|
Post by lagatta on Oct 5, 2020 22:25:09 GMT
Thanks to Jazz and Casimira. Very sorry that Chexbres died in such a manner. Nobody's death is petty, and certainly not that of someone who contributed to our community.
|
|
|
Post by Jazz on Oct 5, 2020 22:58:15 GMT
Casimira, thank you so much for helping me to understand what appeared to be a crass statement of a fellow member's death. Since I don't read the forum daily, I missed the exchange. Thank you for standing up for Patty. Knowing you as I do, I understand that you would naturally do this. Even though I was not 'present', it makes perfect sense that you would be her friend in death. She was most simpatico with you and I. Oddly, I feel relieved and reassured that you would have spoken up for Patty, in my absence. Thank you!
You and others, (Kerouac and Bixa?) decided to remove the passionate posts. Probably wise. No need to add stress to the forum when we are all in a state of heightened stress.
You say that Kerouac apologized in a PM. Good. However, I've long lost my appreciation for 'secret apologies' (ie: PM's) for public moments/posts, forever publicly online. It's too easy__ dare I say, cheap?, to apologize in private but not correct and apologize for the public statement. In this case, the phrase in the remaining post lives forever to demean and trivilize Patty's life. (user name Chexbres)
Somehow I think that Patty, having enjoyed many lovely drinks and fabulous talks with Kerouac and Whatagain might feel a teensie weensie bit diminished by being remembered only casually on the forum in the Petty Personal Trauma thread?. Oh well. To quote Donald Trump, 'it is what it is."... um, great company for K2? Brothers in arms?
Who am I to criticize or even to comment? No one. I should be silent. But, I can't be silent. However... Casi, you and I were among the first 10 members of this forum and posted on the very first night in February of 2008 or 9? So much happened in the next few years. Small but significent universes. Three deaths. Both shocking. Palesa's young husband, then Hwin, our beloved Cambodian member. For each were posted glorious threads to celebrate their lives...for each' special threads of Haikus...and more! Then Patty, a curt note in the Petty Personal Board...'roughly, a member died, Chexbres'.
Thank you for helping me understand. Jazz
|
|
|
Post by Jazz on Oct 5, 2020 23:35:15 GMT
To Clarify: Yes, I do understand that there was some online disagreement between Patty (Chexbres)and Kerouac, or Bixa? This caused her to leave the forum, on principle. When all is said and done, this does not matter. She was a member of APIAS...powerful, stimulating, well...many things. Her thoughts remain a gift in my memory. Thank you Patty!
This petty disagreement should not lead to this sad diminishment of her life on APIAS. She was a member of this forum's family. We all have the relative we don't agree with, so what!
Patty, I celebrate your life and thank you, Jazz
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Oct 6, 2020 0:17:14 GMT
Jazz, you think you know so much about Patty and why she stopped posting and what a monster Kerouac is being.
You have cobbled together facts and conjecture in order to run around trumpeting manufactured drama.
I can't pronounce on what is in Kerouac's mind or heart, but I do know he was a good and kind friend to Patty in real life. Is that too private for you -- too cheap?
So far you have treated us to four posts on this subject. Only the last sentence in your last post is worthy.
|
|
|
Post by htmb on Oct 6, 2020 0:21:52 GMT
Whatagain explained it very eloquently. We all grieve in our own way. Some here knew Patty as a forum friend, while others of us knew her in person. I spent a lot of time with Patty before she left Paris, sometimes with Kerouac. He and Patty were real life friends. They enjoyed many good times together for several years, but also supported each other during the unfortunate moments. Kerouac was a very good and patient friend to Patty. He’s lost a real life friend, one he helped and emotionally supported even as her health deteriorated. Please keep that in mind.
|
|
|
Post by Jazz on Oct 6, 2020 1:06:33 GMT
Jazz, you think you know so much about Patty and why she stopped posting and what a monster Kerouac is being. You have cobbled together facts and conjecture in order to run around trumpeting manufactured drama. I can't pronounce on what is in Kerouac's mind or heart, but I do know he was a good and kind friend to Patty in real life. Is that too private for you -- too cheap? So far you have treated us to four posts on this subject. Only the last sentence in your last post is worthy. Bixa, I know much less about Patty than you seem to. I'm not sure why she stopped posting, but I have a rough idea. Obviously she was unhappy, thus she left the forum. Members don't leave if they feel valued and listened to. Do they? Did I say that Kerouac was a 'monster'? No, you did. I post, or 'cobble together facts and conjecture', just as you do...just based on what I read online from day to day.. We interpret personally, as unique individuals. Yes? Or, is your interpretation the only and true interpretation? I have no idea what Kerouac thinks or thought about Patty. What I felt was 'private' and 'cheap' was this. Patty died. The only reference to her life publicly on this forum, which was valuable to her, was on a thread, Petty Personal Traumas,...' an aside, a member died, Chexbres'. This was all I read and I searched. Nothing. Then, thankfully, Casi wrote her post. I suppose posts were made, then deleted, then there was a private apology by PM about this? We readers, not privy to PM's, know nothing about this. If one feels that Patty's death was accidently (?) diminished then say so in the same public manner. So yes, 'secret' apologies are rather cheap. Her life was significent. There is thread upon thread, haiku's etc etc about Palesa's husband and certainly about Hwin. Can't she have had more than 'a member died'? That's all, It was shocking and sad. Bixa, I accept that you think that my four posts were unworthy except for my last sentence. You 'own' this forum. This is your judgement. People need to live up to your standards. Do you ever wonder why posters leave? Just asking. In closing, to repeat my only worthwhile words in 4 posts, Patty, I celebrate your life and thank you, JazzAnd, Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee...John Donne
|
|
|
Post by Jazz on Oct 6, 2020 1:36:13 GMT
Whatagain explained it very eloquently. We all grieve in our own way. Some here knew Patty as a forum friend, while others of us knew her in person. I spent a lot of time with Patty before she left Paris, sometimes with Kerouac. He and Patty were real life friends. They enjoyed many good times together for several years, but also supported each other during the unfortunate moments. Kerouac was a very good and patient friend to Patty. He’s lost a real life friend, one he helped and emotionally supported even as her health deteriorated. Please keep that in mind. Lovely post htmb, thank you. I am very much keeping your words in mind. Grief is private and individual. Many of us are too close to the end.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Oct 6, 2020 1:41:48 GMT
RIP to any dear departed Any Port members whose passing I may have missed. And to any members tempted to flounce or go silent on us....
Going back to being petty, our flights to Florida have been changed 4 times now, this time they put us on different flights from each other. We paid with credits from a different cancelled trip, so we are on separate records, but they were supposed to be linked.
Mr. Kimby got that straightened out, then went to adjust our car rental only to find that Hertz has closed their outlet on Sanibel without warning us. We will have to find a shuttle, which means we can’t stop for groceries... one petty trauma after another.
|
|
|
Post by casimira on Oct 6, 2020 1:56:38 GMT
I am glad to know that Patty/Chexbres had some "real life" friends on here. That is a comfort to know. As I mentioned, she and I had some mutual acquaintances and upon reading her obituary found that we did know more than a few of the same people and hung out at some of the same joints at around the same time here in NOLA.
I really think that her passing/dying should have been posted in a more appropriate manner and most certainly in another different thread perhaps with a link to her obituary. Some other members who I value on here have PM'd me asking about what happened to her after reading what I and Whatagain had posted and I responded to them the best I could but it really should be the ""helpers" responsibility to do this, not mine. My deleting of the posts that I did was to try and "move on" in the sense of avoiding the hurt it would cause members that did know her personally and it seemingly has backfired in a really unpleasant and unnecessary fashion. I don't like all of this unpleasantry happening on here and like to think of this place as a safe haven. Especially now in these troubled times with everything going on. I am anxious and stressed out as it is. We don't need all this, truly, we don't.
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 6, 2020 3:39:17 GMT
Chexbres died of frontotemporal dementia, which is also why she stopped posting. Her husband came from New Orleans to pick her up (and her dog). But that was already two years ago.
|
|
|
Post by onlyMark on Oct 6, 2020 5:07:36 GMT
Just a petty personal trauma that when reading something on the forum from someone you may well have never met, and even if you have, your interpretation can be influenced by many factors. Your own character, your perception as with a mental picture of what that person is like, your own experiences and circumstances, your feelings and emotions at that particular moment, recent events in your life, even just the time of day and if you are tired, hungry, uncomfortable or whatever. It seems the can be more reasons to misinterpret a contentious comment then get it correct. Deliberate nastiness is rare though does happen but if I come across a comment, out of the blue that's like a "clang" in my mind, seems out of place, I'm more inclined to consider if I've got it wrong (the interpretation) than it was the poster who really meant what it looked like on face value.
E.g. none of you considered K2's comment was a deliberate understatement and the circumstances/feelings were obviously not petty considering it involved the death of someone? Could have been, might not have been, but worth thinking of when the comment is read. Just one of many interpretations other that the obvious from a cold reading of the words used.
As for John Donne and "...Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind;..." What does that mean? Diminishes? I am a lesser person because someone/anyone died? I'd be a lot happier that's for sure if some of mankind had died way before they'd had the chance to influence others or circumstances. I think we ought to be able to scan babies before they are born to see what their propensity for doing bad/evil things are in their life that have dramatic and negative effects on others. Then abort them. I'm sure all of us on here would have survived.
Maybe.
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 6, 2020 5:16:03 GMT
I already mourned the loss of chexbres two years ago, but I am not in the habit of discussing such matters on a public forum. I do understand that some people consider public displays to be cathartic.
|
|
|
Post by breeze on Oct 6, 2020 11:33:37 GMT
I think I haven't been on Anyport long enough to have seen posts from Patty. The name Chexbres rings a bell but I'm thinking it was maybe used on Fodor's or Tripadvisor's France forums. Would she have been Patty in Paris before she was Chexbres? I remember her staunch defense of Paris's decision to put limits on short-term rentals. That was a contentious topic; she stayed reasonable but the yips of distress from Airbnb lovers in denial continued for some time.
Casimira, you mentioned an obituary. Can you link to it, please? I would appreciate it.
Was she part of the visit to Rungis that kerouac reported on?
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 6, 2020 13:56:15 GMT
Yes, she was PattyinParis on both Fodor's and Trip Advisor and then chexbres on Fodor's and Rick Steves.
Yes, Patty, whatagain and I were together for the Rungis visit.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Oct 6, 2020 14:09:04 GMT
Is it possible to move the Patty tributes to a dedicated thread, instead of here under the banner of “Petty Personal Traumas?”
Then the replies that incited and perpetuate the drama of recent days can be deleted, and this thread can go back to being petty.
Patty deserves better.
|
|
|
Post by casimira on Oct 6, 2020 15:22:08 GMT
I think I haven't been on Anyport long enough to have seen posts from Patty. The name Chexbres rings a bell but I'm thinking it was maybe used on Fodor's or Tripadvisor's France forums. Would she have been Patty in Paris before she was Chexbres? I remember her staunch defense of Paris's decision to put limits on short-term rentals. That was a contentious topic; she stayed reasonable but the yips of distress from Airbnb lovers in denial continued for some time. Casimira, you mentioned an obituary. Can you link to it, please? I would appreciate it.Was she part of the visit to Rungis that kerouac reported on? I don't have the link Breeze I'm sorry. The obituary I read was sent to me word for word in a PM. Perhaps Kerouac or Bixa has the link and could provide it for those interested in reading it. My apologies in not being more helpful.
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 6, 2020 15:50:00 GMT
I don't have the link. I just copied and pasted from the email from Patty's husband.
edit: I have managed to post the obituary on the appropriate thread.
|
|
|
Post by Kimby on Oct 6, 2020 18:46:56 GMT
Link? Thread name?
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 6, 2020 19:05:02 GMT
"Family and Friends"
|
|
|
Post by whatagain on Oct 6, 2020 21:52:17 GMT
Just for the record, when i nearly died about 2 years ago i posted on petty personal traumas. I found this thread appropriate. My near death was a personal trauma. And despite being well aware of my numerous qualities, i stay humble enough to find it petty compared to what you can read everyday. I for one would prefer a note in passing here than on an obituary thread. We are all different.
But friends and family can be a good thread to put it too. Good choice.
... Rungis was a great moment... T 'aurais pas du Gerald Lambert aller ce soir la à Rungis...
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 7, 2020 18:56:39 GMT
I made a point of extricating myself from all of the building management issues, but the guy in charge keeps requesting my services even though he was happy to be elected to do everything. Now he asks me to scan documents for him (even though he lives in the 'rich' apartment -- why doesn't he have a scanner?) and on Monday I will be on duty all morning to deal with the person fixing the entrance door because he will be absent.
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 15, 2020 16:01:30 GMT
I was supposed to go to the theatre tonight, but I suspected a covid problem. We are having a curfew starting on Saturday, but the person I was going to see was only appearing for a few days stretching across the curfew date. So I checked, and it was indeed cancelled, even though I was not informed of this (even though when you book on the internet, it would seem that such notifications would be automatic).
I must admit that this is not really a trauma, though, since I was not in the mood to go out tonight. (That is what I hate about having to book theatre and other live shows far in advance -- you don't have the slightest idea how you will feel about going out that night at some time in the future.)
I've requested a refund, but I don't know yet if it will be like pulling teeth since the spectacle has already been rescheduled for February 2021. I don't even know if I will be alive in February 2021 so I want my money back!
|
|
|
Post by htmb on Oct 15, 2020 16:56:30 GMT
Oh, drat, but at least you’d already decided you weren’t in the mood to attend. Hopefully you’ll get your money back.
My trauma is more annoying than anything. Back in July, when my European flights were cancelled, I successfully received ticket refunds rather than the offered vouchers. Because of all my aches and pains, I decided to order a comfortable chair with the refund money. I put in an order for something really nice with independent back and leg adjustments, massage, and heat. I also picked out my preferred fabric, knowing all those extras would cause a delay to my order. I also figured, since my bedrooms are upstairs, I could sleep in the new chair for a few days if/when I need surgery. Planning ahead. Meanwhile, my old chair is absolutely killing my back. It doesn’t provide the support it did when I bought it 15 years ago and my back has been suffering for months. Sitting in the thing makes it worse. I really don’t have any other chairs that offer good enough support while also being comfortable, but I’m making myself sit up in a straight-backed chair rather than use the other. The new chair has been delayed because of covid and, hopefully, it will be delivered before the end of November.
|
|
|
Post by mickthecactus on Oct 15, 2020 17:03:38 GMT
I hope it comes soon. A bad back is so debilitating.
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Oct 15, 2020 17:14:07 GMT
Gosh, July to November is a giant delay!
Htmb, I don't know if my unsolicited advice is any good to you, but an office chair with lumbar support might be nicer than the straight chair & useful after you get the nice chair you ordered.
Also, I recently replaced the mattress pad on my bed and notice a difference in how I feel when I get up in the morning. My mattress is fairly new and I covered it when I first got it with just a regular old cheap protect-the-mattress pad. My mattress is comfortable, but I was waking up achy every morning. A little over a week ago I got a fancy mattress cover and can definitely feel a difference. You might want to do some internet research if you think this could help you.
|
|
|
Post by kerouac2 on Oct 15, 2020 17:42:58 GMT
I am still sleeping on two layers of futon and have done so for about 20 years. It is not at all the most comfortable option, but for some reason I like the slight discomfort. I wake up early and like getting out of bed quickly. I will even confess that when I travel and go to a hotel, I love the comfort of the normal mattress. And yet I have no plan to change anything.
|
|
|
Post by cheerypeabrain on Oct 15, 2020 17:55:58 GMT
Our mattress needs replacing already, we only bought the super king (6'6" x 6') bed including the mattress about 4 years ago but it's already showing wear despite being the most expensive bed we've ever bought. 2 mattresses would have been better..it's so big nobody is going to fall down the middle bit if we have 2...
What I love about the bed is that I have to CLIMB up onto it...unfortunately both sides have dips in them where we end up rolling...I know that I'm heavy but OH is a 'normal' healthy weight for his height...yet both sides of the mattress are affected equally. (If anything Jeff's side is worse than mine)
Mind you in 16lbs lighter than I was...
|
|
|
Post by bixaorellana on Oct 15, 2020 18:15:41 GMT
Cheery, is it a box spring with mattress, or a platform bed, or one of the new giants that are all cushy and impressive-looking, but a giant pain to make up?
I have the latter, the regular double size. When I bought it, I said to the salesperson that I had my doubts because that type of mattress can't be flipped over since both sides are not the same. She told me to occasionally turn it to reverse the head and foot ends of the thing. Obviously, being able to turn it completely over would be better, but I faithfully reverse the ends. When I was married I had a king size mattress on a platform bed. Once, when I visited the store where I bought it for another purchase, I was chatting with the owner. He asked me if I was happy with the king and did I remember to flip it occasionally. I told him that I flipped it every time I changed the sheets. He goggled at me, then laughed and said that mattress would never wear out.
Anyway, after that boring anecdote which probably made you want to go lie down, I'm suggesting that you either flip or turn your mattress to see if you can't get some more wear out of it.
|
|
|
Post by htmb on Oct 15, 2020 18:33:15 GMT
Gosh, July to November is a giant delay! Htmb, I don't know if my unsolicited advice is any good to you, but an office chair with lumbar support might be nicer than the straight chair & useful after you get the nice chair you ordered. Also, I recently replaced the mattress pad on my bed and notice a difference in how I feel when I get up in the morning. My mattress is fairly new and I covered it when I first got it with just a regular old cheap protect-the-mattress pad. My mattress is comfortable, but I was waking up achy every morning. A little over a week ago I got a fancy mattress cover and can definitely feel a difference. You might want to do some internet research if you think this could help you. Good idea about the office chair, Bixa. Lumbar support is what I need and I had recently thought the same. Plus, they’ve been running sales. So, maybe... I think during normal times it would have taken about 3 months for the order to be filled. The chairs are made in Michigan. My mattress is very firm and, though old, still provides great support. And, of course, my easy chair wore out a couple years ago. I’m just now getting around to realizing it needs to be replaced.
|
|
|
Post by htmb on Oct 15, 2020 18:34:35 GMT
I hope it comes soon. A bad back is so debilitating. Thanks, Mick!
|
|