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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 3, 2020 18:19:47 GMT
I'm skipping the Nuit blanche tonight for the first time in more than a decade.
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Post by onlyMark on Oct 13, 2020 14:27:07 GMT
Had a little little adventure today. The plan was to drive this morning from Bonn to Frankfurt so that Mrs M could visit her HQ for a couple of days. All went well, 160km/h (100 mph) on the motorway/Autobahn, see a line of standing vehicles in front of me so brake reasonably hard and put my hazard warning lights on for those behind to be aware. Three lane motorway and I come to a halt in the middle lane. The right (outside/slow) lane full of trucks. Left lane with other cars filling up. I keep my eye on the mirrors and see quite a few cars who were doing a hell of a lot more km/h than me braking sharply - but things calm down and I'm wondering if anyone further back and out of sight has smashed into someone.
We all wait. Engines get switched off, as is the German way. Apart from the one directly at the side of me which is a refrigerated food truck and there's no way he'll switch that off. People start getting out of their cars as there is no movement at all. No movement in the other direction either. We know it must be serious. Mrs M makes phone calls to put off some meetings. In between times I irritate her by giving a running commentary on a piece of paper darting about in the breeze and offering her odds on if it will appear the other side of a car it has blown under. I get bored of that so I play I Spy. She's unwilling to play any more when I get stuck on saying R for road and C for car. I try S for Stau (traffic jam) but she still doesn't participate. I try P,P. She looks at me. I say, "P,P" She asks, "What begins with P,P?" "No," I say. "Just P,P. I want a peepee." She puts her head back on the seat and closes her eyes in frustration.
I finally give up and get out of the car - just as the traffic news states that somewhere ahead of us, maybe the next junction about 12km away, is blocked by protesters, but we think it actually is a bridge they are on and they've somehow blocked both carriageways - they have a trick of hanging on ropes off the bridge I'm informed by a man in a car at the side of me. None of us have any idea who, what, why the protest is about. Maybe I'll find out later. I walk between two trucks on my right casting a scowl and the driver of the fridge truck, but I know he'll not do anything about the noise, cross the hard shoulder and walk forward a little trying to see if I can slip something out for relief and trying to spot if there are any young impressionable females in nearby vehicles that may see me. I'd hate to ruin the rest of their lives by accidentally spotting mine and never finding a man who could compare.
There aren't any, by the way. We were travelling through an area of countryside and it was easy enough, under cover of the line of trucks, to water the Armco without particularly being seen, or splash back either as it ran in the groove a little way before dripping to the floor. Never peed on Armco before. I'll have to remember that. I saw a man leaning up against a farm gate in the gap in the barriers, looking around. He turned my way and put his hand up in acknowledgement of the shared experience. I think it was the waiting not the peeing that was shared though. I waved back and he waved again to me, just twenty metres or so away, beckoning me to him. I joined him.
He asked, "Are you from around here?" "No," I said. "You've no idea where this track goes?" I saw what he meant, he meant the farm track, gravel covered, that disappeared from the gate, down a dip and to the left out of sight. "No idea, sorry. But you'd expect it'd head to the farmhouse and then onto a proper road or even straight onto a normal country road, wouldn't you?" "Yes," he said. "Doesn't matter anyway, the gate's locked." I paused and looked at the large chain and padlock securing it to the gate post. Then at the other end of the gate. "We could lift it off its hinges, swing it round and put it back when we'd gone through."
So we did.
Not put it back though. Too many other cars began to follow us through so we left it. The track did swing around a few trees but then came to a junction with a country lane. This led to a wider road, which led to a main road which led back onto the motorway some distance ahead, past wherever the blockage was. We gave each other a thumbs up as we separated when back on the motorway.
The traffic jam coming in the other direction was many km long before we got back on. It then continued for four or five km until we saw a break in the stationary traffic. In the gap was an air ambulance. We heard shortly after on the radio that a truck had failed to stop in time and ploughed into a car or two. I'd love to get the protesters to go to the relatives of the dead/seriously injured and tell them why they decided to block off the main motorway between two major cities at a point where there are no speed limits (for the cars anyway).
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 13, 2020 15:09:13 GMT
Clever you.
Once, near Nancy, I left the autoroute in the middle of nowhere since a snowstorm was beginning and all of the trucks were blocked on the autoroute, which was climbing a hill. I took a farm road which was disappearing under the snow (no other tyre tracks to reassure me), but it finally reached a major road, and I was saved.
I was still transporting my mother around back then (a trip away from the "prison"), and that certainly made me a bit braver in terms of getting her to safety.
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Post by bixaorellana on Oct 13, 2020 15:53:16 GMT
I had to go back and read the first part of the story to see that you were in Germany, since the experience of mystery protesters ruining things for everyone else seemed to indicate that you were in Oaxaca.
How perfect that you met a kindred spirit while relieving yourself!
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Post by casimira on Oct 13, 2020 16:06:15 GMT
Brilliant Mark!!!
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Post by fumobici on Oct 13, 2020 17:26:15 GMT
In Italy it is completely normal [for men only of course!] to simply pull over to the side of the highway in any wide spot and answer nature's call by the Armco.
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Post by mossie on Oct 13, 2020 18:49:57 GMT
Here in the UK I believe it is still legal for a lorry driver to use a rear wheel if he is caught short.
One time one of my gangs was machine laying asphalt on a mainish road in a large town and were right beside a large tax office. An irate office manager rang me up to complain about the men doing that right outside her office. I had to remind her that the foreman had in fact asked if his men could use an office toilet but was brusquely refused, they were apparently too posh to have rough road workers coming in to their domain.
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Post by onlyMark on Oct 13, 2020 20:05:47 GMT
Update - Mrs M is now talking to me again. The demonstration was also for a worthy cause - protests against a motorway being built through a forest. OK, fair enough, rather inconvenient though for all those, and there were hundreds of vehicles, stuck on the motorway plus the family who were seriously injured and had to be helicoptered to hospital.
We got stuck about 10:30am - the motorway wasn't opened fully until about 3pm, even 3.30pm according to reports on Twitter. I think we were lucky to escape when we did.
In associated news, my car decided to spit the dummy in Frankfurt later today. Warning lights came on when I went to start it (car has only done 15,000km from new) and loss of power like one cylinder mis-firing. Considering the car only has three anyway, it was quite a dramatic loss. Managed to limp to the hotel we are staying in, called the ADAC (German breakdown service) who have taken the car away. Got to ring up in the morning and see what happens. The weird thing is, I had stopped the car, waiting for Mrs M. Whilst doing so I filled the washer bottle up and possibly didn't close the bonnet properly - that's the only thing I can think of but it must be a coincidence.
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Post by questa on Oct 14, 2020 4:01:45 GMT
A little cameo of life in the fast lane, and beautifully told, Mark. Mrs M... tell her I love her!
Fumobici...Women can 'go' standing up. Camping shops sell disposable light cardboard thingies which... oh, use your imagination. They are ex US Army, but a long necked shampoo bottle and a sharp Stanley knife is just as good.
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Post by mossie on Oct 14, 2020 6:52:34 GMT
a sharp Stanley knife is just as good. The bind moggles,
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Post by bixaorellana on Oct 14, 2020 15:07:36 GMT
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Post by Kimby on Oct 14, 2020 15:48:52 GMT
I have been relieving myself in the out of doors since childhood, but only from a squatting bare-ass position.
Whatever would you do with a “cardboard thingie” dripping with piss? And what contortions would you have to make to slip the “thingie” into your panties and then get urine to flow uphill over your wasteband or open fly?
I’ve concluded these things are not practical. Something with a drain hose that runs down a lady’s pant leg and allows her to puddle on the ground next to her boot MIGHT work, but so unhealthy for your lady parts to be cradled in piss-covered plastic.
Have any Any Port ladies actually USED these female funnels?
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 14, 2020 15:56:03 GMT
You ladies are disgusting. You should not pee at all.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Oct 14, 2020 16:26:02 GMT
Never. I just couldn't. I just hold it. It's very good for the pelvic floor muscles.
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Post by mickthecactus on Oct 14, 2020 16:53:02 GMT
Ladies are of course retromingent.
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Post by questa on Oct 14, 2020 22:42:31 GMT
Yes...went diving for the dictionary.Retro I get but where does mingent come from? I haven't actually used one of these cardboard ones, they come flat and fold into a well shaped tray with an exit funnel. Kimby, dear, where does it say 'panties'? These were meant to be used while slogging through the jungle/mountains (pick your war) You have heard the expression "Going commando"? ... well this is it. I have a pair of US issue pants...super comfortable because they are baggy and the fly seam goes from waist right around the body to the back. The buttons on the fly are far enough apart that, with a wriggle, you are home and hosed, so to speak. My main objection is strategic.In the war in Vietnam NVA and VC groups knew where US troops were because the latter could not go without their aftershave and colognes.Does she bury the tray, or give it a shake and pack it away? Fortunately the problem has been solved with adult type diapers. Oh...don't forget, Ladies. because we are retromingent animals, always make sure your feet are pointed uphill before you squat
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Post by mossie on Oct 15, 2020 6:57:42 GMT
Sorry to put it like this, but retromingent must mean that the minge is on backwards.
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Post by questa on Oct 15, 2020 13:23:07 GMT
Or the gent!
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Post by kerouac2 on Oct 17, 2020 15:43:41 GMT
France has totally lost interest in covid-19 or the new curfew or anything else since the decapitation of a teacher yesterday for giving a course about freedom of speech. This was done by an 18 year old Chechen born in Moscow.
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Post by Biddy on Oct 17, 2020 18:43:51 GMT
This was horrifying. Who are these people who walk around carrying a massive knive ready to hack off someone's head? I was happy to see arrests have been made including the two parents who complained about the lesson - hopefully some charges will stick.
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Post by casimira on Oct 17, 2020 18:57:34 GMT
I was incredibly shocked to hear that news early this morning. Horrifying and so barbaric!!
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Post by Kimby on Oct 17, 2020 20:42:12 GMT
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Post by Biddy on Oct 17, 2020 21:59:46 GMT
Right the 18 year old Chechen was shot dead by the police. However alleged accomplices and the 2 parents who had complained about the lesson were arrested.
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Post by questa on Oct 18, 2020 0:11:18 GMT
I hope they round up the Imams and teachers who encourage this barbarism as well. 18 year old boys are very easily attracted to "You will be a hero /you will go direct to Heaven/you will have xx number of virgins etc." messages. This twisted kid came out of a long-running war and would not have been hard to 'turn' to the monster he became. I am not excusing him at all, but who put the sword in his hands and pointed him at the teacher?
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Post by Biddy on Oct 18, 2020 2:39:27 GMT
Agreed Questa - there is alot of blame here. Just find the whole situation horrifying. My husband is a high school history teacher.
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Post by questa on Oct 18, 2020 7:33:08 GMT
Fanatics of any type are worse than animals. Most sick individuals are kept in check by others in their group. Not these cowards, they are encouraged by the so-called Imams who say Islam is a religion of peace, and at the same time groom young men and their families to commit murder.
According to NYT the events leading up to the attack could have been handled better and the teacher had apologised to the school and parents.
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Post by tod2 on Oct 18, 2020 13:28:33 GMT
Have any Any Port ladies actually USED these female funnels? Back to the 'funnel'……My son's girlfriend bought me one to use when we are in Kruger National Park. Not many safe places to pull off the road and pee as quick as you can before another vehicle sees you or a lion pounces from behind a bush. Sadly I've never managed to use it as one needs to stand up which means opening the car door and getting out anyway. The answer is….pay attention Mr & Mrs Mark, the answer is to stash a number of incontinant pads in the glove compartment. Believe me being able to stuff one down your "under garment" whilst sitting in the vehicle is a relief beyond words. This handy item can hold a full bladders worth. I also take them with me everywhere I go in Paris and had to use one desperately in front of the Musee des Arts on Quai Branly.
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Post by onlyMark on Oct 18, 2020 14:07:14 GMT
Tod, I have no problem peeing in a bottle if necessary and Mrs M either has a bladder the size of a hot air balloon or the will power just to wait. Though I will remember what you have said.
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Post by questa on Oct 18, 2020 14:19:18 GMT
Someone linked to NY Times re killing in Paris. Browsing through other items in that page There is a very interesting item on what is happening with more women going into space and the designs and challenges of organising new toilets for the girls...in space > no gravity >things that escape through ill fitting toilets tend to float around the cabin etc.
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Post by whatagain on Oct 19, 2020 8:08:24 GMT
Hi guys. We went on week end the whole family of Whatagains went to Alsace. We didnt leave very early since my wife decided to get the fridge full before leaving. Selestat was pur port if call, a very nice town. Upon arrival however we went tonRiquewihr which is as beautiful as in our memory. We went to that big beauriful Christams shop and spent a fortune on things we didnt need. Then we went down the mainroad, my wife on tbe phone to get bad news of a good friend who was diagnosed breast cancer weeks after retiring. I then went into a nice shop and bought an assortment of saucissons plus a bottle of Mirabelle er Marc de Riesling. A little bit further we spent a fortune on alsatian wine, albeit my wine cellar is overflowing. Riesling, Gewurztraminer, pinot gris (formerly called Tokay) and some red Pinot noir. Back to Selestat and a very nice restaurant - more terroir style -. Fantastic oysters followed by choucroute. A strange combination, but i e our son chose after a chemo, so it sounded fitti g, as it was his tripnafter all.
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