Have you ever thought of having your DNA tested?

[kerouac2]

Those damned people have dropped the price by another 20%. I want a refund of my overpayment!

[deyana]

I saw that. They do that quite often. I waited until they had a sale on!

[mossie]

That is so aggrannoying, as one of my men used to say.

[kerouac2]

On the news tonight, there was the story of two brothers who found each other because of these DNA tests. A 19 year old soldier fell in love with a French girl during WW2 and she became pregnant. He returned home in complete ignorance. He founded another family. But both the French man and his American brother took the same DNA test and were matched up immediately, ages 72 and 62. They have now met.

I'm sure it would upset quite a few families if ever such tests were done systematically.

[questa]

What's the expression? It is a wise man who knows his own father.

[patricklondon]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/sep/18/your-fathers-not-your-father-when-dna-tests-reveal-more-than-you-bargained-for

My blog | My photos | My video clips | My Librivox recordings
"too literate to be spam"

[kerouac2]

I for one would be pleased if I discovered that my biological father were somebody different, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. No luck for my brother, though -- he looks just like him.

[kerouac2]

About three weeks ago a woman called me, saying that her DNA test had shown that we were not-so-distant cousins and that she very much wanted to meet me.  Oh no, I thought, but at the same time I had pretty much decided to accept contact with such people if one ever showed up.  I know that it is an addiction for certain people.   She lives in Vesoul which is a four hour drive and it sounded like she was making a special trip, along with her companion and daughter.  WTF?

I had chosen a meeting place, and she accepted it although most people wouldn't find it all that convenient.  And so today I met her and her family.

She immediately said, "I have to be honest with you.  I have a specific reason for wanting to meet you.  I was adopted, and I have been looking for my biological mother for the past 12 years.  I found a possible name, and I'd like to know if you have any information about this person.  She showed me the name and I instantly ruined her day.

"I'm sorry.  Obviously, I have the same last name, but that it not at all my birth name.  I was adopted by my stepfather.  On top of that, he wasn't French so there is absolutely no family of his in France."

She was completely crestfallen.  She still showed me part of her file, and of course I was morally obligated to look at it.  There were even news articles from her city about her obsessive search to find her mother, who was 25 years old in 1974 when she gave up the baby.  She even showed me the hospital form for surrendering the baby.  Sylvie X was the name on the form.  One of the reasons that she would like to find her blood family is because her adoptive parents cut off all relations with her, too.  I did not ask why, but she implied that she didn't know why either.  (That's unlikely.)

Of course we made small talk, and they bought me a dessert and coffee to compensate me for my time, but the woman, Valérie, was clearly in a hurry to leave and get yet another disappointment behind her.  I wished her good luck in her continued search.

They seemed like a nice family, just sad.

[bjd]

I should think she is in for more disappointments. The DNA testing companies tell you all about long-lost relations finding each other, but never about fruitless searches and disappointments.

At least before these DNA tests people just had to be reconciled with the fact that they would not know exactly who their biological family was. Now it is held out as a tantalizing posibility.

[kerouac2]

I did tell her that she had an amazing physical resemblance to one of my second cousins, so the genetic link is probably pretty close.

[bjd]

That might be a fluke. When I was a teenager in Toronto, there was a girl just a couple of years older than me called Beverley something. We were so similar people would mistake us for each other. We used to hang around in the same area and occasionally spotted each other, but never talked. I don't believe there was any genetic link.

[onlyMark]

There is often talk of similarities between people who are often not known initially to each other but when they meet it becomes apparent, yet I'm interested in something a little different. It is when two people are as closely related as you can get and yet physically are totally different, e.g. my brother and I - and yes, we are from the same parents for sure.
I am about 20cm taller and naturally 30kg heavier. More so now though, getting up to 40kg but that is me having an easy life. Our faces are different in that apart from having blue(ish) eyes there is little if no similarity in our features. I'm a version of our father and he is a version of our mother.

I'd like to test my DNA though out of curiosity and see what results came up.

[patricklondon]

You can only find blood relatives this way if the company whose test you're using has them in their database. It may be laborious, but going through legally required civil registration indexes is much more reliable.



My blog | My photos | My video clips | My Librivox recordings
"too literate to be spam"

[kerouac2]

I already told her that during the first phone call, notably that it was an American company and mostly had American customers in its data base. However, today she proved that she has been going through all available public records as much as possible. Her big problem is that French law does not allow any information about mothers giving up their children for adoption.

[kerouac2]

Serves me right -- that woman is a psycho. She called me yesterday to announce that she knew I was lying and that I obviously know the woman she is looking for. Nothing that I said could convince her than an adoptive name does not transmit DNA. She said that clearly her birth mother had a brother and that I was that person's son. (That would be pretty unlikely since I am about the same age as her biological mother.) When she saw that I would not listen to reason, she put her husband on the phone. "I know a gendarme who is specialised in DNA and he says that with such a high DNA match, there is no doubt about it." Oh brother....

I nearly hung up on them, but that would have only confirmed their suspicions.

[onlyMark]

Please keep us updated. This sounds interesting.

[bixaorellana]

Good grief, Kerouac -- of all the people in the world, this weirdo finds you!

I've had two odd resemblance things. One was in Alabama where, while driving through, my husband & I stopped to eat in a chain restaurant. Afterward, while waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, I spied a man and a woman dining. The man was the twin of my father. He was wearing shorts, so it was obvious he was even built like him. My husband came back from the john, looked where I was staring and did a double-take, as he also immediately saw the resemblance.

When I lived in Louisiana a neighbor brought a magazine I subscribed to over to the house, as it had been mis-delivered to her. She handed it to my husband commenting, "Bixa didn't tell anyone she was going to be in the magazine." He looked at the cover, which featured a woman of my age carrying some seed flats (it was Horticulture magazine) and immediately saw what the neighbor meant. When I saw the magazine, I did too -- the cover woman looked exactly like me. What was strange was that the one feature we didn't share was that she had big ears that sort of stuck out. I don't have that, but it is a strong trait from my father's side of the family.

[onlyMark]

I had a similar experience with a magazine when I opened a porn one at work called Mayfair and saw my neighbour in there. She says it wasn't her but I'm not so sure.

[kerouac2]

I received two text messages from Madame Crazy this morning. She wanted a copy of my adoption papers.

[mich64]

Oh my Kerouac! I wonder what it is going to take for her to realize she needs to move along with her search. Hopefully at some point she realizes how inappropriate that request is. Sadly, I think she has a few issues she may need to seek help for. I do feel sorry for her, she sounds quite distressed and consumed, I imagine her husband and family must be stressed from her searching as well.

I never had thoughts of situations such as this occurring from the DNA testing database, but there are many different birth family relationships then I can imagine. My mother has 5 half brothers/sisters that she has never met and has NO desire to meet any of them ever.

[whatagain]

Boof... If I were a good Christian I would pity her -other's she obviously is being eaten vy her search.
Being who I am, I'd just say she is a mean bitch, pestering (nearly) other normal people's lives.

[kerouac2]

Actually, I sent her the 'long form' of my birth certificate (like Obama) showing my birth details and also that I was adopted by my stepfather in 1968. Have not heard from her so far. (As though she might have said 'thank you' or something.) She is probably trying to figure out what this new trick is and why I am refusing to confess that I know everything about her past.

[kerouac2]

Madame Crazy wrote to me again this morning.

Here is the essence of what she wrote:

Thanks for your reply.
Whether you were born as name H or S, the DNA of somebody DOES NOT CHANGE.
DNA is reliable 99.99% of the time, my friend who is a gendarme and a CRIMINAL IDENTIFICATION TECHNICIAN has confirmed this to me.
There is no possible mistake in DNA!
We are therefore second cousins.
So you are the son of my mother's brother (no doubt about that).
Your real father is therefore H because we are matched up and the reason that he claimed fatherhood is because he is REALLY YOUR BIRTH FATHER.
It is impossible to adopt children except in my case.
I've been trying to get you to understand this from the start.
I am therefore the daughter of Sylvie H.

It would be nice to be able to laugh about this, but this lunatic is really in distress. I did finally answer her, but I waited twelve hours on purpose. I addressed issues like the fact that she was confusing first cousins with second cousins and also the fact the my mother met my stepfather when I was already 14 years old.

I will be curious to see if she begins to see reason after this or if she is going to go full psycho.

[htmb]

Hello, everyone. I’m just catching up on some of the threads and came across additions to this one. Sorry to hear about this situation, Kerouac. The woman sounds like she has a multitude of problems and is very confused. (How in the world did this woman get your phone number?) Hopefully she’ll move on to bother someone else soon.

Yes, dna testing can show a biological connection to someone else, but the assessment is not always accurate as to the exact relationship. It also becomes more difficult to pinpoint more distant relationships with accuracy. I was adopted as an infant and grew up being told I was of Scottish ancestry. Through DNA testing I’ve recently found biological family on both my maternal and paternal sides, including five brothers and sisters. My daughter, S, also took a dna test and results listed my oldest half sister as my daugher’s first or second cousin when, in fact, my sister is my daughter’s aunt.

Creating a family tree with the help of siblings and cousins has helped to better clarify relationships on both sides of my biological family. While I’m still not completely clear about my paternal side, my maternal side is now very well defined.

It also turns out I’m 80% Italian and 9% French, with a combination of Dutch, German, and English making up the rest.

[deyana]

I'm super curious now. I'm thinking of doing the 23 and me dna test as well.

Also I put my raw dna data into Gedmatch (Have you done that yet K2? ), it gives you more of an accurate and very far reaching results of your dna.


GEDMATCH: www.gedmatch.com

[kerouac2]

I confess that I am curious to know a bit more, but I just don't feel like paying for it.

[cheerypeabrain]

Good grief Kerouac I do feel for you. The genetics expert should hang his head in shame encouraging a clearly deranged obsessive in this way. True professionals would never make such assumptions about something that has serious implications for a third party. I would demand this man's name and complain to his superior officer. His obvious boasting to friends about a subject he knows just enough about to do his job doesn't excuse his behaviour.

I hesitate to have my DNA profile done. At university I managed to identify my own blood group and MHC (tissue type) but that's enough for me.

[kerouac2]

Actually, I just received another notification of a DNA match, but it was somebody in Germany, very distantly related, so almost no chance of having another Fraulein Crazy session. As for Madame Crazy herself, she is leaving me alone now. Nevertheless, if I ever come across any information that might help her, I will certainly tell her because I quite understand her suffering.

[htmb]

The premise behind 23 and Me is interesting and it seems they are now the most popular dna home testing company in the US, according to an article I read recently. It also seems some of the other popular home testing companies are beginning to add options for discovering medical information. I’m sure they see it as a big money maker. I’d rather not fork out the extra $$$, though I might have considered 23 and Me if, at this point, I still didn’t have any family medical history information.

I spent well over 60 years not knowing close biological relatives on both sides of my family had experienced renal, heart and cancer-related illnesses. I’m guessing a few of these ailments were lifestyle-related, it’s sometimes hard to say, but it sure would have been nice for me to have known these things earlier in my life. I think, not having biological family medical information is a critical issue for individuals adopted as young children.

I actually tried unsuccessfully to learn my mother’s medical history about 25 years ago when I was having some health problems. Now it turns out she was having some serious health issues at the very same time I was searching.

At this point, however, I think I’ve learned more than enough basic, anecdotal information from the biological family members I’ve recently met. I would rather not know what other secrets might lie within my cells, so I have no plans for medical dna testing.

[bixaorellana]

You make some interesting points, Htmb.

Well, I just came across this video report, which corroborates my suspicions about all the DNA testing being pitched to consumers right now ~