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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2009 21:03:54 GMT
Do you have any? Are you good at keeping them? I have lots. Lots, lots. I'm really good at keeping them, it's very important to me to respect the trust that people have put in me. Especially if you consider the kind of company I have kept in the past, and the kind of people I was once associated with. Anyway, tell me about your secrets, I'm all ears.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2009 21:11:18 GMT
I normally have to tell at least one other person a secret or else I explode. But I have reliable friends, so the secrets remain safe.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 8, 2009 21:35:35 GMT
I have a couple secrets I have NEVER told anyone. No one can be trusted, IMO.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2009 10:37:03 GMT
But, Kerouac, how do you know your friends aren't doing the same thing? Passing your secrets on thinking that their friends won't pass them on?
Kimby, you can tell us, we can be trusted. *grins*
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Post by happytraveller on Sept 9, 2009 11:12:24 GMT
There are some secrets I tell my best friends or my hubby but most secrets I really keep for myself. It's only the not so secret or not so important secrets that I tell hubby/friends.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2009 11:35:15 GMT
Some secrets are meant to be repeated, but the word 'secret' is used to imply 'don't blab this to just anybody.'
The transmittal of secrets is an imperfect science, however. There are always plenty of secrets in any office, which become common knowledge, or so it seems until the day arrives that somebody learns something that everybody else has known for more than six months.
That's because the 'secret' label prevents open and casual discussion, so if you were out of the office the week that the secret was spread around, you're out of luck!
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Post by spindrift on Sept 9, 2009 12:06:34 GMT
When friends trust me (and relieve themselves) by telling me a secret I would never ever repeat it to anyone. After all, perhaps I've been entrusted with life-changing knowledge. The same goes for family members.
I don't bother about keeping secrets about myself. As far as I'm concerned I'm an open book and I don't care what people think about me. Don't get me wrong, I don't go around telling my secrets but I don't care if they're found out. So what?
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Post by tillystar on Sept 9, 2009 12:33:47 GMT
I know so many secrets I could really shake things up with my friends and family if I wanted. A few relationships might be over I seem to be trusted with lots of people's secrets, I think its because I am pretty unshockable and don't judge. Also because I won't tell a soul, not because I am particularly honourable - I just forget things easily. I don't have any real big secrets I am quite open about who I am and what I have done.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 9, 2009 15:25:39 GMT
Just like me then, Tilly
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Post by tillystar on Sept 9, 2009 16:01:59 GMT
Ha imagine if we cracked and told all we knew (well what we remembered )
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Post by rikita on Sept 9, 2009 23:01:38 GMT
don't really have big important secrets... there is of course stuff that is quite personal and that i thus only talk about when drunk (which i rarely am these days though). oh there is some stuff about other people (mainly internet-forum people) that i was either told and told not to tell anyone else, or found out by coincidence (person a tells me something and person b tells me something and i do the math). but those are probably outdated these days anyway.
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Post by hwinpp on Sept 10, 2009 4:11:43 GMT
... A few relationships might be over ... ... I hate those secrets, Tilly. I hate it when a friend says he has to 'tell me something about xxx and yyy. I tell them I don't want to know...
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Post by Kimby on Sept 10, 2009 15:03:34 GMT
Especially when you are friends with both halves of the couple.
Not fair for one of them to take you into their confidence about couple or partner problems.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2009 4:53:41 GMT
I have noticed that there is an unwritten agreement among men, even men who don't like each other, to never rat out to a woman an illicit relationship of which they have knowledge. I was close friends with a woman who got divorced from her abusive husband; even though he was a real ass, when she asked me if I had seen him with another woman, I said no.
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Post by tillystar on Sept 11, 2009 8:49:17 GMT
I would not tell, it is usually not my business. However, once I did feel I had to. My friend was at home alone looking after their baby all the time, he was out with his girlfriend all the time flaunting her in front of mutual friends. Not a fling, they went together everywhere telling everyone they were in love. My friend was blissfully unaware and so happy and planning on trying for another child as their relationship was “so strong”. I had held my tongue (probably stupidly) when he had drunkenly tried it on with me but this time I told him to end it or leave her. After a month of insisting, he didn’t do anything and was still dragging the woman everywhere. Myself and other girlfriends agreed that we would tell her and be there for her (you can’t just tell someone something like that and not stick around for the fallout).
At the time she stuck it out for the kid and wanted to work at it, 4 or 5 affairs later she decided to give up trying.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 11, 2009 8:54:58 GMT
I know all about men forming a 'club' and not telling tales about a philandering husband.
What I want to know is - do these men think that the long-suffering woman is a fool? stupid?
*someone please answer
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2009 9:01:55 GMT
Of course not. But that is not a reason to confirm her suspicions.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 11, 2009 15:42:28 GMT
Why not K2? If she is clueless and happy, perhaps you wouldn't want to disrupt her marital bliss and throw her for a loop. But if she is suspicious and asking questions, aren't you doing her a disservice by clamming up or lying?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2009 15:49:12 GMT
I have a couple secrets I have NEVER told anyone. No one can be trusted, IMO. ,completely agree.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2009 16:37:24 GMT
Why not K2? If she is clueless and happy, perhaps you wouldn't want to disrupt her marital bliss and throw her for a loop. But if she is suspicious and asking questions, aren't you doing her a disservice by clamming up or lying? It's built into the Y chromosome.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 11, 2009 17:16:46 GMT
I reckon that the men egg each other on..... They probably have bets with each other. I know there were bets on in Nairobi as to whether I'd marry my first husband or not. I was horrified when I found out. Little boys playing games.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2009 17:22:13 GMT
Betting and speculating is little boy stuff.
I am only talking about the fact that men never rat out other men.
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Post by bixaorellana on Sept 11, 2009 18:02:22 GMT
I think the reason a woman would not "rat out" a philanderer to his or her mate would be to preserve that person's feelings, rather than out of solidarity to the adulterer.
There must be times when it would be okay and necessary for a friend to be the bearer of that kind of news, but one would hope that the decision to tell was well soul-searched beforehand.
In Reply #13, I would have done the same as Kerouac, but for a completely different reason. That woman had undoubtedly already suffered enough at the hands of the rat bastard. There'd be no reason to pour salt in the wound.
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Post by Kimby on Sept 11, 2009 21:15:05 GMT
Also once the secret is out, be careful in your dealings with the wounded party. She may be very anti-partner at first, but if you agree too heartily and join in the spouse-bashing, if they do reconcile later her loyalties will be to the cad, not to you!
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Post by bixaorellana on Sept 12, 2009 1:30:07 GMT
As far as secrets go ~~ I can REALLY keep a secret. Also, I treat anything personal someone tells me as a secret, whether or not I'm admonished not to tell.
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Post by hwinpp on Sept 12, 2009 4:36:40 GMT
I've not experienced that.
1. I don't want to know. 2. If unavoidable I give very clear advice. Either start behaving or leave. 3. If no reaction I 'close' up and break off the friendship completely. Has happened a couple of times.
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Post by spindrift on Sept 12, 2009 14:21:32 GMT
A woman and a man of honour
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Post by rikita on Sept 18, 2009 22:50:10 GMT
just wondering from the other side though... if your partner cheated on you, would you want to know? i think i would. then again, i don't think my bf would ever cheat on me so i feel very safe saying that... if i am wrong... well i still think i'd want to know.
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Post by tillystar on Sept 19, 2009 12:49:46 GMT
Yeah, I'd want to know.
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Post by lola on Sept 19, 2009 13:14:42 GMT
Not me. Keep as secret from me as possible.
If I ever decided to mess around, which I haven't ever been able to work into my busy schedule, I'd considerately refrain from mentioning it to my husband.
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