Canadian predators

[Deleted]

Yesterday, my nephew some guy I was taking care of, a 29 year old lawyer, was allowed to set out on his own to discover Paris. I had picked him up at Orly last night, coming in on the last flight from Marrakesh. Back at my place at half past midnight, he consumed large amounts of bread and cheese and siphoned down a considerable amount of wine. This leads me to suspect that there may be nothing to eat in Morocco.

Anyway, I got up Friday morning and went to work, leaving him keys, metro tickets, two croissants, a pain au chocolat and a half baguette. The plan was for him to be back at my place around 17:00 so he could say goodbye to his grandmother an old lady I go to visit, before we went out on the town to have dinner at a restaurant and see a movie. I carefully wrote down the codes that he could use at any pay phone to call me if there was any reason to call me, and I gave all of the various phone numbers.

I got back home around 16:20 (sneaking out of a retirement party at the office) and did a quick errand at the bank, but at 17:00 still no sign of nephew. So I went to see my mother the old lady in question as per the usual procedure, knowing that she would not really care anyway and also knowing that there was no major link between my nephew and his grandmother either of them, so really not a problem. I left a note saying that I would be back at 18:15 and giving my mobile phone number again.

Well, at 18:15, still no trace of nephew what's-his-name, so I settled in to wait for a certain amount of time. I had imagined that this might happen, with him wandering around Paris alone for the first time in his life and discovering the city. It really did not bother me at all if he was having such a great time that he had lost track of the time.

19:00 came and went, as did 20:00 and also 21:00. I figured that something exceptional had happened to him and did not hold it against him at all. After all, he was 29 years old and in Paris. I fixed myself some dinner and ate in front of the television and the internet.

By 22:00, I had allocated 2% of my mind to the possibility that he was in a hospital and about 35% to the idea that he had met “a girl,” and the remaining percentage to just having some fascinating adventure of discovery. I was, however, beginning to wonder what I should do if he did not reappear before it was time to leave for the airport the next morning. I had examined the room where I had lodged him, and there was some serious packing that still needed to be done.

At 22:30, I heard the key turn in the lock. He staggered into the living room and said, “I am so drunk and I got lost and I am never going to Canada!”

(to be continued)

[Deleted]

I haven't been near him, honest Kerouac.

*put's hands up* ;D

[fumobici]

Those canucks are a dodgy lot I can tell you. You think they are all so civilized and primly well behaved but behind the bland, sensible, almost Scandinavian facade are a seething cauldron of scandalous intrigues and insatiable appetites.

Or so I'm told.

[Deleted]

It's all true.

The quiet ones are always the worst, as they say.

[Deleted]

So anyway, he sat down and the story came out. “I was walking around in Montmartre minding my own business, and there was this big meat truck parked in front of a butcher shop. They pulled out a rack of carcasses hanging on hooks and I got out my camera to take a picture.

“And then this girl comes out of nowhere and says ‘I wish I had my camera because I wanted to take the same picture.’ She said she was from Canada and said ‘why don’t we go somewhere and have a drink?’ I told her that I was on my way to see Sacré Coeur and she said she didn’t mind coming along to see it with me, too.

“Then we stopped in this café for a drink. We had these huge glasses of wine and every time I came back from the bathroom, my glass was full again! You know I was raised a Mormon, and I can’t hold my liquor.” He looked at me, clearly in need of absolution.

“How many glasses of wine did you drink?” I asked.

“I must have had about 8 glasses of wine,” he said. “But they were the big glasses like in California.”

“So that makes about 16 normal glasses. When did all of this happen?”

“I think I ran into her about 2 p.m. and we just really got into talking and drinking. She’s living in Paris on a research project, and she’s pretty hot looking. But I swear that nothing happened. Michelle My girlfriend would be proud of me.

“Then she asked me if I wanted to see her place, so I said sure, why not? I don’t know where it was but we got there and I sat down, and then she said ‘I just want to take you into my bedroom and fuck you.’ And I said no, I have a girlfriend, I have to leave, but I couldn’t open the door. She had done something to it!”

“So,” I asked, “how did you get out of there?”

“I don’t know, but I finally got the apartment door open and left. But there was some sort of double door system on the building and I couldn’t open the door. And I couldn’t go back up and ask her how to open it because there were no names and I didn’t remember what floor she lived on. But then I was finally out on the street, but I was completely lost. I was trying to find the way back to your place but nothing looked familiar. I knew that if I found the African area, I could find my way, but there were no Africans anywhere!

“I just kept walking and walking and when I finally crossed the bridge over the train tracks I knew where I was. But I’m so sorry! I was going to invite you to dinner tonight and say goodbye to grandma that nice old lady and we were going to go to a movie, and I really screwed up.”

I reassured him. “It’s not important. Don’t worry about it. Being in Paris makes some people crazy.”

“But Michelle my girlfriend is going to be so proud of me when I tell her! I remained faithful to her no matter how hard that Canadian girl tried.”

“I don’t recommend telling Michelle her about this. She is unlikely to find this evening very reassuring. She may want to put you on a leash.”

“I’m so sorry that I let you down.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He soon went to bed and slept through the night. He woke up the next morning with a terrific hangover and requested medication, which I gave him. He finished packing his baggage and we went to the airport together.

Oh, the joys of travelling when you are young and don't know about Canadian girls…!

[Deleted]

Thanks for that story, Kerouac.

I read it with a smile on my face. He sounds like a good man, his girlfriend is very lucky.

Just goes to prove, never underestimate a Canadian Woman! The wildest women I have ever met, have all been Canadian.

[fumobici]

LOLZ

[bixaorellana]

At any point did you point out to your nephew that guy that he acted out the song "Norwegian Wood"?

[fumobici]

Yeah. John was lying like a rug in that one. He didn't really crawl on to sleep in the bath.

[bixaorellana]

Yeah, but he didn't really have a Michelle, either.

[fumobici]

That song is SO Paul ;D

[bixaorellana]

..... and that's something I find hard to think of as a good thing

[Deleted]

Did he just change his mind at the last minute, Kerouac?

[Deleted]

He appeared to be pretty incapacitated. I fear that he was trying to be polite until it was almost too late. We'll never know, unless this story comes back to me some day in a different version.

[gertie]

That story sure put a smile on my face today. Wonder what the nephew young man has to say about Paris today?

[Deleted]

Maybe it'll always be a special secret that he'll never tell any one? Some things are best left that way.

[Deleted]

Whenever I next see my brother, I'll know if the story ever got out or not.

[Deleted]

I bet it didn't.