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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2010 0:25:40 GMT
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Post by tod2 on Nov 2, 2010 7:44:46 GMT
Actions speak louder than words. With every kiss, the thought "I love you" passes through her mind. Hope she is home in a familiar surrounding very soon
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2010 20:24:39 GMT
My mother has been released from 'cruel and unusual care' and is back in a normal room.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 3, 2010 5:22:20 GMT
I am so pleased for you both
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2010 20:50:51 GMT
Well, my mother is back at the nursing home. Now all we have to do is convince her to start walking again. The woman in the room next door died yesterday.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 6, 2010 7:12:03 GMT
It is essential to walk - I do understand her fear however. She probably needs someone to hold onto and feel more steady. It must be so difficult to help someone in your mother's condition.
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Post by cheerypeabrain on Nov 6, 2010 14:21:13 GMT
I sympathise with you all, it's heartbreaking when our beloved parents suddenly seem to decline.
My father is 89 years old, fiercely independent, still rattling around in the family home. Since we lost my Mother he has managed very well, better than we'd hoped.
Luckily we have a big family, I have 5 siblings to share his care...my Father is now registered blind, has little hearing and has problems with his kidneys...he manages very well, we 'girls' his daughters go round and clean 2-3 times a week, we take him shopping altho he still likes to go into town on his own on the bus. Over the past 2-3 years he's started getting really frail. He's made us all promise not to let him go into a retirement home and won't move to somewhere more manageable. My sisters and I think that we'll each end up having to live with him for a few weeks at a time....3 of my sisters are over 60 themselves!
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Post by tod2 on Nov 6, 2010 15:22:07 GMT
cheery - I know of your dilemma So far my mother is living alone in the home she and my dad lived in for the last 30 years. She has always been adamant that she does not want to live with either my sister or me. This decision stems from the fact she nursed her mother until she died in that same house, at the age of 94. It was holy demanding hell but she knew if she sent her to a nursing home, ( which we did for a week to give my mother some rest) it would kill her in a very sad way. She does not want us to suffer the way she did. But that's my mum - not a selfish bone in her body. We talk constantly about the future and I have shown her a very nice new nursing home nearer to where we live. We haven't gone as far as viewing the interior or making definite inquiries. I did have an idea that maybe I could get a 'care-giver' to stay with her but my mother is not keen on that. I can't say I am either as there is no way I can run constant checks to see if she is being attended to properly, and that the Care-Giver is not up to nonsense I would like her to be independent as long as possible as she still hears and sees well, and can obtain a doctor's certificate each year to allow her to drive her car.
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Post by Kimby on Nov 7, 2010 14:44:25 GMT
Can you have your Mom go to a nursing home for a week as "respite care" for you daughters? Many US nursing homes offer this service. If she tries it, she may just like it.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 7, 2010 15:19:23 GMT
Kimby - My sister lives 1,000km away in Cape Town so only sees my mother when she flies down to visit the family there. So, I take care of all my mother's needs as we live in the same city. It's not a problem at the moment as she is still very independant, living alone, driving to the supermarket, hairdresser , church etc., etc. I fetch her on Sundays for lunch but otherwise unless there is something urgent we don't see each other during the week.
As for the nursing home - Yes, you can go and spend a week or so but not in the very upmarket ones. There you put your name down for years ahead and when a gap occurs you have to take it or you go to the bottom of the list again - probably won't live to make it to the top again either!
I must make a move to do a nursinghome inspection next year so we know where we stand. My mother will have to sell her house to be able to afford the very high monthly rental. We are talking figures around R12,000 (can you convert that to dollars/euro?) That is the same as a 'moderate' house rental in most S.A. cities.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2010 17:14:09 GMT
It is indeed best to check out nursing homes before the need becomes urgent. Even when my parents were still living in Florida, I was lurking at local nursing homes while I was supposedly out "shopping." Actually, when I returned later and it was becoming clear that a solution needed to be found imminently (my father was hospitalized -- didn't know he was going to die so soon -- but it was obvious that my mother should not be staying home alone), I visited a place that I found quite acceptable (run by an Englishman), except it was full (which is normal since it seemed to be the best place).
I constantly advise people to check out places if they have aged parents now, even when they are "sure" that they will not need to consider that option. When "it" happens, it happens so fast that you need to know what to do within two weeks. Two of my colleagues who were pooh-poohing me when I was trying to give advice quickly learned that I was right all along. They both found themselves in desperate circumstances and had to investigate and make decisions immediately when they could have already known what to do several months ahead of time.
Meanwhile, I have been observing my mother these past couple days. She is definitely "diminished" after her hospital experience, and I am unsure how much she will bounce back. In any case, I have been taking her on forced walks in the corridor (I say "forced" but I only do it if she says she wants to try.) and observing her difficulties. The personnel seem horrified at the "risks" I am taking, but I suspect that they prefer residents who don't move around independently, so I ignore them. Frankly, from what I have seen, I think my mother is fully capable of walking again by herself, but she needs to regain confidence. I'll try my damnedest.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 8, 2010 11:11:50 GMT
You've got the right attitude Kerouac. Old people who linger in chairs and bed all day soon find their muscle tone diminishing. Then one day it's too late - they can't get up even if they wanted to. Yesterday while my mother was at lunch I talked to her again about walking to the end of her garden for excercise. Elderly parents of the neighbour have built a cottage on the otherside of the fence to her back yard and in all friendliness suggested a gate be put in between them so she can come over for a barbeque. That sent my mother running for the hills and she has not been down that way again! I understand she doesn't want to be pressured and try and make excuses for not wanting to socialise but then again it's a bit of company on odd occasions. I told her to tell them she will drive around to their house if she is available
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Post by tod2 on Nov 18, 2010 14:47:13 GMT
Kerouac -I was just wondering how your mother is getting along now that she is back in the Care Home?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2010 14:59:11 GMT
Still not walking, but one day it seemed as though she was ready to start trying. Just have to hope for more of those days when she is reasonably well balanced on her legs and can clutch the railing along the wall.
I am going to take her by wheelchair to the hairdresser on Saturday (about 500-600 meters), and I'm hoping that it will stimulate her to be outside a little bit at last. We'll be going past Tin Tin and La Locomotive and New Thai San and other restaurants that she likes, but I told her 'no restaurants' until she starts walking. (Obviously I will relent if it becomes evident that she won't walk again.)
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Post by Jazz on Nov 18, 2010 16:43:21 GMT
This sounds more reassuring, Kerouac. Have you considered a walker as an interim measure? (when you think your mother may be ready) It might be good to build her confidence instead of being limited to the railing in the Care home. The stimulus of having more autonomy, being outside and tasty food might be motivating. Here, we can rent walkers. It’s great that she is in familiar surroundings and close to her favorite restaurants, very comforting.
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Post by tod2 on Nov 18, 2010 17:29:48 GMT
Ah gee Kerouac, you make 'homesick'! I know exactly the route you're taking. This must be a different hairdresser no? I thought you had to hire a car before? Thanks for the update - please don't give up trying to get your mother on her pins again.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2010 19:24:27 GMT
Tod, I hired a car to take her to the hairdresser AND to a restaurant (not necessarily in the same neighbourhood each time), plus for a ride on Sunday. But in any case, she was unable to walk that distance even when she was walking.
Jazz, she has had a walker for several years (first a loaner from a colleague and then one that I bought to replace it when the colleague needed it back for her father) -- she has almost never used it ("I don't need it!"). However, I will have to get a new one probably, because the current one is a "rollator" with four wheels. Since she now tends to swing back and forth, I will probably have to get one without wheels that goes bump-bump-bump across the floor. I hate those.
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Post by mich64 on Nov 19, 2010 0:14:56 GMT
I hope she is motivated with the promise to eat out once she starts walking again, since she loves it so much you might be successful with that tactic. Were you able to replace the necklace for her? Wishing you both good health. Mich
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Post by Kimby on Nov 23, 2010 21:39:04 GMT
Kerouac, thinking of you and your Mom, and hoping all is well. As well as it can be when a parent is on the downward side of their life's curve.
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Post by Kimby on Dec 4, 2010 21:55:30 GMT
It's getting so I dread making my weekly call to the folks.
It's not just that they have no news to report, at least nothing that they can remember. It's that my Dad has been so foggy lately, and has trouble getting out what he starts out to say. I can tell that his mind is working, but he's having so much trouble communicating.
Mom communicates fine and is always cheerful - thankfully. She could be very depressed about her loss of mental acuity, since she was Phi Beta Kappa Summa Cum Laude in her younger days. She IS much more expressive of affection, though, than she ever was.
My sister helped them write their annual Christmas letter this year. Since they had so little to report of their own activities, she asked me and my younger sister to forward OUR events of the year to beef up their letter a bit. Each year more of their letters are returned undeliverable as their friends are dying off in droves.
Very sad how the universe constricts when you become old.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2010 22:45:25 GMT
I tell my mother that it doesn't matter that she has forgotten so much. "You taught me so many things, so you can rest now. I'll take care of everything that needs to be done."
If only that were true...
She was walking very well today -- we went much farther than any time since she got out of the hospital. As soon as she poops out, I run to get the wheelchair to take her back to her room. If I can get her to walk independently before the end of the year, that will be good.
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Post by Jazz on Dec 5, 2010 21:29:32 GMT
I tell my mother that it doesn't matter that she has forgotten so much. "You taught me so many things, so you can rest now. I'll take care of everything that needs to be done." If only that were true... I love this and somehow, I feel that your mother understands. Because it’s true, Kerouac. You do take care of everything that needs to be done. Wonderful to hear of your mother’s progress! It will be so exciting if she can walk on her own before the end of the year. Take care.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2010 21:31:59 GMT
Today I told her that tomorrow's date was December 6, and it rang a bell as I had hoped.
"That's my birthday," she said.
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Post by Kimby on Dec 5, 2010 23:38:36 GMT
Happy Birthday K2's Mum!
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Post by tod2 on Dec 6, 2010 4:25:01 GMT
How wonderful she remembered Kerouac! I hope she has a very enjoyable day and that the nursing home staff make her feel special - which I'm sure they do to all their old folks!
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Post by joanne28 on Dec 6, 2010 20:43:25 GMT
Happy birthday to your mother today.
It was my mother's birthday last Thursday. She turned 74. I brought a cake to the nursing home, had a slice with Mum & the rest I gave to the staff. They really appreciate it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2010 21:20:56 GMT
At my mother's place, they group the birthdays of each floor into a celebration once a month. With 30 people on my mother's floor, that means having a special event for 2 or 3 people every month.
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Post by Jazz on Dec 6, 2010 21:48:05 GMT
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Post by bixaorellana on Dec 7, 2010 16:49:33 GMT
Happy birthday to your mother, Joanne. How thoughtful to bring in something that others can share.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2010 20:42:54 GMT
My mother is walking again after all of my efforts. There is just one orderly, Awa, who has supported me in trying to get her to walk, and she tells me every evening what she saw my mother doing during the day. Nothing super impressive but nevertheless a triumph of the will as far as I am concerned.
Saturday, we have an appointment at the beauty shop -- and I plan to take her to the restaurant for lunch. But I am not crazy and will load the wheelchair into the rental car as insurance.
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