Relationships - lessons learnt

[auntieannie]

I've met a few jerks in my time. Thankfully, this phase is hopefully over now...

In a relationship, there are TWO people.

Your partner will treat you the way you allow him/her to treat you.

More woman specific: If he wants to contact you, he will contact you. If he doesn't contact you, he's got something else on his mind at this point in time.

It's bad news if ...
He/She isn't interested in introducing you to his/her friends and family after a while.

He/She has only horror stories to tell about his/her exes ... what will they say about you once it's ended?

He/She is over controlling or more specifically if they specifically ask you
- NOT to tell your own friends about this relationships
- NOT to speak to specific people in RL/online
- NOT to do some activities you usually do

He/She isn't there for you when you need their help even though they promised they would (before you asked, making you dependent on their help when you could have organised yourself differently)

Any more to add?

[Deleted]

Well, there is also that item from the marriage thread:

A woman cannot change a man's nature.

Strangely enough, it appears that men can change women, however. (Not all of them, or course.)

[auntieannie]

quite true, K!

On the positive side, if you meet one of his/her colleagues on the High Street and they say "aah! Are you Annie? It is sooo nice to meet you!" that's very good news.

[bixaorellana]

Not if your name isn't Annie, it's not!

It is, however, an important clue.

[auntieannie]

haha! sure, bixabella! I should have mentioned it was an example! ;D

or I should have said: "are you Bixaorellana? Sooooo nice to meet you!"

[hwinpp]

Oct 4, 2009 15:14:54 GMT bixaorellana said:

Not if your name isn't Annie, it's not!

It is, however, an important clue.

Oh, oh, that's happened to me but by accident...

[Deleted]

Your partner will treat you the way you allow him/her to treat you.

Very true. It's almost like you have to teach someone how to treat you.

All that you said Annie, would ring warning bells in my mind. That and possessiveness, jealousy and over controlling behavior, what a turn off.

[tillystar]

I'd say to look at how a person treats other people. They will of course treat you well at the start when they are trying to impress but that can't be kept up forver and they will treat you as they treat the rest of the world.

Its a cliche but alarm bells ring about a person who is rude to waiting staff.

[auntieannie]

Oct 7, 2009 12:28:30 GMT tillystar said:

I'd say to look at how a person treats other people. They will of course treat you well at the start when they are trying to impress but that can't be kept up forver and they will treat you as they treat the rest of the world.

Its a cliche but alarm bells ring about a person who is rude to waiting staff.

or how they treat customer service people.

And if their ex keeps tabs on them...she's not an ex!

[rikita]

well i hope i learned that if i am the only one putting any effort in keeping the relationship going (in that case it was an ldr, so a lot of effort was needed, too) then it might not actually be worth the effort.

[spindrift]

Perhaps one should be able to judge in advance the character of the man one is getting involved with No expectations, no worries ;D

[Deleted]

That's a good rule to live by, spindrift.

[Deleted]

I think that a number of us have learned that you can't make somebody love you. At best, you can make them appreciate you; at worst, they will feel sorry for you.

[Deleted]

Your are completely right, Kerouac.

I think most men just feel sorry for me, so is life. Or even worse, humor me. And sometimes both.