chronic bronchitis and unhealthy life style

[rikita]

mr. r. is suffering from a chronic bronchitis for a while now, currently it is turning acute again and he is coughing painfully all the time and generally in pain ... the thing is, his life style is not exactly healthy and anything i say usually leads to him being angry at me, and it all makes me worry quite a bit. one thing is, that he doesn't really go to the doctor until it is really bad, in part because there is a lot of pressure at his job to not be off sick too often, so he tends to work and and instead be sick on the weekends ...

else - i just googled (i realize the internet isn't always reliable, and obviously can't replace a doctor, but i think it can still give some information) and it confirmed a lot of things i suspected: he should see a specialist rather than just his gp, he should do more sport (he always claims he is too exhausted and does not believe me that some physical activity might actually help), should not always be in closed, heated rooms (he doesn't allow me to open the bedroom windows in winter, as he fears he might get sick from being cold), should not smoke at all (he stopped smoking, but continues with smoking marihuana, which he mixes with tobacco, and i think he increased the amount to get some nikotin still), and should drink a lot, preferably herbal teas (his favorite drink is pepsi, and he drinks some water, but altogether i think under a litre per day) etc.

i realize teas and fresh air won't cure him, but on the other hand i have the impression the medication he gets mainly keeps down the symptoms of when the bronchitis gets acute, but he doesn't get better in general, and i think a healthier life style would help him ...

the problem is - as i said, he gets annoyed when i try to say any of this, and i realize that as his wife, telling him these things does often come across as nagging, and i don't always manage to be as diplomatic as i can be, and he thinks it is his concern, not mine. but of course his health problems effect me too, in various ways ...

so well, i suppose the purpose of this post was in part to get this off my chest ... and in part to hear how any of you here might deal with a partner who you think is not doing enough to be healthy (or also to hear the perspective from the other side, maybe, if your partner is nagging you about your health) ... and maybe also if someone has tips how to get better.

might cross post this on some other forum (just in case someone sees it there and wonders), not sure yet ...

[bjd]

Mr R just sounds like a typical man. Won't go to see a doctor until whatever the problem is really bad, and takes any advice as nagging.

I agree with you that fresh air (cold doesn't make you sick!) and exercise can only be beneficial, both physically and mentally. It's difficult to be diplomatic -- maybe you could encourage him to take Agnes out to the park on weekends?

[rikita]

he usually does that one day a week, though lately if the weather wasn't great he didn't want to ... he originally wanted to cycle to and from work every day, but as he started this job in autumn he bought month passes after all, i hope once the weather gets a bit warmer he will start the cycling. and i think tonight i will get a second blanket for him and then just insist on opening the bedroom window ...

[Deleted]

Make sure he knows that your health matters, too.

[htmb]

Good point, Kerouac.
Rikita, it does seem you mention him being sick at least once a month. Perhaps there are a combination of factors, as you seem to believe, contributing to his poor health. I wish you luck in getting Mr. R to take some responsibility for his well-being.

[rikita]

he is back from the doctor now, and at least he got a referral to a lung specialist this time, so i hope there might be some more improvement and maybe the doctor will give him also some advice for his life style - as i suppose he will be more willing to believe the doctor than me ...

yeah, my health is not that bad, luckily, but there are moments when i get a bit frustrated when i don't feel so good, but have to be the one holding things together, because he is worse ...

[Deleted]

rkita, I feel for you, I am married to someone who hates doctors and won't listen when it comes to matters of his health, but luckily, my husband takes fairly good care of himself. The thing I'm worried about is his stress levels, he's incapable of dealing with his frustration and anger and he works himself into terrible states, which is almost as unhealthy.

I'm glad Mr. r went to the doctor. It sounds like he may have some sort of chronic lung infection, which of course can make you feel like not doing anything at all. When I was a child, both my parents smoked like chimneys and every winter, like clockwork, I got bronchitis or pneumonia. They dosed me up with antibiotics and in a few months I would come down with it again. We were all oblivious to the effect of smoke on young, developing lungs, what can I say? I would really encourage your husband to cut out the tobacco completely, and perhaps consider using a vaporizer for his other medicine. Smoke is what is what is contributing to the problem. If need be, guilt him into it by telling him what his smoking could do to Agnes…

My husband partakes as well, usually on the weekends when he knows he won't get a work call. I blithely watch, happy to see him relax, but if it was hurting his health, you can bet I'd say something.

[lagatta]

Yes, he should not be smoking anything containing tobacco in the presence of a small child. I still have bronchitis because my dad was a chain smoker (that was decades ago when nobody knew about how dangerous second-hand smoke is). My dad died of it; lung cancer after two heart attacks, phlebitis, and other ills.

I do have to laugh at how much Germans open windows and believe in fresh air, even when it is quite cold!

[mossie]

I used to smoke, it was the norm in the good old days. A year or two after I gave up I had bronchitis annually for 3 or 4 years, culminating in a really bad dose and I was off work for 5 weeks. Antibiotics were the cure and I am left with what they now call COPD, luckily it doesn't seriously affect me. I had worked for many years in high stress jobs and the combination eventually caught up with me, so much so that I lost my job and had to take a big step back for my last few years at work.

So please let your husband see this and learn from my bad example, that he must take care of himself first and do as the quack says.

I hope it all turns out better for you than it did for me.

[rikita]

he only smokes on the balcony, so not in agnes' presence (though for a while she always tried to follow him to the balcony) ... my parents used to smoke in our presence though ... especially in the car it was always an argument between us - my dad would smoke a lot during long car rides, so my brothers wanted the window open because they didn't like the smoke, and i wanted it closed, because i didn't like the cold ...

didn't know the believe in fresh air was german ... well, i always learned it was healthier though ...

well, i try to carefully remind him to be careful, and hopefully in a way that doesn't just make him annoyed and ignore me. isn't easy ...