|
Post by Kimby on Apr 26, 2017 2:11:57 GMT
MIL update. The repaired hip is healing and physical therapy is going well, though I doubt my mother-in-law is doing much besides what they tell her to.
We are in Florida now, and in a miracle of timing, a rare "deluxe" one bedroom assisted living apartment has just opened up! (She's been on the wait list for three years.)
And miracle of miracles, she is agreeing that she really can't go back to her independent living apartment all by herself. Though for a while, she thought maybe just staying in the nursing home indefinitely might be OK even though she's been bored out of her gourd. The idea of having three meals a day brought to her room looks pretty good when she contemplates having to go down two floors to the dining room alone for two meals a day in assisted living. (Continental breakfast can be delivered to her door in the mornings, or she can choose to go to the dining room for a hot breakfast.) And, a big plus, she can take her kitty to assisted living.
But for the 3 weeks we are here we are "fostering" her sweet kitty, Pearl, who has been alone since March 2nd with a daily visit from a staffer to feed her and scoop her litter box. Having Pearl is great for me and Mr. Kimby as we are still reeling from losing BOTH our kitties in the past 6 weeks.
We are also helping to determine which furniture to move to assisted living, which to sell on consignment, which to donate to charity, and what items to have moved to the new place. And a few things we will bring here to the house on Sanibel. Anything we leave behind, the retirement community staff will take care of disposing.
I sure hope they get the new apartment painted and re-carpeted quickly so we can have the place looking like home when she's ready to leave the nursing facility. She's not liking to have to make such a big decision, and a big change, but she's being brave. And FINALLY, she is accepting of our help.
Hope this goes well...
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2017 2:56:23 GMT
This is such great news!!!
Am so hoping it works out and that you and your husband can rest easier.
And, thanks for the update.The furniture thing will be worked so, please don't stress out on that.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2017 4:27:28 GMT
Sounds like things are going well. I had to unload my parents' furniture for a pittance, basically to a junk dealer, because I was informed in no uncertain times that the stock of "old people's furniture" far exceeds the demand in Florida. If only they could just fill a cargo ship and take it all to the destroyed cities of the Middle East.
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Apr 26, 2017 6:43:16 GMT
What a relief for you. So glad things are looking up. Sorry about your cats but you did more than most would have done to prolong their 9 lives. Do you think Pearl is your next cat?
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Apr 26, 2017 11:06:02 GMT
Pearl is sweet and funny and really pretty. We would be happy to take her. But with her human on the mend we really hope she will end up keeping MIL company in assisted living for a few years. There will be another cat in the Kimby's future, one way or another.
|
|
|
Post by bjd on Apr 27, 2017 6:45:55 GMT
I once read that stroking a cat reduces stress in the person doing it.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2017 7:18:03 GMT
I supported an association that brings friendly dogs to nursing homes for visits, but they never had enough members to bring a dog to my mother's place.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Apr 27, 2017 11:37:46 GMT
We taped up a large photograph of MiL's kitty in her room at the skilled nursing facility, both as motivation for her to work hard so she can be cleared to move to assisted living with Pearl, and to give staff something to converse with her about.
We also took photographs of the furniture and art in her old 2-BR apartment so she could collaborate with us on which things she wants in her new smaller apartment. She was uncharacteristically helpful, instead of resistant, but every 30 seconds she exclaimed, "This is like looking at a stranger's house!" and acknowledged that being in nursing care has messed with her mind. When it got too overwhelming, she told us to "use your good judgment."
Though it will be a lot of work, the load is much lighter with MIL on board.
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on Apr 27, 2017 16:49:48 GMT
You have my admiration Kimby - I would have made all the decisions whether my mother liked it or not. I came to the conclusion she was not energized enough to think through all that stuff, and mess around with our busy lives. Callous? Not a Bit. They love it when you become the parent and they are now the child. My mum loved and could not stop thanking me for every thing I did for her.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Apr 28, 2017 1:44:35 GMT
Until she broke her hip, MIL has been mostly resistant to assistance, perhaps fearing that if she revealed weakness, she might be forced to give up her independence. Since her husband died in November and she broke her hip in March, even she sees the writing on the wall. It's a big decision, and one she doesn't want to have to make. But at least she's finally willing to let us help her.
We involved her in the furniture and art decisions because, as a partner in a family-owned furniture store for 5 decades, she was heavily involved in the selection of the lines and pieces in their homes, as well as lamps and artworks. We hesitate to make the cull without her input for fear of getting something wrong. She was pretty engaged at first, then lost steam and asked us to make the choices. But we have a pretty good feel for what to do. I just hope they get the apartment ready (paint, carpet, window treatments) before we have to head back to Montana, so we can see how it all comes together when the furnishings are moved in. And when MIL and Pearl move in.
|
|
|
Post by questa on May 3, 2017 0:56:12 GMT
One of the classic signs in people with dementia, even not far advanced, is the belief that someone or something is 'out to get you' Often it is 'the staff are stealing my things' or 'they want to keep me in prison'. Kimby and Kerouac both have experienced this. It is distressing to see your loved one in this fear but all you can do is reassure them often. Don't take on the fear yourself. It is a "normal" phase of their illness (normal = occurs more often than not)
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 3, 2017 14:08:49 GMT
So, a lot can change in a few days.
Last night we visited my mother-in-law at the rehab center to update her about progress in getting ready for her move to assisted living. She seemed fine. This morning at 6 AM we get a call saying that she's unconscious and in an ambulance on her way to the hospital. Her roommate had rung for help because her breathing had gotten strange. And then she had some kind of seizure, so off to the hospital we go.
No matter what happens, she won't be needing her old apartment, and we are about one day away from being done packing for her move, so we'll just keep packing. If she can't go to the new assisted living apartment, but survives this episode, she may become "permanent" at the nursing facility. In that case, she won't need almost all of her possessions.
So glad we are here to deal with this, and optimistic that she will get to go to the new apartment. But not overly optimistic...
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on May 4, 2017 11:27:54 GMT
What a thing to happen...I have a feeling she is more frail than the outer cover lets on.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 4, 2017 11:35:17 GMT
Yes, and probably more stressed about the move than she lets on.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 12:57:10 GMT
Many elderly people have great difficulty expressing fear. It's as though if they do they are going to crumble and fall apart leading to being locked up and "put away".
So, they try and keep a "stiff upper lip" so to speak.
I know this was the case with my mother and we were close enough to be able to talk about it. Soothing her fears and letting her know that it was alright to be afraid was ok and my brother and I wouldn't let anything happen to her.
They become very child like in many ways, a role that we as their children don't always understand and how to handle and vice versa.
Combined with fear is the confusion they often experience. It can be pretty scary for them.
(add to that all the different medications and the effects that can exacerbate the situation).
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on May 4, 2017 15:00:17 GMT
Don't forget that one of the biggest problems is the hating of change. In any form. E.g. the dish washing brush my father used was really old and tatty. I bought him a new one but he fished the old one out of the bin. I then bought him an identical one but new. He still didn't like it but had to put up with it because I threw the old one away but a long way away where he couldn't find it. He grumbled about it for ages until his dementia actually got so bad he forgot about it. However, I learnt that it wasn't the new brush he didn't like, it was a symptom of not being able to cope with change.
I suggest the obvious thing of if an old person does have to go into care, or change where they live, as many of the most familiar items go with them. Day to day stuff like a favourite plate to eat off, or a cup/mug, knife and fork. It doesn't have to be big, but as many 'old familiar friends' as possible. Things that are handled or used every day if not several times a day. Soap dish, TV remote etc etc.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 4, 2017 15:07:09 GMT
We are at the hospital now, in an ICU room full of fancy equipment to monitor and maintain a patient's vital signs. (Probably could buy a really nice car or boat - maybe a house - with the money invested in this equipment.)
MIL is more responsive than yesterday, nodding yes or no in response to questions, but not opening her eyes. She can't speak because she is intubatted and on a ventilator. We arrived in time to witness medical "rounds", when all the relevant physicians, nurses and social workers etc. weigh in. Still no idea what's going on.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 16:00:18 GMT
You are so right Mark about the resistance to change. Even though both my brother and I paid attention to everyday items that needing replacing (night time clothing, bedroom slippers etc. ) despite replacing them with the exact type, my mother would go to great lengths to not use them.
She would insist on wearing the same nightshirt to the point of it being threadbare and the slippers had holes on the soles which she placed cardboard into.
After she passed away there were three or four nightshirts that were still in the box and moccasin/slippers as well.
Kimby, I am thinking of you and your husband and hope for the best possible outcome.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 16:47:17 GMT
Oh, I know so much about all of those monitoring machines. Those of us who know almost nothing the mysterious numbers on them get scared every time they start beeping, especially when the staff run into check the readings.
|
|
|
Post by questa on May 4, 2017 22:01:40 GMT
We are at the hospital now,... Still no idea what's going on. Time to get a bit tough, Kimby. Ask the nurses "Who is in charge of telling us what is going on?" "Who is the liaison person who can tell us what is happening now?" Get the name and phone number so you can ask direct questions...use the medical model.."On a scale of 1 to 10 how much pain is she in?" or "How many hours will she need a ventilator?" Write down what you want to ask the doctors and record their answers as they speak. It makes them stop uttering platitudes and give you more time and information if they see you are prepared and recording. Helps you remember answers as well. Nurses are almost always very busy so ask if there is anything that you can do to help, e.g. wash MIL hands and do her hair, keep her area tidy. Hospitals here use the hand sanitisers for staff and visitors. Get some and use them on entering the hospital and before going into her area (and after) Remind others to do so as well. This has cut down on infections dramatically. Most important...look after yourselves. Take time out, don't sweat the small stuff, call on friends to help on the home front, cuddle Pearl (who is just as confused)and Good Luck.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 5, 2017 2:34:21 GMT
Lots of good suggestions, questa. Thank you for posting them here. Mr. Kimby is a retired physician, so he speaks the language. What I meant by "still don't know what is going on" was that the medical staff has yet to come up with a definitive diagnosis, and the only test result so far that wasn't normal was the urinalysis. She has a UTI. And a fever. And elevated white blood cell count. Mr. Kimby wonders if her surgical site from hip surgery 2 months ago might be infected inside, though the incision has healed nicely. Her CT scan, chest X-rays, echo cardiogram were all normal. They ordered an MRI and pelvic ultrasound - haven't heard the results.
When we left she was still mostly unconscious, but we got a call later today saying she had opened her eyes finally, and that they were going to try to wean her off the respirator tonite. We'll see how it goes.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 6, 2017 2:59:03 GMT
A good day. She passed the breathing test, she's off the ventilator and talking. Still confused about what happened. Damn short-term memory loss!
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2017 4:12:52 GMT
*sigh of relief*
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on May 6, 2017 10:15:33 GMT
BTW. MIL's diagnosis is still pretty vague: Urinary tract infection and mild pneumonia (perhaps from aspirating her own secretions). Reminds me of my Dad's hospitalization that began this thread over 6 years ago.
Looks like maybe this is one case where modern medicine's excessive complexity and expense has a happy outcome. For the time being. If I'm not being too optimistic....
|
|
|
Post by questa on May 6, 2017 13:50:31 GMT
There comes a time when even the latest medicine is not enough. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed as having both femoral arteries almost completely blocked leading to insufficient blood flow to legs and feet. The surgeon found that the blockage was rock hard calcium deposits which they couldn't move with chipping, drilling, laser and ultrasound. It was the first time I have ever seen the words "operation failed" scrawled across the notes on the surgery page. Normally they could do a by-pass but he is a poor anesthetic risk and was told the risk of this outweighed that of the blockages. These calcium deposits have nothing to do with cholesterol and over 50% of the population have them.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2017 15:27:28 GMT
I probably shouldn't joke, but shouldn't they invent Calgon pills? If this is a known problem (even if it is not "common"), it seems to me that there should be preventive treatments.
|
|
|
Post by questa on May 7, 2017 1:00:32 GMT
The big push now is for everyone to be on extra calcium tablets to prevent osteoporosis, with which this friend has also been diagnosed recently. "But wouldn't the extra calcium cause the build up and blockages?" Does anyone here know about this?
|
|
|
Post by bjd on May 7, 2017 9:13:52 GMT
I just had a quick look on the fount of all knowledge. Too much calcium does cause problems but none of those mentioned included the calcium deposits you mention, Questa.
I have been taking calcium supplements since January because I have osteoporosis. I used to take some medicine which helped the bones but I developed migraines. I prefer the osteoporosis. The doctor looked for any possible substitutes but all of them had the same side effect of provoking headaches/migraines. So the alternative is calcium tablets daily with an occasional dose of vitamin D.
|
|
|
Post by tod2 on May 8, 2017 12:17:05 GMT
All I remember is someone, maybe a doctor or nurse or just an anyone, telling me too much calcium settles in the kidneys. Maybe Questa can tell me if kidney stones are the result of uric acid build up...not calcium?? Another thing I got wind of was that the calcium has to be 'chelated', whatever that means, to be able to be absorbed.
|
|
|
Post by bjd on May 8, 2017 14:40:48 GMT
|
|