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Post by whatagain on Apr 29, 2023 21:40:30 GMT
Merci mon ami.
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Post by mich64 on Apr 29, 2023 23:48:02 GMT
I am very sorry to read about your dear sister-in-law whatagain but hoping now that her husband and the family know that she has been struggling she will receive help from professionals, family and friends. We have recently gone through a similar experience and we are all working on recovering from his passing.
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Post by bixaorellana on Apr 30, 2023 0:59:48 GMT
Oh dear Mich, I am terribly sorry to hear that. Your family has had way too many sad things happen in the past few years.
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Post by mich64 on Apr 30, 2023 1:14:56 GMT
Thank you Bixa. These past few years have been the saddest parts of my life, but the past few months have been even worse. I hope that Whatagain is correct, time. Hopefully time will ease the pain and bring comfort to us. We have decided to plan a holiday for the fall and really hoping that all will go as planned.
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Post by bixaorellana on Apr 30, 2023 4:09:23 GMT
Hopefully time will ease the pain and bring comfort to us. I fervently hope so, Mich. The fall holiday sounds like a wonderful idea.
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Post by whatagain on Apr 30, 2023 7:13:21 GMT
So sorry to read this Mich. Time is a healer. My way to see it is that the loss never goes away, but the pain and distress turns into some kind of friendly pain. a pain that never leaves you but don't hurt you anymore. Just a sad companion, ever present, because our loved ones never leave us as long as we love them. And we will never stop loving them.
As for my in law, the fight is that she must accept she has a trouble and that she needs medication. Same as i need pills for my diabete. But once we talk about the brains, a lot of people don't grasp the concept of illness there. The ill ones, but mostly the others. A pity.
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Post by mickthecactus on Apr 30, 2023 7:35:09 GMT
So sorry for all you guys having a rough time.
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Post by whatagain on Apr 30, 2023 7:37:30 GMT
Thank you Mick.
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Post by whatagain on May 6, 2023 8:28:33 GMT
Some news... My SIL has fully recovered physically and has accepted to go to a psychiatric institution. Where they basically do nothing, one visit a week by a psy... She siunds happy actually and says she enjoys her vacation. So much that it looks a lot like a smokescreen... She seems to say/think/believe it was a one off event and everything is fine. I would like she does more introspection but it is too soon. My bro is lost... he says she blames him a lot. And stupidly he tries to discuss with her. I told him that ar the end of the day she is tbe one in charge and even if he would be a bad husband, he didn't force her to swallow the pills. He doesn't understand that she can't have a coherent discussion and i find normal that she blames him as a defence mechanism. I felt yseful telling him to avoid such discussions, cajole her, support her ... and go and see a psychologist for a better understanding of what he should do. Hard Times... The whole family suffers. But at least my SIL seems to be enjoying life - or some parts of it ?
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Post by bjd on May 6, 2023 11:05:34 GMT
I agree that there is little point in your brother trying to discuss with his wife right now. She has to sort things out herself and any uncomfortable discussions will only make her shift the problem onto your brother.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on May 6, 2023 14:13:08 GMT
I'm so very sad for the pain that you and your family are going through Whatagain. How individuals can put their loved ones through such pain is hard to understand, I suppose that they are too engrossed in their own agony.
I hope that your SiL accepts and receives the help that she needs...and I hope that you and your lovely family find the strength to get through this. xxx
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Post by bixaorellana on May 6, 2023 17:02:15 GMT
She seems to say/think/believe it was a one off event and everything is fine. I would like she does more introspection but it is too soon. As you say, it's simply too soon. She seems to be in the best place to process things. I must echo what Cheery so beautifully said.
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Post by kerouac2 on May 6, 2023 17:18:18 GMT
I agree that it is much too soon to know how the situation is evolving. But if she is in a mental/medical facility, it is the best place for specialists to keep an eye on her. Even though we know that sometimes they are clueless and do the wrong thing, often the family is even more clueless and doesn't pick up on the danger signals. A combination of family presence (not too intrusive) and professional care would seem to me to be the best thing.
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Post by tod2 on May 8, 2023 11:33:18 GMT
I am so sorry Whatagain to hear a dear lady found it all too much. I am hoping she did not really want to die but instead hoped somebody would rescue her at the 11th hour and show her there is another way. I say this because my niece took her own life two years ago. Lived life to the full and more. Accomplished things no other woman has. Always a 'go getter' and helping the underdog. But that was the surface. For years she had not spoken to her parents after an argument. My sister tried to make amends but she was not moved. On New Years day she had an altercation with her landlord. The next morning as the sun rose on the second day of the New Year, she hung herself. The Landlord found her. Our whole family was in disbelief but the years come and go now. Her ashes lie amongst the spring flowers high on a mountain top. She would be very happy there. This is our girl: irp-cdn.multiscreensite.com/975fd9a5/files/uploaded/A-Walker-on-the-Canning-Western-4Wdriver-Spring-2014.pdf
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Post by Kimby on May 13, 2023 20:32:18 GMT
Wow, I have missed a lot of recent news on the trauma front, and want to add my condolences and reassurances to all who are impacted by these sad and scary events.
I came on here to post a petty personal trauma, and now I feel silly. Because it really is petty. But short of starting a new thread for “really petty personal traumas” what are my options?
My fingertips are a mess from all the bleach water I used to clean the Sanibel house in preparation for the long hot humid summer months. I’m right-handed, and it’s just my right hand that’s been impacted. I think I killed a lot of skin cells on my fingertips, and that made them exquisitely sensitive to heat. Then they started cracking and my thumb was the proverbial “sore thumb” that sticks out and gets hurt over and over again. Now my fingers are peeling and it’s like having dozens of hangnails.
But the most frustrating thing is trying to use my iPhone as the touch screen doesn’t recognize my fingers as l being alive! I am making constant typos and backing up and correcting in order to type anything. Very frustrating. But petty.
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Post by whatagain on May 14, 2023 9:04:05 GMT
This is indeed tve petty traumas thread, i always use it for bigger traumas too.
Silly you kimby ! 😉 they invented things called gloves, you know ...
My real petty trauma is that my right shoe decided to take vacation from the sole. So tje sole remained attached by less than 50pc. It wqs the only pair i had, and the shie maker had no time to fix it. So i had to walk like that (glue didn't work) and i have pain in the foot now... grrr.
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Post by whatagain on May 14, 2023 9:07:04 GMT
On the subject of my lovely SIL, she is in a psychiatric institution, she does a lot of gym, walks, archery (!) And whilst she doesn't see much of psys, she talks a lot to nurses, patients... She cried two whole days castigating (correct word in the context ?) for what she had done and trying to find the root cause. Much good ! My brother is also recovering and saw a psy, which can only be beneficial.
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Post by tod2 on May 14, 2023 10:55:58 GMT
Im glad to hear things are settling for the better. I think she 'lets off steam" by doing something physical like walking. Isn't that what Forest Gump did? Walking and walking for months...?
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Post by kerouac2 on May 14, 2023 10:59:45 GMT
Just be careful when she is holding a bow and arrow.
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Post by whatagain on May 14, 2023 14:51:50 GMT
There was only one Robin in the family...
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Post by Kimby on May 15, 2023 4:05:36 GMT
Silly you kimby ! 😉 they invented things called gloves, you know ... I clean like that every time we leave the Sanibel house. Never had a problem before. Maybe it was using store brand bleach instead of Clorox? Slowly getting better as the dead skin falls off my fingertips.
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Post by lugg on May 15, 2023 19:54:03 GMT
Good news Whatagain ...hope that things are getting easier in your family now
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Post by kerouac2 on May 19, 2023 17:38:27 GMT
My brother and I rarely exchange emails. He is not a big internet user and I have always preferred postal exchanges in the family -- something that you can hold and keep even though I end up throwing most of them away. So I was kind of surprised to receive a message from him today. He started off with his cataract surgery, which apparently went well although it scared the hell out of him. Without being an expert, it is a subject that I feel I know quite a bit about. Both of my parents had cataract surgery and told me each and every detail (which I'm sure my brother never heard), and then when I was taking care of my mother, she needed cataract surgery again and I was there during the procedure, since I had to clamp her head in place since she wouldn't hold still. So I am not the least bit worried about that if and when the time comes.
Then he mentioned that his wife is having some "cognitive issues" and has seen a neurologist, whom she will see again soon. Well, obviously I know that that is not good news at all. He did not make a big deal of it, but he is probably scared shitless. He said that they have just had their 22nd wedding anniversary (his 3rd marriage and the correct one at last). His eldest son just had his own 3rd wedding (takes after his father, I guess), so he saw both of his sons and his 4 grandchildren, as well as his 1st wife and the mother of his children. Apparently her husband is getting old, and she is rebelling against getting older. He said she danced with her grandchildren, something my brother had never seen before because they never danced. I quickly checked to see if Mormons are allowed to dance, and yes they are, at least up to the age of 18.
And finally, his best friend from university, who lives in Oregon, broke his shoulder and had to get rid of his horses because he can't ride them anymore. And his companion, to whom he was not married, developed full blown Alzheimer's and she was whisked away by her family, leaving him alone.
I found all of this news really crappy and feel extremely lucky to not have these problems. So I guess that my petty trauma will be to figure out a nice way to reply to my brother. Since I haven't seen him for ten years, it probably doesn't matter.
On top of that, he wanted to send a little video to me to show his garden (clearly one of the last pleasant things in his life), but the file was too big, so it was rejected. "I'll have to research how else to do it." He has seen some of my own videos, so to me it is a no brainer, but I will leave him to his research.
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Post by bjd on May 19, 2023 19:04:41 GMT
Not much you can say. He probably just needed to say all this stuff to somebody and writing it down is probably easier than talking to someone about a whole slew of problems. A short "sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment" is probably enough with a bit of filler so that it doesn't sound too snappy.
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Post by onlyMark on May 20, 2023 10:45:25 GMT
I sent off for an electronic device from Amazon. It came but without the advertised bag it's supposed have. I contacted Amazon who offered me a 20% discount off buying the bag. I told them it was supposed to be included, I'm certainly not buying one. The offered me a refund or a replacement. I asked them what the point of that was when the problem is a missing part of the order. "Company Policy" they say, they are the only two alternatives.
I started to argue about my company policy being to follow common sense and just send me the missing bag but they said the two alternatives were the only ones. I've now contacted the manufacturer (who I should have probably done in the first place) and we'll see what they say.
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Post by kerouac2 on May 20, 2023 15:43:55 GMT
After yesterday's message from my brother, today I had lunch with a friend who also had quite a bit of trauma recently. He is a high school principal and a couple of weeks ago there was a classroom invasion by local thugs who attacked one of the students for unclear reasons. Okay, this sort of thing happens in a lot of places and is dreadful but it wrecked about 3 weeks of my friend's life. The attack was followed by very understandable outrage by all of the teachers in the school, who went on strike. They had to be reassured and calmed, and then there were of course the parents and all of their reactions and the police, naturally. The worst was yet to come with the investigation by the school district authorities, the mayor, the ministry of education, and the parliamentary representative. Because, after all, who is to blame when this sort of thing happens? The principal of course. And a couple of days later there was another attack on a student out on the street in reprisal of the first event. And whose fault is it? The principal of course. Why didn't he prevent all of this? My friend pointed out a few things like the fact that the promised video surveillance equipment has still not been installed in spite of all of his demands. 120,000 euros were allocated for this but for some reason the technical teams have not started on the project yet. And his requests for more security have been brushed aside as not a priority. Whose fault is it? It's his fault. He told me he has received a prescription for sleeping pills because he lies awake all night worrying about this. And yet said he would take them only on the weekend because he needs to be 200% alert on school days starting at 7 a.m. He does this job because he is totally dedicated, but he really is not being rewarded much.
Then we discussed the situation of my other friend, but I'll get to that later. It is pretty dreadful, too.
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Post by mickthecactus on May 20, 2023 15:58:10 GMT
That’s a depressing story.
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Post by onlyMark on May 20, 2023 16:01:41 GMT
Certainly is.
I think we need to define what petty is. Mine is, K2/whatagain's aren't in my mind.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on May 20, 2023 21:11:38 GMT
Yes..maybe we need another thread called 'Problem Page' or 'Dear Marjorie' (or similar) for the serious problems
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Post by bixaorellana on May 20, 2023 22:15:06 GMT
I think we need to define what petty is. Mine is, K2/whatagain's aren't in my mind. Yes..maybe we need another thread ... for the serious problems This thread, Our life passages, was created for problems, events -- whether happy or sad -- changes in ones life, etc. anyportinastorm.proboards.com/thread/8652/life-passages
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