn't the same connection as with a fellow mammal.
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Grief
Oct 10, 2020 18:00:56 GMT
Post by mich64 on Oct 10, 2020 18:00:56 GMT
Our Province is in the midst of a second wave of COVID19. Yesterday it was announced by our Premier that 3 major cities will revert to Phase 2. Restaurants back to take-out or curbside pick-up, gyms, theatres and bars closed. Also, weddings and funerals will be scaled back again to 10 people. I feel horrible for those trying to make arrangements to now being postponed or cancelled.
Our family held the funeral for my sister two weeks ago. We were allowed to have 25 people in the Funeral Home for the family viewing of her urn on the Friday night. Saturday morning we were allowed 25 people for her service, 15 of us were allowed to be inside when they placed her urn in her resting place.
Saturday afternoon we held a celebration of life where we were allowed to have 50 people in an event hall. This is what she really wanted, all her family and close friends sharing a drink and nibbling on sandwiches and desserts sharing stories with smiles. The event staff were tremendous and the room was beautiful. My brother-in-law asked me to arrange for 2 dozen yellow roses and the arrangement was placed on a pedestal on an elegantly draped table in the middle of the room where they placed the prepared plates of food. All the other flower arrangements were placed on tables throughout the room. Everyone chose bright colored arrangements.
Perhaps the four month delay was actually beneficial to us all as the shock had eased, the grief not as raw and we were able to gather together with our thoughts clear to share poems and prepared words we probably would not have been able to compose at the time of her passing.
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