Post by bixaorellana on Sept 27, 2019 18:26:26 GMT
It occurs to me that often members wish to announce or discuss something of great import to their lives: personal triumphs, important changes, or great losses.
There is a lovely thread about special dates, but so far we've been having to look around for an appropriate place to announce or discuss the big events in our lives. Often, the thread titles available seem too trite for the particular announcement, so here is a place for more momentous news.
Thank you ladies. I think we both gave each other something else to think about this summer and I think that helped us both to help each other.
My husband received his EKG monitor he was asked to order today. His surgeon has asked him to monitor himself a couple of times a day, save the results and then send results to him for the next couple of months. He will then decide whether or not to do a second procedure. He is still not in normal range but we hope this is because his heart is still healing. He was back to work this past weekend and off blood thinners for now.
My friend whose husband died earlier this year still has his name on their phone when I look at the messages. And I certainly would not suggest that she should change it; she or her son would have to do that. These are people who remarried late in life, but had some happy years and adventures together. Until his bladder cancer, he was very hale and hearty in early 80s; he went swimming almost every day in a half-Olympic pool a bit north of their place, and was a great walker.
I am not sure if this absolutely fits in but I picked up two metal flowers a couple of days ago that mean a lot to me. Forget- Me- Nots sold to raise funds for a fantastic hospice which is local to me' Before they were sold off they were placed altogether in several locations across the county. I have not got a photo of them but here is a link about them with a photo.
Anyway one for my Mum and one for my Dad. My Mum was fortunate enough to receive amazing end of life care at the hospice and my Dad was fortunate enough not to need it. ( Although terminally ill with pancreatic cancer he fought to the end and unbelievably power washed their patio and drive in the morning and died in the afternoon) Anyway I felt extremely emotional going back to the hospice to collect them but am already getting pleasure seeing them in the garden. I think I was doubly emotional as I was thinking about my son's happy news and the fact that I am going to be a grandma in 2020 and wishing that they could have known the baby to be.
Oh, Lugg! What a pretty, vibrant, and really happy way to honor your dear parents. Those sweet ornaments will light up your garden all year round and spark fond remembrances every time you see them.
The picture in the link is lovely. I'm assuming from the text that those particular flowers were sponsored by people such as you. Do you know if the hospice or other organization will continue producing them?
I experienced something the other day that I had not expected that felt emotional and surprising but served a very practical purpose.
My parents had me go with them to their bank and had me signed on to all of their accounts. When my dad called and asked me, it was just something I had not ever expected they would ask me to do, I thought they would select one of my elder siblings.
It was emotional because I can remember my mom taking me to the bank as a teenager to set up my first bank account.
Afterwards we went to their favourite coffee shop and they seemed quite pleased and relieved.
From many things you've written on the forum, Mich, it would seem your parents made a wise decision in putting you on the bank accounts. I don't know what your former career was, but it's obvious you are focused and practical with a sharp grasp of facts.
And I can see how it was an emotional moment, harking back to one of your first grown-up acts.
Quite a few of us went through the stage where one day, after all the years of being the child with the parents in charge, all of a sudden you become the one in charge of your parents. It is a bit upsetting, but the alternative is worse -- parents who never want to admit that they are reaching a phase of their life where they are in risk of losing control.
Bixa, I worked for an international courier company. I was hired as a part-time clerical worker/dispatcher at 21 years old, 19 years later I was the Manager of the facility, fleet, staff and operations. Numbers, people and logistics, I loved it all and miss it still everyday. My mom has always been so proud, she actually stepped in and told the Bank Manager where I had worked when she questioned me on my current occupation, I always panic when I am asked that question.
Oh goodness, Mich, that is impressive, but not at all surprising, knowing you from this forum for so many years. I can see how disconcerting and upsetting it must be now to not be able to present your former occupation when asked what you do. But I imagine you are the homemaker par excellence, also a very worthy occupation.
That is the answer I now provde. I miss how enjoyable my career was to me, all aspects truly made so much sense to me. Now being concrete, operational and budget tasks would be easier for me, but the human aspect, so much more difficult (it was the reverse before my injury). With great respect to the many who are truly exceptional homemakers, I am not, trying my best, but do understand, realize and accept, this is not my specialty, I give my best effort. What I do try to do is offer my logistic and travel experiences to family and friends and appreciate my life as is.
I will behave responsibly on behalf of my parents and siblings. My parents probably realize by my being concrete, I understand no other way. The Bank Manager made sure I understood there were children who abuse the responsibility my parents have placed on me, I could feel and appreciated the respect she has for my parents.
My next life passage will be a good one. Should the wedding if my children. Looking forward to it actually. I love my job but I think I'll forget you all about it when I retire. If asked what is my occupation I'll say like my former boss : I worked for money now my money works for me. In 2008 he added now nobody works at all.
I will behave responsibly on behalf of my parents and siblings. My parents probably realize by my being concrete, I understand no other way.
Far beyond a mere function of how your brain operates, I am sure your parents chose you not only because of your talents & skills, but because of your innate sensitivity and ethical sense.
Over the years you have told us here on the forum of your difficulties in picking up on verbal and facial clues, but the anyporters fortunate enough to have met you in person all exclaim over what a warm and delightful person you are -- something that also comes through to those of us who only know you online.
I was utterly estranged from my extremely violent older brother, who almost killed me a few times, and otherwise persecuted me in many ways, such as destroying my schoolwork and juvenile artwork (visual arts and writing). I was terrified of him and left my mothers house (my father died when I was 15, of lung cancer) as soon as humanly possible. She was terrified of him as well, so wanted me to "manage him". This made me utterly furious.
I hadn't spoken to the @!#$%?& in decades; the last time we saw each other was my mother's funeral. She had died at 98 and should have died at 95; she slipped into some kind of dementia (probably vascular, not Alzheimer) at the very end of her life and swore she would NEVER want to end up like that. So I did attend the funeral but knew there were enough people present that he couldn't kick my teeth in or something.
Just recently, a cousin I'm close to phoned me to tell me my brother (and torturer) had died. And ironically, given that I've been an advocate for utitarian pedestrians and cyclists for over 40 years, he was killed by a car while cycling, in another city. Despite my terror of him, I certainly didn't want him either dead or suffering in any way; I simply wanted him out of my life. A clean divorce. I do NOT feel any regret for cutting off any contact with him. There was yet another recent case here of a man who stabbed his wife to death and abducted his little boy, later killing an unrelated elderly man, beloved of everyone in his little town, simply to steal his car and make his getaway.
But I did hope he would make some friends and enjoy his life in the city where he lived (not mine) and enjoy having his pension and be able to indulge in small pleasures. I wasn't bitter, I just wanted nothing to do with someone who had persecuted and harassed me.
LaGatta, I am only now seeing what you wrote concerning your brother's death. He must have made your childhood and youth a hell and he obviously needed some kind of psychiatric care. I find it illuminating and sensitively appropriate that you chose to put the report of his death and your way of dealing with the idea of him in this thread rather than in Grief.
So very sorry to hear that, Mick. How lovely that she had the warmth of your generosity and regard, plus the happiness of having her garden cared for.
Post by cheerypeabrain on Jan 23, 2020 21:11:07 GMT
LaGatta I'm horrified that you went through such trauma growing up at the hands of somebody who should have been completely supportive and loving. Of course I have no right to call out the adults around you who failed to protect you from your brother either (but I probably do). I hope that you're ok.
Sorry to hear about the old lady passing away Mick.
A lady I knew from the astronomical society died last week, she was a stalwart of the society...running the tea break stall making tea and coffee for society members half way through the evening, a good friend of my Dad's. Gill was in her late 80s and died after a short illness in hospital...there isn't going to be a funeral...she didn't want one. No service at all. There will probably be words said at the next meeting...but I rarely get there these days.
The last family member of my parents' generation died yesterday. She was in a nursing home and blind, but we always kept in contact at least twice a year. Her daughter phoned me today to tell me. I haven't seen the daughter in more than 40 years. It made me feel strange.
I’m sure it does feel strange to you. The end of an era. Passing of a generation.
I still have two aunts left in my adopted family. The ninety-one year old called me on my birthday. That felt a bit strange, as well. She’s such a tough bird, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she outlived me.