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Post by Kimby on Dec 10, 2010 3:25:23 GMT
Way to go, K2. You are vastly improving your mother's quality of life by your efforts.
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Post by tod2 on Dec 10, 2010 5:39:44 GMT
I am very pleased to hear the good news about your mom. It must be a huge effort on her part but now that she has 'taken the first step' I hope it continues and in time will almost be back to normal, or, as before her fall Wise man to have the wheelchair as backup! Maybe a little bit of both will encourage her instead of trying to do too much all at once.
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Post by mich64 on Dec 10, 2010 18:17:25 GMT
Way to go Madame K2!! I am so happy for you both to see her desire. I will say prayers for a Happy New's Years Eve for you both that she is walking with confidence again. She will feel so good having her hair done and a meal out this weekend!! Cheers to you both! M.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2010 18:37:24 GMT
Well, I have the car for tomorrow and have already folded down the back seats for the wheelchair. She wasn't very sure footed tonight, but I prefer to take that as a good sign for tomorrow, because she has often been "every-other-day" in her alertness or motor abilities.
Moment of truth tomorrow morning around 9:45.
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Post by mich64 on Dec 11, 2010 20:09:33 GMT
Kerouac, hoping you and your mom had a great day today!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2010 17:44:12 GMT
Anyway, yesterday I took my mother to the hairdresser again. Took her downstairs in the wheelchair and then loaded the chair into the back of the car. However, at the beauty shop, we walked from the car and we walked back, because I was parked directly across the street. Then, on to the restaurant, where I preferred to use the wheelchair. I could have walked her in, but since I authorized a kir for apéritif and a beer with the mussels, I wasn't sure that she could have walked out. Anyway, I could see that she was getting confused halfway through lunch. She would try to put the empty mussel shells in the french fry bowl and then she would go looking for new mussels in the empty shell bin. I just kept pointing her in the right direction... This reminds me of another Alzheimer hero to whom I was never officially introduced. My parents were bowling enthusiasts until the final years when they decided they didn't want to bowl anymore. I would go with them to their bowling leagues and 'fun day' events when I would visit, and one of the fixtures there was "Dorothy." Her husband would bring her even though she was no longer able to communicate, because bowling was one of the things that she still wanted to do. He would go up with her to find her ball and help her insert her fingers. And most of the time, she would bowl just fine -- she had been bowling for so many years that it came naturally to her. However, in later years, sometimes she would be standing there not knowing what to do, not even knowing what direction to face, and her husband would come to turn her around and point in the right direction. I will never forget Dorothy. And that is what my mother was doing with the mussels. But I was there to point her in the right direction. Things went downhill after lunch, however. I took her back, and said that I would return within an hour for the Christmas event. And that's what I did -- I got rid of the rental car and rushed back to the nursing home. The show was of little interest this year. A very good flamenco guitarist and singer but with flamenco dancers who did not understand that they should find a way to go all the way to the back of the room so that everybody could appreciate them. We were at the back, since I knew we wouldn't be staying anyway, and before long we rolled out and went around to the other areas. We returned for the champagne buffet, but my mother had turned cranky by then. I'm not sure why. Sensory overload from our other outing? Overeating? Fatigue? She decided that the champagne was no good (I finished her glass and it was okay), and when I gave her a plate of little treats, she spit out the first one and then she threw the plate on the floor. So I took her upstairs and we sat in front of the TV for a few hours. I stayed with her much longer than usual because I could feel how agitated she was. Here is Old Cranky looking like she is getting ready to slap me or something. (Most of the others were still watching the flamenco show at that time.) The food didn't look all that bad. I never even got to see the dessert items, which are generally more spectacular.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2010 17:58:51 GMT
Nice pic of your mother there, Kerouac.
Kudos to you for taking such good care of your mother and thinking of her welfare constantly.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2010 18:16:40 GMT
I was kind of upset that the manager of the nursing home (who replaced Cruella) witnessed most of what my mother did. He was all "ha-ha, it's not your day!" as though everybody there is unpredictable and what they are doing does not really matter. He seems to have no understanding of the individual residents at all.
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Post by mich64 on Dec 13, 2010 1:11:18 GMT
Kerouac your mother is an attractive elegant woman. The staff become so blaze they really do not realize that their words are important and they should take more care each and every time they speak with family. I am sorry there were bad moments to your day with her but most importantly, you were together... Cheers Mich
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Post by tod2 on Dec 13, 2010 10:53:39 GMT
Every inch a petite French Lady! She looks so young Kerouac and of course I'm comparing her with my mom of nearly 90! My mother's hair is snow white and a slight dowagers humps adds to her agedness. I am very thankfull her mind is still as sharp as a razor. How does your mom cope at the hairdressers then? Does she not fidgit and want to leave halfway through the hairdo?
Wow! those snacks look yummy! You've just made me realize its lunchtime.......
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2010 11:51:50 GMT
She used to fight at the hairdresser, but now she is very placid most of the time.
The hairdresser is adorable, working alone in an old fashioned place with a mostly old clientele but also toddlers and anyone else who walks in -- man, woman or child. She has seen and heard it all with my mother over the past 5 years, from the time my mother commented loudly about the customer she was working on ("She should throw that old hag out the door.") to personal reflections on her work ("You can take your brush and shove it up your ass!").
People who have not yet been through the aggressive phase of Alzheimer's are in for a lot of surprises. I was glad when it ended, although there were numerous funny moments. One time in a restaurant when she didn't understand that the food didn't appear magically on the table like in Harry Potter as soon as I had ordered it, she kept pointing at the waiter. "Look at that! He's not doing anything!" Thinking that he was being called over, the waiter came to our table, just in time to hear me explain, "the waiter can't do anything about having to wait for the food. They have to fix it in the kitchen and then he brings it to us." To this she replied, "well, I'm going to go in the kitchen and if I see anybody sitting down, I'm going to punch him in the face!"
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Post by tod2 on Dec 13, 2010 12:14:33 GMT
Oh what a laugh you gave me!! Must have been her very orderly teacher's mind coming on strong with those thoughts! She was a teacher or headmistress???
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2010 19:15:32 GMT
She was just a teacher.
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Post by Kimby on Dec 14, 2010 18:16:34 GMT
K2, the photo of your mother looks almost 3D - I feel like she's getting out of the chair and coming into my kitchen!
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Post by Kimby on Dec 14, 2010 18:22:03 GMT
My sister drove through the Midwest blizzard to visit my parents (she checks in on them and does their bills once a month), and found my Dad mostly unresponsive, confused, groggy and weak. If he had not had a doctor appointment the next morning, she would have taken him to the hospital. But knowing how much he hated his last stay, she and Mom managed to get him into bed. Next morning, after a cup of coffee, he was mostly back to (new) normal. Having trouble finishing sentences, but not having trouble starting them like the day before. His blood pressure was only 82 over 50 which is low even for him, and he probably doesn't drink enough to stay hydrated. If no new crisis, he goes back to see the doctor in January and I'll be there to go with him.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 8:01:28 GMT
Winter is an unkind season with that age group, as we all know, unless they are extremely sedentary. My grandmother, for example, was quite happy to sit around the furnace during the cold months and let anybody else do any and all errands that entailed going outdoors into the cold if they were willing to help her. My father was the opposite -- no way to keep him indoors, even with a severe case of the flu. And so of course he would stay sick longer, because he would ignore most of the medical advice regarding such situations. In the final months, when he didn't even want to get out of bed anymore, it was more than obvious that the end was near because it was so totally uncharacteristic of him.
On to my mother -- yesterday was a fabulous day, because one of the staff told me that she had walked the entire rectangular circuit of the floor unassisted and quite steady on her feet. I knew that she had been walking just by seeing her -- her hair was soaked with sweat. It takes her a huge amount of effort to walk that distance, but her determination is equally huge. What made yesterday's exploit even more impressive is that she had stopped walking "the circuit" even before she fell -- she would go about halfway at best.
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Post by tod2 on Dec 15, 2010 8:34:53 GMT
On a cold day my mother heads to her bed and the electric under blanket! She says her bones ache. It's no wonder your grandmother sat around the furnace Kerouac. I bet she had sore bones too! Very good news about your mother, -actually it's more than good, It's bloody well marvelous Bravo Madame !!
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Post by bjd on Dec 15, 2010 12:07:06 GMT
That's good news about your mother, Kerouac. It means she is a strong-minded woman.
My father-in-law (age 90) is in an old-age home in Paris and is in a wheelchair. He fell and broke his hip, was operated, but never learned to walk again, despite a physiotherapist coming to work with him. His mother-in-law, on the other hand, fell at the age of 98, was operated, and learned to walk again. Difference in character.
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Post by tod2 on Dec 15, 2010 13:24:16 GMT
bjd - I hope his old age home looks a posh as Kerouacs mother's!
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Post by bjd on Dec 15, 2010 14:44:22 GMT
At least as posh, Tod2 because it's private and very expensive. When he needed to get into one, there were huge waiting lists for the public ones. He is on a list for a public one, but I guess the list is long.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 15:33:49 GMT
My mother is in a public one. The waiting list is usually about six months long for the city of Paris. My mother was pretty lucky, because after the nine months I spent just trying to get her papers in order and to validate her eligibility (you are supposed to be a resident of Paris for at least three years before you can be accepted -- and I had just brought my mother from Florida without even a French social security number), I only had to wait about three months. This is probably because most people absolutely do not want to send their parent to "the African part of town" while I was exactly the opposite, since that is exactly where we were living already.
With a few subsidies absorbing part of the cost, I am paying about 2000€ a month while a colleague of mine is paying something like 3700€ a month for a private place in the suburbs where they charge extra for things like laundry service.
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Post by tod2 on Dec 15, 2010 16:04:17 GMT
That is very interesting Kerouac. Here, a new private old age 'residence' has opened with a monthly cost of R10,000 ( so I'm told). That is 1,105euros , which is considered very costly. Now I am curious to find out how much a 'state subsidised' old-age home costs here.
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Post by bjd on Dec 15, 2010 17:29:10 GMT
My father-in-law's private place charges 4200€/month, which I think is enormous, given that laundry services are not included. And it's in the 13th, hardly chic.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 18:16:46 GMT
There are some big conglomerates like Orpéa and Korian that are buying up the independent places to reduce services and increase rates, since old age homes are the gold mine of the future in Europe and quite a few other non-European countries.
My colleague is looking for a new place because Korian just bought the place where her mother is and the rates are going to get much higher in 2011 while they reduce staff to make more money for the stockholders.
If anything (along with the pharmaceutical industry) deserves to be nationalized and taken out of the hands of private interests, it is nursing homes.
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Post by bjd on Dec 15, 2010 19:55:06 GMT
I agree -- Orpéa is the one running my father-in-law's place. But unfortunately, he needed to go into a home after an accident and he couldn't live alone or take care of himself. The only option immediately available was that place. Although I think too that it was to make a place easily accessible for people to visit him. I don't know exactly how it was chosen.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 20:08:04 GMT
They prey on people who are desperate.
My best friend's ex had to put her mother in an Orpéa place in the 13th (maybe the same place where your father-in-law is). She didn't last very long there -- I saw the place because I was called upon to help clean out the room after her death. This was a couple of years before I even had to bring my mother to France, but I can absolutely say that that place was no better than where my mother is now.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 20:12:51 GMT
Meanwhile, my mother didn't want to walk tonight. However, she told me that she had walked during the day -- almost certainly true.) They finally brought the new furniture today -- a bigger bedside table and a full sized desk to replace the little square table. I actually believe that they are beginning to gear themselves up for residents who will have computers in their rooms.
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Post by joanne28 on Dec 15, 2010 21:52:37 GMT
I find what people pay for nursing homes in different parts of the world really interesting. I have realized that we are much better off than I was knew.
My mother is in what you refer to as a public nursing home. She is in a shared room as her Alzheimer's is so advanced I don't even think she's aware there is someone else in the room. We pay $1,620 Cdn a month, which works out to about €1,221. A private room in the same home is probably about $2,100 now, or €1,585. This includes laundry service but doesn't include telephone or TV.
My mother is well-cared for. Her skin is in excellent condition and that's with her in a wheelchair all day every day. No pressure sores. The food looks okay and they always have choices. Naturally only the reasonably cognitively intact can take advantage of the choices but they are there.
In the building, they have a small chapel, used by various religions. They also have a hairdressing salon, a library , a fitness room and a little tuck shop. Granted these are all small facilities but they have them.
Overall, I feel my mother receives the best care possible, barring unlimited funds, which we don't have. I have had some run-ins with the staff and management (mainly management) but that was in the days when Mum was violent and aggressive.
This is what I consider violent and aggressive - knocking an 85 year old woman to the floor and stomping her, hitting a poor old Irish man (well into his 80s) in the head with his own cane, punching a 7 month pregnant woman in her abdomen (the woman decided to go on mat leave immediately - quelle surprise) and - my personal favourite - kicking a police officer in the testicles. (This came about because the home was having her involuntarily committed to hospital as being a danger to others and in Ontario, it's the police who get to do this fun job). I was informed after this event that the officer (in his 30s I believe) had decided not to press charges against my mother (then an incredibly feisty 69). I actually found that amusing - I would have loved to be in court for that one.
Mum did lots of other things but these were among the more spectacular ones. Fortunately, those days are long gone. She seems happy and contented now and laughs and smiles a lot.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2010 6:35:48 GMT
My mother had a few episodes where it was decided not to press charges as well. She will still flail out from time to time when she doesn't agree with something that is being done to her.
As for the cost of public nursing homes, I should mention that at least half of the people in my mother's place are probably not paying anything at all. The fee is based on the person's revenue + their children's revenue + their grandchildren's revenue, all of whom are legally obligated to contribute financially if necessary.
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Post by fumobici on Dec 16, 2010 6:55:28 GMT
As for the cost of public nursing homes, I should mention that at least half of the people in my mother's place are probably not paying anything at all. The fee is based on the person's revenue + their children's revenue + their grandchildren's revenue, all of whom are legally obligated to contribute financially if necessary. What a civilized way to approach it. Glad to hear your mom had a good day and still has her will intact. That's really important, my mom lost hers really and it was more or less over at that point.
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