Hangover Ratings....
Mar 28, 2011 19:27:22 GMT
Post by cheerypeabrain on Mar 28, 2011 19:27:22 GMT
Made me laugh like a drain this did....
1 Star Hangover
No pain, no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a cheeseburger and fries.
2 Star Hangover
No pain but something is definitely amiss. you may look OK but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut which is craving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you can really handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk emails.
3 Star Hangover
Slight headache, stomach feels cr@p. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime anyone walks by you gag because their aftershave/perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you had after the bouncers kicked you out at 0145. Life would be better now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime tv. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 sausage rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 Star Hangover
You have lost the will to live, Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly else you might throw up.
Your boss has already had a go about you being late and has given you a lecture about reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that (depending on your gender) you missed an oh-so-crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make up on whilst riding the dodgems. Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 Star Hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee sitting next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your colleagues at work think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because all you can actually do is breathe very gently.
6 Star Hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed, Sleep comes instantly as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep when the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do now...you're going to throw up.
You stumble out of bed and find that the room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternate walls knocking off all the pictures you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling your only friend in the whole world you have left (the toilet) randomly continuing to make walrus noises, spitting and f@rting.
Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15 minute intervals but your body won't relent. You are convinced that your body is trying to turn itself inside out.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. He/She abuses you again for trying to get into bed with dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and take a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow to never touch a drop again...and who knows? for the next 3-4 hours at least you may even succeed.
Sorry....I've not had a 6 star since I was about 25....thank goodness...
1 Star Hangover
No pain, no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka redbulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a cheeseburger and fries.
2 Star Hangover
No pain but something is definitely amiss. you may look OK but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.
The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut which is craving a full English breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you can really handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk emails.
3 Star Hangover
Slight headache, stomach feels cr@p. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.
Anytime anyone walks by you gag because their aftershave/perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you had after the bouncers kicked you out at 0145. Life would be better now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime tv. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 sausage rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.
4 Star Hangover
You have lost the will to live, Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly else you might throw up.
Your boss has already had a go about you being late and has given you a lecture about reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that (depending on your gender) you missed an oh-so-crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make up on whilst riding the dodgems. Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.
5 Star Hangover
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee sitting next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your colleagues at work think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because all you can actually do is breathe very gently.
6 Star Hangover
You arrive home and climb into bed, Sleep comes instantly as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep when the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do now...you're going to throw up.
You stumble out of bed and find that the room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternate walls knocking off all the pictures you find the toilet.
If you are lucky you remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling your only friend in the whole world you have left (the toilet) randomly continuing to make walrus noises, spitting and f@rting.
Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.
With your stomach empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15 minute intervals but your body won't relent. You are convinced that your body is trying to turn itself inside out.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. He/She abuses you again for trying to get into bed with dried vomit in your hair.
You reluctantly accept their advice and take a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.
Work is simply not an option.
The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.
You vow to never touch a drop again...and who knows? for the next 3-4 hours at least you may even succeed.
Sorry....I've not had a 6 star since I was about 25....thank goodness...
