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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2009 8:05:20 GMT
How do you calm down when you are furious? Do you go for a walk, listen to music? Do you expend your pent up energy in household chores or sports? Do you rant or cry? Do you lie on your bed in the dark? Do you absolutely need to talk to somebody about it?
How long does your fury last? Is it finished in a few minutes or is it a long slow burn, with terrible revenge planned in detail?
Does being angry make you a better person, i.e. make you question and analyze what set you off and why? Do you do something constructive to prevent the situation from happening again?
As for me, obviously it depends on the situation, but in general I am angry for just a very short time – it can be over in 2 minutes sometimes. However, this does not prevent me trying to find ways to prevent it from happening again – either to learn to ignore certain annoyances, or to make a major decision for changing something in my life to make me a better and less vulnerable person.
Easier said than done, of course.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 1, 2009 8:55:27 GMT
I had a terrible Irish temper in my youth. In my present state I like to think that I have got my anger under control. Who can tell until conditions arise which might ignite my fury? I feel I am now a calm person. Although my mind might slip for an instant into revenge mode, I am aware of this immediately and I cut off such thoughts. I can feel if I'm in the presence of an angry person and I don't like it. I am very sensitive to such vibrations.
I have practised meditation for twenty-five years and I believe that dedicated practise helps one to control the mind in so far as it's possible to deal with reactions at base level.
This control does not only apply to Anger.
I forgot to mention that I am quick to forgive and I try not to carry grudges and am willing, in most cases but not all, to start again.
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Post by hwinpp on Sept 1, 2009 10:52:02 GMT
I am quite patient and often hear all sorts of BS. But sometimes I do get angry. I then just stop talking and wait, clenching my fists. I very, very rarely let the anger out.
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Post by tillystar on Sept 1, 2009 14:24:58 GMT
I have a quick temper and get angry quickly and loudly but calm down very quickly too, its all over in minutes. Mr Star is the same and we usually end it by laughing at each other. Rarely, probably once a year or so I will be very angry and need to get out for air, I feel claustrophobic when that angry and have to get outside to end it, I know this so I go out and walk round the block..
Once its over, it over. I never hold onto issues with people, carrying grudges are good for no one and I am not interested in revenge.
Yesterday I was thinking about a friend of mine who is very ill and feeling really miserable about it while I was cooking with Mr Star, I realised I was being snappy with him about nonsense, standing too close, too far away to much heat etc etc It was really nothing to do with him, just the horrible thoughts in my head. Of course as soon as I realised I stopped directing my anger with the situation in the wrong direction. A typical example on taking it out on those close to us, I guess.
I try not to do that, but it happens.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2009 14:32:06 GMT
In my present state I like to think that I have got my anger under control. Who can tell until conditions arise which might ignite my fury? I feel I am now a calm person. Although my mind might slip for an instant into revenge mode, I am aware of this immediately and I cut off such thoughts. I can feel if I'm in the presence of an angry person and I don't like it. I am very sensitive to such vibrations. That's just how I am too. I very rarely lose my temper, I don't like feeling angry and will do anything to try not to feel that way. However I do have a 'dark' side to me, and I don't forgive too easily, sometimes never, and I can take out the lowest form of revenge on someone who I think deserves it. That very, very rarely happens though. |
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Post by traveler63 on Sept 1, 2009 16:07:50 GMT
I am a brooder. I am also Irish and the temper does come out, fast furious and not altogether rational. When I am really angry, I get very quiet and I have to go somewhere until I can control it. Talking is not an option. After a while I will be able to talk it out. Except with husband, days need to pass before it is a good idea to talk.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 1, 2009 16:57:37 GMT
Oh yes, I forgot (how could I?) that my children can make me feel like this  Actually it's not so much anger but being deeply upset by them. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2009 17:00:39 GMT
People are so amazed when I "explode" because I can make them explode all by themselves by just looking at them with a bovine look when they are ranting at me. The more unconcerned I look, the angrier they become.
This makes them think that I have no strong feelings about anything. Until the day it happens.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 1, 2009 18:05:42 GMT
I'd love to see your 'bovine look'  |
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Post by traveler63 on Sept 1, 2009 20:43:11 GMT
Hey K2,
Is your bovine look the rolling of big brown eyes? that's what I do anad boy does it put people over the moon!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2009 20:45:12 GMT
Yes, that's part of it. It conveys something along the lines of "Keep talking if you must. Boring!"
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Post by tillystar on Sept 2, 2009 7:02:43 GMT
Oh that is soooooooooooooo infuriating when people do that. Yes K, you'd get me easy with that one I'd be exploding all over the place!
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Post by spindrift on Sept 2, 2009 10:54:08 GMT
Does anyone do the Death Stare? that's not anger though. It's contempt.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2009 11:01:34 GMT
I have another technique that can both inflate or deflate fury -- agreeing with everything the person says. If you agree with total insincerity, they go ballistic, but if you sound sincere, they start contradicting themselves. "No, I don't really mean that you are the most horrible person to ever have walked the face of the earth. I was just trying to make you understand that..." etc.
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Post by tillystar on Sept 2, 2009 11:05:42 GMT
I have got this down to a fine art but save it for use on bad or careless drivers, especially people on their phone while driving.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 2, 2009 11:11:38 GMT
I'm told that I'm good at it too! I hadn't thought of dealing it out to bad drivers....
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Post by fumobici on Sept 4, 2009 21:30:55 GMT
Can't stay mad, don't have enough short term memory to manage it as often as not.
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Post by hwinpp on Sept 5, 2009 3:45:46 GMT
I stare at taxi drivers with a dumbish look when I realise I'm being taken for a ride. Sometimes I start scowling.
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Post by tillystar on Sept 5, 2009 12:12:58 GMT
Ha! You really have a thing about taxi drivers don't you?!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2009 12:16:07 GMT
Ha! You really have a thing about taxi drivers don't you?! You noticed that too! I was going to post something similar. |
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Post by spindrift on Sept 5, 2009 12:17:44 GMT
So do I when I'm in India or Nepal  |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2009 17:15:09 GMT
Yes, taxi drivers require that look across many parts of Asia.
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Post by patricklondon on Sept 5, 2009 20:33:52 GMT
My trouble is that people tend to think I'm doing it when I'm simply wool-gathering or thinking about lunch.
I think I recognise now when I'm getting angry and why, and how to distract myself, but mostly it's irritation rather than real rage - perhaps it's something to do with advancing years. Not a lot seems to matter quite so much any more.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2009 23:17:18 GMT
I find that not many people/things are worth getting angry about nowadays... Or maybe, I'm just getting soft.  |
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Post by rikita on Sept 9, 2009 0:00:13 GMT
depends.
for a while i used to often have dreams in which i was really angry and shouting my and screaming loudly (dreaming of doing so, that is, don't think i shout in my sleep), and waking up still feeling like i had just had an outburst of anger. i guess maybe there was something in me i wasn't letting out.
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