Oh no!

[gringalais]

My mom is on Facebook and she just added me as a friend!!! I so don't want that, but if I decline all hell will break loose.

[spindrift]

Well, she's making a step in the right direction.

[Kimby]

Can you explain to her in a nice way that her reading your Facebook page would be similar to her reading your diary or letters you have written? You aren't doing anything wrong, but you do need some space to call your own.
She will probably be hurt - I was when my niece would not accept me as a friend on her MySpace page - but she should understand.

Unless she also reads your diary and letters!

[gringalais]

Kimby, I wish I could do that, but you are assuming that she can be reasoned with. Once I was going through tough personal stuff. Her opinions were just making things worse and tried to cut her out of my life because I couldn't deal with her at that time. She actually left me a message saying there was an emergency related to my dad's health and I needed to call. I figured it was a ploy, but on the off-chance that it wasn't, I called. Of course, I was right, my dad is fine. She knows I adore my dad and used that against me.

So, I accepted her. The ensuing drama if I didn't was just not worth it, especially since most of my cousins are there and have their moms as friends. She would start bugging me about that. I figure I have to be more careful about posting things publicly in some cases, using messages instead. And, I can't promote this place on Facebook - sorry, but that would be the last thing I need. She is just going to town setting up her profile and has already put up 2 unflattering pics of me. At least she doesn't seem to know how to tag people.

I just figured out how she decided to join. When my godmother saw the pics of the wedding rings on Facebook and was surprised to see that I was gettng married, I am sure she contacted my mom to ask her why she hadn't told her. Then my mom asked her how she knew and my godmother said Facebook and she joined.

spindrift - and in a way at least it seems like she is making an attempt to give a shit about my life, I agree.

[Kimby]

So can you get a secret MySpace page for your private musings?

[BigIain]

Hi Gringalais

Take a look at my facebook friends... there is only one daughter in there as one of my friends. The rest of my family are simply not allowed. You are under no obligation to be friends with every person who asks. I have refused around 8 family members requests to be friends. I think that family want to simply monior my actions on facebook.
I have a Myspace where I put up pics for anyone to see. Facebook is indeed my private place.
I do not very often give advice, but saying no to your mom's request may prove good in that it would send her a clear message about where she stands in your life? I disagree with Kimby that you should set up another site elsewhere. That would simply be running away from the issue in my opinion. Relationships with parents need to evolve and this seems like a good time for a positive step.

[auntieannie]

Guess I am lucky! my parents aren't interested in Facebook or in any other computer-related place. But I was so proud when my adolescent nieces asked me to be friends with them on facebook!

good luck, Gringa!

[gringalais]

I wish I could be honest with her Iain, I really do, but the results when I have tried that in the past have been disastrous. She does not want to know what I really think. In the end, the path of least resistance is the only way I seem to be able to deal with her.

My parents e-mail but never even showed interest in other ways to keep in touch, not even messenger/skype etc. It was the whole thing with the wedding and my aunt that got her to sign up. Her weirdness in not telling anyone about the wedding started the chain of events.

I have her on probation. If she misbehaves I will have to limit her access to my profile. We'll see how it goes.

[BigIain]

Well maybe it will lead to something positive? That would be good. I have been known to be wrong in the past!!

I hope that it goes well for you Gringa and as you say, you have the ability to cut her access at any given time.

[palesa]

Gringa, I would add her, just to keep the peace, and then go into your settings and you are able to block what she can see. Siduri taught me this, and it is invaluable!! I have done this with people that it would be awkward to say no to, but I do not really want to add them.