|
|
Post by onlymark on Mar 31, 2009 8:22:37 GMT
When my father retired at 58 yrs old my mother, realising that he needed to keep active, gave him a list of things to do. As he ticked one off she added another.
She died at the beginning of last year and he has now, at the age of 83, reached the bottom of the list.
Should I give him more things to do or leave him in peace?
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2009 8:34:53 GMT
Is he bored? The only thing that stopped my father from doing things constantly was when he died. At age 86, he wouldn't even pay for someone to mow the lawn.
|
|
|
|
Post by onlymark on Mar 31, 2009 9:45:48 GMT
I don't think he's bored. As he gotten older his interests have turned more mental than physical. The big problem will be when he's incapable of driving any more. As it is he tends to cook very little for himself for a main meal but goes out for lunch, but first he has a ride through the countryside.
Then he has a snooze and catches the sport on the TV. He has a routine now that I'm loathe to interrupt.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2009 10:48:32 GMT
Does he have any friends,acquaintances ,younger or around his own age who he could do some of these pleasureable outings with?
|
|
|
|
Post by palesa on Mar 31, 2009 13:01:16 GMT
In my experience, old people like to feel useful. So I would give him a few task that he would enjoy doing and would make him feel like he is still useful.
|
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Mar 31, 2009 13:59:36 GMT
People do not automatically become senile or childlike as they age. Unless tasks or requests for advice, etc. are sincere, best not to try to foist them on someone else, aged or not. Any adult would instantly recognize that kind of benevolent patronizing and resent it.
Mark, are you trying to think of activities that might replace the pleasure your dad takes in his daily lunch outing, in case he becomes incapable of driving?
|
|
|
|
Post by onlymark on Mar 31, 2009 14:14:01 GMT
casimira, there is a small social circle that he's part of but the biggest laugh I have is that he's always been a bit of a charmer. This has resulted in the widow next door making him a big Sunday dinner every weekend.
palesa, yep, I think so too. I do give him a few things to buy and find out before I visit. But I don't want to overload him without knowing it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2009 14:34:19 GMT
As long as he's socializing then I wouldn't worry too much. When my mother stopped seeing people ,first,not going out and then shunning visitors,that's when she really started fading. Once the isolation sets in it's grim. I respect her choice in this but it really,really saddens me.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2009 16:36:12 GMT
Are there old documents or photographs that need sorting?
|
|
|
|
Post by spindrift on Mar 31, 2009 20:08:04 GMT
Mark! Why don't you enrole him on this website?
|
|
|
|
Post by onlymark on Mar 31, 2009 20:31:33 GMT
bixa, somehow missed your post. Yes, I've been thinking of a few things he can do if he can no longer drive and spindrift, that ties in with bixa in that I am persevering with his computer skills, but he still tries to pick up the mouse and point it at the screen.
K2, when my mother died we both had a big sort out, partially as he didn't know where stuff was anyway., she'd always attended to that. So I think we're about up to date with it, especially after I sorted out a system for him to keep track of things.
|
|
|
|
Post by spindrift on Mar 31, 2009 21:25:48 GMT
I taught my old friend aged 90 (now 95) how to use a digital camera. Although he's incapable of photographing anything now, he's had a wonderful time taking really good pictures. I also bought him a good photo printer so he's had many enjoyable hours. He couldn't do everything by himself though - I had to download the pictures and help him print them. I installed Microsoft Digital Image programme on his pc for him. It's easy to use.
|
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Apr 1, 2009 3:11:11 GMT
Mark, does your dad live in England? It must bother you to be so far away.
Is there a good senior center in his area? My brother-in-law's mother died suddenly just before her 60th birthday and he was very concerned about his father, since his parents traveled and did all kinds of things together. But his dad took advantage of the senior center in his small Colorado town, playing pool and making friends with other widowers. I imagine that kind of activity might be the difference between maintaining a healthful lifestyle and a slide into depression and illness. Also, many of those centers have vans to take people shopping or on the occasional fun excursion.
|
|
|
|
Post by onlymark on Apr 1, 2009 5:07:18 GMT
He does live in England but I know I can be there is 24 hours even from here. There isn't a senior centre that I know of but he is a member of something called the British Legion. It's an organisation for ex-servicemen (he used to be an RAF pilot) and he does go on odd outings with them.
I spoke with him last night and he seems cheerful enough and he talked about what things he needed to do, mainly garden stuff now spring has sprung plus he's several invites. So he seems to be fine for now but I'll keep my eye on him.
|
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Apr 1, 2009 5:25:38 GMT
Gosh, he sounds fine! Really, he has hobbies, interests, social contacts ........ he is a person we should all emulate.
|
|
|
|
Post by gyro on Apr 1, 2009 7:19:14 GMT
Yeah, probably sounds like you don't need to 'organise' too much for him. It's often not the the fact that this sort of stuff is patronising, but more that it's a habit that has been picked from the stuff your mother gave him. With your mother gone, the routine is broken and it's difficult to move forward. It may have been the case that continuing such a 'list' would have been good for him, but with such a passage of time having already past, there's probably no need for it to be resurrected now.
|
|
|
|
Post by onlymark on Apr 1, 2009 7:49:08 GMT
Yep, I think that's about right. I'll see how he goes for now.
|
|
|
|
Post by BigIain on Apr 1, 2009 8:18:51 GMT
Cheesy suggestion would be the local bowls club. Thats where I intend to spend a lot of time in my later years. Gentle exercise and usually the cheapest bar in ay given town.
|
|
