As a child

[Deleted]

As a child, what was your parent(s) preferred method of discipline.? Was it effective? Did you or do you (if applicable) use the same method as a parent.
My mother used "the silent treatment" and depending on the severity of the offense could and would go for long periods of time. It was very effective and cruel. I do not have children of my own but have at times lapsed into this mode when angry with someone but ,usually catch myself pretty early on and cease with it.
There were times when I would have preferred that she beat me rather then resort to this psychologically maddening form of total withdrawal.

[hwinpp]

I got slapped by my mother until once I burst out laughing. I guess it was effective enough until that occasion.
My father also liked to give me the silent treatment, I hated it. It stopped when I walked out of a hotel room we were sharing in Windhoek with my packed bag (I was visiting him during school hols). He came after me, apologised and it never happened again.

I was a pretty disciplined child anyway so...

Oh, I did get grounded on occasion.

[tillystar]

I was a real goody, goody as a small child so wasn’t really in need much discipline until I was a teenager when I became horrid.

My Dad’s preferred method was a slap, a punch or a kick. My mum’s was taking away priviledges and grounding.

Neither was very effective, I really just got angry about the violence and climbed out of windows if grounded. Not sure what would have worked I really didn’t care about what they thought at all.

I remember my Aunt used to do the silent treatment on my cousin for days at a time. I felt really sorry for him, it was almost like she withdrew her love from him. I think as a child it made him very needy and he would follow her round trying to get her attention. I agree, it can be cruel.

I obviously won’t use the punch and kick route and I won’t use the silent treatment as it’s not me, God knows what I will do. God help us if I am faced with a version of me at 16 years old. If that happens I will probably emigrate.

[Deleted]

That's awful tilly.

My parents never smacked any of us, (and there were six of us). They weren't big on the discipline at all. I just got told off once in while and that's about it.

I've never smacked my own kids either, and they are all rumbustious, active boys. It's just not in me. I have been known to yell in their direction once in a while though

[imec]

Usually a lot of shouting, the occasional slap and sometimes the removal of privileges (or the threat of removal).

We've never hit our kids (so it came as a surprise when my very young son started belting his older sister who didn't have the learning or the instinct to hit her back - I often wished she did because we of course could not tell her to do so). We've used removal of privileges to varying degrees of effect. I think if you instill things like respect, compassion, good manners etc. they'll turn out alright - it seems to have worked for ours, although I'm sure a lot of it has been sheer good luck.

[Deleted]

I think you are right, imec. A lot of it must just be sheer good luck. My kids are good kids, I haven't had hardly any problems with them at all. Removal of privileges works really well, as soon as I mention pocket money being reduced, they change their tune a bit.

[traveler63]

We lived very close to my cousins, actually one house away. I was always pretty good, my cousin Mike was the one that would start something and he was always the one that got caught, and if Pam and I were involved(she was his sister) then we all would get it. Mom, it was a wooden hanger, Dad it was one slap of a belt and Mamaw Babe it was a switch, one. Never hard, and never more than once. Usually it was just the threat and that was all.

[gyllenhaalic]

I got a yardstick broken across my bare legs when I was a young child whenever I did something bad, like stick my tongue out at my mom.

My Dad bought into a religion at the local church that forbade nearly everything except going to church all the time and praying and reading the Bible. My sisters and I would have had to wear our hair long and in a bun, long dresses with long sleeves, no shorts, slacks, etc. and white cotton stockings held up with a garter belt if my mom hadn't said "No". (Thank you Mom.) My dad also prodded me to go up to the alter and cry and pray in front of the whole congregation as each church service wound down to the inevitable "alter call" and a pleading, mournful song was quietly sung by the people as the preacher begged all us sinners to "Come home".. {{{{{shudder}}}}. To this day I can't bring myself to step into a house of worship, let alone be forced to pray with others in public.

Since movies were also forbidden, I got a beating with a belt upon returning home from seeing my first movie, "Old Yeller" with a friend.

However, as I became an adult, I was very close to my parents, and they supported me and my needs throughout my life. I never married, but I did leave home at 22 and moved to St. Louis, MO. After 21 years there, and a terrible break-up, I moved back home to take care of my parents until they died. So, I guess they didn't mess me up completely!

[traveler63]

gyllenhaalic:

Although your experience wasn't the greatest, I absolutely commend you for your empathy for your parents in taking care of them even though they made it very hard on you growing up. Love and family are very unique things and I have always said, that when it gets down to it, having family and trying to get along is very important in later life and I think as you get older you appreciate your family more,even with all of the issues that they might have.

[gyllenhaalic]

Thank you traveler, what a nice thing to say.

[Deleted]

My mother would say I'd get a whipping as soon as my father got home. I would be a perfect angel from that moment on, hoping that she would 'forget'.

Ha, what a little fool I was. (sometimes)

[lola]

Discipline fell to our mother, who used The Strap on us older 4 but not on my youngest brother. It didnt' stike me as a good method then and it doesn't now.

I read a Miss Manners column once where she suggested speaking to your children so nicely at all times that it would be a punishment if you ever didn't. So I have tried to do that. I have tried to encourage my daughters and feel it has worked beautifully so far.

[cigalechanta]

I wiped out my childhood

[Jazz]

Moi aussi. 98% of my life before I was 16 is a blank.

[cigalechanta]

Love! to you!!

[hwinpp]

We used to have horses when we lived in Iran.

I think the worst thing I've ever done in my whole life was ride one of them so hard that it became lame and never fully recovered. My father was speechless. He couldn't believe I'd done it because he'd taught me how to treat the horses and I really should have known better (of course I should have, I couldn't believe I'd caused it either). I got grounded for forever but it only lasted two afternoons.

[lola]

hwinpp, Maybe in your case the punishment helped you forgive yourself. Usually, the more I am punished for something the less repentant I am for the crime.

[hwinpp]

I know that one as well, Lola.

[tillystar]

Yeah thats me too, like a red flag to a bull!

[spindrift]

I'll join Cigelechanta and Jazz in the Blanked Memories of Childhood Club.....

[rikita]

shouting sometimes, though i think we shouted back too, not being allowed to watch tv, grounding never for a long time (like not grounded for a week - but sometimes something like "go to your room"), shortening the allowance for specific things (like taking too long showers or not closing the door in winter, the argument was that we have to pay the gas/electricity money we wasted by that), a slap maybe five times in my life at most and never strong, but a few times strange punishments like having to sit in a half-dark hallway which wasn't that bad for most kids i suppose, but i was very very scared of the dark...

but we didn't get punished very often... usually we got more an angry talk by our parents of how disappointed they are, and that was it... well as i said, usually it was more like arguments between me and my parents about things i had to do (like cleaning my room, doing my homework), and the parents usually won, more or less... i don't think i so often did things that were actually worth punishing.

[rikita]

i guess it is also a matter of interpretation what is worth punishing, i guess - i guess my parents weren't all that strict, though i back then of course thought they are...

as for my future kids, not sure, i hope i manage to not have to actually punish them - of course all kids do things they aren't allowed to, but i hope i manage to teach them enough boundaries that there won't be something that demands a serious punishment... don't know...

[palesa]

My mom had a wooden spoon, a leather belt and guilt trip and applied liberally as needed.

I am 41 years old and my mother still uses the guilt trip tool.

Brian and I decided not to have children, but I would hope that I would use none of the above on them.

[happytraveller]

My mother smacked me on the mouth a few times when I was cheeky, it didn't hurt but shut me up. I was also sent to bed once or twice without dinner when I did something really stupid. I suppose that I deserved it.
My dad never touched me.