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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2009 10:50:14 GMT
I'm sure we all know some bossy people. Maybe there are even some bossy people among us.
Whom have you known who was completely bossy? I'm talking about the kind of people who come into your home and start telling you to rearrange your furniture, change your clothes and then start inspecting the contents of your refrigerator. They're also the ones who decide which movie you're going to see and which restaurant to go to, without bothering to ask you.
Why did you put up with them? Or didn't you? Or maybe they made you put up with them because they were so good at being bossy?
The French have a term "sans gène" which is similar, sort of a cross between inconsiderate and rude. Some specialists in this behavior are almost admirable at how they can get whatever they want and don't take no for an answer.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2009 12:51:10 GMT
I have a friend who considers himself to be a Tibetan Buddhist and who was always trying to cram his spirituality down my throat. He took the liberty of putting my name and address on all sorts of Buddhist mailing lists and would even wheedle me into translating his letters into English to various rinpoches if not the Dalai Lama himself.
I did it mostly because I felt sorry for him, but the fact is, he almost always got his way and I would be furious with myself afterwards.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2009 13:06:04 GMT
My mother in law was a bossy person. I cared for her very much but ,I have to say we did butt heads on occasion. It was very difficult to sit back and listen to her badger my husband about all manner of things from dress to what he" could have been."After awhile ,I merely accepted it however, I did stand up to her on a couple of occasions. Rather then get angry I would turn the situation into something humorous. She did have a wonderful sense of humor.
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Post by bixaorellana on Jul 7, 2009 15:48:34 GMT
As K points out, many rude or bossy people have the knack of turning others' politeness against them.
My grandmother was really bossy, with firm belief in her own rightness.
A tiny example: we were sitting in the front of the store (my grandfather & uncle had a general store) in the early 70s when a childhood friend of mine came in wearing a pants suit. The thought balloon over my head was that I wouldn't be caught dead at a cat screw in that kind of outfit. After she left, my grandmother said, "Why don't you get a nice suit like that one?" I answered, "I really don't like them."
Her response? "Yes you do."
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Post by traveler63 on Jul 7, 2009 17:44:46 GMT
We had a neighbor named Henoleore. She was a German war bride and Kirk (not mine, hers) and she lived 3 townhouses down. We all called Henny Penny. Don't ask me why. Anyway, she and Kirk were one of the original couples that bought in our townhouse area. I will never forget our first encounter.
My mother -in -law had just looked at this place and the real estate lady had left, we took another walk around and we were standing in the bedroom discussing what I wanted to do. and she scared the crap out of us, when she said I wouldn't do that. She had walked in to the house, not said a word and we didn't even know she was there!!!!
She continued to be a nosy person, knew everything that was going on and would tell you exactly what she thought. She would walk into your home unannounced, tell you she hated your carpeting and why in the hell did you pick that in the first place. We put up with her because usually she was so darn funny !!!
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Post by cigalechanta on Jul 7, 2009 17:51:21 GMT
I had a woman friend who was bossy. Eventually I had enough, now out of my life.
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Post by lola on Jul 7, 2009 22:21:44 GMT
I'm pretty much the opposite of bossy, and dislike being around bossy women especially. People sometimes interpret my manner as inviting firm direction, somehow.
Our next door neighbor is a masterful woman who's married to a quiet and polite Latin American man. She can often be heard out in the garden talking to him as if he's the yardboy, telling him how to water the geraniums. I wouldn't be astonished to find someday that he done her in.
When he's out of town, she has workmen in apparently just for the thrill of telling someone what to do.
Luckily for me I had a dear of a mother in law.
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Post by bixaorellana on Jul 8, 2009 0:56:03 GMT
Here is my highly scientific observation. Bossy women tend to carry all their fat right in front. Along with that, they usually carry themselves proudly, so as they approach, their bulk takes on a threatening aspect.
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Post by hwinpp on Jul 8, 2009 2:27:10 GMT
I'm trying hard to remember any bossy person in my life but I can't come up with one right now.
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Post by lola on Jul 8, 2009 2:39:11 GMT
Interesting, bixa. Will look out for that.
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Post by Don Cuevas on Jul 8, 2009 12:14:16 GMT
"I'm sure we all know some bossy people. Maybe there are even some bossy people among us."
Nooooo!!!!!
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Post by rikita on Jul 8, 2009 19:34:16 GMT
can't think of anyone really bossy i know... other than some childhood friends no one occurs to me. in childhood i suppose i put up with them because i had to.
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Post by spindrift on Jul 9, 2009 8:40:25 GMT
I had a very bossy girlfriend who used to keep me waiting every Wednesday when I would kindly give her a lift. Invariably we were late and I would become anxious. As we were going to meditation this wasn't a good thing.
After six months of forbearance I, very gently, asked her not to keep me waiting. She had just got into my car and I was driving in the city. She began screaming 'Let me out of this car NOW, you won't talk to me like this!'. Even though there was nowhere safe to pull in I had to stop the car in the traffic and she got out still screaming at me. I felt very shaken.
A day or so later I wrote her a letter telling her I was through with putting up with her rudeness and vile manners. I said it in a straightforward way. On the envelope I put a note warning her not to open the envelope if she wasn't strong enough to take criticism!
She opened it, must have thought about the contents and she wrote an apologetic reply to me and never kept me waiting again.
We resumed our friendship. She has now moved to the north of England so I only see her about twice a year. She is still very bossy but is a bit careful around me now.
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Post by tillystar on Jul 9, 2009 9:37:58 GMT
Thats great that your friend listened to you and you were able to carry on your friendship Spindrift. I am not as brave as you and I have a friend who is extremely bossy and ended up just seeing her less and less and now we see each other rarely. I know another friend of hers who she had bullied into the ground and the friend ended up engineering an argument to escape and I once approached why she may of done this (as she was questioning it herself) and it didn't go down well at all.
Being quite a stubborn person I don't get on very well with bossy people and tend to just willfully ignore them and carry on my own sweet way. This doesn't work in the workplace though and my boss is probably the bossiest person I have ever met and we butt heads all the time as I can't just ignore him (although I do my best).
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Post by spindrift on Jul 9, 2009 12:18:15 GMT
I don't often stand up to people but I had to bite the bullet in this case. I simply couldn't go on indefinitely being kept waiting and getting anxious. The friendship is never the same, however.
As for your boss - have you ever tried saying to him (in a laughing way) 'Why are you so bossy?'.
I've tackled people like this before. As in a doctors' surgery where everyone is kept waiting, they're all listening and the receptionist starts to be vile to one (when one is feeling ill)....I've said 'Why are you so unpleasant to me, can't you see I'm very ill'...and she shut up.
or just say to rude people ' Why are you so rude?' for all to hear. They are always shocked when their bluff is called.
or if someone's pushing ' Please stop pushing me'....
I want to add: I have a friend who is married to a very controlling man and because she's Japanese she's put up with it all her life. Until I came along.
I feel I know him well enough (and he likes me) to say to him 'You are so controlling'. I said it often enough that he gives thought to his actions and sometimes tries to control himself. He might say to me 'Oh I'm not being controlling any more, you know'. Now his wife is brave enough to say to him 'Stop trying to control me'...poor woman.
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Post by tillystar on Jul 9, 2009 12:32:11 GMT
I think my boss is uncurable - he acknowledges how awful he is to work with as I do mention it jokingly when we go for a drink and when it is mentioned he does improve for a few months and then slips back...
However, I like this approach to people's behaviour and might remember to use it. Probably on a doctor's receptionist at some point as there seems to be some unwritten rule that doctors must hire vile old dragons to man their desks and bully the sick and vunerable (oh I should put that on the pet peeves thread!).
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Post by lagatta on Jul 9, 2009 12:49:40 GMT
A funny "bossy person" incident. I was riding my bicycle, wearing a knee-length skirt (I always wear skirts in the summer, unless I'm gardening or doing housework). An older lady, of Greek origin I believe, spoke to me while I was stopped at a red light, saying I should wear trousers as she was. It was very strange, no, I wasn't a 50-year-old wearing a micro-mini skirt (not that such a lapse of taste would warrant a comment anyway). She had time to pull up her trouser leg to show off her knee-replacement scar. Some people?  ?? |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2009 13:06:53 GMT
A veritable "bitch on wheels".
My mother in law used to try and tuck in a blouse or shirt I would be wearing intentionally on the outside. I have problems with people invading my body space to begin with.
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Post by spindrift on Jul 9, 2009 18:24:42 GMT
Thank goodness my MILs have been gentle and lovely people - however my Brothers in Laws have been bossy....
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Post by nic on Jul 14, 2009 7:32:47 GMT
An ex-wife was quite fond of trying her damnedest to control everything around her except her own self.
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Post by spindrift on Jul 14, 2009 10:40:21 GMT
Yes...it's taming one's self that so difficult for most people (who perhaps never think of trying).
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2009 11:22:02 GMT
Thank goodness my MILs have been gentle and lovely people - however my Brothers in Laws have been bossy.... My MIL was also very lovely ,caring and gentle in her own way. One can be incredibly bossy and still have positive attributes. She and her 7 sisters of whom I only knew 3 of ,were lovingly referred to as "the committee" by all their IL's (We all have a great photo of them taken in the '40's). |
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