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Post by whatagain on Jun 1, 2017 17:50:02 GMT
Too bad it is not a bikers' club Questa. You would be known as the lady with the Harley Parkinson. Hum.
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Post by questa on Jun 1, 2017 23:28:27 GMT
I Harley expected that!
When my kid blocked my driveway with his car I told him that it was Harley parkin', Son.
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Post by whatagain on Jun 3, 2017 12:38:18 GMT
Yours is better. I bow in submission.
And I have nothing better in French ...
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Post by tod2 on Jun 9, 2017 15:03:01 GMT
I definitely want to hear all about your journey QuestA.
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Post by Kimby on May 4, 2018 13:10:31 GMT
Are all of our parents now gone? After being part of my life for so long, the Aging Parents thread has gone into retirement, it seems.
Every now and then I pop in to re-read the first four pages and remember how the end began...
Now I’m about to start a thread on grief, since that’s more relevant in my life at this point in time, and others may be in similar places. Come join me there?
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Post by kerouac2 on May 4, 2018 15:48:02 GMT
Rikita's parents are still with us for sure.
And Bixa's mother is still going strong.
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Post by mich64 on May 4, 2018 22:12:58 GMT
My mother is 76 and my father will be 82 next week. My mother-in-law is 80 and my father-in-law will be 88 at the end of the May.
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Post by bixaorellana on May 4, 2018 22:16:50 GMT
I guess 88 is getting up there, but I don't consider the others to be all that old.
And Rikita is pretty young to have old parents, I think.
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Post by Kimby on May 4, 2018 22:54:45 GMT
Most of US are probably older than rikita’s parents!
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Post by questa on May 4, 2018 23:24:57 GMT
Mich, you have some pretty good genes there. My father died at 53 and my mother at 42, but my maternal grandfather was late 90s and my paternal aunts independent cruise ship belles in their late 90s. I seem to have received some good genes from them.
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Post by Kimby on May 5, 2018 1:06:11 GMT
My mother is 76 and my father will be 82 next week. My mother-in-law is 80 and my father-in-law will be 88 at the end of the May. When we were where you are now mich, we felt like we had 4 ticking time bombs. In a bit over 4 years we went from having 4 parents in their nineties to having none. A major change for us.
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Post by questa on May 5, 2018 4:57:27 GMT
Change...That is the essence of all sorrow, loss, and sickness as well as good changes like new babies, opportunities and new friends. When we can't let go of the old situation and accept that the change has occurred and is final, then what is a natural, universal experience becomes more painful. There is a difference between having happy memories and clinging tightly to memories at the expense of the present and future. This applies to every change...moving house, pets passing away, a new job, even the joy of a wedding brings changes to grieve for the old family patterns.
I grieve now for the loss of independence that was precious to me, but I try to not let it take over. I concentrate on what I can do...seems to help.
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Post by bjd on May 5, 2018 5:43:22 GMT
My mother is still alive, will be 93 in July. But I have the feeling she is just waiting to die. She tells me she sleeps a lot and wonders why she has lived so long. Her mind is still active, she reads a lot, but her body seems to be getting weaker. Of course, her not moving much doesn't help either. Her brothers are 95 and the eldest will be 97 in August. The middle one has Alzheimers and they haven't seen him for a long time.
Around me here in France, two of my friends have lost parents in their early 90s in the past year. Obviously, it's the natural order of things.
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Post by kerouac2 on May 5, 2018 10:59:27 GMT
I think I read somewhere that roughly 50% of people over the age of 90 die each year -- i.e. if you have 100 people 91 years old, there will be only 50 of them left at age 92, 25 of them at age 93, etc. However, with life expectancy increasing in most of the countries of the world (although apparently it has gone down in the U.S. recently), that scale might be a bit outdated.
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Post by mich64 on May 5, 2018 17:16:54 GMT
Change...That is the essence of all sorrow, loss, and sickness as well as good changes like new babies, opportunities and new friends. When we can't let go of the old situation and accept that the change has occurred and is final, then what is a natural, universal experience becomes more painful. There is a difference between having happy memories and clinging tightly to memories at the expense of the present and future. This applies to every change...moving house, pets passing away, a new job, even the joy of a wedding brings changes to grieve for the old family patterns. I grieve now for the loss of independence that was precious to me, but I try to not let it take over. I concentrate on what I can do...seems to help. I agree Questa, there is a balance to try to achieve between having happy memories and clinging tightly to memories. I am going to write this down and post it somewhere where I can read this everyday. Questa, I think you have given yourself the best advice, concentrate on what you can do.
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Post by Kimby on May 5, 2018 22:27:20 GMT
Between the aging parents and the construction of the lake cottage, the Kimby’s seem to have totally stopped traveling, internationally, anyway. We still visit Florida twice a year and Wisconsin twice a year, even though there are no parents to visit in either place.... Now we seem to have gotten out of the world-traveler habit, and Mr. Kimby has totally lost interest in eating strange foods and sleeping in strange beds. Fortunately my sisters both like to travel - and have visitors - so my travel wings won’t be clipped. The three of us will be going to the Virgin Islands in December - and we won’t have to worry about a parent slipping into a crisis situation while we’re gone.
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Post by rikita on May 20, 2018 15:15:37 GMT
mine are both 63 ...
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Post by mich64 on May 20, 2018 21:45:19 GMT
My Father and Father-in-law both excited last week, their driver's licenses were renewed for another 2 years. Here in Canada, once you reach 80 you must take a written exam and vision test to secure your license.
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Post by Kimby on May 22, 2018 16:29:23 GMT
Observing my parents and Mr. Kimby’s parents, 87 seems to be the turning point from active elder to failing elder. It’s all downhill from there for most people.
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Post by amboseli on May 22, 2018 17:54:25 GMT
Both my mom and my parents-in-law died at age 83. My mom has never been ill. She had a stroke and that was the end. My dad was only 65 when he died of colon cancer.
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Post by Kimby on Jun 28, 2018 20:04:54 GMT
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Post by bixaorellana on Aug 7, 2018 19:54:59 GMT
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Post by mickthecactus on Aug 7, 2018 20:32:46 GMT
Interesting article. Still, over 70’s should be fine Bixa...
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Post by mickthecactus on Aug 7, 2018 20:37:44 GMT
I have just read the first 2 posts on this thread.
Jeez......
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Post by Kimby on Oct 4, 2018 14:01:14 GMT
If their (your) finances allow, keeping them in their own home, a familiar environment, can prevent the confusion and perhaps depression that might result from moving them into a room at any type of a group living situation.
There are lots of agencies that provide in-home care, and it can be for a couple hours a day to round-the-clock supervision. At my Dad’s worst, we had to hire TWO carers, because the contract with the agency assumes the caregivers are off the clock during 8 hours of sleep, and Dad wasn’t sleeping at all, and was in danger of falling and hurting himself, plus Mom needed help, too.
Other major advantages of keeping them in their own home: spouses can stay together, and visiting family members can stay in the home with them instead of needing hotel rooms.
Good luck with your FiL!
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Post by Kimby on Oct 4, 2018 14:05:30 GMT
Forgot to mention that occupational therapists can visit the home and make suggestions to make it safer and more functional for aging-in-place.
This can benefit your MiL, too, when it’s her time to decline.
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 4, 2018 14:27:57 GMT
I became extremely used to trips to the emergency room with my mother in the "pre-final" years. In the "final" years, she was in a wheelchair with no danger of falling. In nursing homes, just about everybody gets sent to the hospital when they fall down because they have generally reached a stage of being able to interpret any pain or even to notice anything different, since they have aches and pains all over.
You did the right thing, whatagain, because you never know. Mossie and I did not hold it against you that we lost the pub quiz last night due to your absence.
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Post by bjd on Oct 4, 2018 16:01:37 GMT
My mother has been sent to emergency twice in the past month. She is in a seniors residence with her own apartment but I guess when anything seems wrong (they check on them every morning), they send them to emergency. Anyway, she has congestive heart failure and a couple of weeks ago decided that the pills she was taking weren't doing any good so she threw them away. Of course, a magic bullet is going to work when you are 93 and have had a heart condition for your entire life.
This time they kept her for 10 days, a physiotherapist came and forced her to move, and a nutritionist has told her what to eat. She is going home today, but since she lives alone, there is nobody to check that she eats her meals, and nothing will stop her sitting around all day and reading rather than walking outside or even up and down the halls of the apartment building. In any case, she doesn't want to live any longer so will let herself go again.
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Post by mich64 on Oct 4, 2018 19:12:08 GMT
Whatagain, I hope your father-in-law recovers and is able to enjoy some more time in his home with his wife, family and friends around him.
I never know what advice to offer in these situations as every family and family dynamic varies with regards to assistance, finances and the wants versus needs of the parent.
As I type this, I have had anxiety all afternoon due to my 88 year old father-in-law being stubborn and insistent on manning the chainsaw as my husband and brother-in-law are taking down a tree that fell during a storm that occurred when we were away on holiday. I appreciate that he always wants to help but I think the time has come that we get things like this done without telling him when the work is to be done.
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Post by mossie on Oct 4, 2018 19:23:57 GMT
Sorry to miss you last night, but I fully understand why you did not come to assist us to top place. But you did miss a free drink
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