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Post by tod2 on Sept 29, 2020 9:51:29 GMT
In January 2020 Mickthecactus wrote: The elderly lady who is my Tuesday gardening job died yesterday afternoon. She had a chest infection a few weeks ago, went into hospital and never came out. [/quote] Mick, This post from you made me think….was this lady maybe a victim of one of the first Covid-19 cases. Something the world was only just learning about. Now 5 fun quotes from the great John Wayne.
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Post by questa on Sept 29, 2020 11:07:06 GMT
Well, my "Life event" has just occurred as I have just moved into a retirement village 'villa'. I am in the Independent Living part in a nice, if fairly small, self contained unit that has lots of activities and is tucked away in great trees and gardens. My Parkinsons is more obvious now and I am falling more often. Lucky I have strong bones.I am so slow with getting things done. I have become very weary and find reading too much effort. When I can't manage on my own then I am cared for here until I finally cark it. It is a strange feeling walking into a room knowing that you will probably die in this place.
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Post by tod2 on Sept 29, 2020 11:41:58 GMT
Oh Questa, where there's life there's hope! I know you will be very happy in your new home. I think you are a very lucky lady…..I have no idea where I will end up. Will it be here in my home I've lived in for nearly 50 years? Will I be alone at the time? Will my family see me often or will I get lonely? So many unknowns in the future for me. And don't forget there are all the Anyporters around the world wanting to communicate with you!
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Post by lagatta on Sept 29, 2020 13:15:37 GMT
One never knows... Right now I'm dealing with a financial problem I never anticipated, and am utterly beside myself.
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Post by kerouac2 on Sept 29, 2020 13:54:20 GMT
Questa, you are excellently wise to have decided to move when you did. Too many people are not as lucid.
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Post by mossie on Sept 29, 2020 14:08:59 GMT
Bear up Lagatta, I suppose it is little consolation but there are always people in a worse muddle than you. Tough it out and trust it will turn out fine eventually, above all keep confident, don't give in.
And Questa, I do wonder if I won't be facing the same predicament and wish you all the best. I intend to keep soldiering on here while I still have some marbles left, but am finding it increasingly difficult to get about and unsteady on my feet at times.
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Post by kerouac2 on Sept 29, 2020 14:15:32 GMT
One thing that I would request of any of the elderly with children is to not put them through what I had to go through. Although my parents had ordered me to put them in a nursing home if necessary, once my mother had declined and hated the (quite nice) nursing home which I had found for her, she would say things like "Please get me out of here. I know you don't want to take care of me, but you can just leave me in the gutter in the street and I'm sure that somebody will take me in." A precious memory.
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Post by tod2 on Sept 29, 2020 16:07:55 GMT
Oh my golly goodness Kerouac. She was obviously out of her mind. I was lucky that my mother had all her marbles when she passed. She used to say just the opposite to me. "Please don't try and look after me like I had to look after my mother". My maternal grandmother passed away after a very tumultuous time in my parents house. Shouting and calling non-stop. My poor father eventually found a job out of the house and left my mother to it. He returned once my grandmother passed away. Then my mother nursed him through his cancer until he passed with us all there.
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Post by lagatta on Sept 29, 2020 17:01:44 GMT
Yes, that was obviously a manifestation of cognitive decline. But I never want to go into a nursing home. Assisted suicide directive.
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Post by kerouac2 on Sept 29, 2020 17:16:23 GMT
After the first two years, no problem. No longer any problems when our outings in the rental car where the moment she saw Sacré Coeur, would end with "Are you taking me back to the prison?" (The staff had promised me that adaptation only took 2 months max.)
Before the final decline, we spent quite a bit of time at the "activities" inside the home, but she would say enthusiastically "let's go back to our room," since she felt that I lived there as much as she did (and I was pretty much feeling the same way).
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Post by lagatta on Sept 29, 2020 17:41:33 GMT
Oh, I know. But I don't want to be "housed" (and bathed etc) when I am absolutely no use to anyone on Earth.
There is an HLM for seniors very close to our co-op. It is clean and pleasant, except for the institutional corridors (I imagine the people get used to those). Every unit has a dcent-sized balcony, and there is a nice treed green out in front. Beautiful mature trees. But during the last confinement, the residents who had suddenly become inmates were not allowed outside, not even to go to the little greengrocer's downstairs, or the nearby SAQ (wine and spirits outlet). Imagine they had some gawdawful stodge brought in. Remember, this is an HLM, not a specialised residence for people with physical or cognitive problems.
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Post by questa on Sept 29, 2020 22:13:53 GMT
My fellow residents tell me that it was the best thing they have done. They are free now from all the confusions of old age and have a wide circle of new friends. I haven't met many because some of the activities are closed for C-19 reasons. The fact that I am only a short walk (or skateboard ride) from my son's home instead of cross city 15km each way helps. One lady said "You would have to go to a place like this sooner or later, best to go now while you still have your marbles and know what is going on."
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Post by htmb on Sept 29, 2020 22:47:54 GMT
Questa, as you surely know, moving can be very stressful no matter the circumstances. Changing homes is exhausting work, and things never look all that bright when you’re tired. Hopefully you’ll soon settle in to what appears to be a lovely space, and you’ll be very happy. It sounds like you’re the perfect distance from your son, too. Close enough if you want to be around family or need something, but with your own place to hide out when you wish to be left alone.
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Post by bjd on Sept 30, 2020 6:45:51 GMT
I agree with htmb, Questa. Good to hear that there are people who sound lucid too, like the woman you quote. At least you'll have people to talk to.
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Post by lagatta on Sept 30, 2020 8:28:58 GMT
Yes, I know physically disabled younger people who wound up in places like that among mostly demented seniors in long-term care facilities, because there were no adequate facilities for them. One has a neighbour who screams all night.
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Post by lagatta on Sept 30, 2020 8:32:06 GMT
Wanted to add that in some cases Parkinson's is now recognised as an industrial disease among farmers and farm workers - toxic chemicals sprayed etc.
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Post by questa on Sept 30, 2020 13:12:47 GMT
Flasback 1976...I had 10 fruit trees planted in my large yard 2 different apple trees, peach, plum, apricot, cherry, pear and others. Each needed different sprays at different times of the year to prevent several diseases. Not much was known or publicised about side effects...just a note saying not to eat before washing hands after using spray. There's questa in t-shirt and shorts and sandals blasting spray around. This went on until 1995. As soon as I realised I had Parkies, I knew what had caused it. The connection has been known for many years but was only "suspected".
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Post by mickthecactus on Sept 30, 2020 15:22:58 GMT
Welcome to your new home questa. Enjoy!
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Post by tod2 on Sept 30, 2020 15:56:38 GMT
Gosh Questa. You have opened my eyes. It is something to be aware of even in this day and age.
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Post by kerouac2 on Sept 30, 2020 17:46:11 GMT
It's probably too soon to have any definitive opinion, but I hope that you will fill us in on what you find brilliant about the new living conditions and what you find disappointing.
There are probably quite a few of us who will need to envisage similar arrangements in the future.
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Post by questa on Sept 30, 2020 22:35:00 GMT
And don't forget there are all the Anyporters around the world wanting to communicate with you! And me stumbling and bumbling through simple sentences now! Actually, I lost all my 'cards' just before I moved. Driving licence,pension, medicare, insurance ...you know ...the really important stuff. yesterday I went into the Govt offices to get replacements. I noticed the busier the staff, the more polite and "OK, take your time" when I got word freeze, they were. The women chatting among their group viewed me as an obstacle to their social life while the staff at the State office made everything so easy.
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Post by questa on Oct 2, 2020 0:24:07 GMT
Further to above post. When searching for lost stuff in the maelstrom that is the result of moving house on 4 days notice...check out the shoeboxes. My grandson found the missing cards neatly tucked in the toe of a sports shoe. At least I have spares of the important papers if I lose the cards again.
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Post by tod2 on Oct 2, 2020 6:42:10 GMT
Oh HOORAY! Now Questa dear, please do an old fashioned thing and commit your important documents to paper. Please make at least two photo copies of everything and lodge them with said Grandson and/or another family member. By all means put them on photos that you take with your phone as well. This record will speed up any replacing that may be needed in the future. You must have been so relieved!
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 2, 2020 9:50:25 GMT
I try to remember to put everything on my scanner, including credit cards.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Oct 3, 2020 16:03:28 GMT
My sister moved to a sheltered community when she lost her husband. Shes the youngest resident as she moved in at 54...but wanted very much to live as part of a community, she has quite bad arthritis but can get about still. Still one of the youngest onsite she absolutely loves her little house and is very happy...her social life is thriving too.
My other family members joke about us all taking bungalows onsite...can't take pets tho...and I'd miss my garden. My sister has a courtyard but the rest of the community gardens are tended by professionals...they're lovely.
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 3, 2020 16:18:18 GMT
It is almost certainly a wise move by your sister. In my (excessive) experience with assisted living, one of the first things I learned about things like nursing homes (of course not at all the same thing as your sister) is that the principal problem is that people go to such places too late in life. They are no longer able to make new friends, to create new social networks, to go out and still do things that make life meaningful. If people entered gradually into our inevitable decline rather than holding on as long as possible until we are ripped away and institutionalised against our will, it is quite probable that we would handle the transitions of life much better.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Oct 3, 2020 16:30:14 GMT
As our son needs to live with us we wouldn't be able to move into a retirement village, but I can see a time when it might be a serious consideration. The only downside Peggy has seen has been when one or two of the residents have become confused. The community has a regularly used social centre, a laundrette and a large double room that can be hired for guests to stay overnight
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Post by tod2 on Oct 3, 2020 17:07:55 GMT
No truer words have been said Kerouac. My mother continued to live alone after my father passed and she coped very well because at 91 she could still drive to the shops, but then I had to put her into care for the last two years of her life. She braved it but I don't think ever found it to her liking.
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Post by lugg on Oct 3, 2020 18:08:03 GMT
Questa I hope that you are settling in now and enjoying your new home. I am determined that I will move to ease my inevitable decline but it is hard to find the right place but your place Qesta sounds perfect.
Lagatta - I hope you have found a solution.
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Post by questa on Oct 4, 2020 0:51:50 GMT
I have come to tears reading all your stories. I can't believe how lucky I am at this point of life. The complex I am in has at its centre a beautifully restored old home which is used as the hospital for those needing these services (including hospice set amongst gardens.) The next area is for those needing care in dressing, eating etc. I think they are share rooms but there are different options.
Then there are the villas. They are studded into the northern facing slope and are little 1 and 2 bedroom houses, each with its own carport, storage spaces (huge)and balcony. All mod cons are there and we are all completely independent. The villas are all safety-aware and we all have alarm buttons to carry.
The killer is the gardens.Tall eucalypts grow high, mostly native bushes fill in the middle and we are encouraged to plant whatever we want in our own villa gardens.I brought most of my plants with me and have hanging baskets and pots everywhere.The villas are hidden from each other at the end of little curved paths. There are dozens of wild birds, mostly the parrot varieties which come up close to my balcony.
No, the killer are the lights at night. My villa is just above the look-out point where the city spreads out along the flat plain.All the major roads have Fluro street lights...white, then the orange minor roads, red green yellow intersections, airport lights, stadium lights and advertising. At night it looks like a jewellery display sparkling on black velvet. I can see that I am going to need my camera to share with you some of the scenery.
Next will be Activities.
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